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GUESS WHO'S BACK IN DA MUTHAFUCKIN HOWSE, WIT A BIG FAT DICK FA YA MUTHAFUCKIN MOUF?
Bea Arthur |
Twizzle fazzle huckled shack
Mackey nackey fricky tack Weezle wazzle burlum stack glibble glabble flabbity grack! Cheese is yummy... |
rat: "no bullshit. they were trying to get me to drink this shit. ima pourin this shit down the sewer so it won't hurt anyone ever again!"
<img src="http://www.banksy.co.uk/pops/outdoors/images/doctors.jpg"> |
i'm hung over like a rat today..........
no bullshit |
<img src="http://gallery.photo.net/photo/317239-lg.jpg">
*turns down the music & dims the lights for fly's hurting headache* how about a wobbly pop? hair of the dog & all that...? |
liquor in the front.......poker in the rear.
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"A Man Needs A Maid"
My life is changing in so many ways I don't know who to trust anymore There's a shadow running thru my days Like a beggar going from door to door. I was thinking that maybe I'd get a maid Find a place nearby for her to stay. Just someone to keep my house clean, Fix my meals and go away. A maid. A man needs a maid. A maid. It's hard to make that change When life and love turns strange. And old. To give a love, you gotta live a love. To live a love, you gotta be "part of" When will I see you again? A while ago somewhere I don't know when I was watching a movie with a friend. I fell in love with the actress. She was playing a part that I could understand. A maid. A man needs a maid. A maid. When will I see you again? |
i can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone Who is as negative as I am sometimes I am the wisest woman you've ever met I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected i have the bravest heart that you've ever seen and you've never met anyone Who is as positive as I am sometimes you see everything you see every part you see all my light and you love my dark you dig everything of which I'm ashamed There's not anything to which you can't relate And you're still here i blame everyone else & not my own partaking my passive aggressive-ness can be devastating I'm terrified and mistrusting and you've never met anyone Who is as closed down as I am sometimes you see everything you see every part you see all my light and you love my dark you dig everything of which I'm ashamed There's not anything to which you can't relate And you're still here What I resist persists and speaks louder than i know What i resist you love no matter how low or high I go I am the funniest woman that you've ever known I am the dullest woman that you've ever known I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known and you've never met anyone Who is as everything as I am sometimes you see everything you see every part you see all my light and you love my dark you dig everything of which I'm ashamed There's not anything to which you can't relate And you're still here |
Lou was a teacher way out west
Thats where she found the teachin best But when she fucked, she fucked for keeps And piled her money in great big heaps... She swore no ten men could fuck her down Till up showed Piss Pot Pete, with 13 pounds of danglin meat Well they fit, they fought, they fucked for hours Lou tried stunts and double stunts and stunts unkown to the common cunts... Pete brought that beauty to her knees To make him stop, she must say please "I've out fucked you fair", he did scoff "Now I think I'll go jack off". |
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<img src="http://photobucket.com/albums/1003/m0us33/grandpa.jpg">
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This week my girlfriend went
CRUNCH TIME!!!! to cheerleading camp cause CRUNCH TIME!!!! she's hot. I've been CRUNCH TIME!!!! wank free the entire time. I'm gonna CRUNCH TIME!!!! wail on her ass when she returns, but CRUNCH TIME!!!! elegantly, of course. |
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that was.......... *sniff,sniff,tear,tear*.......... beautiful. benny hill kicks ass baby............ |
<img src="http://www.scleroderma.org/chapter/support/florida/images/Orlando_SG_images/CowPattySweepstakesBanner2.jpg">
read closely :p |
awww...........that benny hill song is gone........
fuckin' bullshit i say!!!! |
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I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time I keep the ends out for the tie that binds Because you're mine, I walk the line I find it very, very easy to be true I find myself alone when each day is through Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you Because you're mine, I walk the line As sure as night is dark and day is light I keep you on my mind both day and night And happiness I've known proves that it's right Because you're mine, I walk the line You've got a way to keep me on your side You give me cause for love that I can't hide For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide Because you're mine, I walk the line I keep a close watch on this heart of mine I keep my eyes wide open all the time I keep the ends out for the tie that binds Because you're mine, I walk the line |
<img src="http://tuntenhaus.squat.net/booze.jpg">
<img src="http://www.funnyclicks.com/funnyclickscomicgal2/booze.jpg"> |
I am a shameless, self-bumping bastard.
