THIRTEEN TONS OF ICE CREAM
Joe Sun

A ninety mile run
In the Florida sun
Can be a sticky situation
With thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration.

Well, I was loaded and locked
At the Tampa docks.
Miami was my destination.
With some coffee and an upper
I'll be home in time for supper
According to my calculation.
But those ice cream bars
In my 'frigeration car
Were too great a temptation.
So I pulled on over to the side of the road
And had me an ice cream celebration .

Then just outside of the Everglades
I got a strange sensation .
What was drippin' down my nose
Soakin' my clothes
Weren't no perspiration ?
'Cuz I must've forgot
And left the hatch unlocked.
Now I came to the realization
I got thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration .
'Cuz a ninety-mile run in the Florida sun
Can be a sticky situation
With thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration .

There was pralines and cream droppin' into my lap,
And that's a source of irritation.
And that Chunky-Monkey fillin' up the cab.
That can disturb a fellah's concentration.
That Cherry Jubilee
Right up to my knees
Can make a truckin' man's ruination
With thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration.

When I pull into Tampa you can damn well bet
There'll be a big investigation,
And under cross examination,
I'll deny all of the allegations.
Then me and the boss we're gonna have
One of them real short conversations.
Then he's gonna be advisin' me
To find a brand new occupation.
A ninety-mile run in the Florida sun
Can be a sticky situation
With thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration .

Well, I'm gonna tell him where he can STICK
His whole screwed-up organization
Then I'm gonna head right on down to the Union Hall
And apply for arbitration.
Then get me some fancy legal representation
And sue the whole God damn truckin' corporation
And win a BIG cash compensation
And then take a seven-month vacation
At some tropical location
With some uh... female stimulation
And do a little copulation
Out in the vegetation
And get a little inebriation goin'
Ohhh . . what a sweet sensation!
Lemme see now . . what flavor should I have . . .
Hmm-Hmmm . . . they're all running together
I believe this is a whole new kinda ice cream
Heee-hee-heee

ADDING UP NUMBERS
Kompressor

twelve plus nine is twenty one
adding up numbers is very fun
seven plus eight equal fifteen
adding up numbers is very uplifting

adding up numbers
adding up numbers

nine plus zero is equal to nine
even adding nothing is adding just fine
twelve plus ten is twenty two
carrying the one is easy to do

twelve plus nine is twenty one
adding up numbers is very fun
seven plus eight equal fifteen
adding up numbers is very uplifting

adding up numbers
adding up numbers

two plus five is equal to seven
add four more and you get eleven
five and three are equal to eight
adding up numbers makes you feel great

twelve plus nine is twenty one
adding up numbers is very fun
seven plus eight equal fifteen
adding up numbers is very uplifting

adding up numbers
adding up numbers

adding up numbers
KOMPRESSOR adding up numbers
adding up numbers
KOMPRESSOR adding up number

BRUSH YOUR TEETH
Kompressor

Brush your teeth before you go to bed
Or you will wake up without a teeth in head
Brush your teeth before you go to school
Or all of your friends will say you smell like stool
Brush your teeth, and brush them well
Or you will get denture and old person smell
Brush your teeth each and every day
You should brush your teeth or they will rot away

BRUSH YOUR TEETH
BRUSH YOUR TEETH
BRUSH YOUR TEETH
ALWAYS BRUSH YOUR TEETH

When you eat vegetable or meat
Always important to brush your teeth
Even when using industrial beat
KOMPRESSOR know important of brushing teeth
Brush up top and underneath
And brush your tongue when you brush your teeth
You can eat schnitzel or you can eat sweets
It doesn't matter if you brush your teeth

BRUSH YOUR TEETH
BRUSH YOUR TEETH
BRUSH YOUR TEETH
YOU SHOULD BRUSH YOUR TEETH

BRUSH YOUR TEETH
ALWAYS BRUSH YOUR TEETH

Fatty McGee
Adam Sandler

[Talking quietly]
[M1:] 'Ms. Murphy is such a pain, man.'
[M2:] 'We just had a test a week ago.
Now we gotta take another one tommorrow. This sucks!'
[M1:] 'And it counts for 80 percent of our grade.'
[M2:] 'Well we better study our butts off.'
[M1:] 'Well we came to the right place, the ever so quiet library.'
[M2:] 'Ok, enough talking, let's study!'
[M1:] 'All right.'
[Turning pages]

[Heavy steps]
[M2:] 'Uh oh'
[M1:] 'Oh no! Fatty McGee is coming.
We'll never get any studying done with him in the library.'
[Heavy steps continue]
[M2:] 'Oh god, he's taking the stairs!
That means he's going to be way out of breath!'

