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Silly Songs
We can do this again...I'll start:
YES! WE HAVE NO BANANAS by Frank Silver and Irving Cohn (Ritzelle also credited on some issues) as sung by Billy Murray, Al Bernard, Billy Jones, and William West There's a fruit store on our street It's run by a Greek. And he keeps good things to eat But you should hear him speak! When you ask him anything, he never answers "no". He just "yes"es you to death, and as he takes your dough He tells you "Yes, we have no bananas We have-a no bananas today. We've string beans, and onions Cabashes, and scallions, And all sorts of fruit and say We have an old fashioned tomato A Long Island potato But yes, we have no bananas. We have no bananas today." Business got so good for him that he wrote home today, "Send me Pete and Nick and Jim; I need help right away." When he got them in the store, there was fun, you bet. Someone asked for "sparrow grass" and then the whole quartet All answered "Yes, we have no bananas We have-a no bananas today. Just try those coconuts Those wall-nuts and doughnuts There ain't many nuts like they. We'll sell you two kinds of red herring, Dark brown, and ball-bearing. But yes, we have no bananas We have no bananas today." The new English "clark": Yes, we are very sorry to inform you That we are entirely out of the fruit in question The afore-mentioned vegetable Bearing the cognomen "Banana". We might induce you to accept a substitute less desirable, But that is not the policy at this internationally famous green grocery. I should say not. No no no no no no no. But may we suggest that you sample our five o'clock tea Which we feel certain will tempt your pallet? However we regret that after a diligent search Of the premises By our entire staff We can positively affirm without fear of contradiction That our raspberries are delicious; really delicious Very delicious But we have no bananas today. Yes, we gotta no banana No banana We gotta no banana today. I sella you no banana. Hey, Mary Anna, you gotta no banana? Why this man, he no believe-a what I say. Now whatta you want mister? You wanna buy twelve for a quarter? Yes, a quarter. Well, just one look, I'm gonna call for my daughter. Hey, Mary Anna You gotta piana Yes, banana, no No, yes, no bananas today We gotta no bananas. Yes, we gotta no bananas today. |
Da Vinci's Notebook - Enormous Penis
Whenever life gets you down, Keeps you wearin' a frown, And the gravy train has left you behind, And when you're all out of hope, Down at the end of your rope, And nobody's there to throw you a line. If you ever get so low, That you don't know which way to go, Come on and take a walk in my shoes, Never worry 'bout a thing, Got the world on a string, 'Cause I've got the cure for all of my blues. I take a look at my enormous penis, And my troubles start a-meltin' away, I take a look at my enormous penis, And my happy times are comin' to stay, I gotta sing and I dance, When I glance in my pants, And I'm feelin' like a sunshiny day, I take a look at my enormous pe-e-e-nis, And a-everything is goin' my way (happy interlude - whistle, strings, scat singing) I take a look at my enormous penis, And my troubles start a-meltin' away, I take a look at my enormous penis, And my happy times are comin' to stay, Yeah I got great big amounts, In the place where it counts, And I'm feelin' like a sunshiny day, I take a look at my enormous pe-e-e-nis, And a-everything is goin' my way, (My trouser monster) And a-everything is goin' my way, (My meat is murder) And a-everything is goin' my way, (Size doesn't matter) Everything is goin' my waaaaaaay, Yum. |
"Surfer Bird" by the Trashmen
Well everybody?s heard, about the bird Bird bird bird, the bird is the word Don?t you know about the bird Well everybody?s heard, about the bird Bird bird bird, the bird is the word Yeah Well everybody?s heard, about the bird Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Everybody?s heard, about the bird Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Everybody?s heard, about the bird Don?t you know about the bird? Well everybody?s heard, about the bird Bird bird bird, the bird is the word Yeah! SURFIN' BIRD Well everybody?s heard, about the bird Bird bird bird, the bird is the word Well everybody?s heard, about the bird Yeah everybody?s heard, about the bird Everybody?s heard, about the bird Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Don?t you know about the bird? Well everybody?s heard, about the bird Bird bird bird, the bird is the word |
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. [background singing begins: "detachable penis" over and over] This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out, when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was, they hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes But not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house, and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis. [background voices continue to sing "detachable penis" for a while, then out] |
Tequila
The Champs Tequila! Tequila! TEQUILA!!! |
BARNEY GOOGLE
by Rose, De Beck, & Con Conrad. Who's the most important man this country ever knew? Do you know what politician I have reference to? Well, it isn't Mr. Bryan, and it isn't Mr. Hughes. I've got a hunch that to that bunch I'm going to introduce: (Again you're wrong and to this throng I'm going to Introduce:) Barney Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes. Barney Google bet his horse would win the prize. When the horses ran that day, Spark Plug ran the other way. Barney Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes. Barney Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes. Barney Google had a wife three times his size She stood Barney for divorce Now he's living with his horse Who's the greatest lover that this country ever knew? And who's the man that Valentino takes his hat off to? No, it isn't Douglas Fairbanks that the ladies rave about. When he arrives, who makes the wives chase all their husbands out? Why, it's Barney Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes. Barney Google is the guy who never buys. Women take him out to dine, then he steals the waiter's dime. Barney Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes. Barney Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes. Barney Google is the luckiest of guys. If he fell in to the mud, he'd come up with a diamond stud. Barney Google with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes. Who's the greatest fire chief this country ever saw? Who's the man who loves to hear the blazing buildings roar? Anytime the house is burning, and the flames leap all about, Say, tell me do, who goes, "kerchoo!" and puts the fire out? Barney Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes. Barney Google, thought his horse could win the prize. He got odds of ten to eight; Spark Plug came in three days late. Barney Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes. Barney Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes. Barney Google tried to enter paradise. When Saint Peter saw his face, he said, "Go to the other place". Barney Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes. |
"Wet Dream" by Kip Addotta
Lyrics: It was April the forty-first Being a quadruple leap year I was driving in downtown Atlantis My barracuda was in the shop So I was in a rented stingray And it was overheating So I pulled into a Shell Station They said I'd blown a seal I said, "Fix the damn thing And leave my private life out of it Okay pal?" While they were doing that I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar, a real dive But I knew the owner He used to play for the Dolphins I said "Hi Gil" You have to yell, he's hard of herring Think I had a wet dream Cruisin' thru the Gulf Stream Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Wet dream Gil was also down on his luck Fact is he was barely keeping his head below water I bellied up to the sandbar He poured me the usual Rusty snail, hold the grunion Shaken not stirred With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side Heavy on the mako I slipped him a fin On porpoise I was feeling good I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's squids For the halibut Well the place was crowded We were packed in like sardines They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy Dorsal What sole Tommy was rockin' the place with a very popular tuna Salmon Chanted Evening And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers Probably there to see the bass player One of them was this cute little yellowtail And she's giving me the eye So I figured this is my chance for a little fun You know, piece of Pisces But she said things I just couldn't fathom She was too deep, seemed to be under a lot of pressure Boy, could she drink She drank like a . . . She drank a lot I said "What's your sign" She said "Aquarium" I said "Great, let's get tanked" Think I had a wet dream Cruisin' thru the Gulf Stream Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Wet dream I invited her to my place for a midnight bait I said "Come on baby, it'll only take a few minnows" She threw me that same old line "Not tonight, I gotta haddock" And she wasn't kidding either Cause in came the biggest, meanest looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike He was covered with mussels He came over to me and said "Listen, shrimp, don't you come trollin' around here" What a crab This guy was steamed I could see the anchor in his eyes I turned to him, I said "A-balone, you're just being shellfish" Well, I knew it was going to be trouble and so did Gil ‘Cause he was already on the phone to the cods The haddock hits me with a sucker punch I catch him with a left hook He eels over It was a fluke but there he was Lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel Kelpless I said "Forget the cods Gil This guy's gonna need a sturgeon" Well, the yellowtail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend She came over to me, she said "Hey, big boy, you're really a game fish What's your name" I said "Marlin" Think I had a wet dream Cruisin' thru the Gulf Stream Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Wet dream Well, from then on we had a whale of a time I took her to dinner, I took her to dance I bought her a bouquet of flounders And then I went home with her And what did I get for my trouble A case of the clams Think I had a wet dream Cruisin' thru the Gulf Stream Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Wet dream Cruisin' thru the Gulf Stream Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Wet dream Cruisin' thru the Gulf Stream Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh |
Every sperm is sacred.
Composers: David Howman & Andre Jacquemin Authors: Michael Palin & Terry Jones From the Movie 'The Meaning of Life' DAD: There are Jews in the world. There are Buddhists. There are Hindus and Mormons, and then There are those that follow Mohammed, but I've never been one of them. I'm a Roman Catholic, And have been since before I was born, And the one thing they say about Catholics is: They'll take you as soon as you're warm. You don't have to be a six-footer. You don't have to have a great brain. You don't have to have any clothes on. You're A Catholic the moment Dad came, Because Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. CHILDREN: Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. GIRL: Let the heathen spill theirs On the dusty ground. God shall make them pay for Each sperm that can't be found. CHILDREN: Every sperm is wanted. Every sperm is good. Every sperm is needed In your neighbourhood. MUM: Hindu, Taoist, Mormon, Spill theirs just anywhere, But God loves those who treat their Semen with more care. MEN: Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. WOMEN: If a sperm is wasted,... CHILDREN: ...God get quite irate. PRIEST: Every sperm is sacred. BRIDE and GROOM: Every sperm is good. NANNIES: Every sperm is needed... CARDINALS: ...In your neighbourhood! CHILDREN: Every sperm is useful. Every sperm is fine. FUNERAL CORTEGE: God needs everybody's. MOURNER #1: Mine! MOURNER #2: And mine! CORPSE: And mine! NUN: Let the Pagan spill theirs O'er mountain, hill, and plain. HOLY STATUES: God shall strike them down for Each sperm that's spilt in vain. EVERYONE: Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is good. Every sperm is needed In your neighbourhood. Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite iraaaaaate! |
Spam Song
Composers: Terry Jones, Michael Palin, & Fred Tomlinson Authors: Terry Jones & Michael Palin Arranger: Fred Tomlinson From the TV Series and featured on various Albums Lovely Spaaam! Wonderful Spaaam! Lovely Spaaam! Wonderful Spam. Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am. Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am. Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am. Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am. Lovely Spaaam! (Lovely Spam!) Lovely Spaaam! (Lovely Spam!) Lovely Spaaam! Spaaam, Spaaam, Spaaam, Spaaaaaam! |
The Idiot Song
Lead Singer: Neil Innes From the Movie 'Live at the Hollywood Bowl' How sweet to be an Idiot, As harmless as a cloud, Too small to hide the sun, Almost poking fun At the warm but insecure, untidy crowd. How sweet to be an idiot, And dip my brain in joy, Children laughing at my back, With no fear of attack, As much retaliation as a toy. How sweet to be an idiot. How sweet. I tiptoed down the street, Smiled at everyone I meet, But suddently a scream Smashes through my dream. Fee fie foe fum. I smell the blood of an asylum. (Blood of an asylum. But mother, I play so beautifully. Listen. Ha ha.) Fie fye foe fum. I smell the blood of the asylum. Hey you. You're such a pennant. You got as much brain as a dead ant, As much imagination as a carvan sign, But I still love you. Still love you. Oooh, how sweet to be an idiot. How sweet. How sweet. How sweet. |
WHAT KIND OF A NOISE ANNOYS AN OYSTER?
