Don't ask me - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

JumpinJesus · 04-24-2003, 06:18 PM

I figured I'd let you all know now that I'm an imbecile so don't ask me anything.

I can't even read.

Seriously, don't ask me.

I mean it.

really.

Somenosuke · 04-24-2003, 06:20 PM

How many fingers am I holdig up? *holds up a toe*

krwlz · 04-24-2003, 06:26 PM

whats the point of the thread?

Peetster · 04-24-2003, 06:27 PM

Don't sell yourself short. I'm sure there is something that you can add.

qpid · 04-24-2003, 06:28 PM

Soooooooooo we care?

JumpinJesus · 04-24-2003, 06:28 PM

you both asked questions.

Now you'll just have to deal with the answers you get.

somenosuke: I'm gonna guess Alabama

krwlz: to get everyone to not ask me.

Spungfoo · 04-24-2003, 07:30 PM

I made a thread about a week ago with the exact same idea, title and everything. I'm going to sue you for all your left socks, some pocket lint and your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roomate's first born child.

Why ya gotta be like that, huh?

SaltPork · 04-24-2003, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Spungfoo
I made a thread about a week ago with the exact same idea, title and everything. I'm going to sue you for all your left socks, some pocket lint and your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roomate's first born child.

Too late I already did that...you can have half, of course it's going to get messy when it gets to splitting the first born. If we use a coping saw it'll be a nice clean cut.

qpid · 04-24-2003, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wrkime
Too late I already did that...you can have half, of course it's going to get messy when it gets to splitting the first born. If we use a coping saw it'll be a nice clean cut.

No use a
"laser"

(imagine it with the doctor evil finger parenthesis)

SaltPork · 04-24-2003, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by qpid
No use a
"laser"

(imagine it with the doctor evil finger parenthesis)

all I have is a laser pointer...it'll take a while.

qpid · 04-24-2003, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wrkime
all I have is a laser pointer...it'll take a while.

pffft

overclock that like a mofo

reconmike · 04-24-2003, 08:23 PM

alpha phi · 04-25-2003, 05:54 AM

well JumpinJesus on a pogo stick;
if I can't ask you, I guess I'll have to tell you!
42
air
blue
69

because
and finally...................
a large orange bowl !

JumpinJesus · 04-25-2003, 06:35 AM

These questions are giving me a headache.

Spungfoo, don't sue me, I'm only an imbecile. All I have are left socks. You don't want to see me go barefooted, do you?

And lasers are like robots. In fact, they are robots; really bright robots that are evil.

MSD · 04-25-2003, 08:02 AM

I think Marco said it best in his "Don't Ask Me" thread on TFPv3

"Wow. I can't even keep control in a thread that doesn't offer any answers. I feel like the pope."

I think that quote needs to be preserved for all eternity.

BubblegumTeflon · 04-25-2003, 08:28 AM

. . .

(following directions again)

Charlatan · 03-20-2006, 10:24 AM

Why do you look so much like Marky Mark?

Sticky · 03-20-2006, 10:38 AM

That one was a really oldie.
I was reading through and I said to my self "Hey, is qpid really back" then I looked at the date.

JumpinJesus · 03-20-2006, 11:07 AM

Are you sure I posted this thread? I think Charlatan is doing some creative moderation somewhere.

If anyone ever sees a photo of me naked anywhere here, I want you to know it wasn't me.

I will say, though, that the OP is correct. I don't know a damn thing. Seriously.

No, really.

Charlatan · 03-20-2006, 11:14 AM

Oh... you know something. I am sure of it. You look guilty in those naked pictures.

Tophat665 · 03-21-2006, 08:06 PM

Since you want no questions, here are some answers:

Darth Vader is Luke's father. The woman in the "Crying Game" is really a man. Ole Yeller dies. In "Murder on the Orient Express" they all did it. Captain Kirk isn't really dead, he's in the Nexus; but then he dies for real later. On July 4th, we killed all the aliens by giving them a computer virus which took down their shields. Verbal is Kaiser Solteh. The North wins. The Nazi's lose. Tom Cruise screws over the firm and gets away. Jeff Bridges did kill his wife in "Jagged Edge". Galron is a shapeshifter imposter. Fortran really is dead. Harrison Ford always, always saves the day. In "Crimson Tide", Denzel Washington is right. Jim Phelps is the one who betrays the Impossible Mission team. All of the "Reservoir Dogs" die. Robert Redford hits a game-winning homer at the end of "The Natural". James Bond gets the girl. Lestat isn't really dead. Leia is Luke's sister. Henry V wins, but barely. Cousin Vinny gets the "two yutes" off, but only after Marisa Tomei's expert testimony. Richard Gear ends up with the slut in "Pretty Woman". Spock dies, then comes back to life on a planet where Kirk's son gets killed, and proceeds to help save the whales and earth by travelling back and forth in time in a Klingon ship, but doesn't get demoted for stealing the Enterprise because he wasn't there, he was dead. ET goes home. In "Blade Runner" Rachael is a replicant -- some think that Deckard may be too. Mel Gibson dies at the end of "Braveheart", but the future queen is pregnant with his kid. Sean Penn did do it in "Dead Man Walking". The Wizard of Oz is really a short, fat, bald man. Nicolas Cage dies at the end of "Leaving Las Vegas". In "Field of Dreams", "He" is Costner's father. Mr. Holland's former students play his opus in the end -- the redhead becomes governor. The Apollo 13 crew makes it back safely. Barnabus is a vampire. Al Pacino shoots and kills Robert DeNiro. In "Speed" there is a videocamera on the bus and a hole under the trash can. OJ did it. Harry marries Sally. To get to the other side. The prisoner is Pip's benefactor. Romeo and Juliet kill themselves. Either a newspaper or a half-eaten zebra. Sue Ellen's sister shot J.R. Maggie shot Mr. Burns (not on purpose). Bobby's death was just a dream (Pam's). The HAL9000 computer goes homicidal, but it isn't his fault. (Incidentally, the letters followng HAL are IBM.) There is always someone in the back seat. Jack gets old and dies. In "Terms of Endearment" Debra Winger gets cancer and dies. Bill Clinton wears briefs. Rosebud is the sled.

JumpinJesus · 03-21-2006, 08:50 PM

Tophat,

Why? Why???????

*sob*

Sweetpea · 03-22-2006, 12:29 AM

Since you don't know anything... you're the perfect person to ask:
what is the meaning of life?

which is better... jelly beans and sex... or....... cheesecake and rollerskating?

How come every time i read "Toddle Pip!" .. I laugh?

why am i easily so amused?

If love is just an emotion... why does it make us feel like we're physically flying?

If Lust is just a mental response... why does it feel like an emotion?

that should keep you busy since you don't know anything.........................

sweetpea

Toaster126 · 03-22-2006, 07:20 AM

This is the most confusing thread I've ever seen.

Bill O'Rights · 03-22-2006, 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JumpinJesus

I will say, though, that the OP is correct. I don't know a damn thing. Seriously.

No, really.

Is this to lend credence to the old adage that those who can...do, and those who cannot...teach?

Charlatan · 03-22-2006, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill O'Rights

Is this to lend credence to the old adage that those who can...do, and those who cannot...teach?

Snap!!!

Do you smell something burning?

Toaster126 · 03-22-2006, 08:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill O'Rights

Is this to lend credence to the old adage that those who can...do, and those who cannot...teach?

Okay, now that was funny. I LOL'd in real life.

Sweetpea · 03-23-2006, 04:57 PM

If a bear can play golf... does that mean a rabbit can play soccer?

sweetpea

uncle phil · 03-23-2006, 05:04 PM

hey, /me plays golf!!!

Tophat665 · 03-23-2006, 07:24 PM

If a hen and a half lays an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long will it take a grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick all of the seeds out of a dill pickle?

JumpinJesus · 03-23-2006, 08:41 PM

Maybe I wasn't clear enough earlier. I certainly hope no one is expecting any answer because there will be none forthcoming.

I'm sorry if this disappoints anyone for that was not my intent. I should have kept my big mouth shut.

Okay, there is one answer I can give.

BOR,
I teach because I can't.

Sweetpea · 03-23-2006, 10:27 PM

no answers?!!! no answers...

If i ask a question and no one answers.. is it still a question?

sweetpea

Tophat665 · 03-24-2006, 03:41 PM

If a tree falls on a mime in a forest, does anybody care?

