Plummie

I heard this one today. Pretty bad.. but I chuckled.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?

One is white, plastic and dangerous to little boys, the other is a plastic bag.

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Kim

myMHz

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

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"The radio business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs.

There's also a negative side."

allmajty

What does a blonde and a squirrel have in common?

They both like nuts.

Tophat665

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick
------------------
Two submarines were sitting in a tree knitting. A pig flew by with a twig in its mouth.
A little later, the subs were still knitting in their tree when a pig flew by with a twig in it's mouth.
Later still, the submarines are still sitting, still knitting, when a pig flies by with a twig in it's mouth.
One of the submarines turns to the other and says, "Must be building a nest."

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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

krazykemist

Two sausages in a frying pan: one turns to the other and says "Damn, its hot in here"
The other says "Oh my god! Its a talking sausage".

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"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." -- Tolstoy

alpha phi

Q) What do you call a lesbian eskimoe?



A) A Klondyke!

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vermin

Q: What's brown and sticky?





A: A stick.

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If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.

maximusveritas

Q:Why did the bear run around his bed?

A:He wanted to catch up on his sleep.

vermin

How do you treat a sore pig?

Apply some oinkment.

If he doesn't get better in three days, call the hambulance.

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If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.

Plummie

ROFL! These are top-notch, guys. I have another stupid one.

Why do seagulls fly by the sea?

Because if they flew by the bay, they'd be 'bagels'.

har har harf!!

__________________
Kim

KWSN

What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?

A bird that talks your ear off.


(I apologize for the stupidity)

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Your arms are broken!

GuttersnipeXL

What is red and orange, and looks good on hippies?

FIRE

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When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. HST

Plummie

No apologies! Stupidity is the reason for this thread!

__________________
Kim

cdwonderful

what do you do when you find Springfield, IL?
call Baltimore, MD


stupid enough?

__________________
Never try to teach a pig to whistle
it wastes your time,
and annoys the pig.....

rockogre

How do elephants hide in cherry trees?



They wear red stocking hats.

__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

Mad_Gecko

2 men walk into a bar.

You'd have thought after the first one did it the second would've learned.

/Groan

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[color=bright blue]W[/color]e Stick To Glass

"If three of us travel together, I shall find two teachers."
Confucious

rockogre

How do elephants sneak across a pool table?



They wear green sneakers.

__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

uncle phil

Math and Alcohol don't mix, so...

PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Somenosuke

LOL!! As stupid as that one was, it had me laughing my ass off.

Here's a dirty one..


The horse fell in the mud.

*initiate groan.exe*

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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.

TerresqueÜ

Hey im a sort of hippie!


*shakes fist angrily*


Edit : Here's my joke, What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Nacho Cheese!


Just awful...

__________________
Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition

John_Gault

What do you call a dog with no legs?



It doesn't matter, it can't come anyway.


I laugh every time I hear it.

__________________
The battle against abject stupidity cannot be fought with reason.

I am Head inquisitor in qpid's liberation army so we can take over the world before Microsoft does... Join the Revolution!

John_Gault

A gentleman was lured into a busy florist shop by a largesign in the window that read, "Say It With Flowers."

"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist.

"Only one?" the florist asked.

"Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words."

__________________
The battle against abject stupidity cannot be fought with reason.

I am Head inquisitor in qpid's liberation army so we can take over the world before Microsoft does... Join the Revolution!

dankitti

an old couple keep forgetting things, and frustrated, they go to a doctor. the doctor tells them that they are just getting old and there is nothing he can do. he does advise them, however, to keep a pad and pencil handy with which to make notes.

the pad and pencil seems to help them. then one day while watching television, the husband announces that he is going into the kitchen to get something to eat. the wife asks him if he can get something for her, too.

"sure," he says.

"well," she replies, "i'd like some ice cream. but that's one extra thing for you to remember. you'd better write it down."

"i can remember ice cream!" he protests.

"But i want fresh strawberries on it, too. that's two extra things for you to remember. will you please write it down?"

he sighs, "but i'm just going straight to the kitchen. i won't forget!"