[Fatty whining, try to catch breath]
[M1:] 'Oh no, he's going to sit with us.'
[Fatty: Annoying whining voice] 'Hey fellas, studying for the big test'
[M1:] 'Uh, yes Fatty, we were.'
[Fatty: Still trying to catch breath] 'Great! I'll join ya.'
[Fatty pulls out chair and falls into it, still whining horribly]
[M2:] 'Hey Fatty, why don't you go to the bathroom 'till you catch your breath'
[Fatty:] 'No, no, I'm catching it!'
[Fatty continuing to whine and snort]
[M1:] 'Ok, ok Fatty, but try to keep the wheezing level down, we're trying to concentrate.'
[Fatty: Continuing to wheeze and whine louder] 'Sure, no problem.'
[M1:] 'Oh man.'
[Fatty: Still snorting and whining loudly]
'This test counts for eighty percent of our grade, you know.'
[Whining continues even louder]
[M1:] 'Yes Fatty, we know, we just said that.'
[Wheezing continues a little softer]
[M2:] 'Fatty! Please keep it down!'

[Fatty makes snoring/whining sounds]

[M2:] 'Is he sleeping!'
[M1:] 'No, it's his deviated sceptum.
Seriously Fatty, keep the breathing down.'
[Snoring stops, more weird noise starts]
[M2:] 'Ahh geez Fatty, what's wrong with you!'
[Fatty: Pausing, snorting] 'I'm trying.'
[Whining continues]
[M1:] 'Fatty, you know what's going to happen!
Stop breathing so heavy! Please we gotta study!'
[Whining gets higher and higher until it's continuous]
[M2:] 'Oh no, that one's going to do it!'

[Fire alarm sounding, fire trucks honking their horns, sirens reeling]
[M2:] 'Fatty, the fire department thinks the fire alarm went off again!'
[Fatty: Continuing his LOUD annoying whine] 'I'm sorry!'
[Fireman Ray:] 'Fire! Man the building!'
[M1:] 'Sorry Fireman Ray, it's not the fire alarm.'
[Fireman Ray:] 'Fatty McGee, is that you again!'
[Fatty: Stillin whining annoyingly] 'Yes.' [Snort] 'Sorry.' [Snort]
[Fireman Ray:] 'Didn't we tell you not to take the stairs anymore!'
[Fatty: Whiney voice] 'But I like the stairs!'
[Fireman Ray: annoyed] 'Why!'
[Fatty: Still whining horribly] 'They're fun!'
[Fireman Ray:] 'Oh Fatty McGee, you're the fattest!'
[Everyone laughing at stupid joke]
[Raspberry]

DRUNK AND CRAZY
Bobby Bare

Hello, everybody. I have come to say
I didn't come to stay. I just come to play.
So lock all the doors and open up the wine.
Tell all the pretty ladies to get in line.

'Cause I'm drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy.
Gonna let the good times roll.
Way across the room I see a fancy fox.
I got the key to open up her lock.
I slide across the floor like a greasy eel.
I say, "Baby, tell me how do you feel?"

She says, "Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy.
Gonna let the good times roll."

I was just about to put the cake in the oven.
Look over my shoulder... there's her big ol' husband.
He was turnin' blue. He was seein' red.
He knocked me down, slapped me 'round
And stomped on my head.

'Cause he was drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy.
Gonna let the good times roll.

They got me to the hospital in the nick of time.
I had a fractured skull and a busted spine.
When in come the doctor... he could hardly stand.
He had a bottle in his pocket and a scalpel in his hand.
And he was drunk and crazy, no no doctor...

Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy.
Gonna let the good times roll.

Zittly Van Zittles
Adam Sandler

Well, I had myself a girlfrield
For almost two whole years
We had no secrets
We had no fears
There was nothing we wouldn't do
When we were in the sack
She'd even pop the zit on my back

But one night I was out cheating
After I drank a few
She caught me red handed
And said we're through
Now she's got a new boyfriend
It nearly gave me a heart attack

'Cuz who's gonna pop this zit on my back?
Well I got a pimple and I don't know why
It keeps growing in the same place
I can't reach it with my left or right hand
I wish it was on my face
It's four days old
And it hurts so bad
But it's ready for a squeeze
Won't somebody pop it for me please?
I'll give you ten dollars

If you're a girl in this lonely world
And you're looking for a guy
I'll never cheat again, I promise
That's no lie
There's only one thing I ask of you
Could we name our first child Zak?
Oh, one more thing
Please pop this zit on my back

I'm dying here!
A pimple ay-hee
A pop-a-doodly-doo
Squirt heedly-hoo

Well I'm sitting alone by the phone
And no one seems to call
I try to scrape my zit off on the kitchen wall
Well that don't work, so I look around
And find a big shiny thumb-tack
Put it on the floor, lay down
Pop the zit on my back

Here's a love song I wrote @ 30 years ago:

A Piece of the Pie

Your home cooking makes me sick,
and your grammar ain't so slick.
Me, I can't sing a lick,
but we'll get by.

