04-05-2006, 09:05 AM | #1 (permalink) |
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Poems on Spelling
I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough? Others may stumble, but not you, On hiccough, thorough, lough and through? Well done! And now you wish, perhaps, To learn of less familiar traps? Beware of heard, a dreadful word That looks like beard and sounds like bird, And dead: it's said like bed, not bead - For goodness sake don't call it deed! Watch out for meat and great and threat (They rhyme with suite and straight and debt). A moth is not a moth in mother, Nor both in bother, broth in brother, And here is not a match for there Nor dear and fear for bear and pear, And then there's dose and rose and lose - Just look them up - and goose and choose, And cork and work and card and ward, And font and front and word and sword, And do and go and thwart and cart - Come, come, I've hardly made a start! A dreadful language? Man alive! I'd mastered it when I was five! Quoted by Vivian Cook and Melvin Bragg 2004, and by Richard Krogh, in D Bolinger & D A Sears, Aspects of Language, 1981
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3.141592654 Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis. Last edited by BigBen; 04-05-2006 at 09:07 AM.. Reason: Must give author credit |
04-05-2006, 09:06 AM | #2 (permalink) |
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When the English tongue we speak.
Why is break not rhymed with freak? Will you tell me why it's true We say sew but likewise few? And the maker of the verse, Cannot rhyme his horse with worse? Beard is not the same as heard Cord is different from word. Cow is cow but low is low Shoe is never rhymed with foe. Think of hose, dose,and lose And think of goose and yet with choose Think of comb, tomb and bomb, Doll and roll or home and some. Since pay is rhymed with say Why not paid with said I pray? Think of blood, food and good. Mould is not pronounced like could. Wherefore done, but gone and lone - Is there any reason known? To sum up all, it seems to me Sound and letters don't agree. This was written by Lord Cromer, published in the Spectator of August 9th, 1902 and extracts were quoted in an SSS pamflet in 1930.
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3.141592654 Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis. |
04-05-2006, 09:08 AM | #3 (permalink) |
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One reason why I cannot spell,
Although I learned the rules quite well Is that some words like 'coup' and 'through' Sound just like 'threw' and 'flue' and 'who'; When 'oo' is never spelled the same, The 'juice' becomes a guessing game; And then I ponder over 'though', Is it spelled 'so', or 'throw', or 'bow', I mean the 'bow' that sounds like 'plow', And not the 'bow' that sounds like 'row' - The 'row' that is pronounced like 'roe'. I wonder, too, why 'rough' and 'tough', That sound the same as 'gruff' and 'muff', Are spelled like 'bough' and 'though', for they Are both pronounced a different way. And why can't I spell 'trough' and 'cough' The same as I do 'scoff' and 'golf'? Why isn't 'drought' spelled just like 'route', or 'doubt' or 'pout' or 'sauerkraut'? When words all sound so much the same To change the spelling seems a shame. There is no sense - see sound like cents - in making such a difference Between the sight and sound of words; Each spelling rule that undergirds The way a word should look will fail And often prove to no avail Because exceptions will negate The truth of what the rule may state; So though I try, I still despair And moan and mutter "It's not fair That I'm held up to ridicule And made to look like such a fool". Attributed to Vivian Buchan, NEA Journal 1966/67, USA
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3.141592654 Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis. |
04-05-2006, 09:09 AM | #4 (permalink) |
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We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out. The farm was used to produce produce. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. The soldier decided to desert in the desert. This was a good time to present the present. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. I did not object to the object. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. The bandage was wound around the wound. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. They were too close to the door to close it. The buck does funny things when the does are present. They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. After a number of injections my jaw got number. Upon seeing the tear in my clothes I shed a tear. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? I read it once and will read it agen I learned much from this learned treatise. I was content to note the content of the message. The Blessed Virgin blessed her. Blessed her richly. It's a bit wicked to over-trim a short wicked candle. If he will absent himself we mark him absent. I incline toward bypassing the incline.
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3.141592654 Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis. |
04-05-2006, 09:12 AM | #5 (permalink) |
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I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC. It plane lee marks four my revue Miss steaks aye can knot sea. Eye ran this poem threw it, Your sure reel glad two no. Its vary polished in it's weigh. My checker tolled me sew. A checker is a bless sing, It freeze yew lodes of thyme. It helps me right awl stiles two reed, And aides me when eye rime. Each frays come posed up on my screen Eye trussed too bee a joule. The checker pours o'er every word To cheque sum spelling rule. Bee fore a veiling checker's Hour spelling mite decline, And if we're lacks oar have a laps, We wood bee maid too wine. Butt now bee cause my spelling Is checked with such grate flare, Their are know fault's with in my cite, Of nun eye am a wear. Now spelling does knot phase me, It does knot bring a tier. My pay purrs awl due glad den With wrapped word's fare as hear. To rite with care is quite a feet Of witch won should bee proud, And wee mussed dew the best wee can, Sew flaw's are knot aloud. Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays Such soft wear four pea seas, And why eye brake in two averse Buy righting want too pleas. Jerrold H. Zar. Or this one: Eye halve a spelling checker It came with my pea sea It plainly marques for my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it to say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite It's rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it Eye am shore your pleased two no It's letter perfect awl the weigh My checker tolled me sew. Margo Roark.
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3.141592654 Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis. |
04-05-2006, 09:26 AM | #6 (permalink) |
Junkie
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the 4th one I'd not seen before.. that one is quite good -- i guess english isn't as easy to learn as I think it is...
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04-05-2006, 09:51 AM | #7 (permalink) |
Rookie
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Man, it seems like there's some serious plagiarism going on here between some of these poems.
Definitely enjoy this sort of word play, though.
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04-11-2006, 07:24 AM | #8 (permalink) |
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The Chaos by Charivarius, is a great example of the confusing English Language. It can be found here:
http://www.cupola.com/html/wordplay/chariva1.htm A poem by Adams: If an S and an I and an O and a U, With an X at the end spell SU; And an E and a Y and an E spell I, Pray what is a speller to do? Then if also an S and an I and a G, And an HED spell side, There's nothing much left for a speller to do, But to go commit siouxeyesighed. Then we have "The English Lesson": We'll begin with box, and the plural is boxes. But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes. Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese. Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a whole lot of mice, But the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, When couldn't the plural of pan be called pen? The cow in the plural may be cows or kine, But the plural of vow is vows, not vine. And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet, But I give a boot - would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? If the singular is this and plural is these, Why shouldn't the plural of kiss be nicknamed kese? Then one may be that, and three may be those, Yet the plural of hat would never be hose. We speak of a brother, and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. The masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine she, shis, and shim! So our English, I think you will all agree, Is the trickiest language you ever did see. I take it you already know Of tough and bough and cough and dough? Others may stumble, but not you On hiccough, thorough, slough, and through? Well done! And now you wish, perhaps, To learn of less familiar traps? Beware of heard, a dreadful word That looks like beard and sounds like bird. And dead; it's said like bed, not bead; For goodness sake, don't call it deed! Watch out for meat and great and threat, (they rhyme with suite and straight and debt). A moth is not a moth in mother. Nor both in bother, broth in brother. And here is not a match for there. And dear and fear for bear and pear. And then there's dose and rose and lose -- Just look them up -- and goose and choose. And cork and work and card and ward, And font and front and word and sword. And do and go, then thwart and cart. Come, come, I've hardly made a start. A dreadful language? Why, man alive, I'd learned to talk it when I was five. And yet to write it, the more I tried, I hadn't learned it at fifty-five!
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