by Crumit & Curtis Lots of folks are worried over how they'll pay the rent. Some folks are annoyed because they can't lay up a cent. Others are perplexed about the latest picture show. But there is really only just one thing that I'd like to know. What kind of a noise annoys an oyster? No matter what I do The answer won't come through. What kind of a noise annoys an oyster? That's a question I would like an answer to. A little piece of cheese annoys a mouse, there is no doubt. But here's the one thing I've been trying hard to figure out: What kind of a noise annoys an oyster When an oyster's in a stew? What kind of a noise annoys an oyster? I asked them at the zoo. They said they wish they knew. What kind of a noise annoys an oyster? That's a question I would like an answer to. A piece of cheese annoys a mouse The mouse annoys in turn The cat who then annoys the dog But still I cannot learn What kind of a noise annoys an oyster When an oyster's in a stew. Oysters live a life within a very narrow scope. One thing I've found out is that an oyster don't like soap. I'll admit the problem's been a sticker from the go. I've asked most everyone I've met, and no one seems to know What kind of a noise annoys an oyster. I've figured till I'm blue, So now I'm asking you. What kind of a noise annoys an oyster? That's a question I would like an answer to. The piece of cheese annoys the mouse The mouse annoys the cat The cat annoys the dog The dog annoys your Sunday hat. But, what kind of a noise annoys an oyster When an oyster's in a stew. What kind of a noise annoys an oyster? I've asked each one I knew From here to Kalamazoo. What kind of a noise annoys an oyster? That's a question I would like an answer to. Now, simple things annoy a lot of simple folks, you see. And that's most likely why this question is annoying me. But, What kind of a noise annoys an oyster When an oyster's in a stew? |
Isaac's Lament
by Uncle Bonsai He walks over to the window And without a hesitation he goes out I walk over to the window And I see him hit the sidewalk like a trout With a moment's indecision I can almost see him moving Then I see the splattered pavement And I feel it's almost soothing 'Cause I know he didn't suffer Any more than was the norm He lived life the way he found it And he left it true to form He was standing by the TV When I saw his eyes roll upward in his head I came over to the TV Just to find out what the anchorman had said With a little human interest And some filler for the waiting They were speaking of replacements And a failure in the ratings And my friend looked pale then paler As his body lost his breath And I listened and discovered What would send him to his death Oh Gopher, Gopher's being fired Contracts have expired Love has been retired Buried out at sea Every afternoon in college He'd sit down and pour himself another brew Just as soon forsake his knowledge For an hour's entertainment with the crew With a tub of buttered popcorn And a can or two of soda He gets sucked into the program Like he has to make some quota 'Cause he knows what's gonna happen 'Cause he's seen them all before And the endless double takes Just make him want it even more Oh Isaac, Isaac's over tired Julie's been unhired Love is uninspired Sinking in the bay The Love Boat Love Boat's dropped it's anchor Bought out by some banker Hired out as a tanker Drifting far away Oh Aaron Spelling you're a genius No one could have seen this Running all these years (Won't you tell us) Aaron, where'd you get the notion Love upon the ocean Blazing new frontiers When he heard the sad decision There was sorrow and confusion in the home He turned off the television And he came to his conclusion on his own With a sigh of desperation He gave in to his depression He went out to greet the concrete Where he made his last impression And the papers want a statement 'Cause the public wants to know Was it just the cancellation Of a favorite TV show The Love Boat Love Boat's slowly sinking Vicki's started thinking Merrill has been drinking One more for the road The Love Boat Love Boat has been grounded Doc is still dumbfounded All aboard's been sounded No where left to go |
Fish Heads
by Barnes and Barnes ********** Fish heads, Fish heads Rolly polly Fish heads Fish heads, Fish heads Eat them up, Yummm Fish heads, Fish heads Rolly polly Fish heads Fish heads, Fish heads Eat them up, Yummm In the morning Laughing, happy Fish Heads In the evening Floating in the soup Fish heads, Fish heads Rolly polly Fish heads Fish heads, Fish heads Eat them up, Yummm Ask a Fish head Anything you want to They won't answer They can't talk Fish heads, Fish heads Rolly polly Fish heads Fish heads, Fish heads Eat them up, Yummm I took a Fish head Out to see a movie Didn't have to pay To get it in Fish heads, Fish heads Rolly polly Fish heads Fish heads, Fish heads Eat them up, Yummm They can't play baseball They don't wear sweaters They're not good dancers They don't play drums Fish heads, Fish heads Rolly polly Fish heads Fish heads, Fish heads Eat them up, Yummm Rolly polly Fish heads Are never seen drinking Cappacino in Italian restaurants With Oriental women...Yeah Fish heads, Fish heads Rolly polly Fish heads Fish heads, Fish heads Eat them up, Yummm Fish heads, Fish heads Rolly polly Fish heads Fish heads, Fish heads Eat them up, Yummm... (Yummm) Fish heads, Fish heads Rolly polly Fish heads Fish heads, Fish heads Eat them up, Yummm Fish heads, Fish heads Rolly polly Fish heads Fish heads, Fish heads Eat them up, Yummm YEAH!!!!!!!!! |
Shaving Cream
by Benny Bell I have a sad story to tell you It may hurt your feelings a bit Last night when I walked into my bathroom I stepped in a big pile of ... Shaving cream, be nice and clean Shave every day and you'll always look keen I think I'll break off with my girlfriend Her antics are queer, I'll admit Each time I say, "Darling, I love you" She tells me that I'm full of ... Shaving cream, be nice and clean Shave every day and you'll always look keen Our baby fell out of the window You'd think that her head would be split But good luck was with her that morning She fell in a barrel of ... Shaving cream, be nice and clean Shave every day and you'll always look keen An old lady died in a bathtub She died from a terrible fit In order to fulfill her wishes She was buried in six feet of ... Shaving cream, be nice and clean Shave every day and you'll always look keen When I was in France with the army One day I looked into my kit I thought I would find me a sandwich But the darn thing was loaded with ... Shaving cream, be nice and clean Shave every day and you'll always look keen And now, folks, my story is ended I think it is time I should quit If any of you feel offended Stick your head in a barrel of ... Shaving cream, be nice and clean Shave every day and you'll always look keen |
The Pig Song
olde, olde, English It was early last September, Near as I can remember, I was strolling down the lane in tipsy pride. Not a word did I utter As I lay down in the gutter, And this pig come up and lay down by my side. Not a soul were we disturbing As we lay there by the curbing, When this high-toned lady come and I heard her say, "You can tell a man who boozes By the company he chooses." And the pig got up and slowly walked away! |
You make me wanna walk like a camel
Southern Culture on the Skids Baby, Would you eat that there snack cracker in your special outfit for me, please? owwwWEEEEE!!!!! Yo ye pharoahs, let us walk, through this barren desert, in search of truth and some pointy boots, and maybe a few snack crackers. OWWWW WEEE Baby, you make me wanna walk like a camel. OWWWW WEEE Walk! Who's in charge here, where's my Captain's wafers? Don't go around hungry now The way you eat that oatmeal pie makes me just wanna die. Baby, you make me wanna walk like a camel. Say, you don't think there's any way I could get that quarter from underneath your pointy boot, do ya? All I want is just one more oatmeal pie. OWWWW WEEE Little Debbie, Little Debbie I'm a comin on home, baby, cause you make me wanna walk like a camel. |
THE PHILOSOPHER'S SONG
Performed by Bruce, Bruce, Bruce and Bruce A Python (Monty) Production Emanuel Kant was a real piss ant who was very rarely stable. Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table. David Hume could out consume Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel, And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as shloshed as Schlegel There’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ya’ ‘bout the raisin’ of the wrist. Socrates himself was permanently pissed. John Stuart Mill of his own free will And half a pint of shandy was particularly ill. Plato they say could stick it away Half a crate of whiskey every day. Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle, Hobbes was fond of his dram. And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart I drink therefore I am Now Socrates himself is particularly missed. A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he’s pissed. |
You Never Even Called Me By My Name
Written By Steve Goodman Recorded By David Allan Coe WELL, IT WAS ALL THAT I COULD DO TO KEEP FROM CRYING’ SOMETIMES IT SEEMED SO USELESS TO REMAIN BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO CALL ME DARLIN’, DARLIN' YOU NEVER EVEN CALL ME BY MY NAME YOU DON’T HAVE TO CALL ME WAYLON JENNINGS AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO CALL ME CHARLIE PRIDE AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO CALL ME MERLE HAGGARD/ANYMORE EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE ON MY FIGHTING’ SIDE CHORUS: AND I’LL HANG AROUND AS LONG AS YOU WILL LET ME AND I NEVER MINDED STANDING’ IN THE RAIN BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO CALL ME DARLIN’, DARLIN’ YOU NEVER EVEN CALLED ME BY MY NAME WELL, I’VE HEARD MY NAME A FEW TIMES IN YOUR PHONE BOOK (Hello, Hello) AND I’VE SEEN IT ON SIGNS WHERE I’VE PLAYED BUT THE ONLY TIME I KNOW I’LL HEAR "DAVID ALLAN COE" IS WHEN JESUS HAS HIS FINAL JUDGMENT DAY REPEAT CHORUS RECITATION: WELL, A FRIEND OF MINE NAMED STEVE GOODMAN WROTE THAT SONG AND HE TOLD ME IT WAS THE PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG I WROTE HIM BACK A LETTER AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS NOT THE PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG BECAUSE HE HADN’T SAID ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT MAMA, OR TRAINS, OR TRUCKS, OR PRISON, OR GETTING’ DRUNK WELL HE SAT DOWN AND WROTE ANOTHER VERSE TO THE SONG AND HE SENT IT TO ME, AND AFTER READING IT, I REALIZED THAT MY FRIEND HAD WRITTEN THE PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG AND I FELT OBLIGED TO INCLUDE IT ON THIS ALBUM THE LAST VERSE GOES LIKE THIS HERE: WELL, I WAS DRUNK THE DAY MY MOM GOT OUT OF PRISON AND I WENT TO PICK HER UP IN THE RAIN BUT BEFORE I COULD GET TO THE STATION IN MY PICKUP TRUCK SHE GOT RUNNED OVER BY A DAMNED OLD TRAIN CHORUS: AND I’LL HANG AROUND AS LONG AS YOU WILL LET ME AND I NEVER MINDED STANDING’ IN THE RAIN NO, A’ YOU DON’T HAVE TO CALL ME DARLIN’, DARLIN’ YOU NEVER EVEN CALL ME WELL I WONDER WHY YOU DON’T CALL ME WHY DON’T YOU EVER CALL ME BY MY NAME |
Phil, that song reminded me of this one...
Bobby Bare - Warm and Free WARM AND FREE Warm and Free. Warm and Free. That's all it takes To get a hold on me. Warm and Free. Warm and Free. You never know how low you can be... Till you go into an all-night cafe, Grab somebody's dirty old cup, Walk right up to the hot water boiler And fill that sucker up. Then you add some ketchup, salt and Tabasco. Sure smells good to me. Then sluppity-slup... you suck it up. It's warm and it's free. Warm and Free. Warm and Free. That's all it takes To get a hold on me. Warm and Free. Warm and Free. You never know how low you can be... Till you sneak into a party On a Saturday night And say, "Hey, I'm a friend of Stan's" And you ease into the kitchen Open up the fridge And gobble up everything you can. Then you crawl into the bed Neath a big pile of coats And try to get yourself some sleep. This life ain't swell But what the hell. You're warm and you're free. Warm and Free. Warm and Free. That's all it takes To get a hold on me. Warm and Free. Warm and Free. You never know how low you can be... Till you go into a bar And meet a middle age lady And let her buy you a drink or two. You look into her eyes Till she says "I've got a son About the very same ag as you." Then you say, "You remind me Of my very own mama" As her hand slips to your knee. She ain't Raquel, But what the hell. It's warm and it's free. Warm and Free. Warm and Free. That's all it takes......[fades] |
Bobby (Boris) Pickett & The Crypt-Kickers
Monster Mash I was working in the lab late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight For my monster from his slab began to rise And suddenly to my surprise He did the mash He did the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash He did the mash It caught on in a flash He did the mash He did the monster mash From my laboratory in the castle east To the master bedroom where the vampires feast The ghouls all came from their humble abodes To get a jolt from my electrodes They did the mash They did the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash They did the mash It caught on in a flash They did the mash They did the monster mash The zombies were having fun The party had just begun The guests included Wolf Man Dracula and his son The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds The coffin-bangers were about to arrive With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five" They played the mash They played the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash They played the mash It caught on in a flash They played the mash They played the monster mash Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring Seems he was troubled by just one thing He opened the lid and shook his fist And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?" It's now the mash It's now the monster mash The monster mash And it's a graveyard smash It's now the mash It's caught on in a flash It's now the mash It's now the monster mash Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band And my monster mash is the hit of the land For you, the living, this mash was meant too When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you Then you can mash Then you can monster mash The monster mash And do my graveyard smash Then you can mash You'll catch on in a flash Then you can mash Then you can monster mash |
and speaking of bobby bare...
DETROIT CITY (Mel Tillis / Danny Dill) Bobby Bare I want to go home, I want to go home, Oh Lord, I want to go home. Last night I went to sleep in Detroit city, And I dreamed about those cotton fields and home, I dreamed about my mother, dear old papa, sister and brother, And I dreamed about that girl, who's been waitin' for so long I want to go home, I want to go home, Oh Lord, I want to go home Home folks think I'm big in Detroit city, From the letters that I write they think I'm fine, But by day I make the cars, and by night I make the bars, If only they could read between the lines I want to go home, I want to go home, Oh Lord, I want to go home SPOKEN: You know, I rode a freight train north to Detroit city, And after all these years I find I've just been wasting my time, So I think I'll take my foolish pride, put it on a southbound freight and ride, Go on back to the ones I left, who've been waitin' for so long I want to go home, I want to go home, Oh Lord, I want to go home. |
The Cover of the Rolling Stone
Dr. Hook [ Hey Ray, hey Sugar, tell them who we are. ] Well, were big rock singers, we got golden fingers And were loved everywhere we go [ that sounds like us ] We sing about beauty and we sing about truth At ten thousand dollars a show [ right ] We take all kind of pills, that give us all kind of thrills But the thrill we've never known, is the thrill that'll getcha When you get your picture on the cover of the Rollin' Stone CHORUS: Rollin' Stone, Wanna see my picture on the cover Wanna buy five copies for my mother [ Yeah! ] Wanna see my smilin' face, on the cover the cover of the Rollin Stone [ That's a very very good idea ] I got a freaky old lady name a Cocaine Katy Who embroideries on my jeans I got my poor ol' grey haired daddy, drivin' my limousine Now it's all designed to blow our minds but our minds won't really be blown like the blow that'll getcha when you get your picture on the cover of the Rollin' Stone CHORUS [ Hey, I know how...ROCK AND ROLL! ] SOLO [ Awww, dats beautiful ] We got a lot of teenage blue eyed groopies who'll do anything we say We got a genuine Indyan guru, who's teachin' us a better way We got all the friends, that money can buy, so we'll never have to be alone and we keep gettin' richer but we can't get our picture on the cover of the Rollin' Stone Rollin' Stone, wanna see my picture on the cover Wanna buy five copies for my mother [ I Want one! ] Wanna see my smilin' face, on the cover the cover of the Rollin Stone On the cover of the Rollin' Stone Wanna see my picture on the cover [ I don't know why we ain't on the cover, baby ] Gonna buy five copies for my mother [ were beautiful fellows ] Wanna see my smiling face, [ I ain't kidding ya ] on the cover the cover of the Rollin Stone [ Ah, we would make a beautiful cover ] [ the first shot, right up front man, I can see it now...we would be on the front smilin' man, ahhhhh beautiful ] |
The Song That Never Ends
This is the song that never ends, It just goes on and on my friends, Some people started singing it not knowing what it was And they’ll continue singing it forever just because, This is the song that never ends.... (repeat, and repeat, and repeat...) |
OOOOOooooohhhhhhhhhhh
the skin at the end of my dink is pink and when it gets hard it's blue........ I Love yooooooooouuuuuuuuuu sorry that's all i know |
Kev's Courtin' Song - Kevin "Bloody" Wilson
Blown too much of me time buying dinner and wine And me money on flowers and lollies Only to find that what's on me mind Isn't on hers and she's sorry So I've made up some lines that save wastin' time And keep me from blowin' me brass I'm ever so cool I just prop on the stool Right next to hers and I ask Do you fuck on first dates? Does your dad own a brewery? Could I feel your tits? Or would you show 'em to me? Cause you've you've got a nice head And you look pretty honest So me face'll be leavin' in a quarter of an hour I'd like you to be on it' You know how it feels when you first meet a sheila And the bullshit you've gotta go through Like callin' her up and tellin' her you love her When all that you'd love is just to screw But she wants to hold hands and you to meet her old man And sit around for hours and talk But me new method is, you just cut through the shit And get down to the goodies straight off Do you fuck on first dates? Does your dad own a brewery? Could I feel your tits? Or would you show 'em to me? Do you sleep in the nick? Do you give head very often? If we can decide, your place or mine We can fuck off then' So the next time you see a good lookin' sheila And you'd give a week's pay just to hold her Don't sit acting dumb, just front her full on And drop a few lines like I told you This new method of mine might not work every time But then again no method will I've been spat at and slapped, and kneed in the knackers But then I've got a few fucks as well Do you fuck on first dates? Does your dad own a brewery? Could I feel your tits? Or would you show 'em to me? If the answer is 'No' To me questions above Then be a good sport and give me the name Of a girlfriend who does!' |
The most concise song ever written that includes ALL of the important things in life.
by Rodney Carrington: Titties n beer (titties n beer) Titties n beeeeeeer (titties n beer) I thank God almighty for titties and beer (big titties and beer) I’m a two legged deer (titties and beer) Thank God I ani’t queer (titties and beheer) There’s one thing daddy likes and that’s titties and beer (big ole titties and beer) I like titties and beer Great big titties in my beer beer There’s one thing daddy likes and that’s tittis and beer (big ole titties and beer) check it out. http://www.lunacytoons.com/titties.html |
(you've all seen my picture...)
