Stats in on bread...stats don't lie - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Darkeryet · 10-30-2003, 10:55 AM

1 - More than 98% of convicted felons are bread eaters.

2 - Fully HALF of all children in the United States who grow up in bread-consuming households score blow average on standardized tests.

3 - In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged entire nations.

4 - More than 90% of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5 - Bread is made from a substance called "dough". It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!!

6 - Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson’s disease and osteoporosis.

7 - Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after only two days!

8 - Bread is often a 'gateway' food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts!

9 - Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90% water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10 - Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11 - Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12 - Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless babbling.

**Other notes of Bread (the food devil)**

Bread is evil. Friends don't let friends eat bread. Increase your active life style, decrease your hair loss and stop eating bread while you still can.

Bread can manipulate you, control you and make you do things you wouldn't normally do... ever forgot someone's birthday? Yep, thank bread for that.

The word "dead" rhymes with "bread". Coincidence? I don't think so.

This could have gone into the Humor section but I thought it also had another side to it. Do statistics always prove a point or do they just bring up more questions?

Redlemon · 10-30-2003, 11:01 AM

I'm more familiar with the Dread Tomato Addiction, by Mark Clifton (1958):

Quote:

Ninety-two point four per cent of juvenile delinquents have eaten tomatoes. Eighty-seven point one per cent of the adult criminals in penitentiaries throughout the United States have eaten tomatoes. Informers reliably inform that of all known American communists, ninety-two point three per cent have eaten tomatoes. Eighty-four per cent of all people killed in automobile accidents during the year 1954 had eaten tomatoes. Those who object to singling out specific groups for statistical proofs require measurements within a total. Of those people born before the year 1850, regardless of race, age color, creed, or caste, and known to have eaten tomatoes, there has been one hundred per cent mortality! In spite of their dread addiction, a few tomato eaters born between 1850 and 1900 still manage to survive, but the clinical picture is poor -- their bones are brittle, their movements feeble, their skin seamed and wrinkled, their eyesight failing, hair falling, and frequently they have lost all their teeth. Those born between 1900 and 1950 number somewhat more survivors, but the overt signs of tghe addiction's dread effects differ not in kind but only in degree of deterioration. Prognostication is not hopeful. Exhaustive experiment shows that when tomatoes are withheld from an addict, invariable his cravings will cause him to turn to other substitutes -- such as oranges, or steak and potatoes. If both tomatoes and all substitutes are persistently withheld -- death invariable results within a short time! The skeptic of apocryphal statistics or the stubborn non-conformist who will not accept the clearly provided conclusions of others may conduct his own experiment. Obtain two dozen tomatoes - they may actually be obtained within a block of some high schools, or discovered growing in a respected neighbor's backyard! -crush them to a pulp in exactly the state they would have been if introduced into the stomach, pour the vile juice and pulp into a bowl, and place a goldfish therein. Within minutes the goldfish will be dead! Those who argue what affects a goldfish might now apply to a human being may, at their own choice, wish to conduct a different experiment by fully immersing a live human head into the mixture for a full five minutes.

Darkeryet · 10-30-2003, 11:10 AM

LOL I like that one too!

jfranco13 · 10-30-2003, 01:27 PM

damn, here I am salivating over the nice loaf of bread and jar of tomato sauce I just bought!!!

spived2 · 10-30-2003, 01:52 PM

Oh my god! I just ate bread!! Am I going to die now?!?!

Redlemon · 10-30-2003, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by spived2
Oh my god! I just ate bread!! Am I going to dye now?!?!

Yup. Barring incredible advances in medical technology, you will be dead within the next 100 years. Sorry to break this to you.

Batman976 · 10-30-2003, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by spived2
Oh my god! I just ate bread!! Am I going to dye now?!?!

It's really hard for me to guess. Were you planning on dying your hair or anything before you ate the bread? Perhaps tie-dye a T-shirt?

spived2 · 10-30-2003, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Batman976
It's really hard for me to guess. Were you planning on dying your hair or anything before you ate the bread? Perhaps tie-dye a T-shirt?

ok hahaha i'm really tired, so im soooo sorry

but yes, I was actually planning to dye my hair before eating the silent killer.

krwlz · 10-30-2003, 02:55 PM

Quote:

12 - Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless babbling.

Isnt that the truth

Sion · 10-30-2003, 03:49 PM

all this may be true, BUT (and its a big but) how can you make a sandwich (the food of the gods) without bread?

10-30-2003, 10:55 AM	#1 (permalink)
Darkeryet Upright	Stats in on bread...stats don't lie 1 - More than 98% of convicted felons are bread eaters. 2 - Fully HALF of all children in the United States who grow up in bread-consuming households score blow average on standardized tests. 3 - In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged entire nations. 4 - More than 90% of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5 - Bread is made from a substance called "dough". It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!! 6 - Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson’s disease and osteoporosis. 7 - Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after only two days! 8 - Bread is often a 'gateway' food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts! 9 - Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90% water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person. 10 - Newborn babies can choke on bread. 11 - Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute. 12 - Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless babbling. Other notes of Bread (the food devil) Bread is evil. Friends don't let friends eat bread. Increase your active life style, decrease your hair loss and stop eating bread while you still can. Bread can manipulate you, control you and make you do things you wouldn't normally do... ever forgot someone's birthday? Yep, thank bread for that. The word "dead" rhymes with "bread". Coincidence? I don't think so. This could have gone into the Humor section but I thought it also had another side to it. Do statistics always prove a point or do they just bring up more questions? __________________ Darkeryet

10-30-2003, 11:10 AM	#3 (permalink)
Darkeryet Upright	LOL I like that one too! __________________ Darkeryet

10-30-2003, 01:27 PM	#4 (permalink)
jfranco13 Crazy Location: Pittsburgh, PA	damn, here I am salivating over the nice loaf of bread and jar of tomato sauce I just bought!!! __________________ We may lose, and we may win, but we will never be here again.

10-30-2003, 01:52 PM	#5 (permalink)
spived2 Desert Rat Location: Arizona	Oh my god! I just ate bread!! Am I going to die now?!?! __________________ "This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V." - V Last edited by spived2; 10-30-2003 at 02:33 PM..

10-30-2003, 03:49 PM	#10 (permalink)
Sion Dumb all over...a little ugly on the side Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.	all this may be true, BUT (and its a big but) how can you make a sandwich (the food of the gods) without bread? __________________ He's the best, of course, of all the worst. Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...