Fremen · 03-24-2006, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tophat665

If a tree falls on a mime in a forest, does anybody care?

I think the lumberjack would care, when he finds mime juice everywhere!

Charlatan · 03-25-2006, 05:22 AM

Mime juice goes nicely with gin. It makes a Mimlet.

04-24-2003, 06:18 PM	#1 (permalink)
JumpinJesus Junkie Location: Chicago	Don't ask me I figured I'd let you all know now that I'm an imbecile so don't ask me anything. I can't even read. Seriously, don't ask me. I mean it. really. __________________ "I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

04-24-2003, 06:20 PM	#2 (permalink)
Somenosuke Insane Location: The 7th Level..	How many fingers am I holdig up? holds up a toe __________________ Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.

04-24-2003, 06:28 PM	#5 (permalink)
qpid Psycho Location: Detroit	Soooooooooo we care? __________________ My army will take over the world join us or be destroyed. I am the Emperor Supreme Join the Revolution! Necrophilia - The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one

04-24-2003, 06:28 PM	#6 (permalink)
JumpinJesus Junkie Location: Chicago	you both asked questions. Now you'll just have to deal with the answers you get. somenosuke: I'm gonna guess Alabama krwlz: to get everyone to not ask me. __________________ "I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

04-24-2003, 08:23 PM	#12 (permalink)
reconmike Thank You Jesus Location: Twilight Zone	Why? __________________ Where is Darwin when ya need him?

04-24-2003, 06:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
krwlz Fledgling Dead Head Location: Clarkson U.	whats the point of the thread?

04-24-2003, 06:27 PM	#4 (permalink)
Peetster Right Now Location: Home	Don't sell yourself short. I'm sure there is something that you can add.

04-24-2003, 07:30 PM	#7 (permalink)
Spungfoo Insane Location: Pittsburgh, PA	I made a thread about a week ago with the exact same idea, title and everything. I'm going to sue you for all your left socks, some pocket lint and your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roomate's first born child. Why ya gotta be like that, huh?

04-25-2003, 05:54 AM	#13 (permalink)
alpha phi seeker Location: home	well JumpinJesus on a pogo stick; if I can't ask you, I guess I'll have to tell you! 42 air blue 69 because and finally................... a large orange bowl ! __________________ All ideas in this communication are sole property of the voices in my head. (C) 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009 "The Voices" (TM). All rights reserved.

04-25-2003, 06:35 AM	#14 (permalink)
JumpinJesus Junkie Location: Chicago	These questions are giving me a headache. Spungfoo, don't sue me, I'm only an imbecile. All I have are left socks. You don't want to see me go barefooted, do you? And lasers are like robots. In fact, they are robots; really bright robots that are evil. __________________ "I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

04-25-2003, 08:02 AM	#15 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	I think Marco said it best in his "Don't Ask Me" thread on TFPv3 "Wow. I can't even keep control in a thread that doesn't offer any answers. I feel like the pope." I think that quote needs to be preserved for all eternity.

04-25-2003, 08:28 AM	#16 (permalink)
BubblegumTeflon Insane	. . . (following directions again)

03-20-2006, 10:24 AM	#17 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Why do you look so much like Marky Mark? __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

03-20-2006, 10:38 AM	#18 (permalink)
Sticky	That one was a really oldie. I was reading through and I said to my self "Hey, is qpid really back" then I looked at the date. __________________ Sticky The Stickman

03-20-2006, 11:07 AM	#19 (permalink)
JumpinJesus Junkie Location: Chicago	Are you sure I posted this thread? I think Charlatan is doing some creative moderation somewhere. If anyone ever sees a photo of me naked anywhere here, I want you to know it wasn't me. I will say, though, that the OP is correct. I don't know a damn thing. Seriously. No, really. __________________ "I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

03-22-2006, 07:20 AM	#24 (permalink)
Toaster126 Extreme moderation Location: Kansas City, yo.	This is the most confusing thread I've ever seen. __________________ "The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand) "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

03-20-2006, 11:14 AM	#20 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Oh... you know something. I am sure of it. You look guilty in those naked pictures. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