HAIR Gerome Ragni / James Rado She asks me why I'm just a hairy guy I'm hairy noon and night Hair that's a fright I'm hairy high and low Don't ask me why Don't know It's not for lack of bread Like the Grateful Dead Darling Gimme head with hair Long beautiful hair Shining, gleaming, Streaming, flaxen, waxen Give me down to there hair Shoulder length or longer Here baby, there mama Everywhere daddy daddy Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair Flow it, show it Long as God can grow it My hair Let it fly in the breeze And get caught in the trees Give a home to the fleas in my hair A home for fleas A hive for bees A nest for birds There ain't no words For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder Of my... Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair Flow it, show it Long as God can grow it My hair I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty Oily, greasy, fleecy Shining, gleaming, streaming Flaxen, waxen Knotted, polka-dotted Twisted, beaded, braided Powdered, flowered, and confettied Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied! Oh say can you see My eyes if you can Then my hair's too short Down to here Down to there Down to where It stops by itself They'll be ga ga at the go go When they see me in my toga My toga made of blond Brilliantined Biblical hair My hair like Jesus wore it Hallelujah I adore it Hallelujah Mary loved her son Why don't my mother love me? Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair Flow it, show it Long as God can grow it My hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair Flow it, show it Long as God can grow it My hair |
Ringo Starr
No No Song A lady that I know just came from Columbia She smiled because I did not understand Then she held out some marijuani ha-ha She said it was the best in all the land And I said: No no no no, I don't smoke it no more I'm tired of waking up on the floor No, thank you, please, It only makes me sneeze And then it makes it hard to find the door A woman that I know just came from Majorca Spain She smiled because I did not understand Then she held out a 10 pound bag of Cocaine She said it was the best in all the land And I said: No no no no, I don't sniff it no more I'm tired of waking up on the floor No, thank you, please, It only makes me sneeze And then it makes it hard to find the door A man I know just came from Nashville Tennessee oh He smiled because I did not understand Then he held out some moonshine whiskey oh-ho He said it was the best in all the land And I said: No no no no, I don't drink it no more I'm tired of wakin' up on the floor No, thank you, please, It only makes me sneeze And then it makes it hard to find the door |
GOD'S OWN DRUNK
By: Lord Buckley Well, like to explain to you all before, I ain't no drinkin' man I tried it once and it got me highly irregular And I swore I'd never do it again I promised my brother in-law that I'd go up watch his still While he went in to town to vote It was right up on the mountain where the map said it would be Friends let me tell you one thing, tho it wasn't no ordinary still It stood up on that mountainside like a hugh golden opal God's yeller moon shinin' on the cool clear evenin' God's little lanterns twinklin' on and off in the heavens Like I explain'd to you once before I ain't no drinkin' man But temptation got the best of me And I took a slash That yella whiskey runnin' down my throat like honey dew vine water And I took another slash, Took another'n an another'n an another'n For you knew I'd downed one whole jug of that shit and commenced to gettin' hot flashes Goose pimples was runnin' up and down my body And a feelin' came over me like somethin' I'd never experienced before It was like, like I was in love In love for the first time, with anything that moved Animate, inanimate it didn't matter It's like there's a great neon sign flashin' on an' off in my brain sayin' "Jimmy Buffett there's a great day a comin'" ` Cause I was drunk I wasn't knee crawlin', slip slidin', Reggie Youngin' Commode huggin' drunk I was God's own drunk and a fearless man And that's when I first saw the bear He was a Kodiak lookin' fella `bout nineteen feet tall He rambled up over the hill expectin' me to do one of two things, Flip or fly, I didn't do either one It hung him up He started sniffin' around my body tryin' to smell fear But he ain't gonna smell no fear `cause I'm God's own drunk and a fearless man It hung him up He looked right in my eyes, and my eyes was a lot redder than his was It hung him up So I approached him, I said "Mr. Bear, I love every hair on your twenty-seven acre body I know you got a lot of friends over there on the other side of the hill There's ole' rare bear, tall bear, Freddy bear, Kelly bear Really bear, smelly the bear, smokey the bear, pokey the bear I want you to go back over there tonight And tell them I'm feelin' right You tell them I love each and everyone of them like a brother and a sister But if they give me any trouble tonight I'm gonna run every God damn one of them off the hill" He took two steps backwards and didn't know what to think Neither did I but bein' charitable and cautious Well hell I approached him again I said "Mr. Bear, You know in the eyes of the Lord we're both beasts when it comes right down to it So I want you to be my buddy, Buddy bear" So I took ole' buddy bear by his island size paw and I led him over to the still He's a sniffin' around that thing cause he's smellin' somethin' good I gave him one of them jugs of honey dew vine water He downed it up right Looked like one of them damn bears in the circus Sippin' sasparilly in the moonlight I gave him another'n an another'n an another'n For I knew it he downed eight of them and commenced to doin' the bear dance Two snips, a snort, a fly turn, and a grunt It was so simple like the jitter bug It plum evaded me We worked ourselves into a tumultuous uproar And I was awful tired and went over to the hillside and I laid down and went to sleep Slept for four hours and dreampt me some tremulous dreams When I woke up, there was God's yeller moon shinin' on the clear cool evenin' God's little lanterns twinklin' on and off in the heavens My buddy the bear was a missin' Want to know something else friends and neighbors So was that still |
AFI - THE CHICKEN SONG
Chicken's good for the body Chicken's good for the mind Chicken's good for the funny bone Chicken's easy on the eyes Here we go Yum-Yum chicken bone Bock Bock Chicken Yum-Yum chicken bone Tell all your friends Granola bar - nice and chewy Granola bar - my best friend Granola bar - how I love you Granola bars don't beat the kids Yum-Yum granola bar Chew-Chew-Chewy Yum-Yum granola bar Tell all your friends Chicken and granola bars make a nice meal Especially when you're all alone It's something to eat when your wife's in the shelter Because she ran into the door One Two Three Yum-Yum granola bone Bock Bock chewy Yum-Yum granola bone Tell all your friends Yum-Yum-Yummy Bock-Bock-Bocky Slap-Slap-Slappy Tell all your friends Yes, this is actually a song by AFI. |
Don't really enjoy the band, but this was a song by Blink182.
Piss, shit, fuck, cunt , cock-sucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, turd, and twat. Piss, shit, fuck, cunt , cock-sucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, turd, and twat. Piss, shit, fuck, cunt , cock-sucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, turd, and twat. I fucked your mom. |
Fat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun Cows aren't fun They eat to grow, grow to die Die to be et at the hamburger fry Cows well done Nobody thunk it, nobody knew No one imagined the great cow guru Cows are one He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal Cow Tse Tongue He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd Cow doldrums He mooed we must fight, escape or we'll die Cows gathered around, cause the steaks were so high Bad cow pun But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate Loaded onto a truck, where he rode to his fate Cows are bummed He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy No one suspected he was packing an Uzi Cows with guns They came with a needle to stick in his thigh He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye Cow well hung Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor Run cows run! He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay We are free roving bovines, we run free today We will fight for bovine freedom And hold our large heads high We will run free with the Buffalo, or die Cows with guns They crashed the gate in a great stampede Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed Cows have fun Sixty police cars were piled in a heap Covered in cow pies, covered up deep Much cow dung Black smoke rising, darkening the day Twelve burning McDonalds, have it your way We will fight for bovine freedom And hold our large heads high We will run free with the Buffalo, or die Cows with guns The President said "enough is enough These uppity cattle, its time to get tough" Cow dung flung The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef Cows on buns The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed They mooed their last moos, they chewed their last hay Cows out gunned The order was given to turn cows to whoppers Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers But on the horizon surrounding the shoppers Came the deafening roar of chickens in choppers We will fight for bovine freedom And hold our large heads high We will run free with the Buffalo, or die Cows with guns |
how can this thread be complete without Spice Girls.
If You Can't Dance If you can't dance If you can't dance If you can't dance If you can't dance If you can't dance to this you can't do nothing for me baby. and so on... |
"Miss Thunder Thighs"
A long long time ago, I can still remember How being thin used to make be smile. And I know that if I had my chance, I could wear a size three pants, And I might be happy, for a while. Does this make my butt look big? And do I eat like a big fat pig? If my best friend tells me so. Now are you a sexy toothpick? Or are you a sexy bread stick? Or are you just a big fat candlewick? Well I know I have a pretzel butt, Just like you have a beluga gut. We both will tip the scales, Both the size of whales. I'm sure that you'll never buy it, But I swear that I'm on a diet, Even though I've already tried it. The day I broke The scale... I started singing: Bye bye Miss Thunder Thighs, You're more heavy than a Chevy, And I swear it's not a lie. My best friend's even fatter than I, Singing, "This will be the day I give up pie. This will be the day I give up pie." I met a girl, who never ate, I guess you could say that it was fate. Dieting, I could fake. Well I decided to give up food, Anything that had to be chewed, But I did have the occasional shake. On occasion I did break a seam, But I got closer to my dream. But not a word was spoken, I lost weight I'm not jokin'. And my best friend, she remained fat, What could one think of that? It was embarrassing to be her friend The day She broke The scale.... I started singing: Bye bye Miss Thunder Thighs, |
WHERE DID ROBINSON CRUSOE GO WITH FRIDAY ON SATURDAY NIGHT
Over a thousand years, or maybe more Out on an island on a lonely shore Robinson Crusoe landed one fine day No rent to pay No wife to obey. His good man Friday was his only friend He didn't borrow or lend. They built a little hut Lived there till Friday, but Saturday night it was shut. Where did Robinson Crusoe go with Friday on Saturday night? Every Saturday night they would start in to roam And on Sunday morning they'd come staggering home. They went hunting for rabbits when the weather grew colder But Crusoe came home with a hare on his shoulder. Now, where did Robinson Crusoe go with Friday on Saturday night? Robinson Crusoe was a good old scout. Robinson Crusoe knew his way about. He'd go out hunting chickens now and then But he knew when He was chasing a hen. Once he told Friday, "You must stay at home I've got to go out alone". Friday felt very blue He said, "It's wrong of you Couldn't you fix it for two?" Where did Robinson Crusoe go with Friday on Saturday night? One fine Saturday night they had nothing to do So they started counting all the girlies they knew. Friday counted to thirteen, and Crusoe said, "Brother, You know, thirteen's unlucky. Let's go get another." So, where did Robinson Crusoe go with Friday on Saturday night? Where did Robinson Crusoe go with Friday on Saturday night? Every Saturday night they would start in to roam And on Sunday morning they'd come staggering home. On this island lived wild men and cannibal crimmin And you know where there are wild men, there must be wild women. So, where did Robinson Crusoe go with Friday on Saturday night? |
FIFTY MILLION FRENCHMEN CAN'T BE WRONG
Sophie Tucker They say the French are naughty They say the French are bad They all declare that over there, the French are going mad. They have a reputation of being very gay I just got back from Paris, and I just want to say: When they go parley-vee and parley-vou, This for me, zat for you, Fifty million Frenchmen can't be wrong. When they go Ohh la la la la la la la On the bully boulevard Fifty million Frenchmen can't be wrong. They shake-a the hand They shake-a the feet They roll ze eyes and kiss cafe right on the street Even though the Irish and the Dutch Say it don't amount to much Fifty million Frenchmen can't be wrong. All of our fashions come from gay Par-ee And if they come above the knee Fifty million Frenchmen can't be wrong. And if they give the world a new design To prove a lady has a spine Fifty million Frenchmen can't be wrong. They shorten them here, They shorten them there, And if her name is Teddy, they make Teddy bare. If they prefer to see their women dressed With more or less of less and less, Fifty million Frenchmen can't be wrong. When they put on a show, and it's a hit No one tries to censor it Fifty million Frenchmen can't be wrong. And when a book is selling at it's best It isn't stopped; it's not suppressed. Fifty million Frenchmen can't be wrong. Whenever they're dry For brandy or rye, To get it, they don't gave to give up their right eye. And when we brag about our liberty And they laugh at you and you and you and me Fifty million Frenchmen can't be wrong. In Viva la France They're full of romance You'll find policemen with embroidery on their pants. And when they start to sing the Marseillaise They sing it forty different ways Fifty million Frenchmen can't be wrong. |
The Bertha Butt Boogie - Part 1
Jimmy Castor Bunch The party was jumpin' when Bertha got off o' her stump, The whistles were blowin' and everybody did the "Bump". But all the time Bertha had been workin' on her goodie, Now folks call it "The Bertha Butt Boogie". When Bertha Butt did her goodie, She started "The Bertha Butt Boogie". No question. When Bertha got movin' her hips were hummin' in the wind, The ground started shakin' - no grass grew where she'd been! The music was poppin', the crowd had formed a ring, Her sisters yelled, "Boogie, Bertha, do your thing!". Uh, for your information, Bertha had three sisters, Betty Butt, Bella Butt and Bathsheba Butt. When Bertha Butt did her goodie, She started "The Bertha Butt Boogie". I said no question. Hey, Leroy, get away from that woman! The boy'll never learn! Uh-oh, here comes the Troglodyte! Troglodyte: "Come here, sock it to me!" Bertha stood back and yelled, "Betty, Bella, Bathsheba!" And the Butt Sisters backed her up when she yelled, "I need ya!". The Troglodyte, Leroy, Luther and the Butt Sisters all knew That "The Bertha Butt Boogie" was now the thing to do. When Bertha Butt did her goodie, She started "The Bertha Butt Boogie". No question. Bertha: "I'll sock it ya, daddy!" Troglodyte: "Me like, me like! Come here, woman, woman!" Leroy: "Yo' mama, I'm calling you, man!" Troglodyte: "Yeah - the Boogie!" |
<b>krazykemist</b>, reading the lyrics to Shaving Cream brought back a lot of memories. It has been so long since I heard it.