'Cause there's something that you do
that makes me want to muddle through.
My little mind totally blew
when I tasted your pie.

So, you just keep on doing what you do.
I'll find us something, just so we'll get by.
Your pancakes taste like cardboard,
and your coffee tastes like glue,
but I'm happy with just a little piece of the pie!

We'll eat out so your food won't gag me,
and if you promise not to nag me,
I'll drive careful so we don't get hurt
and hurry back home for a little dessert.

We'll live happy building dreams in the sky.
I'll have my fill of your sweet little pie.
We'll stay together watching our love grow
as long as you ain't serving no pie to go!

And I'll just keep on doing what I do.
You'll think of something, just so we'll get by.
You pancakes are like cardboard, honey
and your coffee tastes like glue,
But I'm happy with just a little piece of your pie!

I'VE NEVER SEEN A STRAIGHT BANANA
Waite


You may have seen some funny things in your time
But there's one thing you've not seen, I'd like to bet.
Would you like to know just what you have been missing?
I'll tell you in the chorus but not yet.
Now I've got you puzzled, so I'll tell you what I mean.
The thing that's in my mind, I must confess, I haven't seen.

I have never, never, never, never, I've never seen a straight banana.
I guess I must admit
That I have searched quite a bit.
They're even curved when they are served in my banana split.
I have seen them by the car-load on the Delaware & Lacawana
But have you ever?
No, I've never
I've never seen a straight banana.

I recall when I was in Alaska
I saw the sun at twelve-o'clock at night.
I've seen the waterfalls at old Niagara
I can vouch it is a most impressive sight.
But I'd like to see one certain thing
But if it's not to be,
I'd like to meet somebody else
Who saw what I can't see.

I've never, never, never, never seen a straight banana.
Although the things I hate,
Hundreds I have ate.
But I've never yet seen one banana that was straight.
I have traveled far to find one.
I've been to Chili and Havana.
But I've never, never, never, never seen a straight banana.

I've never, never, never, I have never seen a straight banana.
Once I chanced to see
A real life murder mystery
The jury found the prisoner guilty in the first degree.
All at once we heard the prisoner
Holler out, "This is the truth, your honor,
I've never, never never, never
Never, never, never, never
I've never seen a straight banana.

Fuckin' Up
Neil Young


Mindless drifter on the road
Carry such an easy load
It's how you look,
and how you feel
You must have
a heart of steel.

Why do I keep fuckin' up?

I can see you on a hill
Comatose but walking still
Curves beneath
your flowing gown
Only I could
bring you down.

Why do I keep fuckin' up?

Dogs that lick
and dogs that bite
Hounds that howl
through the night
Broken leashes
are all over the floor
Keys left hanging
in a swinging door.

Why do I keep fuckin' up?

Keep fuckin' up!

SHE KEEPS IT UP ALL THE TIME


I've got a wife, poor me
Me and her can't agree
She's crazy 'bout children, you see
And that's the reason I'm gonna let my good Mama be.
I told her long ago
I wouldn't stand for that no mo'
But when I look in to her eyes
I know right then and there she's telling me some bad lies.
Cause, when she had the first child, I knowed that she was true
Then she got twins, that made me kind of blue
The gal located triplets I said, "Mama, that will do"
But she keeps it up, keeps it up, dog gone it.
She's got seventeen and still wants mo'
Round our house looks just like Ringling Brothers show
I plead on my soul, she's loosin her pop-eyed min'
Cause she keeps it up, keeps it up all the time!

She got so many kids she gave me the blues
If they don't cry for biscuits
They cries for shoes.
I plead on my soul, she's loosin her pop-eyed min'
Cause she keeps it up, keeps it up, all the time.

The Teddy Bear's Picnic
Gilhooley Mahoney and his Leprechaun Marching Band

If you go out in the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today
You'd better go in disguise.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

Chorus:
Picnic time for teddy bears,
The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today.
Watch them, catch them unawares,
And see them picnic on their holiday.
See them gaily dance about.
They love to play and shout.
And never have any cares.
At six o'clock their mommies and daddies
Will take them home to bed
Because they're tired little teddy bears.

If you go out in the woods today,
You'd better not go alone.
It's lovely out in the woods today,
But safer to stay at home.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

TO CHORUS

Every teddy bear, that's been good
Is sure of a treat today
There's lots of wonderful things to eat
And wonderful games to play

Beneath the trees, where nobody sees
They'll hide and seek as long as they please
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

TO CHORUS

Harvey the Wonder Hamster
Weird Al Yankovic

Oh, Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the wonder hamster.
He doesn’t bite and he doesn’t squeal, he just runs around on his hamster wheel.
Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the wonder hamster. Hey, Harvey!

Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam
The Vaselines

Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam,
Cause sunbeams are not made like me,
And don't expect me to cry,
For all the reasons you had to die,
Don't ever ask your love of me.