And uhhh........ CRUNCH TIME!!!! |
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I did a search for "Camel Shit" because bullshit can be so bland. This came up:
<img src="http://www.hosstyle.com/Goofy%20shit/joe%20camel.jpg"> This too... <img src="http://www.futuredevelopments.net/mwa/images/Weird%20Shit/camel_toe.jpg"> I think I need to go watch NASCAR, drink Budwieser and check out the cans on that babe now.... Ahhh, at last, my quest is successful.. <img src="http://www.interlog.com/~alton/alton/camel50.gif"> CAMEL SHIT! |
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I saw a SUV yesterday in front of me that was really dirty.. and someone wrote in the dust on the back window...
"I wish my wife were this dirty" I had a good laugh!!! Very original |
shouldn't unoaman be bumpin' this thread soon?
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STILL STRICKEN BY THE DIBILITATING 'ALL CAPS' DISEASE, UNO MANAGES A WEAK' LOOKS LIKE YOU GUYS ARE DOIN FINE TO ME'. AS AN AFTER THOUGHT HE MENTIONS 'I'LL KEEP MY EYE ON IT, AS I DO EVERYTHING, AND GIVE IT A BUMP IF NEED BE'. ONE MORE THOUGHT EVEN THOUGH IT CAUSES GREAT CAPITALIZATION IS 'FLYMAN, WHO'S YOUR DADDY'...
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EFFING CAPS???????? WTF
good grief son. that's some serious bullshit. turn down the volume. we're not deaf here. |
sorry bernadette, like stated, my computer at home was stricken with "all caps"...only way it would type anything. Taking a big hammer home from the office today, and am going to fix it or hurt it badly...
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This came up second when I googled "shit hammer":
<IMG SRC="http://www.ridiculopathy.com/stock/binladenpigass.jpg"> i FIGURED THAT IF YOU WERE GOING TO USE A HAMMER TO CURE YOUR MACHINE SO THAT YOU WOULDN'T TYPE IN ALL ... GOD DAMN IT! |
OH! YOUR KEYBOARD IS FUXORED.
sorry about that bullshit. good luck. |
I am s-o-o-o-o not looking...
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I kinda liked the beaver better but maybe thats just me.....I also have a deep seated hatred for bologne ever since I was young....love ham....first time I bit into it....it wasn't ham...despised it ever since.
Asta!! |
Given that true intellectual and emotional compatability
Are at the very least difficult If not impossible to come by We could always opt for the more temporal gratification Of sheer physical attraction That wouldn't make you a shallow person Would it |
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....like.......... the head of your penis....or what? |
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same difference.......isn't that an oxyMORON?????????:D |
Hard to say, only knowing one moron, don't have much experience...
But it's a possibility, so just run with it if you feel like it... |
Men of Cheetoes!!!!
<img src="http://www.photo.net/photo/pcd0087/cheese-doodles-wide-60.4.jpg"> |
What really does have to do with the price of beans in Mexico? Oak trees? ..or maybe the Arby's franchise? The sad truth is that we may never know.
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Oh, I know, however, it is ineffable, and I am be inscrutable, so don't scrute with me.
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It's way past my dinner time, and those "men of Cheetoes" look so damn good...Would it be ok if I ate the girl?
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<b>Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster</b> <ul><li>1 bottle Ol' Janx Spirit.</li> <li>1 measure Santraginean seawater.</li> <li>3 cubes frozen Arcturan MegaGin.</li> <li>4 liters Fallian marsh gas.</li> <li>1 measure Qualactin Hypermint Extract.</li> <li>1 Algolian Suntiger tooth.</li> <li>Zamphour to taste.</li> <li>Olive garnish.</li></ul> Take the juice from one bottle of the Ol' Janx Spirit (see page 15 of the actual Guide). Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V -- Oh, that Santraginean seawater, it says. Oh, those Santraginean fish! Allow three cubes of Arcturan MegaGin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzene is lost). Allow four liters of Fallian marsh gas to bubble thrugh it, in memory of all those happy hikers who have died of pleasure in the marshes of Fallia. Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint Extract, redolent of all the heady odors of the dark Qualactin Zones, subtle, sweet and mystic. Drop in the tooth of an Algolan Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolan suns deep into the heart of the drink. Sprinkle Zamphour. Add an olive. Drink... but... very... carefully. |
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I would, but generally buy drinks for a sure thing...and my fist has a hangover from last night. :lol: She would probably enjoy a "gargle blaster', if you left out the olive... |
olive's are good in ceasrs.......and a habanero pepper to fire it up.
maybe some celery and salt and pepper too........ ......hmmmmm......... http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...an/ceasers.jpg damn.....these are only chili peppers in this shot. |
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betcha this guy has real shitty t-bones.... |
Yeah fly...but he's got some really tight lookin nostrils...
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pizza binoculars.
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Some Beer Boobs to go with your pizza binoculars:
<img src="http://artists.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/D.J.TONEDEF/images/lg-403937.jpg"> |
OK, hows this for totally random bullshit:
<img src="http://www.finalcall.com/artman/uploads/mj_support12-02-2003.jpg"> |
my left middle finger is numb.