How about this one: <b>Asshole</b> <i>Dennis Leary</i> [Spoken] Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream. About me. About you. The way our American hearts beat down in the bottom of our chests. About the special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the sub-cockle area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the colon, we don't know. I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job I'm your average white suburbanite slob I like football and porno and books about war I've got an average house with a nic hardwood floor My wife and my job, my kids and my car My feet on my table, and a cuban cigar But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested (Oh no) No Way (Uh-uh) No, I've gotta go out and have fun At someone else's expense (Oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I drive really slow in the ultrafast lane While people behind me are going insane I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole) I use public toilets and piss on the seat I walk around in the summertime saying, "How about this heat?" I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole) Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces While handicapped people make handicapped faces I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's a real fucking asshole) Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song Ranting and raving and carrying on Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong Naaaah! I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole) [Spoken] You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible, hot pink with whaleskin hub caps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115mph getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheese burgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam container right out the side and there ain't a God damned thing anybody can do about it. YOu know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why. [Spoken] Two words. Nuclear fucking weapons, okay?! Russia, Germany, Romania - they can have all the Democracy they want. They can have a big democracy cake-walk right through the middle of Tiananmen square and it won't make a lick of difference because we've got the bombs, okay?! John Wayne's not dead - he's frozen. And as soon as we find the cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiple that by 15-million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes... (Hey) and Lee Marvin (Hey) and Sam Pekinpah (Hey) And a case of Whiskey and drive down to Texas... (Hey, you know you really are an asshole) Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song pal! I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole) A-S-S-H-O-L-E Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E [Barking] Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Fung achng tum a fung tum a fling chum Oooh Oooh [Spoken] I'm an asshole and proud of it! |
Here is a good one by the Kids in the Hall
<b>Daves I Know</b> These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know David Hoffman He works in my dad's store He's worked here for 12 years He'll probably work here for more These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know Dave Gort I've known since I was six In grade eight he broke his leg So we got drunk and sick These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know Some of them are Davids [Dave Gort: But most of us are Daves] They all have their own hands But they come from different moms These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know Dave Jadiski Man, this cat can swing He weighs almost 50 pounds And he delivers my paper on time These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know Dave Capisano I hardly know him ... [Bruce stands around, looking vaguely uncomfortable for the rest of the measure] These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know [Next two measures sung by the Daves Bruce knows: ] We are the Daves he knows, he knows We are the Daves he knows We are the Daves he knows, he knows We are the Daves he knows Some of us them are Davids But most of us are Daves We all have our own hands But we come from different moms These are the Daves I know, I know [Daves: We are the Daves he knows, he knows] [All: These are the Daves] |
Pencil Neck Geek
Freddie Blassie Back when I was a kid, life was going swell. Till something happened, blew every thing to hell. That night my daddy stumbled in, all pale and weak, Said "A woman up the block just gave birth to a geek." Mom said, "Sell it to the circus, what the heck." Dad said, "Nope, this one's a pencil neck. And if there's one thing lower than a side show freak, It's a grit eatin', scum suckin', pencil neck geek." You see if you take a pencil that won't hold lead, Looks like a pipe cleaner attached to a head, Add a buggy whip body with a brain that leaks, You got yourself a grit eatin', pencil neck geek. (chorus) Pencil neck geek, grit eatin' freak, scum suckin', pea head with a lousy physique. He's a one man, no gut, loosing streak. Nothin' but a pencil neck geek. Soon the geeks were poppin' up all over town. You couldn't hardly sneeze without knockin' one down. After a nice juicy steak, if you need a toothpick, Just reach for a geek, they'll do the trick. One day we cut one up for fish bait. Learned our lesson just a little bit late. Soon as the geek hit the drink, the water turned red. Next day, sure enough, all the fish were dead. chorus Most any night you know where I can be found. Yeah, stomping some geek's head into the ground. So keep the faith 'cause in Blassie you can trust, I won't give up 'til the last geek bites the dust. chorus They say, "these geeks come a dime a dozen." I'm lookin' for the guy who's supplin' the dimes. Its gonna be real hard times for all of these grit eatin', scum suckin', boot lickin', drop kickin', gut grindin', nail bitin', glue sniffin', scab pickin', butt scratchin', egg hatchin', sleezy, smelly, pepper bellied, dirty, lousy, rotten, stinkin', freaks. Nothing but a pencil neck geek. Pencil neck geek. Pencil neck geek. Pencil neck geek. |
ICE CREAM
In the land of ice and snow Up among the Eskimo There's a college known as Oogie-wawa. You should hear those college boys Gee, they make an awful noise When they sing their Eskimo tra la la. They've got a leader, big cheer leader, oh what a guy! He's got a frozen face just like an Eskimo Pie. When he says, "Come on, let's go!" Though it's forty-five below Listen what those Eskimo all holler: I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream! Rah, rah...Oogie de wawa rah rah rah! Tuesday, Monday, we all scream for Sundae! Sis, boom, Aurora borealea, bah! Boola boola Sasparoola We've got the chocolate I'll take vanoola I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream! Rah, rah, ice cream soda or gingerale pop! Father mother Sister brother When they've had one at lion They want another Colleges may come and go But the world will never know Any other place like Oogie-wawa Oxford, Cambridge, Eaton too Football teams would all turn blue When they played a game with Oogie-wawa Those Esquimos looked mighty tough when they took the field And people said, Ah, they're the team that never will yield Then with gore and flying fur Just to show how tough they were All those Esquimos began to holler Iceberg, Lindberg, Sol Berg and Ginzberg, Ice cream Cohen. I scream, you scream, everybody wants ice cream. Rah, rah, raaazberry! |
1, 2, 3 RED LIGHT
1910 Fruitgum Co. Everytime I try to prove I love you 1, 2, 3 red light stops me Baby you ain't right to stop me 1, 2, 3 red light stops me Everytime I try to love you 1, 2, 3 red light stops me Baby every night you stop me 1, 2, 3 red light Stop the game (stop the game) You got too much to lose (too much to lose) If you stop me again That's when we might end So please don't refuse (please don't refuse) Everytime I make a move to love you 1, 2, 3 red light don't stop me Baby you ain't right to stop me 1, 2, 3 red light don't stop me Everytime I try to prove I love you 1, 2, 3 red light don't stop me When I know I'm right don't stop me 1, 2, 3 red light Everytime I make a move to love you 1, 2, 3 red light don't stop me Baby you ain't right to stop me 1, 2, 3, red light (fades out) |
Jimmy Buffett
Cheeseburger in Paradise Tried to amend my carnivorous habits. Made it nearly seventy days, Losin' weight without speed, eatin' sunflower seeds, Drinkin' lots of carrot juice and soakin' up rays. But at night I'd have these wonderful dreams Some kind of sensuous treat. Not zucchini, fettucini, or bulgar wheat, But a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat. Cheeseburger is paradise. Heaven on earth with an onion slice. Not too particular, not too precise. I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise. I like mine with lettuce and tomato, Heinz Fifty-seven and French fried potatoes. Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer. Well, good God Almighty, which way do I steer For my cheeseburger in paradise. Heard about the oldtime sailor men, They eat the same thing again and again; Warm beer and bread they say could raise the dead. Well, it reminds me of the menu at a Holiday Inn. But times have changed for sailors these days. When I'm in port I get what I need. Not just Havanas or banana or daiquiris, But that American creation on which I feed. Cheeseburger is paradise medium rare with mustard'd be nice Not too particular, not too precise I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise. I like mine with lettuce and tomato Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes Big kosher pickle and a cold draught beer Well, good god Almighty which way do I steer For a cheeseburger in paradise Makin' the best of every virtue and vice. Worth every damn bit of sacrifice To get a cheeseburger in paradise. To be a cheeseburger in paradise. I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise. |
I am too lazy to type this so I made my wife come do it.
This is the start of the large dark aardvark song.boom boom boom boom yeh yeh yeh There is a large dark aardvark in the park they say he's missing from the zoo. And the police are looking high and low but they have not found him have you? Oh, well I'll tell you the reason, It's cuz it's aardvark mating season When an aardvark makes a date you know he'll never, ever get there late. So if you see two aardvarks necking in the park don't upset their apple cart. Mustn't be a spy. You're not the FBI and you should never break an aardvark's heart! |
Electric Aunt Jemima by The Mothers Of Invention
Electric Aunt Jemima Goddess of Love Khaki Maple Buckwheats Frizzle on the stove Queen of my heart Please hear my plea Electric Aunt Jemima Cook a bunch for me Tried to find a reason Not to quit my job Beat me till I'm hungry Found a punk to rob Love me Aunt Jemima Love me now & ever more Love me Aunt Jemima Tried to find a raisin Brownies in the basin Monza by the street light Aunt Jemima all night Holiday & salad days And days of mouldy mayonaise Caress me Caress me Aunt Jemima |
THE PRUNE SONG
Nowadays we often gaze on women over fifty Without the slightest trace Of wrinkles on their face. Doctors go and take their dough to make them young and nifty. But doctors I defy To tell me just why No matter how young a prune may be, it's always full of wrinkles. We may get them on our face; Prunes get them every place. Nothing every worries them, their life's an open book. But no matter how young a prune may be, it has a worried look. Wrinkles, wrinkles, La la la la la Every day, in every way, the world is getting better. We've even learned to fly. Days go passing by. But what about the poor old prune? His life is only wetter. No wonder he can't grin In the awful stew he's in. No matter how young a prune may be, it's always full of wrinkles. Now, we may get them here and there, But pruneies get 'em everywhere. Babies fret until they hear a mother's lullaby But no matter how young a prune may be you'll never hear it cry. In the kingdom of the fruits, the prune is snubbed by others. And they are not allowed To mingle with the crowd. Though they're never on display with all their highbrow brothers They never seem to mind. To this fact they're resigned. No matter how young a prune may be, it's always full of wrinkles. Beauty treatments always fail; They've tried all to no avail. Yet other fruits are envious Because they know real well No matter how poor a prune may be Hot water makes it swell. Peaches and bananas have that skin you love to touch, But no matter how fine a prune may be it don't amount to much. Prohibition bothers us, but prunes don't sit and brood. No matter how young a prune may be, it's always getting stewed. No matter how young a prune may be, it's always full of wrinkles. Baby prunes look like their dad, Just not wrinkled quite as bad. Prunes act very kind, they say, when sickly people moan. But no matter how kind a prune may be, it has a heart of stone. |
They're Coming To Take Me Away
Remember when you ran away And I got on my knees and begged You not to leave Because I'd go berserk? Well! You left me anyhow and then The days got worse and worse And now you see I've gone Completely out of my mind. And They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho Hee-hee-haa-haa To the funny farm Where life is beautiful all the time And I'll be happy to see those Nice young men in their clean white coats and They're coming to take me away, ha-ha! You thought it was a joke and so you laughed, you laughed, when I had said that losing you would make me flip my lid. Right? You know you laughed I heard you laugh You laughed, you laughed and laughed and then you left but Now you know I'm utterly mad And They're coming to take me away, ha-ha, They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee hee, haa haa To the happy home With trees and flowers and chirping birds And basket-weavers who sit and smile And twiddle their thumbs and toes And they're coming to take me away, ha-hahaha... I cooked your food, I cleaned your house, And this is how you pay me back for All my kind, unselfish, loving deeds, Hah? Well you just wait, they'll find you yet And when they do they'll put you in the ASPCA you mangey mutt! And They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho Hee-hee-haa-haa To the funny farm Where life is beautiful all the time And I'll be happy to see those Nice young men in their clean white coats and They're coming to take me away, ha-ha! To the happy home With trees and flowers and chirping birds And basket-weavers who sit and smile And twiddle their thumbs and toes And they're coming to take me away, ha-hahaha... To the funny farm Where life is beautiful all the time And I'll be happy to see..... |
Roger Miller - My Uncle Used to Love Me But She Died
My uncle used to love but she died A chicken ain't chicken 'til he's licken good and fried Keep on the sunny side My uncle used to love me but she died Who'll bid me quarter, thirty cents for a ring of keys Three sixty-five for a dollar bill of groceries I'll have me a car of my own someday but 'til then i need a ride (thanks steve) My uncle used to love me but she died My uncle used to love but she died A chicken ain't chicken 'til he's licken good and fried Keep on the sunny side My uncle used to live me but she died Hamburger cup of coffee lettuce and tomato Two times a dime to see a man kiss the alligater One more time around free on the ferris wheel ride My uncle used to love me but she died My uncle used to love but she died A chicken ain't chicken 'til he's licken good and fried Keep on the sunny side My uncle used to live me but she died Apples are for eatin and snakes are for hissin I've heard about a'huggin and i've heard about kissin I read about it free in a fifty cent illustrated guide My uncle used to love me but she died My uncle used to love but she died A chicken ain't chicken 'til he's licken good and fried Keep on the sunny side My uncle used to live me but she died Well my uncle used to love but she died A chicken ain't chicken 'til he's licken good and fried Keep on the sunny side My uncle used to live me but she died |
Santa Claus - Kevin Bloody Wilson (Warning... very ordinary language!)
