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One reason why I cannot spell,
Although I learned the rules quite well
Is that some words like 'coup' and 'through'
Sound just like 'threw' and 'flue' and 'who';
When 'oo' is never spelled the same,
The 'juice' becomes a guessing game;
And then I ponder over 'though',
Is it spelled 'so', or 'throw', or 'bow',
I mean the 'bow' that sounds like 'plow',
And not the 'bow' that sounds like 'row' -
The 'row' that is pronounced like 'roe'.
I wonder, too, why 'rough' and 'tough',
That sound the same as 'gruff' and 'muff',
Are spelled like 'bough' and 'though', for they
Are both pronounced a different way.
And why can't I spell 'trough' and 'cough'
The same as I do 'scoff' and 'golf'?
Why isn't 'drought' spelled just like 'route',
or 'doubt' or 'pout' or 'sauerkraut'?
When words all sound so much the same
To change the spelling seems a shame.
There is no sense - see sound like cents -
in making such a difference
Between the sight and sound of words;
Each spelling rule that undergirds
The way a word should look will fail
And often prove to no avail
Because exceptions will negate
The truth of what the rule may state;
So though I try, I still despair
And moan and mutter "It's not fair
That I'm held up to ridicule
And made to look like such a fool".
Attributed to Vivian Buchan, NEA Journal 1966/67, USA
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3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.
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