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maleficent · 04-26-2006, 12:54 PM

>^,,^< Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there's a really good reason to change direction.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop that has anything remotely interesting on it.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

>^,,^< Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

>^,,^< Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

>^,,^< Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

>^,,^< First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

>^,,^< Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

>^,,^< Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

>^,,^< Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

>^,,^< Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

>^,,^< Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

>^,,^< Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

>^,,^< Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

04-26-2006, 12:54 PM	#1 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Cat Physics >^,,^< Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. >^,,^< Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there's a really good reason to change direction. >^,,^< Law of Cat Magnetism All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. >^,,^< Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. >^,,^< Law of Cat Stretching A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. >^,,^< Law of Cat Sleeping All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat. >^,,^< Law of Cat Elongation A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop that has anything remotely interesting on it. >^,,^< Law of Cat Acceleration A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop. >^,,^< Law of Dinner Table Attendance Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. >^,,^< Law of Rug Configuration No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. >^,,^< Law of Obedience Resistance A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something. >^,,^< First Law of Energy Conservation Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. >^,,^< Second Law of Energy Conservation Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. >^,,^< Law of Refrigerator Observation If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. >^,,^< Law of Electric Blanket Attraction Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. >^,,^< Law of Random Comfort Seeking A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. >^,,^< Law of Bag / Box Occupancy All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. >^,,^< Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. >^,,^< Law of Milk Consumption A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. >^,,^< Law of Furniture Replacement A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.