Hey Santa claus you cunt! Where's me fucking bike? I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like. I wrote you a fucking letter and I come to see you twice Ya worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me fucking bike. If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I'd have bloody asked. And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse! You've stuffed me bloody order up It's enough to make you spew And I'm not the only one who's snakey Me sisters dirty too! (female voice) Hey santa clause you cunt! Where's me fucking pram? You promised me you'd bring me one, you remember who I am. 'Cause I'm the little girl who you made sit right on your hand I'll give you fucking ho ho ho You forgot me fucking pram (male voice) Next time I come to see ya, I'm gonna punch you in the guts And I'll let your fucking reihndeer go and kick Rudolf in the nuts! You just wait 'till next year, when you go to that store And me and me little sister, come stomping through the door And we'll say, yeah you wait for it Hey mums and dads you smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes And don't listen to him boys and girls 'cause he tells fucking lies He's just a piss tank and a pervert, and he's not even very bright 'Cause the old fucking wanker Forgot me fucking bike. You wait you old cunt, I'm gonna dob you in Tell me old man on you, he's gonna punch your fucking lights out "I saw mummy sucking santa clause" This bloke makes me laugh... |
Arrogant Worms - Santa's gonna Kick your Ass
oooooohhhhh Santa's coming and he's gonna kick your ass He's gonna kick your ass He's gonna kick your ass Santa's coming and he's gonna kick your ass Cuz you've always been a rotten little brat Reindeer coming and they're gonna bite your wreath They're gonna chew your welcome mat Swallow your kitty cat Reindeer coming and they're gonna eat your begonias Cuz santa hasn't fed them in a month Santa's coming and he's gonna KICK your ass He's gonna KICK your ass He's gonna KICK your ass Santa's coming and he's gonna KICK your ass Cuz he's sick of shoveling snow and reindeer poo Alves are coming and they're gonna steal your turkey Wreck your tv Burn down your christmas tree Elves are coming and they're gonna trash your home Cuz they ain't got nothing else to do Santa's loaded with attitude He's loud and drunk and smelly and rude His workshops been closed by an auditor And mrs. clause ran off with her chiropractor Santa's coming and he's gonna kick your ass He's gonna kick your ass He's gonna kick your ass Santa's coming and he's gonna kick your ass Cuz he's had a really crummy year |
Rufus Is A Tit-Man
Louden Wainwright III) Rufus is a tit man sucking on his mamma's gland sucking on the nipple its sweeter than the ripple wine yes its sweeter than the wine you can tell by the way the boy burps that its gatta taste fine Marco Polo craved the spices, silk and Rufus craves the mama's milk no moo cow, no billy goat is gonna get the babys vote come on mamma come on and open up your shirt yeah you got the goods mamma give the little boy a squirt from my lungs and from my liver i do definitely fear i like to suck on cigarettes and drink the wine and beer the doctor says im oral and i believe its true ah son you look so satisfied and I envy you So put Rufus on the left one and put me right on the right and like Romulus and Remus We'll suck all night come on mamma come on and lactate a while yeah look down on us mamma and flash us a madonna smile |
Artist: Liam Lynch
Song: United States of Whatever Lyrics: I went down to the beach and saw Kiki She was, like, all "ehhhh" And I was, like, "whatever!" Then this chick comes up to me and she's all, like, " Hey, aren't you that dude?" And I'm, like, "yeah, whatever!" So later I'm at the pool hall And this girl comes up And she's, like, "awww" And I'm, like, "yeah, whatever!" Cuz this is my United States of Whatever! And this is my United States of Whatever! And this is my United States of Whatever! And then it's three A.M. And I'm on the corner, wearing my leather This dude comes up and he's, like, "hey, punk!" I'm, like, "yeah, whatever!" Then I'm throwing dice in the alley Officer Leroy comes up and is, like, " Hey, I thought I told you..." And I'm, like, "yeah, whatever!" And then up comes Zafo I'm, like, "yo, Zafo. What's up?" He's, like, "nothin'" And I'm, like, "that's cool." Cuz this is my United States of Whatever! And this is my United States of Whatever! |
existential blues
The elusive butterfly has just tiptoed past my door My bonny likes the Yankees, she says "hey t-bone what's the score?" I say "well, Reggie got 1 and 1 and 3 and 25 is 6 to 4" Is the left wing really pinko? Colonel Sanders, what a bore. You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose? Is it schizoid paranoia or just existential blues? The amenities of life have been chasing my soul And my mind is transcendental, and I'm losing all control And I'm sinking in the quagmire of illusions and Thoreau I cry out "My name is T-Bone" as a hound dog digs a hole. You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose? Is it plain as heebie-jeebies or just existential blues? Sailing, sailing, what is illusion, what is truth? Sailing, sailing, over the existential blues. God bless America, and Old Glory too. May she always wave o'er us and the red, white and existential blues. Bom-idda-bom (and more blue moon noises here) The existential blues. Hey you can do what you want but lay off my existential blues My blue suede existential blues. I was on a QUEST Walking down the road today, doo-dah, doo-dah I was walking down the road I was looking for the truth of life When I came across all these little people, little people Little people all around me. They looked up at me and said "Hey Mister, are you tall?" And I said "Yes I'm tall, but who are you weird little wonders?" And they looked up at me witht their big bloodshot eyes and said "We are the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids We are the lollipop kids, we'd like to welcome you to munchkin land." I said "Hey, hey, weird little wonders, I am on a quest. Walking on the road today doo-dah, doo-dah" I said "Hey kids I'm looking for the truth of life... Where do I go? Who do I see?" "Slow down mister. In order to find the truth of life, one must see THE WIZARD!" I said "The WIZARD????" Well where does this wizard oh wise one live?" "You see the big green glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill? I said "Yes, I see the big green glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill" With the big dark forest between me and the big green glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill. And a little old lady on a Hoover vacuum cleaner going "I'll get you my little pretty, and your dog Toto too!" I don't even HAVE a little dog Toto... Such predicaments! I must forage ahead! Walking down the road today, doo-dah, doo-dah I must find the truth of life I said "but you know kids, I can handle the big green glow-in-the- dark house up on the hill, I can handle the dark forest, I can handle the little old lady and the very strange road they're sending me down... I've seen yellow stripes in the middle of the road, but kids, never quite that wide!" Alright, tighten your shorts pilgrim, and sing like the Duke: Follow the yellow brick road Follow the yellow brick road Follow follow follow follow follow Follow the yellow brick road And ever a wonderful Wiz there was, the Wizard of Oz is one because because because because because because Because of the wonderful things he does. La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, la-la We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz. Well, I got a little bit tired. Walking down the road today, doooo-dahhhhh, dooooo-daaaaahhhhhh. A little bit tired of walking down this old blinding yellow brick road So I pulled my little tired body off to a little rest area, And lo and behold there's a little field of little red flowers out there [Sniff] Smells so good. Whoa! Getting pretty tired. Smells so good [sniff] Figured I'd just strectch out for a bit in this little field of... poppies poppies poppies poppies poppies poppies .... I was having a really strange dream, man, you know, Little red flowers just smell awfully good I was having a great time The old wizard's just going to have to wait, man. And I'm just going to strecth out again in this field of poppies. OhgodohgodDorothyDorothypoppiesfieldpoppiesfield... Along came this old man in a green El Dorado two Screeched to a halt. A little short man with a big red nose, toting a bottle of Yukon Jack, Strolled up to me and said "hey, son" I said "Old man, don't bother me, poppies poppies poppies poppies" He said "T-Bone" I said "wait a minute, this man knows my name! He must be... THE WIZARD!!!!" You must be the Wizard, the Wizard of Oz, Why have you come to haunt me, O Wizard of Oz? I said "Oh Wizard O Wise one, I've been on a quest Walking down the road today, doo-dah, doo-dah We are the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids Follow the yellow brick road follow the... I got tired, poppies poppies poppies poppies ... Little man, I've been through hell!" He said "hey, slow down, relax!" I said "Oh Wizard, oh wise one, I've come so far to find the truth of life" He said "Hey, son, slow down, relax. To tell you the truth, son..." I said "Wizard, that's what I've come to find is the truth" He said "no, son, you've got me all wrong. To tell you the truth, son, how can I tell you this? Uh, I've been in this field of poppies a long time, myself, and I've come to find, son, that the only truth in life is right here in this bottle." I said "WIZARD!!!?!??!?" He said "No, truly, son, in fact, I'd rather have this bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy!" How profound, Wizard! Some girl with psychic powers, she said "T-bone, what's your sign" I blink and answer "Neon," I thought I'd blow her mind. She's reading Moby Dick, by some fruitcake named Herman. She's chomping of some knockwurst Are the [indeciperable] really German? You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose? Is this really Butte, Montana or just existential blues? Really Butte, Montana... is as plain as heebie-jeebies... Is it schizoid paranoia.... la-la-la-la-la-la-la EXISTENTIAL BLUES! |
The Skeeter Song
author unknown There's a skeeter on my peter, flick it off. There's a skeeter on my peter, flick it off. There's a dozen on my cousin You can hear those suckers buzzin' There's a skeeter on my peter, flick it off. |
Earache My Eye
Cheech & Chong My momma talkin' to me tryin' to tell me how to live But I don't listen to her 'cause my head is like a sieve My daddy, he disowned me 'cause I wear my sister's clothes He caught me in the bathroom with a pair of pantyhose My basketball coach, he done kicked me off the team For wearin' high-heel sneakers and actin' like a queen ------ lead guitar ------ The world's comin' to an end, I don't even care As long as I can have a limo and my orange hair And it don't bother me if people think I'm "funny" 'Cause I'm a big rock star and I'm makin' lots of money money, money, money, money, money, money Ahhh! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... I'm so bloody rich! Ha ha ha ha I own apartment buildings and shopping centers! Ha ha ha ha And I only know three chords! Ha ha ha ha |
Elvis and I
Denis Leary Elvis and I order Domino's Pizza with extra cheese Suckin' down Formula 44D Elvis and I put on diapers and extra sheer pantyhose We never argue or overdose He says, "Do I look fat to you?" I say, "No King, it's not true. You just have very big bones." And then he fires his .44 into the television Elvis and I Elvis and I Elvis and I Elvis and I Elvis and I put on big belts and drive down to Burger King He lets me croon and I let him steer Elvis and I fry up demorol tablets and bacon grease Torkin' down microwave tacos and beer He says, "I don't wanna be on no stamp man." I say, "I understand." He says, "My mama should be on that stamp man." And then he fires his .44 into the television Elvis and I Elvis and I Elvis and I Elvis and I Elvis and I chop up onions and methamphetamines We cook 'em up with some peanut butter and cheese Elvis and I call up Cadillac dealerships all night long Suckin' down Ny Quil stingers and cheese He says, "What the hell's Lisa Marie thinking, With that Michael Jackson crap? She should have married Janet or LaToya or Tito or even Mahalia Jackson." Elvis and I Elvis and I Elvis and I Elvis and I |
Feels Like Sex
Geri Halliwell Have you ever felt too hot to go to bed Touched yourself instead and watched your body talk Just let your body talk Have you ever felt just too hungry for love The more you get you find that it's just not enough But you really can't give it up All you people out there Put your hands up in the air Are you feeling you know what Or do you really care If it feels like love Then give it baby that's a rush If it feels like pain, pain, pain, pain It's really just the same If the mood is rude Then you got the right attitude And ya better get down, you don't have to get undressed Just because if feels like sex Have you ever had a mind too dirty to read Kinky freaks why don't you get down on your knees I'm getting hard to please Have you ever whipped love and left it to cry Ask yourself the question Does the cherry pie leave you satisfied Turn out the light, so I can feel what you're thinking Do you think we'd get it past the watershed Let's take it slow, 'cause you know I know you know, sex is in your head Baby I want you to know You're not the only one I'm on my way to sexual healing Do you wanna come? |
Suck a Cheetah's Dick - Wesley Willis ..