Don't expect me to lie,
Don't expect me to cry,
Don't expect me to die for thee.

The Monkees Theme
The Monkees

Here we come walking down the street.
We get the funniest looks from everyone we meet
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees and people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing to put anybody down.

We go where we want to, do what we like to do.
We don't have time to get restless. There's always something new.
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees and people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing to put anybody down.
We're just trying to be friendly, come and watch us sing and play.
We're the young generation and we've got something to say.

Anytime or anywhere, just look over your shoulder, guess who'll be standing there.
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees and people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing to put anybody down.

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees and people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing to put anybody down.
We're just trying to be friendly, come and watch us sing and play.
We're the young generation and we've got something to say.
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees, hey, hey, we're the Monkees, hey, hey, we're the Monkees.

Cab Driver
The Mills Brothers

Cab driver drive me by memorys place
I just wanna chance to see her face
I hope we`ll meet her any place
cab driver drive me by memorys place

Cab driver once more 'round the block
never mind the ticket or the clock
I only wish we could have any talk
cab driver once more 'round the block

Cab driver once more down the spring
Persolyston place we used to be
that`s where I laid my future for her feet
cab driver once more down the spring

Cab driver wait here by the door
I just want to hold her in my arms once more
and then maybe it`s just like it was before
cab driver wait here by the door

Cab driver you'd better take me home
I guess I was meant to be alone
I hope God sends me a lover of my own
cab driver you'd better take me home

The Scotsman - Mike Cross

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar on evening fair
And one could tell by how we walked that he drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold, for them to see, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind a bush, he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize

Silly Love
10cc

Hey toots, you put the life into living
You brought a sigh into sight
Ah hon, you make my legs turn to water
You bring the stars out at night
But they ain't half so bright
As your eyes

Gee whiz, you take the beauty out of beautiful
You play the strings of my heart
Oh babe, you take the wonder out of wonderful
Oh my, oh my, and my, if you were mine
The rain would turn to sweet sweet wine

Well he's been up all night
Breakin' his head in two to write
A little sonnet for his chickadee
But between you and me
I think its sssssssssssilly. Silly

Ooh treas, you got a smile like a Rembrandt
Aha, you got the style of a queen
Oh dear, you are the petal of a rosebud
Next to you all the others could be weeds
You're the only one my garden needs

Ooh, you know the art of conversation
Must be dying
Ooh, when a romance depends on
Cliches and toupees and threepes

We're up to here with moonin' and junin'
If you want to sound sincere -
Don't rely on Crosby's croonin' -
Take a little time
Make up your own rhyme
Don't rely on mine
'Cos it's sssssssssilly - silly - silly - silly

ok, fly, here's one old thread i dug up...

Political Science - Randy Newman

No one likes us-I don't know why
We may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try
But all around, even our old friends put us down
Let's drop the big one and see what happens

We give them money-but are they grateful?
No, they're spiteful and they're hateful
They don't respect us-so let's surprise them
We'll drop the big one and pulverize them

Asia's crowded and Europe's too old
Africa is far too hot
And Canada's too cold
And South America stole our name
Let's drop the big one
There'll be no one left to blame us

We'll save Australia
Don't wanna hurt no kangaroo
We'll build an All American amusement park there
They got surfin', too

Boom goes London and boom Paris
More room for you and more room for me
And every city the whole world round
Will just be another American town
Oh, how peaceful it will be
We'll set everybody free
You'll wear a Japanese kimono
And there'll be Italian shoes for me

They all hate us anyhow
So let's drop the big one now
Let's drop the big one now

Lyrics to Fish Heads by Barnes and Barnes


Fish Heads
**********

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

In the morning
Laughing, happy
Fish Heads
In the evening
Floating in the soup

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

Ask a Fish head
Anything you want to
They won't answer
They can't talk

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

I took a Fish head
Out to see a movie
Didn't have to pay
To get it in

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm
They can't play baseball
They don't wear sweaters
They're not good dancers
They don't play drums

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

Rolly polly Fish heads
Are never seen drinking
Cappacino in Italian restaurants
With Oriental women...Yeah

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm...
(Yummm)

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm
YEAH!!!!!!!!!

by Barnes and Barnes
From the album:

Voohbaha!

Her Majesty
Lennon/McCartney


Her majesty's a pretty nice girl
but she doesn't have a lot to say
Her majesty's a pretty nice girl
but she changes from day to day
I wanna tell her that I love her a lot
but I gotta get a belly full of wine
Her majesty's a pretty nice girl
someday I'm gonna make her mine
Oh, yeah, some day I'm gonna make her mine

You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly - Loretta Lynn & Conway Twitty

You're the reason I'm a-ridin' around on recapped tires.

And you're the reason I'm hangin' our clothes outside on wires.

And you're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin'
Ah, but looks ain't ev'rythin'
and money ain't ev'rythin'
But I love you just the same.

