kurtisj

Heres the story. I surf TFP late at night, and when i have to take a piss.....i piss. Outside. Off of my deck.....because i can, and its a very liberating thing for me. Anyways, i start pissing off my deck blindly into the night darkness. I do it semi-often, and nothing odd has ever happened, but as i piss this time;something hisses VERY loud and scampers away flinging rocks, and i simpily stiffen up, and fall over on the deck, urinating still, scared SHITLESS. I guess i pissed on a racoon. I felt i had to share this....and i guess its nonsense.

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Mitzkrieg

bahaha, lol. that's hilarious. thanks for the laugh.

grumpyolddude

So THAT'S why Illinois smelll that way

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Fremen

Fuckin' hilarious!!

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cchris

Oh fuck.

The mental picture.

Thank you for sharing.

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cameroncrazy822

Lucky he wasn't hungry...

Bill O'Rights

Sounds like one very pissed on/off raccoon.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Munku

So you fell over? While pissing? I hope you didn't pee on yourself there...

kurtisj

yeah, ive never been that scared before, call me a pussy or not. somehow i didnt piss on myself, though

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bookerV

That is classic. Simply classic. Great laugh.

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gorilla

maybe it was a cat, in which your story isnt funny at all... it's disgusting and wrong, Im telling on you for pissin on cats.

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roadkill

lol classic thing to do eh?

bernadette

nasty. the land under your balcony must smell like a fuckin' outhouse.

use yer toilet dude. god put it in yer bathroom fer a reason.

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Fremen

Women!
God put that deck there for a reason, bernie.

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Bill O'Rights

We're men, bern. The world is our toilet. bwwahaahaa

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

bernadette

may i use your front lawn as my trashcan & ashtray? ok. thanks!


ok now. i do understand occasional pissing in the woods along the long stretches of highway between towns or when camping, etc.
i just don't comprehend this peeing outdoors from indoors where YOU live when there's working plumbing just a few short footsteps away...

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Fly

bern....it's as easy as .....turn around,locate tree,zipper down,wang out,ready go.


we live in a mountainous area and there's trees and bush everywhere.

it's like we're (men) drawn to the bush.......*hehe*

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BASTARD

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uncle phil

/me not touching any of this...

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Fremen

See bern? phil doesn't even need to use his hands, he's so used to it.

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bernadette

*grows a penis* *unzips*

*pisses in the corner of kurtisj's living room*
(oops... thought i was pissing off the side of your deck... sorry dude.)

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Ace_O_Spades

why would you piss in his living room?

thats just nasty

there's a reason god made bushes.... and balconies

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Feh.

bernadette

*cough*

i was gonna say more... but nevermind.

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skier

I do not think bernadette could ever truly grasp what it is to pee off into the distance while a gentle breeze ruffles through your pubic hair.

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kurtisj

skier hits my point perfectly. as i said, its liberating for me...and alot of men, for that matter.

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Hard8s

Hey Bern,
Where do you think all the animals go? They don't have any indoor plumbing, and the world does not all smell like urine!!!
(just certain parts!)

and yes....

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irseg

Sometimes an outside door is closer, plus you don't have to deal with the hassle of closing the door, lifting the lid, aiming into the toilet, flushing, and all those annoying procedures.

Scipio

Doesn't get it; never will.

That story was funny as hell. Thanks for sharing.

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sillygirl

funny story.. somehow though, I agree with Bern... that's sick... piss in your toilet, eh?

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

kurtisj

well, i wont give up one of my favorite pastimes...but i just might make sure i wont piss on any rabid animals. deal?

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Fly

i like to look at it as saving water myself.


*heads out for a quick squirt in the back yard.*

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Tophat665

Man, I have got to get me a porch.

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Miroslav

Totally Hilarious, thanks

Hanxter

OH MAN!!! better see a doctor - don't you realize that the racoon, if rabid, may very well have infected you with mononegavirales by travelling from the animal, up the urine you expelled then into your penis???

rabies virions are bullet-shaped with 10-nm spike-like glycoprotein peplomers covering the surface so that's definately gonna hurt...

hu-man

Gee, I at least hope not...

Scorps

Humm so when you fell over did you piss on yourself?

bernadette

yknow i just noticed that this thread is titled "Holy Shit."

that would be an entirely different (although somewhat related) topic, right?

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kurtisj

somehow, no. i guess im just that good.

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Marvin the Mountie Always Gets His Kurtisj.

Scorps

damn that would have made the story even better

SixEdxMia

Do you live on fifth street? 0-o


Please be come familiar with the word sanitary.
It's for your own good.

san·i·tar·y [ sánna tèrree ]

adjective

1. connected with public health: relating to public health, especially general hygiene and the removal of human waste through the sewage system


2. clean and hygienic: clean and free from agents that cause disease or infection


eew.

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Scorps

If there is ever a forum get together hope we don't meet at his place!