high_way

as the title says i got this on the email this morning.

The definitive guide to Aussies
1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new
art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a
sausage sizzle.
4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's
probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.

5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of
dead horse ('tomato sauce').
6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by
placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the
plastic milk crate.
8. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs
from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
9. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
10. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but
a fine example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black
rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.
11. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total
bastard". By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".
12. Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can
be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the
1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship".
Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names.
13. The wise man will choose a partner who is more attractive
than himself.............to mosquitoes.
14. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's
not worth fixing.
15. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is
the one that has the swimming pool.
16. It's considered better to be down on your luck than up
yourself.
17. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and
then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have
catered for it).
18. If there is any sort of free event or party within a hundred
kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go.
19. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take
everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the
car, you're not trying.
20. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in
your front yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or
leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what
backyards are for.
21. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local
mayor.
22. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food
versus grog battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad
at home.
23. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the
motel's pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
24. The men are tough, but the women are tougher.
25. The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach
umbrella in high winds.
26. There comes a time in every Australian's life when he/she
realises that the Aerogard is worse than the flies.
27. And, finally, potential new Aussies are given the following
test: Mowing a sloping lawn (at least 20 degree angle) in a pair of
thongs holding a VB while watching the cricket. If you can't pass that
chances are you will never be able to pass yourself off as a true
Aussie.



i agree with it all except instead of VB it should be XXXX bitter but thats just me.

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Impostor of the imposturous

Sleepyjack

Heh nice list

By the by, a friend bought up the topic of dead horse a week or so ago, and i had never heard of it before. Neither had a few other friends - albeit my mum knew. I was just wondering how widely it was known, about the "dead horse" slang for tomato sauce?
Although in the meantime, i've heaerd heaps of other slang terms similar to the nature of dead horse.

Latch

I've heard dead horse before.. there was one for a snag too.. but I can't remember what it was. There was a (shortlived) thread about this kind of stuff. Search the Australia forum for "dead horse"

edit: great list.. I've seen it before.. but always good for another read.

Arachnid

"dead horse on a dogs eye"


great list ya got there

Cheers

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Cheers

slimshaydee

I've always known about it since I was a kid since that's what my dad has always called it.

slimshaydee

Yeah...and instead of vegemite it should be marmite. YEAH BLOODY RIGHT MATE!

high_way

look you can have all your marmite and horse piss you like and spread it all around you little pansy ass state victoria, but here in the real states its XXXX bitter and vegemite.

__________________
A stranger is just a friend you havent met yet.

Impostor of the imposturous

Ella

Hey! I'm a Victorian and have NEVER called it marmite!!

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"Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure."

cinnles

I can't stand XXXX.

But living in melbourne for a while, then coming back to newcastle, you notice little things that confuse or irritate you.

I was driving home in Newcastle and I saw a red and white taxi, and thought "wtf? why isn't it yellow?"

I kept calling woolies "safeway".

The things the victorians don't understand are:

Schooners and Middies are way superior to pots and pints.

League is 'footy', union is 'rugby', AFL is 'aussie rules'.

I tell you though, the victorians' VB is superior to Tooheys New.

Dodgy, dodgy stuff Tooheys Spew is. Old on the other hand is Gold. And XXXX Gold is disgusting.

Latch

Cat's piss is better than Toohey's New.

Not that I've ever tried cats piss.... I can just imagine.

high_way

yes but you got smart and moved to queensland...

__________________
A stranger is just a friend you havent met yet.

Impostor of the imposturous

noGon

Yeah,
Throw up between carlton / VB on tap..

slimshaydee

No.

No.

Yes...and I still won't drink it it's shithouse

riprip_25

Drink VB out of a bottle, Carlton Draught out of he tap, Teddys if you want to drink heaps without feeling bloated but never never drink New!
Rip