You're the reason I've changed to beer from soda pop.

And you're the reason I never get to go to the beauty shop.

You're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin'
Ah, but looks ain't ev'rythin'
and money ain't ev'rythin'
But I love you just the same.

I guess that we won't ever have
Everything we need
Cause when we get "ahead"
It's got another mouth to feed...

And that's the reason that my good looks and my figure is gone.

And that's the reason that I ain't got no hair to comb.

And you're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin'
Ah, but looks ain't ev'rythin'
and money ain't ev'rythin'
But I love you just the same...

(Fading Out)
Conway, why in the devil don't you go and shave and put on a clean pair of pants?

But Loretta, look at yourself. Now I wish you'd take them curlers out of your hair and go put on a little makeup and get out of that housecoat before supper.

Ha, well let me tell you something, Conway, considerin' everything that I went through today, I look like a movie star.

Eh-he-yeah, Ruth Buzzie.

Thank yee.

Besides that, all our kids took after your part of the family, anyway...

Oh they did, huh? What abouts the ones that's bald?

*Laughs* Well I guess you could say they take after me...*laughs*

*Laughs*


The Pill - Loretta Lynn

You wined me and dined me
When I was your girl
Promised if I'd be your wife
You'd show me the world
But all I've seen of this old world
Is a bed and a doctor bill
I'm tearin' down your brooder house
'Cause now I've got the pill

All these years I've stayed at home
While you had all your fun
And every year that's gone by
Another baby's come
There's a gonna be some changes made
Right here on nursery hill
You've set this chicken your last time
'Cause now I've got the pill

This old maternity dress I've got
Is goin' in the garbage
The clothes I'm wearin' from now on
Won't take up so much yardage
...
Miniskirts, hot pants and a few little fancy frills
Yeah I'm makin' up for all those years
Since I've got the pill

I'm tired of all your crowin'
How you and your hens play
While holdin' a couple in my arms
Another's on the way
This chicken's done tore up her nest
And I'm ready to make a deal
And ya can't afford to turn it down
'Cause you know I've got the pill

This incubator is overused
Because you've kept it filled
The feelin' good comes easy now
Since I've got the pill
It's gettin' dark it's roostin' time
Tonight's too good to be real
Oh but daddy don't you worry none
'Cause mama's got the pill
Oh daddy don't you worry none
'Cause mama's got the pill

we need to learn how to scan through previous posts...

Daddy Don't Live In That New York City No More - Steely Dan

Daddy don't live in that New York City
No more
He don't celebrate Sunday on a Saturday night
No more
Daddy don't need no lock and key
For the piece he stowed
Out on Avenue D
Daddy don't live in that New York City
No more

Daddy don't drive in that Eldorado
No more
He don't travel on down to the neighborhood
Liquor store
Lucy still loves her coke and rum
But she sits alone
'Cause her daddy can't come
Daddy don't drive in that Eldorado
No more

Driving like a fool out to Hackensack
Drinking his dinner from a paper sack
He says I gotta see a joker
And I'll be right back

Daddy don't live in that New York City
No more
He can't get tight every night
Pass out on the barroom floor
Daddy can't get no fine cigar
But we know you're smoking
Wherever you are
Daddy don't live in that New York City
No more

Bombs Away - The Police
(Stewart Copeland)

The general scratches his belly and thinks
His pay is good but his officers stink
Guerilla girl, hard and sweet
A military man would love to meet

The President looks in the mirror and speaks
His shirts are clean but his country reeks
Unpaid bills, Afghanistan hills

Bombs away
But we're O.K.
Bombs away
In old Bombay

The general only wants to teach France to dance
His army life doesn't give him any romance
Guerilla girl, hard and sweet
A military man would love to meet

The general scratches his belly and thinks
His pay is good but his company stinks
Guerilla girl, hard and sweet
A military man would love to meet

Bombs away
But we're O.K.
Bombs away
In old Bombay
Bombs away
But we're O.K.
Bombs away
In old Bombay
Bombs away
But we're O.K.
Bombs away
In old Bombay
Bombs away
But we're O.K.
Bombs away
In old Bombay

Wiggle, Wiggle - Bob Dylan

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a gypsy queen,
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle all dressed in green,
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle 'til the moon is blue,
Wiggle 'til the moon sees you.

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle in your boots and shoes,
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, you got nothing to lose,
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, like a swarm of bees,
Wiggle on your hands and knees.

Bridge #1:
Wiggle to the front, wiggle to the rear,
Wiggle 'til you wiggle right out of here,
Wiggle 'til it opens, wiggle 'til it shuts,
Wiggle 'til it bites, wiggle 'til it cuts.

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a bowl of soup,
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a rolling hoop,
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a ton of lead,
Wiggle - you can raise the dead.