Suck a polar bear's funky ass! Suck a racehorse's cock with Heinz Tomato Ketchup! Suck a donkey's shitty ass! Suck a male camel's dick with Hoisen sauce! Suck a cheetah's dick (4) Suck a European bison's smelly ass! Suck a woolly mammoth's dick with Miracle Whip! Suck a snow leopard's ass with whip cream! Suck a hyena's spermy dick! Suck a cheetah's dick (4) Suck a llama's shitty asshole! Suck a panda bear's spermy nutsack! Suck a sloth bear's bootyhole! Suck a greyhound's musty ass, mothafucka! Suck a cheetah's dick (4) Polaroid, see what develops... Quite the interesting song, dunno what would provoke one to write something like this... |
Fire Water Burn
Bloodhound Gang The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn Burn motherfucker burn Hello my name is Jimmy Pop and I'm a dumb white guy I'm not old or new but middle school fifth grade like junior high I don't know mofo if y'all peeps be buggin' give props to my ho cause she all fly But I can take the heat cause I'm the other white meat known as 'Kid Funky Fried' Yeah I'm hung like planet Pluto hard to see with the naked eye But if I crashed into Uranus I would stick it where the sun don't shine Cause I'm kind of like Han Solo always stroking my own wookie I'm the root of all that's evil yeah but you can call me cookie The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn Burn motherfucker burn Yo yo this hard-core ghetto gangster image takes a lot of practice I'm not black like Barry White no I am white like Frank Black is So if man is five and the devil is six than that must make me seven This honkey's gone to heaven But if I go to hell then I hope I burn well I'll spend my days with J.F.K., Marvin Gaye, Martha Raye, and Lawrence Welk And Kurt Cobain, Kojak, Mark Twain and Jimi Hendrix's poltergeist And Webster yeah Emmanuel Lewis cause he's the anti-christ The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn Burn motherfucker burn Everybody here we go Ohh Ohh C'mon party people Ohh Ohh Throw your hands in the air Ohh Ohh C'mon party people Ohh Ohh Wave 'em like you don't care Ohh Ohh C'mon party people Ohh Ohh Everbody say ho Ohh Ohh C'mon party people Ohh Ohh Everybody here we go (repeat till end) |
Hell Yeah
Bloodhound Gang Alright now boys and girls we’ve got another story for you now! We want to introduce to you another friend of the Bible! Hell yeah (4x) If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T.V. Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a “Speed 2" If I were God that’s what I’d do Heavens no Hell yeah (4x) If I were God I’d get a bunch of slaves to do everything Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins, thou shall not cut “Footloose" If I were God that’s what I’d do, Heavens no Hell yeah (4x) And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross I’ll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off He goes by the name Jesus and steals hubcaps from cars Oh Jesus can I borrow your crowbar? To pry these God damn nails out they’re beginning to hurt Crucified and all I got was this lousy T-shirt “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!" I’ll sing as I’m flogged Yeah that’s what I would do if I were God So vote for me for Savior and you’ll go to Heaven Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in “Seven" With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick You just can’t teach an old God new tricks But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem? If I don’t believe in myself would that be blasphemy? Just sport some crummy “holier than thou" facade Yeah that’s what I would do if I were God |
I Hope You Die
Bloodhound Gang You must die I alone am best! I hope ya flip some guy the bird He cuts you off and you're forced to swerve In front of the Beatles' tour bus A Bookmobile and a Mack truck Hauling hazardous biological waste The light turns red you have no brakes And "Hard Copy" gets it all on tape So you can see the look on your face Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die I hope your Pinto begins to spin Takes out a disabled Vietnam Veteran Mows down a Nobel Peace Prize Winner And maybe some orphans having Christmas dinner Perhaps even the British Royal Family And the Rabbi that's clutching the bottle-fed puppy And we can't forget the newlyweds And those Jerry's Kids are as good as dead I hope this helps to emphasize I hope this helps to clarify I hope you die I hope your cellmate thinks he's God But C.N.N. refer to him as "Bowling Ball Bag Bob" Serving time again for abuse of a corpse Only this time the victim's a Clydesdale horse While he masturbates to photos of livestock He does the "Silence of the Lambs" dance to Christian Rock Eats feces and quotes from "Deliverance" And fights with his imaginary playmate Vince Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die I hope he grins like Jack Nicholson And forces you to play a game called "Balls On Chin" And whatever happens next is all a blur But you remember "fist" can be a verb And when you finally regain consciousness You're bound and gagged in a wedding dress And the prison guard looks the other way ‘Cause he's the guy ya flipped the bird the other day I hope this helps to emphasize I hope this helps to clarify I hope you die I hope you die |
LET'S TALK DIRTY IN HAWAIIAN
I packed my bags and bought myself a ticket For the land of the tall palm tree Aloha Old Milwaukee, Hello Waikiki I just stepped down from the airplane When I thought I heard her say Waka waka nuka nuka, waka waka nuka nuka Would you like a lei? Eh? Chorus Let's talk dirty in Hawaiian Whisper in my ear Kicka poo ka maka wa wah wahini Are the words I long to hear Lay your coconut on my tiki What the hecka mooka mooka dear Let's talk dirty in Hawaiian Say the words I long to hear It's a ukelele Honolulu sunset Listen to the grass skirts sway Drinking rum from a pineapple Out on Honolulu Bay The steel guitars all playing While she's talking with her hands Gimme gimme oka doka make a wish and wanta polka Words I understand {c:Chorus} I boughta lota junka with my moola And sent it to the folks back home I never had the chance to dance the hula I guess I should have known When you start talking to the sweet wahini Walking in the pale moonlight Oka doka what a setta knocka rocka sis boom bocas Hope I said it right John Prine |
Jackass
Bloodhound Gang Jackass. I'm a Pimped out Jedi Knight, Obi-Wan meets Dolomite, Ben Kenobi went and got himself a Pompador, These aren't the whores you're looking for Jackass. If the Crocodile hunter smoked weed, Steve Irwin burning herb in his Jeep, Kicks the kangaroos for laughing at his hair cut, Used to fall for that too but (Chorus) If you knew me like, I know myself, You'd hate me like I hate myself, 'Cause i'm a ... Jackass. Got no Rabbit in this hat, 'Cause I'm pulling it out my ass Ain't Siegfried or Roy but I could be, Making Magic with a pussy. Jackass. Like that dude in Tienemen Square, With a Six pack and a folding chair, Guy bothered the parade and ended up, Playing Chicken with the tanks but (Chorus) We could out the Lesbian Spice Girl, They could try to run Game on the ODB. They could kick every douche bag off the Real World, But they won't get rid of me! If I knew you like, You know yourself, I'd hate you like, You hate yourself, Hate yourself, Hate yourself, Hate yourself, Hate yourself, Hate yourself, Hate yourself, 'Cause you're a Jackass! |
Life's Gonna Suck When You Grow Up
Denis Leary Life's gonna suck when you grow up When you grow up When you grow up Life's gonna suck when you grow up It sucks pretty bad right not Sing along! You're gonna have to mow the lawn, Do the dishes, Make your bed, You're gonna have to go to school Until you're 17 3 times as long as that You might have to go to war Shoot a gun Kill a nun You might have to go to war When you get out of school It gets a lot worse You're gonna have to deal with stress Deal with stress Deal with stress You're gonna be a giant mess When you get back from the war Santa Claus does not exist, and there's no Easter Bunny You'll find out when you grow up that Big Bird isn't funny Funny Funny Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha Ah, Life's gonna suck when you grow up When you grow up When you grow up Life's gonna suck when you grow up It sucks pretty bad right now You're gonna end up smoking crack On your back, Face the fact You're gonna end up hooked on smack And then you're gonna die And then you're gonna die |
Save This
Denis Leary I have no head for figures My hands cannot explain Endangered animals and acid rain I see dead rivers running dry I see the activists who march and cry How they cry singin' Why must we desecrate this land I'll tell you why Because we can that's why Save the whales, save the seals Save he eagle, save the bison and the beach Why not save your breath Save the porpoise, and the dolphin Save the gerbil, save the racoon and the rat Why not save some stamps I am a human, I'm a goddamn human being I walk errect See the cheetah, oh so supple, lean and quick As he chases a gazzelle But he can't drive a car At least not very far I am a human, I'm a goddamn human being I can pay for sex "Hey, there's a great show on teh Discovery Channel tonight, the history of the badger." "Hmm, I wonder what badger tastes like?" "I don't know, probably tastes like ferret." "Wow, you had ferret?" "Yeah." "What's it taste like?" "Chicken." I am a human, I'm a goddamn human being I can wipe my ass "What gives you the right to kill at will?" "I'll tell you what, guns. Big fuckin' guns with giant fuckin' bullets pal." I am a human, I'm a goddamn human being I can shave my balls |
The I-95 Song
Fred "August" Campbell and the Spur of the Moment Band Well I was driving down I-95 the other night, when somebody nearly cut me right off the road. I decided it wasn't going to do any good to get mad, so I wrote a song about him instead. It goes like this... Were you bo-rn an asshole, or did you work at it your whole life? Either way it worked out fine, 'cause you're an ass-hole tonight. Yes you're an ASS-HOLE, and don't you try to blame it on me, you deserve all the credit, you're an asshole tonight. You were an ass-hole yesterday, you're an ass-hole tonight, and I've got a feeling, you'll be an asshole the rest of your life. And I was talking to your mother, just the other night, I told her I thought you were an asshole, she said "yes, I think you're right". And all your friends are assholes, 'cause you've known them your whole life, and somebody told me, you've got an asshole for a wife. Were you born an asshole, or did you work at it your whole life? Either way it worked out fine, 'cause you're an asshole tonight. |
the rodeo song
showdown Well it's forty below And I don't give a fuck Got a heater in my truck And I'm off to the rodeo It's an allamande left And allamande right C'mon you fuckin' dummy Get your right step right Get offstage you goddamn goof Y'know you piss me off You fucking jerk Get on my nerves Well here comes Johnny With his pecker in his hand He's a one-ball man And he's off to the rodeo It's an allamande left And allamande right C'mon you fuckin' dummy Get your right step right Get offstage you goddamn goof Y'know you piss me off You fucking jerk Get on my nerves (INSTRUMENTAL) Well it's forty below And I ain't got a truck And I don't give a fuck 'Cause I'm off to the rodeo It's an allamande left And allamande right C'mon you fuckin' dummy Get your right step right Get offstage you goddamn goof Y'know you piss me off You fucking jerk Get on my nerves Well heer comes Johnny With his pecker in his hand He's a one-ball man And he's off to the rodeo It's an allamande left And allamande right C'mon you fuckin' dummy Get your right step right Get offstage you goddamn goof Y'know you piss me off You fucking jerk Get on my nerves |
Quote:
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hey uncle phil, I have a couple requests for ya:
C.B. Savage by CW McCall Night Rider by CW McCall |
Night Rider
C. W. McCall [A ghostly chorus] Night rider Well, a-truckin' on the night line, quarter past five Tryin' to get my rig an' me to 'Frisco alive Fog lights up tight, a-givin' me the creeps Just a Winnemucca trucka with a load a' black sheep [A ghostly chorus] Night rider I got a belly full a' jelly and head full a' pain Bennies spinnin' spider webs, a-messin' my brain Tryin' ta get myself together with a shot a' black C What I really oughta get me is an hour a' Zs [Chorus, but not ghostly] Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind Look at those lights, 'til you've gone blind Well, Alabammy Mammy got a spell on my life Kansas City Kitty cut my heart out tonight I lost a C-note in Reno off a' Keno and craps And now Smokey's on the overpass a-settin' his traps White lines lasers burnin' holes in my eyes Feel like I'm hypnotized, think I'm gonna die Interstate 80, gonna get me no sleep Just a-winkin' and a-blinkin' with a stinkin' load a' sheep [Chorus] Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind Look at those lights, 'til you've gone blind [A ghostly chorus] Night rider [Ghostly, but it's not the chorus] Ba ba black sheep, have you any wool? Yes sah, yes sah, three bags full One for my master, and one for my dame And one for Jimmy Bowen who lives in L.A. [Chorus] Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind (yeah) Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind [Psychotic cackling here. He's losin' it.] Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind [Fade out] Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind |
Voices in My Head
Denis Leary I want you to get a gun And head on down to Washington I want you to climb up high High in the sky And shoot them all Th-Th-They d-d-don't deserve to live What did they ever give to you? Nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah nah (Spoken) You know what I want you to do? I want you to go upstairs to that apartment where that guy keeps playing that Barry Manilow record "Copacabana" over and over and over again. I want you to ring the doorbell, and when he answers the door. I want you to stab him in the neck with a number 2 pencil over and over and over again because he must pay! Chop him up and put him in the freezer and as you leave the apartment, light the place on fire! Voices in my head These are the Voices in my Voices in my head These are the Voices in my You should dress up like a clown Arf Arf Hoooowwwwll (Spoken as a mother) Hi, you never called me back. I got the pictures back from Thanksgiving. I don't know why you wear that earring. If your father was alive I don't know what he'd say. I was talking to Mrs. Corelli yesterday. You know Bobby Corelli who was in your grade? He got promoted again in his law firm. He's making $175,000 a year now. Are you on drugs? Why don't you ever call me back? When are you gonna get married son? Isn't it about time you settled down and got yourself a wife and got yourself a house and got a kid, and got a car, and got a dog, and got a lawnmower, and got a nice picket fence . . . Voices in my head These are the Voices in my Voices in my head These are the Voices in my head The Voices in my head Why, why is it every time I gotta Wait on fuckin' line (Spoken) Why is it every time I turn on my television set I gotta see Sally Struthers and those starving kids? Why can't somebody just send her a check and shut her and those God damn kids up? Where's Rob Reiner when you need him? Why, why don't they drop the bomb Right on top of everyone Nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah nah Voices in my head These are the Voices in my Voices in my head These are the Voices in my Voices in my head These are the Voices in my Voices in my head These are the Voices in my Voices in my head These are the Voices in my Voices in my head These are the Voices in my Stop, stop, stop with the singing! Whew. |
Magna Cum Nada
Bloodhound Gang Why try? I’m that guy Holden Caulfield from “Catcher In The Rye" Put away ‘cause he wasn’t all there Like a jigsaw puzzle you might compare Me to him not a liver but wurst Been much better off as a still birth Big let down unparalleled Like the last episode of “Seinfeld" Or Jack Lemmon in “Glengarry Glen Ross" Pepsi Challenge took it lost Just fizzed out with my wires crossed Buttons pushed but never went off Like Martha I will self-destruct The name’s Dunnstock it’s not Dumptruck Just cursed as fuck with no such luck My future plans include not much Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be Nothin' more than me (3x) Always gonna be always gonna be always gonna always gonna be Most likely to suck Wanna be a Ghostbuster First black President, owner of “Hustler" Got shot down like Larry Flynt Felt like shit like a bowel movement Have you seen my will to live? Because I seem to have lost it Lovelife? No but Mom thinks I’m handsome Couldn’t get off if I held a pimp for ransom Feel like Jimmy Stewart no one sees my Harvey Toxic Shock Syndrome gets more girls than me Like Pee Wee Herman spermin' I can See the future in the palm of my hand Psychic Friends, Network loser Large phone bill in my very near future Dealt nothing and bluffing hard Playing poker with a joker and some Uno cards Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be Nothin' more than me (3x) Always gonna be always gonna be always gonna always gonna be Most likely to suck Most likely to suck (5x) |
Bloodhound Gang
