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05-10-2007, 12:38 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Upright
Location: New Zealand
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The kiwi Section!!
A place for kiwi aka New Zealander jokes!!
 Enjoy! Here's a joke to get it started!! Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for Six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet, replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance". "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot." "Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people" God continued, pointing to different countries. "And over there, I call this place America. North America will be rich and powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, and hot and friendly. And the little spot in the middle is Central America which is a Hot spot. Can you see the balance?" "Yes" said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a smallish land mass and asked, "What's that one?" "Ah" said God. "That's New Zealand, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, rainforests, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast line. The people are good looking, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super- human, undefeatable, strong in character citizens who will be admired and feared by all who come across them". Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then exclaimed, "You said there will be BALANCE!" God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the buggers I'm putting next to them!" And another......hehe Why wasn't Jesus born in Sydney? They couldnt find three wise men and a virgin.! What's an Australians idea of foreplay?... ..You awake? What's a Tasmanians idea of foreplay?... ...You awake, mum? Last edited by miss_sassy07; 05-10-2007 at 12:42 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost |
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05-14-2007, 02:54 AM
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#2 (permalink) |
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Loose Cunt
Location: North Bondi RSL
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 Sitting together on a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were a Kiwi, an Australian (both guys), a young blonde lady, and a little old Swiss lady. The train goes into a tunnel & a few seconds later there's the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Kiwi has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks. The old lady thinks: That the Kiwi must have groped the blond in the dark, and she slapped his cheek. The blonde thinks: That Kiwi must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady. She slapped his cheek. The Kiwi thinks: That Australian must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead. The Australian thinks: Fuck I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can smack that Kiwi again.
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What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up? |
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