Bridge #2:
Wiggle 'til you're high, wiggle 'til you're higher,
Wiggle 'til you vomit fire,
Wiggle 'til it whispers, wiggle 'til it hums,
Wiggle 'til it answers, wiggle 'til it comes.

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like satin and silk,
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a pail of milk,
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, rattle and shake,
Wiggle like a big fat snake.

Wooly Bully
Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs


Uno, dos, one, two, tres, quatro
Matty told Hatty about a thing she saw.
Had two big horns and a wooly jaw.
Wooly bully, wooly bully.
Wooly bully, wooly bully, wooly bully.

Hatty told Matty, "Let's don't take no chance.
Let's not be L-seven, come and learn to dance."
Wooly bully, wooly bully
Wooly bully, wooly bully, wooly bully.

Matty told Hatty, "That's the thing to do.
Get you someone really to pull the wool with you."
Wooly bully, wooly bully.
Wooly bully, wooly bully, wooly bully.

I do understand the difference between funny and silly, but this song makes me laugh...and I don't know a lot of silly songs.

Gaucho - Steely Dan

Just when I say
Boy we can't miss
You are golden
Then you do this
You say this guy is so cool
Snapping his fingers like a fool
One more expensive kiss-off
Who do you think I am
Lord I know you're a special friend
But you don't seem to understand
We got heavy rollers
I think you should know
Try again tomorrow

Can't you see they're laughing at me
Get rid off him
I don't care what you do at home
Would you care to explain

Who is the gaucho amigo
Why is he standing
In your spangled leather poncho
And your elevator shoes
Bodacious cowboys
Such as your friend
Will never be welcome here
High in the custerdome

What I tell you
Back down the line
I'll scratch your back
You can scratch mine
No he cant sleep on the floor
What do you think I'm yelling for
I'll drop him near the freeway
Doesn't he have a home

Lord I know you're a special friend
But you refuse to understand
Youre a nasty schoolboy
With no place to go
Try again tomorrow

Don't tell me he'll wait in the car
Look at you
Holding hands with the man from rio
Would you care to explain

Who is the gaucho amigo
Why is he standing
In your spangled leather poncho
With the studs that match your eyes
Bodacious cowboys
Such as your friend
Will never be welcome here
High in the custerdome

Bombs Away
Bob Weir


Bombs away, well I guess I'm back in love again
Hey look out now, round and around we go
This'll bring me ruin, though I suppose it's pleasin
Well I've changed the eyes I gaze in, still she's just another girl
I need more than a trade-in, guess I'll have to change the world

Strike up the band, I believe I'll have this dance
You'll raise that glass again my friends
Oui, d'accord je suis charmant, mais elle est si facile, yeah
Well I've changed the tune I dance to in this gay ole social whirl
But if I get a chance to I might just change the world

And it's just the same old movie, been playin here for years
I could use a chance of scenery, but when I get there I'm still here

Comin soon, hey, another day in paradise
Au theatre presque tu
And they'll be showin it forever
So let them keep parading, give them all batons to twirl
For me the splendor's fading, I'll have to change the world

And it's still the same old movie, and I seen it all before
Hell, one more run through won't outdo me, but I would love to know what for
Yeah what for
I would love to know what for
I would love to know what for

Bombs away, I guess I'm back in love again
Hey look out now round and around we go
Bombs away, I guess I'm back in love again
Oooh, back in love again
Look out I'm back in love again, in love again
In love again
Look out I'm back in love again, in love again...

Ballad of a Thin Man - Bob Dylan

You walk into the room
With your pencil in your hand
You see somebody naked
And you say, "Who is that man?"
You try so hard
But you don't understand
Just what you'll say
When you get home

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?

You raise up your head
And you ask, "Is this where it is?"
And somebody points to you and says
"It's his"
And you say, "What's mine?"
And somebody else says, "Where what is?"
And you say, "Oh my God
Am I here all alone?"

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?

You hand in your ticket
And you go watch the geek
Who immediately walks up to you
When he hears you speak
And says, "How does it feel
To be such a freak?"
And you say, "Impossible"
As he hands you a bone

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?

You have many contacts
Among the lumberjacks
To get you facts
When someone attacks your imagination
But nobody has any respect
Anyway they already expect you
To just give a check
To tax-deductible charity organizations

You've been with the professors
And they've all liked your looks
With great lawyers you have
Discussed lepers and crooks
You've been through all of
F. Scott Fitzgerald's books
You're very well read
It's well known

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?

Well, the sword swallower, he comes up to you
And then he kneels
He crosses himself
And then he clicks his high heels
And without further notice
He asks you how it feels
And he says, "Here is your throat back
Thanks for the loan"

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?

Now you see this one-eyed midget
Shouting the word "NOW"
And you say, "For what reason?"
And he says, "How?"
And you say, "What does this mean?"
And he screams back, "You're a cow
Give me some milk
Or else go home"

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?