Mope We gonna drop this next bomb for a money makin' playa that ain't with us no mo. Yeah, Notorious B.I.G. Hell no, we gonna do this for a gangbanging thug that never seen it comin'. Yeah, Tupac Shakur. Nah bitch, I'm talkin' ‘bout motherfuckin' Falco and shit. What? Falco? Rock me Amadeus Rock me Amadeus Rock me Amadeus Rock me Amadeus Tried to O.D. on the Cold-Eeze "Golden Girls" got me "Sweatin' To The Oldies" Hanging out like Double Ds sip Long Island Iced Teas Wrote to Mayor McCheese "Send a Shamrock Shake please!" Three O' Clock on the dot time to cruise for Eighth graders Rather tape the Weather Channel so that I can watch it later Reruns of Rerun so "What's Happening?" Dee's knocked up and Rog on crack again Deep throat a whole Nutty Buddy Make whoopie to a batch of Silly Putty Make a Spam and Colgate sandwich and ate it Go through "National Geographic" and draw panties on the natives So I like to dance naked in front of my pets But my cat was inattentive so I sent him U.P.S. Playin' spin the bottle with my mom I watch "Cops" with no pants on Must've blown a fuse nothing's going on Lamer than the Pope climb the walls like King Kong Buggin' out like Tori Spelling's eyes Deader than the parents on a "Party of Five" Luciano Pavoratti on a treadmill Not going nowhere slim chance we will Less hip than Bo Jackson bored like wood Dick around like Frankie Goes To Hollywood Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it Relax don't do it when you wanna cum Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it Relax don't do it when you wanna cum Nowhere to go I can't wake up late Just sit around and wait for my Old Spice to activate Stalemate jailbait in "My So-Called Life" imprisonment Amazing what a good breakfast pickles make isn't it? I like to pretend I'm speed reading Never lose the sight of the thrill of sneezing Don't need a shower today just some Brut by Faberge Smell the ass of my jeans clean they'll do another day And I recycle I sniff my own farts I dial the wrong number hope a conversation starts I mean I might as well be listenin' to Journey Givin' myself a mullet hook the Flowbee to the Kirby Make a prank call pretendin' I'm a mime Get stuck in traffic just to pass the time Sent a letter in the mail in Braille to Johnny Quest Send me back my Etch-A-Sketch Must've blown a fuse nothing's going on Lamer than the Pope climb the walls like King Kong Buggin' out like Tori Spelling's eyes Deader than the parents on a "Party of Five" Luciano Pavoratti on a treadmill Not going nowhere slim chance we will Less hip than Bo Jackson bored like wood Dick around like Frankie Goes To Hollywood Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it Relax don't do it when you wanna cum Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it Relax don't do it when you wanna cum I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums When you wanna cum I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums When you wanna cum I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums When you wanna cum I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums When you wanna cum Yo yo yo yo yo! What it is motherfuckers? Aw shit, here comes Pac-Man. Hey Pac-Man, what's up? Me you bitches! I'm high on crack! Wanna freebase? No Pac-Man drugs are bad! Nope can't help you man. Pussies. Whoa! Holy shit! Must've blown a fuse nothing's going on Lamer than the Pope climb the walls like King Kong Buggin' out like Tori Spelling's eyes Deader than the parents on a "Party of Five" Luciano Pavoratti on a treadmill Not going nowhere slim chance we will Less hip than Bo Jackson bored like wood Dick around like Frankie Goes To Hollywood Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it Relax don't do it when you wanna cum Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it Relax don't do it when you wanna cum Holy macaroni Holy macaroni Holy macaroni Holy macaroni |
Barenaked Ladies - grade 9
I found my locker and I found my classes Lost my lunch and I broke my glasses, That guy is huge! That girl is wailin'! First day of school and I'm already failing. This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine I've got a blue-and-red Adidas bag and a humongous binder, I'm trying my best not to look like a minor niner. I went out for the football team to prove that I'm a man; I guess I shouldn't tell them that I like Duran Duran. This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine Well, half my friends are crazy and the others are depressed and none of them can help me study for my math test. I got into the classroom and my knowledge was gone; I guess I should've studied instead of watching Wrath Of Khan. This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine They called me chicken legs, they called me four-eyes they called me fatso, they called me buckwheat, they called me Eddie This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine I've got a red leather tie and pair of rugger pants, I put them on and I went to the high school dance. Dad said I had to be home by eleven - aw, man, I'm gonna miss Stairway to Heaven. This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine |
Take The Long Way Home
Bloodhound Gang May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Did you ever read Voltaire’s “Candide? He says live life at Benny Hill freak out speed Not a quote of what he wrote but a paraphrase Make it up as you go Keyser Soze Highlights yes but don’t underline ‘em Just live for N.O.W. like Gloria Steinem Life is like Marion Barry It’s not all that it’s cracked up to be Like Fred Sanford when the big one comes Find the meaning of life is there is none It’s twenty-four hours when you call it a day Be Frank and say “I Did It My Way? Don’t give a flying nun no don’t give a Gidget Just have more fun than a well-oiled midget If life were picture perfect you could frame it But the world is a diaper so let someone else change it Life is an aimless drive that ya take alone Might as well enjoy the ride, take the long way home May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? All born equal unless you’re Canadian Then halfway through decay like Uranium You define what’s death-defying Get the most out of life or at the least die trying Are you Evil Knievel jumping a train? Or running with scissors like Frasier Crane? Have really good times doing really bad things ‘Cause the show ain’t over ‘til the fat lady sings Like Elton John with his candle in the wind It’s hard to blow out a flame as big as him But we’ve all got to Wang Chung with the Grim Reaper Whether you’re Einstein whether you’re Beaker Death is certain so it’s definitely worth flirtin? Don’t expect a bright light no just curtains Life is like a penis most people don’t know it But most people suck so they usually blow it Life is an aimless drive that ya take alone Might as well enjoy the ride take the long way home (2x) That’s enough! I said that’s enough! |
The Bad Touch
Bloodhound Gang Ha - ha! mating But there are several other very important differences Between human beings and animals that you should know about I'd input your appreciate Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought Me and you do the kind of stuff That only Prince would sing about So put your hands down my pants And I'll bet you'll feel nuts Yes I'm Siskel yes I'm Ebert And you're getting two thumbs up You've had enough of two-hand touch You want it rough you're out of bounds I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns Come quicker than FedEx Never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel gettin' now horny Love The kind you clean up with a mop and bucket Like the lost catacombs of Egypt Only God knows where we stuck it Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory" So if I capsize on your thighs high tide B-5 you sunk my battleship Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip So show me yours I'll show you mine Tool Time you'll Lovett just like Lyle And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch X-Files You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel gettin' now horny You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel |
Steven Lynch - Hermaphrodite
She's part girl she's part boy she's got parts everyone could enjoy she's got more she's got less she's got her manhood tucked in her dress yea, is she a mister or is she a miss, does she stand up when she's taking a piss, she's my little girl yeah she's my little guy when i try to please her i get poked in the eye yeah, She wears lace and she wears flanel she watches football and the lifetime channel what's that bulge under her nighty? it must be hermaphrodite yeah , hermaphrodite oh oh oh, some things are white and some things are black some girls wear make-up well mine shaves her back, but she is still beautiful she's still fine it's too bad her package is bigger than mine yeah, she can't help her imperfections, she get's jock itch from her yeast infections who stole all my tighty whities it must be hermaphrodite yeah , hermaphorodite hermaphrodite oh oh lolo lo oh lo lo lo ooooh ooh oh lol lol lol lol hermaphrodite |
The Inevitable Return Of The Great White Dope
Bloodhound Gang “A" is for “Apple" “B" is for “Balloons" “C" is for “Crayons" “D" is for “Drum" Like my scrotum here it is in a nutshell One thousand nine hundred and seventy-two That’s the year I got here when my dear mother’s water blew Not really realizing the prize that’s been begot to her The bona fide lo-fi high-octane philosopher Genius with a penis the few the proud the me I liked me so much I had to buy the company Soul for sale sold to Satan for a hell of a lotta luck I’m hard to come by like a straight guy working at Starbucks Thank the thinkers that think they thunk the thoughts that theorized Idolized or despised bet I’m gettin' recognized Mount Rushmore it? No ignore it can’t rock with no big head Half of the people want me half of the people want me dead I am the Angel of Def with my rhymes against humanity Teeter-tottering between brilliance and insanity The one part the Fuehrer the one part the Pope It’s the inevitable return baby of the Great White Dope Conclusions you drew, proportions you blew Lost son of Iggy? False Bigger nose than Ziggy? True Yes my name is Jimmy Pop no my pop’s name is Dick Don’t admit to kick it slick you thick derelict critic Put down for missed notes put up with misquotes Don’t want the whole story? Should have bought the Cliff Notes Like Fingerpainting 101 give me no credit for having class One thumb on the pulse of the nation, one thumb in your girlfriend’s ass Written on written off scoff callin' me a joke I don’t think that I’m a sell-out but I do “Enjoy Coke!" I struck gold but never took it for granite that’s how I planned it so can it Around the planet fans demand it and you’ll never understand it When I die no lie plan on mass pandemonium They may display my brain in a pickle jar at the Smithsonian The one part the Fuehrer, the one part the Pope It’s the inevitable return baby of the Great White Dope One part the Fuehrer, one part the Pope One part the Fuehrer, one part the Pope The inevitable return of the Great White Dope One part the Fuehrer, one part the Pope The inevitable return of the Great White Dope One part the Fuehrer, one part the Pope The inevitable return of the Great White Dope Great White Dope (4x) |
TUBTHUMPING
Chumbawamba We'll be singing When we're winning We'll be singing I get knocked down But I get up again You're never going to keep me down Pissing the night away He drinks a whiskey drink He drinks a vodka drink He drinks a lager drink He drinks a cider drink He sings the songs that remind him of the good times He sings the songs that remind him of the better times: "Oh Danny Boy, Danny boy..." I get knocked down But I get up again You're never going to keep me down Pissing the night away He drinks a whiskey drink He drinks a vodka drink He drinks a lager drink He drinks a cider drink He sings the songs that remind him of the good times He sings the songs that remind him of the better times: "Don't cry for me next door neighbor..." I get knocked down But I get up again You're never going to keep me down We'll be singing When we're winning We'll be singing |
No Silly Song board would be complete without a Zappa song:
Big Leg Emma Frank Zappa There's a big dilemma 'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah There's a big dilemma 'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah She used to knock me out Until her face broke out There's a big dilemma 'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah There's a big dilemma 'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah She was my steady date Until she put on weight na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na boogedy boogedy na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na boogedy boogedy There's a big dilemma 'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah There's a big dilemma 'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah She used to knock me out Until her face broke out She used to knock me out Until her face broke out |
They Might Be Giants
Rhythm Section Want Ad In the world we call our own there's lots of room to roam, plenty of time to turn mistakes into rhyme. There's a place for those who love there poetry. It's right across form the sign that says pros only. So if you did a band with a chick singer, say you wanna hear a wall of trombones, or if you're into Menudo or MDC we'll salute you the way that we know. For every one with dollar signs in his eyes there must be hundreds who look at you as if you're some kind of Rhythm Section Want-Ad No others need apply to the Rhythm Section Want-Ad I'll tell you why. Hat's off to the new age hair styles made of bones. Hats off to the use of hats as megaphones. Speak softly. Drive a Sherman tank. Laugh hard. It's a long way to the bank. Do you sing like Olyve Oyl on purpose? You guys must be into the Eurythmics. For every one with dollar signs in his eyes there must be hundreds who look at you as if you're some kind of Rhythm Section Want-Ad No others need apply to the Rhythm Section Want-Ad I'll tell you why. (Instrumental break) Hat's off to the new age hair styles made of bones. Hats off to the use of hats as megaphones. Speak softly. Drive a Sherman tank. Laugh hard. It's a long way to the bank. Do you sing like Olyve Oyl on purpose? You guys must be into the Eurythmics. For every one with dollar signs in his eyes there must be hundreds who look at you as if you're some kind of Rhythm Section Want-Ad No others need apply to the Rhythm Section Want-Ad and here's the reason why. Why. Why.... |
Stormtroopers of Death
The ballad of Jimi Hendrix Dum dah, Dum dah, Dum dah He's Dead. |
They Might Be Giants
We Want a Rock Where was i? I forgot The point that I was making I said if I was smart that I would Save up for a piece of string And a rock to wind the string around Everybody wants a rock To wind a piece of string around Everybody wants a rock To wind a piece of string around Throw the crib door wide Let the people crawl inside Someone in this town Is trying to burn the playhouse down They want to stop the ones who want A rock to wind a string around But everybody wants a rock To wind a piece of string around Throw the crib door wide Let the people crawl inside Someone in this town Is trying to burn the playhouse down They want to stop the ones who want A rock to wind a string around But everybody wants a rock To wind a piece of string around If I were a carpenter i’d Hammer on my piglet, i’d Collect the seven dollars and i’d Buy a big prosthetic forehead And wear it on my real head Everybody wants prosthetic Foreheads on their real heads Everybody wants prosthetic Foreheads on their real heads Throw the crib door wide Let the people crawl inside Someone in this town Is trying to burn the playhouse down They want to stop the ones who want Prosthetic foreheads on their heads But everybody wants prosthetic Foreheads on their real heads Throw the crib door wide Let the people crawl inside Someone in this town Is trying to burn the foreheads down They want to stop the ones who want A rock to wind a string around But everybody wants a rock To wind a piece of string around |
King Missile
Jesus Was Way Cool Jesus was way cool Everybody liked Jesus Everybody wanted to hang out with him Anything he wanted to do, he did He turned water into wine And if he wanted to He could have turned wheat into marijuana Or sugar into cocaine Or vitamin pills into amphetamines He walked on the water And swam on the land He would tell these stories And people would listen He was really cool If you were blind or lame You just went to Jesus And he would put his hands on you And you would be healed That's so cool He could've played guitar better than Hendrix He could've told the future He could've baked the most delicious cake in the world He could've scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky He could've danced better than Barishnikov Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of Jesus was way cool He told people to eat his body and drink his blood That's so cool Jesus was so cool But then some people got jealous of how cool he was So they killed him But then he rose from the dead He rose from the dead, danced around Then went up to heaven I mean, that's so cool Jesus was way cool No wonder there are so many Christians |
Why's Everybody Always Pickin' On Me?