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my right thumb...is numb...
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just had a weird thought...what if microwave ovens worked in reverse and you put in milk and stuff for a couple minutes and got ICE CREAM???
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I have to say that chick has the most amazing breasts I've ever seen. Want ... to ...
play ... with ... them ... |
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hmmmm.........me wonders if phil has a crop out back of the 'ol red barn? *weird thought indeed* :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: |
That petting the hedgehog pic made me think of Whack your Porcupine which I can't find anywhere, so here's some more Bullshit:
<img src="http://www.drunktv.com/jasonisstupid/051903/pics/ctscan_2kliban_129.jpg"> |
What if instead of guns, we had like, small animals? And you would have to register RABID animals. I hope it doesn't cost a lot, because that would get expensive having to keep registering new rabid animals after the last one kicks the bucket. I guess you could keep an unregistered rabid animal and pay the fine if you're caught.
Me? I want a rabid spider monkey that bites, pulls hair and flings poo. All at once. |
Leave my monkey alone, please. He knows karate, kung-fu, and several other asian words.
<img src="http://www.monkeyknifefighting.com/monkeylogo.jpg"> |
<img src="http://duffmaru.freeservers.com/bullshit.jpg">
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Tastes like
<img src="http://www.smh.com.au/ffxImage/urlpicture_id_1075776067534_2004/02/03/chicken,0.jpg"> Chicken |
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sure could use a cone full of microwave ice cream right now...
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I wonder about God.....must be a practical joker (and kind of perverted too)
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God as a practical joker? I ask you, exactly what is practical about a Platypus?
And, just to keep things random: <img src="http://nem0.swoo.net/platypus/lawn%20attack.jpg"> |
What if we're actually de-evolving?
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<img src="http://www.dadsbigplan.com/cookieface/marmot.gif">
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Holy leaping capybaras! That is one large Rodent!
I think we'll name him Speak, because he does! <img src="http://www.thetick.ws/images/speak.jpg"> See! |
lucky strike/means fine tobacco...
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<b>I am a smoker</b>
<i>By Carina Chocano</i> - - - - - - - - - - Smoker! The word connotes danger, scorching good looks, searing wit, burning rubber, smoldering passion, barbecued pork! And yet, despite these and other benefits, smokers are under a great deal of pressure, both social and financial, to quit. Soon, the poorest of us may be forced to sell our organs (albeit at cut-rate prices) to be able to afford our habit, and the richer among us will have to charter barges into international waters to be allowed to indulge it. Eventually, we may be buried in Ohio landfills along with New York's garbage. For many, especially in California, this will be cause for celebration. Already, anti-smoking activists have succeeded in creating that most anomalous of establishments, the non-smoking bar. While many claim to support this development, it has only resulted in ridding bars of decent conversationalists and filling them instead with people who fondly abbreviate muscle groups. While many smokers are glad for the chance to escape this, we are still faced, once safely on the street, with the issue of what to do with our left hands. This will remain problematic until smokers unite to repeal the no drinking on sidewalks law. Perhaps even more egregious than being forced to exit buildings in order to do it (we're not really outdoorsy types), is being asked, "Why do you smoke?" ad tedium. People who ask this don't really want to know. Never, as far as I can remember, has an answer been required of me. People don't so much pose the question as smack us with it -- as if the very word could send us flying into paroxysms of shame and renunciation. The answer is implied in the tone of the question: You're weak. You're stupid. I hate you. Well, I hate you, too. But since you ask, I smoke because it's pure inspiration packed into three inches of paper. Because it's the pause that refreshes. Because it's a complicated pleasure and I like them that way. I smoke because most buildings don't allow pets. Because, in a pinch, a lit cigarette can be a discreet yet effective weapon. Because God is dead. Because I'm a sucker for a dromedary. Because living and breathing are not the same thing. Because in the event of another world war, you'll always be able to trade cigarettes for soap in France. Because it's a good excuse to leave the table when the conversation turns to the stock market. Because parachuting is ostentatious. I smoke because every patriarchal society needs a scapegoat. Because so many people Rollerblade with impunity. Because longevity is overrated. Because every silver lining has a cloud. Because everyone should have a hobby. Because persecution makes a tribe scrappy, resourceful and smart. Because there's a (surprise) epiphany in every pack. Because nothing is truly worthwhile that is not worth dying for. Because I'd rather crave nicotine than fascism. I smoke because I adore being lectured. Because we owe it to the Indians. Because cigarettes keep me company without getting on my nerves. Because half the point of having a vice is pissing off the virtuous. I smoke cause it makes me smarter. Because the smoke acts as a moat. Because everybody hates a quitter. Because efforts by the state to censure pleasure should always be regarded with extreme suspicion. Because even health has been commodified. I smoke because it's the only thing that separates us from animals. Because the mind of an addict resists colonization. Because it goes so well with alcohol. Because someone has to do it. And even after I (reluctantly) quit, I will always think of myself as a smoker. I will mourn smoking as if it were a lost dog. I'll be a smoky sympathizer. I'll find ways to let other smokers know that, secretly, I'm one of them. I'll envy them. I'll sniff them indecorously. They'll understand. |
Last night I massaged a seagull while masturbating with a piece of bologna. I ran out of KY so I just used up the rest of the mayonaisse. When I was done I went to the grocery store and fucked a potato.
I meet this girl named Bambi. So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean. |
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/1003/m0us33/tfp/doggie_poopie.jpg">
his name is bull. just so you know. ;) |
Hey, man, toss me that piano, and I'll hum a few bars.
<img src="http://www.co.uk.lspace.org/images/hedgehog-music.jpg"> You can bugger the bear, if you do it with care, in the winter, when he is asleep in his lair, Though I would not advise it in spring or in fall-- but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. If you're feeling quite coarse, you can bugger the horse, or the palfrey, the jennet, the stallion (with force), You can bugger the donkey, the mare, or the mule, Though to bugger the pony is needlessly cruel. You can bugger the ox (if you stand on a box) And vulpologists say you can bugger the fox, You can bugger the shrew, though it's awfully small-- but the hedgehog cvan never be buggered at all. Herptologists gasp you can bugger the asp, Entymologists claim you can bugger the wasp. If an insects your thing, man, then just have a ball-- But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. And the elephant too, that you meet in the zoo, Can be buggered if you are sure just what to do, You will need a large mattress upon which to fall-- but the hedgehog cvan never be buggered at all. You can bugger the bees if your down on your knees, You can bugger the termites with terminal ease you can bugger the beetle, the ladybug (bird!) too, there's no end to the buggering that you can do. You can bugger the cat if it isn't to fat You can bugger the rabbit you draw from your hat You can bugger the shark that you've chased in your yawl-- but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. You can bugger the ermine, and all other vermine, like rats, mice, and roaches, if your not discernin'. You can bugger the dog, it will come when you call-- but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. Although Mr. Tiggy is not very big, he Avoids with great ease those who fancy his arse. He just curls in a ball, shows his prickles and all-- And the would-be seducer leaves him in the grass If you're that kind of fool, and you have a long tool, Do it with a giraffe, if you stand on a stool, Catch a yeti, who lives in the snows of Nepal-- but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. For the hedgehog escapes the posterior rapes Performed upon others of different shapes Those who run, swim, or slither, they get it withal-- But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. It is said, if you try, you can bugger the fly, Or the swallow as it skims so skilfully by, Use a noose or a net, or lime (if you've the gall)-- but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all You can bugger the cow (I will not tell you how), Or the boar, or the piglet, the shoat or the sow, You can bugger the ass as it stands in the stall-- But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. You can order or shoo 'im, or run a knife through 'im The one thing you cannot do is stick it to 'im. If you try to seduce 'im, you'll end in a fix, His prickles defend him against rampant pricks. You can bugger the ram, you can bugger the lamb, You can bugger the ewe, though the wether's a sham, You can bugger the tiger (it may caterwaul) But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. You can bugger the seal, you can bugger the eel, You can bugger the crab, though they say it can't feel, You can bugger the bat as the night casts its pall, But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. You can bugger the snake (hold it down with a rake), Though to bugger the quetzal may be a mistake. You can bugger the billy, the nanny the kid, But to bugger the hedeghog just cannot be did. You can bugger the slug, though it messes the rug, You can bugger the different species of bug, Or do it with a snail, if you slow to a crawl, But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. At the end of the day, when you've had your rough way With all of those creatures, you'll just have to say "That damned Erinaceous has been my downfall--" For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all! |
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Chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken poooooottttttt piiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee.
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What's the difference between a potato?
Liar Liar, Pumkin Eater!!! I would, if I could, but I don't want to so ice cream doesn't have bones. |
So, these two submarines were sitting in a tree knitting and a pig flies by with a twig in it's mouth. This happens a couple more times, and one submarine says to th'other, "Must be building a nest."
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So. Who's for a nice, hot, steaming bowl of....
<img src="http://www.cgm13.net/images/soup_cock.jpg"> I have a picture in my head of Beavis and Butthead on Iron Chef where this is the theme ingredient, and their heads explode. |
<img src="http://www.macalester.edu/~christiansen/SOURCE/PHOTOS/sillystuff/Bullshit.jpg">
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/me must renew his subscription to the onion...
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