03-21-2006, 08:06 PM	#21 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	Since you want no questions, here are some answers: Darth Vader is Luke's father. The woman in the "Crying Game" is really a man. Ole Yeller dies. In "Murder on the Orient Express" they all did it. Captain Kirk isn't really dead, he's in the Nexus; but then he dies for real later. On July 4th, we killed all the aliens by giving them a computer virus which took down their shields. Verbal is Kaiser Solteh. The North wins. The Nazi's lose. Tom Cruise screws over the firm and gets away. Jeff Bridges did kill his wife in "Jagged Edge". Galron is a shapeshifter imposter. Fortran really is dead. Harrison Ford always, always saves the day. In "Crimson Tide", Denzel Washington is right. Jim Phelps is the one who betrays the Impossible Mission team. All of the "Reservoir Dogs" die. Robert Redford hits a game-winning homer at the end of "The Natural". James Bond gets the girl. Lestat isn't really dead. Leia is Luke's sister. Henry V wins, but barely. Cousin Vinny gets the "two yutes" off, but only after Marisa Tomei's expert testimony. Richard Gear ends up with the slut in "Pretty Woman". Spock dies, then comes back to life on a planet where Kirk's son gets killed, and proceeds to help save the whales and earth by travelling back and forth in time in a Klingon ship, but doesn't get demoted for stealing the Enterprise because he wasn't there, he was dead. ET goes home. In "Blade Runner" Rachael is a replicant -- some think that Deckard may be too. Mel Gibson dies at the end of "Braveheart", but the future queen is pregnant with his kid. Sean Penn did do it in "Dead Man Walking". The Wizard of Oz is really a short, fat, bald man. Nicolas Cage dies at the end of "Leaving Las Vegas". In "Field of Dreams", "He" is Costner's father. Mr. Holland's former students play his opus in the end -- the redhead becomes governor. The Apollo 13 crew makes it back safely. Barnabus is a vampire. Al Pacino shoots and kills Robert DeNiro. In "Speed" there is a videocamera on the bus and a hole under the trash can. OJ did it. Harry marries Sally. To get to the other side. The prisoner is Pip's benefactor. Romeo and Juliet kill themselves. Either a newspaper or a half-eaten zebra. Sue Ellen's sister shot J.R. Maggie shot Mr. Burns (not on purpose). Bobby's death was just a dream (Pam's). The HAL9000 computer goes homicidal, but it isn't his fault. (Incidentally, the letters followng HAL are IBM.) There is always someone in the back seat. Jack gets old and dies. In "Terms of Endearment" Debra Winger gets cancer and dies. Bill Clinton wears briefs. Rosebud is the sled. __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

03-21-2006, 08:50 PM	#22 (permalink)
JumpinJesus Junkie Location: Chicago	Tophat, Why? Why??????? sob __________________ "I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

03-22-2006, 12:29 AM	#23 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	Since you don't know anything... you're the perfect person to ask: what is the meaning of life? which is better... jelly beans and sex... or....... cheesecake and rollerskating? How come every time i read "Toddle Pip!" .. I laugh? why am i easily so amused? If love is just an emotion... why does it make us feel like we're physically flying? If Lust is just a mental response... why does it feel like an emotion? that should keep you busy since you don't know anything......................... sweetpea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

03-23-2006, 04:57 PM	#28 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	If a bear can play golf... does that mean a rabbit can play soccer? sweetpea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

03-23-2006, 05:04 PM	#29 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	hey, /me plays golf!!! __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

03-23-2006, 07:24 PM	#30 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	If a hen and a half lays an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long will it take a grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick all of the seeds out of a dill pickle? __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

03-23-2006, 08:41 PM	#31 (permalink)
JumpinJesus Junkie Location: Chicago	Maybe I wasn't clear enough earlier. I certainly hope no one is expecting any answer because there will be none forthcoming. I'm sorry if this disappoints anyone for that was not my intent. I should have kept my big mouth shut. Okay, there is one answer I can give. BOR, I teach because I can't. __________________ "I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

03-23-2006, 10:27 PM	#32 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	no answers?!!! no answers... If i ask a question and no one answers.. is it still a question? sweetpea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

03-24-2006, 03:41 PM	#33 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	If a tree falls on a mime in a forest, does anybody care? __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

03-25-2006, 05:22 AM	#35 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Mime juice goes nicely with gin. It makes a Mimlet. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke