The big story today - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

asdf1001 · 04-29-2003, 12:08 PM

There isn't a big story for today.

Sorry, I'm bored! Anyone got a story?

stan the man · 04-29-2003, 12:12 PM

two guys walk in to a bar one screams fire and the other does something he shouldnt have

zf0enix · 04-29-2003, 12:15 PM

Free Ice cream at Ben & Jerry's today until 8:00pm.

KWSN · 04-29-2003, 05:14 PM

KWSN is, for another night, NOT LIQUORED UP!

Plummie · 04-29-2003, 06:06 PM

I got the apartment of my dreams today!

vermin · 04-29-2003, 06:33 PM

Once upon a time, there was a little bear named Roland. Roland, as bears go, was an asshole. He was always stomping on small trees and kicking rabbits in the balls and mocking baby birds' inability to fly 'till they started crying. He also made a habit of peeing upstream from the other bears while they were catching salmon. This annoyed the other bears and set them to plotting against Roland.
The chief bear, Fred, called the other bears together to discuss what should be done about Roland.
"Let's kick his ass!" said Bob bear.
"Let's throw porcupines at him!" said Guido bear
"Let's kill him!" said Sally bear.
"We can't kill him," said Fred, "but I like the porcupine thing, let's do that".
So Fred and Guido and a bear to be named later gathered eight porcupines together and set a trap for Roland. It was at a point in the bear trail where the trail wove between two large rocks. When Roland came strolling down the trail, he was sodomizing a squirrel with a pine cone while whistling a happy little bear tune. The theme from The Bear In The Big Blue House, I think. Anyway, just as Roland stepped into the aiming point a bolt of lightning pierced the gloom, fried little Roland, and sent the squirrel into multiple orgasms (the squirrel, we'll call him Ralph, was always a little messed up in the head afterwards). Since the source of their annoyance was now dead, the bears and the porcupines went back to their idyllic existances in the heart of the woods. Never in a million years would they have imagined that God had a favorite squirrel.

Hey, YOU wanted a story.

Edit: not too shabby for just making it up as I typed it.

SaltPork · 04-29-2003, 06:38 PM

Vermin, you are fucked in the head.

Cool story though.

Eviltree · 04-29-2003, 07:10 PM

Whoa, that could be a novel

GreasyP · 04-29-2003, 07:51 PM

Wait, but what was the last bear's name? I NEED CLOSURE, DAMMIT!!

And speaking of free ice cream, free ice cream tomorrow (Wednesday 4/30) at Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors from 6-10. Too bad I'll be at work, but I got my Ben & Jerry's today.

vermin · 04-29-2003, 11:45 PM

The bear to be named later was called Dave Gambolputty de Von Ausfernsplededschlittcrasscrenbornfriedigerdingledangledongle-
dungleburstein Von Knackerthrasher-Applebanger Horowitz Ticolensicgrandeknottyspeltinklegrandlichgrumbleemeyer-
spelterasserkurstlichhimbleeisenbahnwagangutenabenbetteeinnurnbergerbratwurstlegespertenmitzwalteracheluberhundsfut-
gumberaberschonendankekalbestleischemittleraucher Von Hauptopft of Ulm. (No relation to Johann or Karl)

04-29-2003, 12:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
asdf1001 itty bitty titty committee chairman	The big story today There isn't a big story for today. Sorry, I'm bored! Anyone got a story? __________________ Goodbye!

04-29-2003, 12:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
stan the man Insane	two guys walk in to a bar one screams fire and the other does something he shouldnt have __________________ long live the hud

04-29-2003, 12:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
zf0enix Psycho Location: PacNW	Free Ice cream at Ben & Jerry's today until 8:00pm. __________________ One step closer to the edge...

04-29-2003, 05:14 PM	#4 (permalink)
KWSN green	KWSN is, for another night, NOT LIQUORED UP! __________________ Your arms are broken!

04-29-2003, 06:06 PM	#5 (permalink)
Plummie Liquid Diamonds Location: Lexington, KY	I got the apartment of my dreams today! __________________ Kim

04-29-2003, 06:33 PM	#6 (permalink)
vermin Indifferent to anti-matter Location: Tucson, AZ	Once upon a time, there was a little bear named Roland. Roland, as bears go, was an asshole. He was always stomping on small trees and kicking rabbits in the balls and mocking baby birds' inability to fly 'till they started crying. He also made a habit of peeing upstream from the other bears while they were catching salmon. This annoyed the other bears and set them to plotting against Roland. The chief bear, Fred, called the other bears together to discuss what should be done about Roland. "Let's kick his ass!" said Bob bear. "Let's throw porcupines at him!" said Guido bear "Let's kill him!" said Sally bear. "We can't kill him," said Fred, "but I like the porcupine thing, let's do that". So Fred and Guido and a bear to be named later gathered eight porcupines together and set a trap for Roland. It was at a point in the bear trail where the trail wove between two large rocks. When Roland came strolling down the trail, he was sodomizing a squirrel with a pine cone while whistling a happy little bear tune. The theme from The Bear In The Big Blue House, I think. Anyway, just as Roland stepped into the aiming point a bolt of lightning pierced the gloom, fried little Roland, and sent the squirrel into multiple orgasms (the squirrel, we'll call him Ralph, was always a little messed up in the head afterwards). Since the source of their annoyance was now dead, the bears and the porcupines went back to their idyllic existances in the heart of the woods. Never in a million years would they have imagined that God had a favorite squirrel. Hey, YOU wanted a story. Edit: not too shabby for just making it up as I typed it. __________________ If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst. Last edited by vermin; 04-29-2003 at 11:34 PM..

04-29-2003, 06:38 PM	#7 (permalink)
SaltPork Everything's better with bacon Location: In your local grocer's freezer.	Vermin, you are fucked in the head. Cool story though. __________________ It was like that when I got here....I swear.

04-29-2003, 07:10 PM	#8 (permalink)
Eviltree Psycho Location: British Columbia	Whoa, that could be a novel

04-29-2003, 07:51 PM	#9 (permalink)
GreasyP Crazy Location: Salt Lake City	Wait, but what was the last bear's name? I NEED CLOSURE, DAMMIT!! And speaking of free ice cream, free ice cream tomorrow (Wednesday 4/30) at Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors from 6-10. Too bad I'll be at work, but I got my Ben & Jerry's today. __________________ ---<>---^^---<>---^^---<>--- ---^^---<>---^^---<>---^^--- ---<>---^^---<>---^^---><---

04-29-2003, 11:45 PM	#10 (permalink)
vermin Indifferent to anti-matter Location: Tucson, AZ	The bear to be named later was called Dave Gambolputty de Von Ausfernsplededschlittcrasscrenbornfriedigerdingledangledongle- dungleburstein Von Knackerthrasher-Applebanger Horowitz Ticolensicgrandeknottyspeltinklegrandlichgrumbleemeyer- spelterasserkurstlichhimbleeisenbahnwagangutenabenbetteeinnurnbergerbratwurstlegespertenmitzwalteracheluberhundsfut- gumberaberschonendankekalbestleischemittleraucher Von Hauptopft of Ulm. (No relation to Johann or Karl) __________________ If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst. Last edited by vermin; 04-29-2003 at 11:48 PM..