"okay," she says, "if you insist. but i want whipped cream on the top. that's three extra things for you to remember. should i write it down for you?"

"no," he replies, "i'll be able to remember three simple things."

after thirty minutes or so, and some banging pots and pans, the husband finally emerges from the kitchen and brings his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

"see?" she cries. "i told you to write it down-- you forgot my toast!"

__________________
Aw' little girl, there ain't no time
To wash yer stinky hand
Go 'head 'n' roll over
I'm goin' in you again
In you again
In you again
In you again...

--Frank appa
I Have Been In Yo

KWSN

Two horses walk into a bar. The second one should have seen it coming.


/load -rs C:\Jokes\Stupid\reactions\groan.arg

__________________
Your arms are broken!

uncle phil

So a mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist are out hunting
together. They spy a deer(*) in the woods.

The physicist calculates the velocity of the deer and the effect of
gravity on the bullet, aims his rifle and fires. Alas, he misses; the
bullet passes three feet behind the deer. The deer bolts some yards,
but comes to a halt, still within sight of the trio.

"Shame you missed," comments the engineer, "but of course with an
ordinary gun, one would expect that." He then levels his special
deer-hunting gun, which he rigged together from an ordinary rifle, a
sextant, a compass, a barometer, and a bunch of flashing lights which
don't do anything but impress onlookers, and fires. Alas, his bullet
passes three feet in front of the deer, who by this time wises up and
vanishes for good.

"Well," says the physicist, "your contraption didn't get it either."

"What do you mean?" pipes up the mathematician. "Between the two of
you, that was a perfect shot!"

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

sapiens

One day, a chicken and an egg decide to have sex. They hop into bed and make wild passionate love. Afterwards, the chicken gets out of bed, lights a cigarette, takes a drag, and says, "Well, I'm glad that question is finally answered.'"

qpid

2 atoms walk into a bar. One says "I think I lost an electron" the other said "are you sure", he said "Yeah I'm positive"

__________________
My army will take over the world join us or be destroyed. I am the Emperor Supreme
Join the Revolution!

Necrophilia - The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one

Quadraton

A woman is standing on a corner, when a man with a frog on his head walks up to her.

The woman looks at the man, and says,"My God! Where did you get that hideous thing?"

The frog turns to the woman and says, "I don't know. It started growing out of my ass last week, and it hasn't stopped since."

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"A witty saying proves nothing"
- Voltaire

mullet hunter

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

He was dead.

merkerguitars

Why did the chicken cross the road?


Cause he wanted to have sex with the pidgeon.

__________________
Donate now! Ask me How!

Please use the search function it is your friend.

Look at my mustang please feel free to comment!

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=26985

alpha phi

Why don't birds wear underwear?




Because, their pecker is on their head!!!!

__________________

troit

Why did the kid put ice cubes in his father's bed?

He wanted a cold pop!

__________________
I've yet to dephile myself...

troit

Why did the snowman have a big smile on his face?

He heard the snow blower was coming through...

What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snow balls...

__________________
I've yet to dephile myself...

alpha phi

What do you get if you cross a rhinoserous with an elephant??




EleifIknow!!!!

__________________

Plummie

Dude that is great!

I'm telling that one to all my fellow chemistry friends.

__________________
Kim

Junchbailey

What do you do if your nose goes on strike?

Pick it

__________________
Hey guys -- I finally got a semen sample after pumping on my wiener for 2 whole days

YzermanS19

Good to say when someone butts into your conversation:

"This is a taco-burrito converation: Nachos"

__________________
the light that burns twice as bright
burns half as long

and you have burned so very, very brightly

JumpinJesus

A set of jumper cables walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at them suspiciously and says, "Alright, I'll get you a drink, but if you try to start anything, you'll be thrown out."

__________________
"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

uncle phil

Q: What do you get when you cross 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?
A: One hundred sows-and-bucks

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
A: To get to the other ... er, um ...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Sun Tzu

Kind of like the ones on popsicle sticks?

What came first the chicken or the egg?

The rooster

__________________
To confine our attention to terrestrial matters would be to limit the human spirit.- Stephen Hawking