Bloodhound Gang Why is everybody always pickin' on me? The morn' The morn' The morn' The morn' that I was born my old man beat up the doctor He clocked the doctor cause the doctor said I looked like Chewbacca The doctor said "sir you're misled sir which infers you mistook me I did not mean your lovely wife was shackin' up with a Wookie What I mean is Wolverine is less hairy than your son He's looks like Chewie and a Hong Kong Phooey all in one To put it mild your new-born child's completely nutty fu-fu lookin' I'd shove him back into the oven until he is done cookin'" But why's everybody always pickin' on me? But why's everybody always pickin' on me? But why's everybody always pickin' on me? But why's everybody always pickin' on me? Why's everybody always pickin' on me? Always pickin' and rippin' apart poor ol' Jimmy Pop Ali I got a schnoz like the 'Cos' but there's a lot more wrong with you So back me up Bill So what if I brush my teeth with a piece of cheddar cheese Or wear a fish net shirt by Chams with my Sergio Valenti jeans And my mirror never lies but it always verifies I got more cheese and pepperoni than a homemade pizza pie You compare me to a Monchichi but I don't understand Why I'm scorned like I'm deformed And yeah I took my mom to the prom but hey she asked me first But at least this time I didn't find my date in the back of a hearse About as popular with the girls as Englebert Humperdinck And that might be 'cause everybody calls me Shrinky Dink I know I'm known as Polaroid I'm not a total retard It's cause I'm done in sixty seconds and you'll still want it enlarged But why's everybody always pickin' on me? But why's everybody always pickin' on me? But why's everybody always pickin' on me? But why's everybody always pickin' on me? Like that episode where Gilligan gets sick of being teased And he breaks into the Professor's lab and makes some LSD Peaks freaks and eats the Skipper's brains then beats Ginger with coconuts As Mr. Howell and Lovey burn alive inside of their grass hut Oh he'll kill again that Gilligan they should have let him be And like a postal clerk I'll go berserk if you don't stop teasing me See the trick is only pick on those that can't do you no harm Like the drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm But why's everybody always pickin' on me? But why's everybody always pickin' on me? But why's everybody always pickin' on me? But why's everybody always pickin' on me? But why's everybody always pickin' on me? But why's everybody always pickin' on me? But why's everybody always pickin' on me? But why's everybody always pickin' on me? |
Hard to be Humble
Mac Davis Back of few months ago I was headlining at a great big night club and they put me up at what they call the Star Suite: Now here I am headlining at one of the biggest night clubs in the country and I wake up at eight o'clock in the morning in this Star suite all by myself. Aah that's what I said "Aah". But I did what I've always done to cheer myself up I picked up my guitar I sat down and wrote me a little song. Now this is how it feels to be alone at the top of the hill and trying to figure out why Oh Lord it's hard to be humble when you're perfect in every way. I can't wait to look in the mirror 'cos I get better looking each day to know me is to love me I must be a hell of a man. O Lord it's hard to be humble but I'm doing the best that I can. I used to have a girlfriend but I guess she just could'n't complete with all of these lovestarved women who keep clamouring at my feet. Well I probably find me another but I guess they're all in awe of me who cares I never get lonesome cause I treasure my own company. Oh Lord it's hard to be humble when you're perfect in every way. I can't wait to look in the mirror 'cos I get better looking each day to know me is to love me I must be a hell of a man. O Lord it's hard to be humble but I'm doing the best that I can. I guess you can say I'm a loner a cowboy outlaw tough and proud Well I could have lots of friends if I wanted but then I wouldn't stand out from the drowd some folks say that I'm "egotistical well I don't even know what that means I guess it has something to do with the way that I fill out my skintight blue jeans. Oh Lord it's hard to be humble when you're perfect in every way. I can't wait to look in the mirror 'cos I get better looking each day to know me is to love me I must be a hell of a man. O Lord it's hard to be humble we are doing the best that we can. |
In heaven there is no beer,
That's why we drink it here. And when we're gone from here, Our friends will be drinking all the beer. |
ALIMONEY
Bobby Bare Alimoney, alimoney I work till my fingers are bloody and boney Me, oh my, oh, goodness sake, I'm payin' for my mistake She calls it alimoney, alimoney Yeah, you single men may think it's funny Till one of these days, you're gonna wait And find you're payin' for your mistake I walk around ragged like a low down bum I can't afford to weigh myself or buy a stick of gum It's the same old story with a little more blues in it I'm payin' for it while someone else is usin' it Alimoney, alimoney I thought I bought steak, and it was all baloney My heart and back are both about to break From payin' for my mistake, yeah Yeah, I walk around ragged like a low down bum I can't afford to weigh myself or buy a stick of gum Why, it's the same old story with a little more blues in it I'm payin' for it while someone else is usin' it Alimoney, alimoney Thought I bought steak, and it was just baloney And every penny that I make Goes to payin' for my mistake Oh yeah, payin' for my mistake Every Wednesday Yeah, aw come on, baby, y'know it's your mistake too, yeah They took all the furniture and everything, come on Why, maybe we could sorta pitch in and work it out, y'know I mean I could get a third job, if that's what you want, I mean What about sellin' my blood, y'know ... |
LOOKIN' FOR PUSSY
Dr. Hook [You gotta start each day some.] [Lookin for pussy Lookin for pussy Lookin for pussy Lookin for pussy] I just gotta see her and tell her I need her. Hurtin without her Dreamin about her Wonderin' what she's gonna do And who she's doin it to. [Lookin' for pussy Lookin' for pussy Lookin' for pussy We're looking for pussy] Tell her my story Say that I'm sorry Just gotta find her Say I'm behind her In anything... right or wrong She'll just take me along. [Looking for pussy] Take me along... [Lookin' for pussy] C'mon take me along... [Lookin' for pussy] C'mon take me along... [Lookin' for pussy] I gotta get my pussy! [Lookin' for pussy] I gotta go upstairs and get me shooooes... [fade] |
THUMBSUCKER
Dr. Hook I met her on a corner in Duluth (That's the truth.) She was tryin' to fix her shoe in a telephone booth (Her name was Ruth.) She said she was just waiting for a bus But I hid my thumb cause I knew just what she was, And I ain't gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb. It'll drive you crazy and leave you deaf and dumb. It'll make you crawl and climb the wall Leave you without no thumb at all. So I ain't gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb. I'll tell you what them thumbsuckers like to do. They suck your thumb till it's wrinkled like a prune They'll say you've got the sweetest thumb of all But then they suck the thumb of the guy livin' down the hall That's why I ain't gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb (etc. . . etc. . . until finally giving in.) |
ONE HIPPOPATAMI
Allan Sherman One hippopotami cannot get on a bus, Because one hippopotami is two hippopotamus. And if you have two goose, that makes one geese. A pair of mouse is mice. A pair of moose is meese. A paranoia is a bunch of mental blocks. And when Ben Casey meets Kildare, that's called a paradox. When two minks fall in love with all their heart and soul, You'll find the plural of two minks is one mink stole. Singulars and plurals are so different, bless my soul Has it ever occured to you that the plural of "half" is "whole"? A bunch of tooth is teeth. A group of foot is feet. And two canaries make a pair-- they call it a parakeet. A paramecium is not a pair. A parallelogram is just a crazy square. Nobody knows just what a paraphernalia is. And what is half a pair of scissors, but a single sciz? With someone you adore, if you should find romance, You'll pant, and pant once more, and that's a pair of pants! |
Dirty Love
by Frank Zappa Give me Your dirty love Like you might surrender to some dragon in your dreams Give me Your dirty love Like a pink donation to the dragon in your dreams I don't need your sweet devotion I don't want your cheap emotion Whip me up some dragon lotion For your dirty love Your dirty love Give me Your dirty love Like some tacky little pamphlet in your daddy's bottom drawer Give me Your dirty love I don't believe you never seen his book before I don't need no consolation I don't want your reservations I only got one destination and that's your dirty love Your dirty love Give me (uh huh) Your dirty love Just like your mama make her fuzzy poodle do (Oh, Frenchie . . . ) Give me Your dirty love The way your mama make that nasty poodle chew I'll ignore your cheap aroma And your little-bo-peep diploma I'll just put you in a coma with some dirty love Some dirty love That dirty love That dirty love THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Snap it!) THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Snap it!) THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Snap it!) THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Not a speck of cereal!) THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Nothing but the best for my puppy!) THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Come on!) THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Little paws sticking up!) THE POODLE BITES! (Little curly hairs!) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Little curly hairs!) --------------------- <b>Phil</b>! Kickass thread. Excellent call on the Southern Culture on the Skids (I'll pull up some Horton Heat later). Once got pulled over by not one but two cop cars while listening to "Too Much Pork for Just One Fork". Never figured you for a Bloodhound Gang kinda guy, though. Live and learn, I guess. Excellent stuff. Mope and Magna Cum Nada are especially excellent. |
Watusi Rodeo - Reverend Horton Heat
Come along with me to the Congo land Got a zebra by the tail and a python in my hand Once my home was a Texas plain But now I swing a lasso on an alien terrain Hottentotts and pygmies nowhere to go Everybody's heading to the Watusi rodeo Cowboys are puttin' up a big fence around The sacred elephant burial ground Native women stompin' up a flurry in the mud Everybody's lookin' for some cowboy blood Guess they didn't like the hats we made 'em wear Didn't look good on the native hair Don't they know that its all for show All for show at the Watusi rodeo Monkeys in the trees just thumbin' their nose At the bull riders ridin' on rhinos Warriors standing with their spears in their hands Wondering what's next from the crazy white man The natives are restless underneath Stetsons What are these cowboys doing in the Congo They look like cows but they're water buffalo Everybody's headed for the Watusi rodeo Ohh, they look like cows but they're water buffalo ropin' and a ridin' at the Watusi rodeo |
THE CHURCH
Corky & the Juice Pigs I belong to the church of the well-endowed man My member's big as a grizzly bear's head My pants can't hide the bulge God gave to me I'm proud of the width and the length of my part You should see me break the young girls' hearts I always draw a crowd when I take a pee Well I don't mean to brag but my main piece drags And when I got to bed the mattress sags It's hard to doze when you're long as a firehose Oh lemmee tell ya... We belong to the church of the well-endowed man If you measured us in feet we'd be over ten Thank you Lord for making us well-endowed men Thank you Lord for making us well-endowed men. |
PANDAS
Corky & the Juice Pigs White and black, the friendly bears of China White and black, they rarely reproduce What shall be done about these Chinese bears? What shall be done about these friendly bears? Die, they must die The pandas must die Die, they must die The pandas must die Yay! Why should we save them? What good do they do? Have you ever seen a panda, Do something good for you? They can't wear t-shirts, They can't bounce basketballs They can't walk tightropes, Over Niagra Falls Die, they must die The pandas must die Die, they must die The pandas must die You fat bastards All endangered species Leave endangered feces If you knew how bad they smelled You would gladly take their pelt If we kill them all We can have more parking lots We can have small couches Made of little ocelots Die, they must die The pandas must die Die, they must die The pandas must die. |
ALL ABOUT YOU
Dr. Hook In the Granville Greyhound station in the lightly drizzlin' rain Sittin' on my suitcase, goin' quietly insane All about you, girl, All about you. All about you and the no feelin' Double-dealin' things that you do. Every man in Granville Says he knows you well. Burn your ears if you could hear The stories that they tell All about you. . . They say you're picked up every Thursday In a rich man's limousine. And some cat in San Quentin Keeps on havin' nasty dreams All about you. . . Now the summer sun may burn my back And these tears may dim my sight. But before I die, there's a dirty book I'm gonna write All about you, girl All about you. All about you and the no feelin' Double-dealin' things that you do. |
System of a Down - Chic'n'Stu
This ballgame?s in the refrigerator, The door is closed, The lights are out, And the butter?s getting hard. What a splendid pie, Pizza-pizza pie, Every minute, every second, Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, What a splendid pie, Pizza-pizza pie, Every minute, every second, Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy. Pepperoni and green peppers Mushrooms, olive, chives, Pepperoni and green peppers Mushrooms, olive, chives. Need therapy, therapy, Advertising causes need, Need therapy, therapy, Advertising causes need. What a splendid pie, Pizza-pizza pie, Every minute, every second, Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, What a splendid pie, Pizza-pizza pie, Every minute, every second, Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy. Pepperoni and green peppers Mushrooms, olive, chives, Pepperoni and green peppers Mushrooms, olive, chives. Need therapy, therapy, Advertising causes need, Therapy, therapy, Advertising causes need, Therapy, therapy, Advertising causes need, Therapy, therapy, Advertising causes need, Therapy, therapy, Advertising causes need, Therapy, therapy, Advertising causes need. Well advertising?s got you on the run, Need therapy, therapy advertising causes, Well advertising?s got you on the run, Need therapy, therapy advertising causes, Well advertising?s got you on the run, Advertising?s got you on the run, Advertising?s got you on the run, Advertising?s got you on the run, Advertising?s got you on the run, Advertising?s got you on the run, Advertising?s got you on the run. What a splendid pie, Pizza-pizza pie, Every minute, every second, Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, What a splendid pie, Pizza-pizza pie, Every minute, every second, Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy. Pepperoni and green peppers Mushrooms, olive, chives, Pepperoni and green peppers Mushrooms, olive, chives. Need therapy, therapy, Advertising causes need, Therapy, therapy, Advertising causes need, Therapy, therapy, Advertising causes need, Therapy, therapy, Advertising causes need. |
Ogden Edsl - Dead Puppies
Dead puppies, dead puppies, Dead puppies aren't much fun They don't come, when you call They don't chase squirrels at all Dead puppies aren't much fun My puppy died late last fall He's still rotting in the hall Dead puppies aren't much fun No, no, no Mom says puppy's days are through She's going to throw him in the stew Dead puppies aren't much fun Dead puppies, dead puppies, Dead puppies aren't much fun Dead puppies, dead puppies, Dead puppies aren't much fun Dead puppies, dead puppies, Dead puppies aren't much fun |
G. Love and Special Sauce - Milk and Cereal
Milk and Cereal Milk and Cereal milk and cereal Cereal and milk Milk and Cereal Cereal, Cereal Milk and Cereal Cereal and Milk, Cereal and Milk... I dont want my Wheaties Give 'em to the needy Feelin kinda greedy I keep em for myself (X9) No Grapenuts for grandma (grandma eats a bran muffin) Mom likes Special K You cant pinch an inch (X7) They're magically delicious Keep your hands off my Lucky charms (pink hearts, yellow moons,blue diamonds, green clovers) A is for Apple J is for Jack You step on a crack Youll break your moama's back Rice Krispies Blue Berries Ooh Boo Berry Milk and Cereal Milk and Cereal Milk and Cereal Cereal and Milk Milk and Cereal Milk and Stereo Stereo Stereo Milk and Cereal Cereal and Milk (Cheerio-eo-eo) In the morning At your table Milk and Cereal Snap Crackle Pop (X7) Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs (X8) Trix are for kids! (X11) In the morning At your table (Milk and Cereal) No Grapenuts for Grandma Grandma eats a Bran Muffin |
PENICILLIN PENNY
Dr. Hook Penicillin Penny, She's the queen of the Sunset Strip. If she ever gives you any Then you better see your doctor real quick. From the backseat of Cadillac cars To the floor of mens room bars, She's Penicillin Penny And her future's written in the stars. She's Penicillin Penny And ever since the day she came, They say she's had so many She gives them all numbers, not names. I always called her hon', But she calls me one-thousand-and-one, And Penicillin Penny Starts to boogie when the day is done. She's Penicillin Penny, If you ever see her passing through Better run into your house Or she stops and lays a little on you. If you ever let her in your door It takes 20,000,000 units or more to cure The love that Penicillin Penny lays on you... |
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