Well, you walk into the room
Like a camel and then you frown
You put your eyes in your pocket
And your nose on the ground
There ought to be a law
Against you comin' around
You should be made
To wear earphones

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?


.................................................


Old King - Neil Young

King went a-runnin' after deer
Wasn't scared of jumpin'
off the truck in high gear
King went a-sniffin'
and he would go
Was the best old hound dog
I ever did know.

I had a dog and his name was King
I told the dog about everything
There in my truck the dog and I
Then one day the King up and died.

Then I thought about
the times we had
Once when I kicked him
when he was bad
Old King sure meant a lot to me
But that hound dog is history.

King went a-runnin' after deer
Wasn't scared of jumpin'
off the truck in high gear
King went a-sniffin'
and he would go
Was the best old hound dog
I ever did know.

That old King was a friend of mine
Never knew a dog
that was half as fine
I may find one, you never do know
'Cause I still got a long way to go.

I had a dog and his name was King
I told the dog about everything
Old King sure meant a lot to me
But that hound dog is history.

King went a-howlin' after deer
Wasn't scared of jumpin'
off the truck in high gear
King went a-sniffin'
and he would go
Was the best old hound dog
I ever did know.

Well, there ain't no hair on a bullfrog's ass,
that's why it is so shiny!

nor can we roller-skate in a buffalo herd...

Now that's a silly song.

Kumbayah, my lord, kumbayah,
oh lord, kumbayah!:lol:

:lol: Is that not a silly song?:lol:

Walk Like A Camel
Southern Culture On The Skids


Baby, Would you eat that there snack cracker
In your special outfit for me, please?
owwwWEEEEE!!!!!

Yo ye pharoahs, let us walk
Through this barren desert, in search of truth
And some pointy boots, and maybe a few snack crackers.
OWWWW WEEE baby, you make me wanna walk like a camel.
OWWWW WEEE, walk!

Who's in charge here, where's my Captain's wafers?
Don't go around hungry now, the way you eat that oatmeal pie,
Makes me just wanna die, baby, OWWWW
You make me wanna walk like a camel.
OWWWW WEEE, walk!

Say, you don't think there's any way I could get that quarter
From underneath your pointy boot, do ya?
All I want is just one more oatmeal pie.
OWWWW WEEE, Little Debbie, Little Debbie
I'm a comin on home, baby, 'cause you make me wanna walk
Like a camel, OWWWW WEEE

Internet Girl by Agent Felix

I met this girl today
Her screen name is Jen198
She seems really nice
I can tell by all the words she types

She lives real far away
Hope that we will meet one day
When she types to me
There's nowhere that I'd rather be
Than on the Internet
With some girl I've never met

[Chorus]
She's my Internet girl (she's my Internet girl)
She might really be a guy
She's my Internet girl (she's my Internet girl)
She might really be a guy

She sent me a picture
Who knows, maybe it's not really her
Says she's 5'5"
With blonde hair and green eyes
She's probably 6'3"
With sideburns or a goatee
Or maybe she's so fat
I'd die if on she me sat
How am I supposed to know
If she's a raging psycho?

[Chorus]
She's my Internet girl (she's my Internet girl)
She might really be a guy
She's my Internet girl (she's my Internet girl)
She might really be a guy

Cemetary Polka - Tom Waits

Uncle Vernon, Uncle Vernon, independent as a hog on ice
He's a big shot down there at the slaughterhouse
Plays accordion for Mr. Weiss

Uncle Biltmore and Uncle William
Made a million during World War Two
But they're tightwads and they're cheapskates
And they'll never give a dime to you

Auntie Mame has gone insane
She lives in the doorway of an old hotel
And the radio is playing opera
All she ever says is go to hell

Uncle Violet flew as a pilot
And there ain't no pretty girls in France
Now he runs a tiny little bookie joint
They say he never keeps it in his pants

Uncle Bill will never leave a will
And the tumor is as big as an egg
He has a mistress, shes Puerto Rican
And I heard she has a wooden leg

Uncle Phil can't live without his pills
He has emphysema and he's almost blind
And we must find out where the money is
Get it now before he loses his mind

Uncle Vernon, Uncle Vernon, independent as a hog on ice
Hes a big shot down there at the slaughterhouse
He plays accordion for Mr. Weiss

THE TEDDY BEAR's PICNIC

If you go out in the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today
You'd better go in disguise.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

Picnic time for teddy bears,
The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today.
Watch them, catch them unawares,
And see them picnic on their holiday.
See them gaily dance about.
They love to play and shout.
And never have any cares.
At six o'clock their mommies and daddies
Will take them home to bed
Because they're tired little teddy bears.

