Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Chatter > Tilted Fun Zone


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-09-2007, 07:07 AM   #1 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
Plan9's Avatar
 
Dear Lara Croft,

Dear Lara Croft,

I'm writing to you out of genuine concern for your personal safety. I, too, have been in many dangerous situations involving automatic weapons, cave diving in less clothes than a stripper, and slaying carnivorous dinosaurs. I'm just worried: You look like a pole dancer with pistols. Not only is it hard to take your discoveries in the ancient world seriously, I just can't get my eyes out of the grand canyon between your nipples. Call it my male limitation, but we both know that I'm not the first victim. I think you should redefine your imagine to something more practical and tactical, and less like that "Bang Bus" website.

With those short-shorts, girl... you're so asking to get a wicked case of poison ivy right on your muffin. This is not a condition want to attempt to treat while you're blasting bats and velociraptors with a pair of pocket Uzis. Don't let me catch you scratching at it with those extended 9mm magazines, either. Your combat "fuck me" boots are commendable; good ankle support and traction, but you should really try some BDU pants. And some quality knee pads for those rocks. Your double thigh holster setup appears to be well made and fits the vast gauntlet of your single-handed weapons, but I might suggest a heavy duty dual shoulder holster rig instead? This will keep the guns closer to your substantial center of gravity... my next topic.

A breast reduction. I know, I know, you get it all the time from all your younger male fans. Your chin rests are commendable, but not conducive to your current occupation of nerdy-archaeologist-gone-badass-ninja and the related lifestyle. Plus, just imagine all the extra ammunition you could carry for your ludicrous weapons assortment in a military-style ammunition rig if you didn't have those watermelon sized, gravity-defying man-getters mounted to your torso. I am also disinclined to think that any manufacturer makes body armor plates shaped like mixing bowls to accommodate your unearthly feminine figure. Oh, I don't even have to tell you how much your back hurts after doing repeated flips with the basketball twins.

Take care of yourself. You've got more sequels than "Debbie Does Dallas" for a reason. You go, girl!

A concerned adventurer,

Crompsin

I hope she reads it soon.

......

I hate Tomb Raider. They should have called it Barbie with Guns in Cave.

The game makes me feel dirty inside. Probably also my internal motivation to date pale girls with big noses and no tits.
__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."
Plan9 is offline  
Old 06-09-2007, 12:23 PM   #2 (permalink)
part of the problem
 
squeeeb's Avatar
 
Location: hic et ubique
great letter.... by the way, i totally dig pale chicks with big noses....
__________________
onward to mayhem!
squeeeb is offline  
Old 06-09-2007, 12:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
still, wondering.
 
Ourcrazymodern?'s Avatar
 
Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
You characters have got to be kidding.
Of course, that's allowed here.
Who's Lara Croft?
__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT
Ourcrazymodern? is offline  
Old 06-09-2007, 01:16 PM   #4 (permalink)
Upright
 
Luciian's Avatar
 
Location: south florida
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ourcrazymodern?
You characters have got to be kidding.
Of course, that's allowed here.
Who's Lara Croft?
Lara Croft = mediocre to crappy video game character from Tome Raider series, turned horrendous Angelina Jolie movie









__________________
i am ninja

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind dont matter, and those who matter dont mind." -Dr Seuss
Luciian is offline  
Old 06-09-2007, 02:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
still, wondering.
 
Ourcrazymodern?'s Avatar
 
Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
heh, I thought she had a doctorate in human sexuality or something.
__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT
Ourcrazymodern? is offline  
Old 06-10-2007, 03:51 PM   #6 (permalink)
Industrialist
 
Mondak's Avatar
 
Location: Southern California
I would SOOOO do her
__________________
All truth passes through three stages:
First it is ridiculed
Second, it is violently opposed and
Third, it is accepted as self-evident.

ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER (1788-1860)

Mondak is offline  
Old 06-16-2007, 06:08 PM   #7 (permalink)
still, wondering.
 
Ourcrazymodern?'s Avatar
 
Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
I would soooo submit.
__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT
Ourcrazymodern? is offline  
Old 06-17-2007, 05:20 AM   #8 (permalink)
Tired
 
Esoteric's Avatar
 
Location: Florida
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mondak
I would SOOOO do her
Indeed
__________________
From a head full of pressure rests the senses that I clutch
Made a date with Divinity, but she wouldn't let me fuck
I got touched by a hazy shaded, God help me change
Caught a rush on the floor from the life in my veins
Esoteric is offline  
Old 06-17-2007, 04:26 PM   #9 (permalink)
I'll ask when I'm ready....
 
Push-Pull's Avatar
 
Location: Firmly in the middle....
Oh yeah, I'd hit it, big 'uns and all.....

Unless she did develop some jungle rot in the wrong place, then, well.....
__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-
Push-Pull is offline  
Old 06-22-2007, 10:07 PM   #10 (permalink)
still, wondering.
 
Ourcrazymodern?'s Avatar
 
Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
she appears to be impervious...
__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT
Ourcrazymodern? is offline  
 

Tags
croft, dear, lara

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:00 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360