What the skin say to the banana?

Don't move I got you covered.

/argh

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most
unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A Black hearse
was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first. Behind
the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind
him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man
walking the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time
to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you
walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my wife."

"What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the
dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Join the queue."

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A: I have no eye deer.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America...
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

Q: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes?
A: Still no eye deer

mommy, mommy am I a werewolf?

Be quiet dear and comb your face......

---------- Post added at 05:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:19 PM ----------

How do you tell Jersey cows from other breeds?

By the license plates.....

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

Q: What's sticky and plays the Trumpet?
A: Gluey Armstrong

knock, knock!

Who's there?

go away.

Go Away Who?

that's it! you want "stupid" you got stupid.

what do you do if you find Chicago, Il?

call Baltimore, MD......

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

You would too if your name was,"uhnnnnnnnn"

that is a real groaner...

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

If an undertaker and a snake got married, what would it say on their towels......

Hissssssss and Hearse

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'