If you go out in the woods today,
You'd better not go alone.
It's lovely out in the woods today,
But safer to stay at home.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

CHORUS

Every teddy bear, that's been good
Is sure of a treat today
There's lots of wonderful things to eat
And wonderful games to play

Beneath the trees, where nobody sees
They'll hide and seek as long as they please
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

CHORUS

To plough once in the winter sowing, and again in Lent, sowing with as many oxen as he shall have yoked in the plough...oh yes..he shall have yoked in the plough...
There's evidence, evidence, evidence of settlements with one long village street, farmsteads, hamlets, little towns.-the framework was complete
By the time...
...of the Norman Conquest...
...the rural framework was comeplete...

...if one ploughman wants an oxen and that oxen's lent,
then the villeins and the ploughman have got to have the lord's consent.

etc. Monty Python

Be Together Soon by Pat McCurdy

Well, I don't much but I can see
That I love you and you love me
We didn't plan this out - it was luck
And we don't make love, we just...
Circle 'round the bed wearing wicked smiles
With our clothes in every corner of the room
I hope that we can be together soon

Well, our hearts beat fast, the music's slow
We've got the hi-fi high
And the lights down low
You say, "come here daddy and kiss me quick"
I touch your hand and you touch my...
Heart like no else has ever touched before
And soon you're wearing nothing but perfume
I hope that we can be together soon

Because when you're not here, I feel lost
I got my doors wide open and my fingers crossed
When you're not here, I can't wait
I take a long hot bath and I master...
French and Italian and a little bit of Greek
I write a little poem about the moon
I hope that we can be together soon

A Wanton Trick by Thomas D'Urfy, as played by Craig of Farrington

A pleasant young maid
On an instrument played
Who knew neither note nor pick:
But she had a good will
To live by her skill:
'Tis but A Wanton Trick!

A youth in that art
Well-known in this part
(They called him Darbyshire Dick)
Came to her a suitor
And would be her tutor:
'Tis but A Wanton Trick!

He wooed her and taught her
Until he had brought her
To handle a crotchet and prick;
So sweet was his note
That up went her coat:
'Tis but A Wanton Trick!

The string of his viol
She put to the trial
(She had the full length of the stick.)
Her white-bellied lute
She set to his flute:
'Tis but A Wanton Trick!

But his viol string burst!
Her tutor she cursed
The music within her grew thick.
From October to June
She was quite out of tune:
'Tis but A Wanton Trick!

And then she repented
That e'er she'd consented
To study her notes or to pick:
'Cause learning so well
Made her belly to swell:
'Tis but A Wanton Trick!

All maids that make trial
Of a lute or a viol
Take heed how you handle the stick!
If you like not this order,
Come, try my recorder:
'Tis but A Wanton Trick!

My speciality. Just found this thread...

Dearest Mr. Santa Claus
by Haywood Banks

Oh my Dearest Mr. Santa Claus
I am writing you because
There seems to be a problem with your staff
You may or may not be aware,
Or even worse you do not care --
At any rate, there is no cause to laugh
I gave it to my mother,
A specific list of toys to bring around
But when I woke up Christmas morn
It was an obvious clerical error that I found

If you look on page number twenty-two
Under the heading of “Rocket Packs”
There’s no way a personal jet-propulsion device
Could ever be confused with --
A BUNNY PUPPET??!!

Hello again, dear old Saint Nick
I really hate to be a stickler
But it’s clear from here that things must change
With software advances and the Internet
You really can’t delay in getting
Some elves that are more technically trained
I discussed this with my mother
Along with a list of toys to bring around
But when I woke up Christmas morn
It was a hideous clerical error that I found

If you look on page number twenty-nine
Under the heading of “Scuba Gear”
There’s no way a personal deep-water submarine
Could ever be confused with --
UNCLE WIGGLY??!!

Hi again, Saint Nicholas
I’m sorry that it’s come to this
But someone had to bring you up to speed
Perhaps your management skills are rusty
But you really have to trust me
You are just not meeting your customers’ needs
I was told by my mother
To let you know about this oversight
But I’ve been playing Uncle Wiggly with my bunny puppet
And I just haven’t had the time to write.

Hey Little Minivan
by The Austin Lounge Lizards

On Deadman's Curve I used to shut 'em down
I had the hottest muscle car in my hometown
I could burn rubber in all four gears
But I haven't done that in a million years

Hey, little minivan, we're goin' to the grocery store

She's got an automatic tranny with overdrive
And the radio's tuned to Magic 95
She gets 30 miles on a gallon of gas
And I can schlep all the girls to gymnastics class
She's got her headlights on both night and day
She's the most practical value in the USA
She's got cruise control, ABS and EFI
I keep her Michelins at 32 PSI

Hey, little minivan, we're goin' to the children's museum

On icy mornings when I'm feeling my age
I'm protected and warm in my steel cage
Her climate control really pumps out the heat
And her dual air bags just can't be beat
She's rated real high by Consumer Reports
And her two front seats have got lumbar support
I've got the good driver rate and comprehensive insurance
And she's loaded with electronic theft deterrents
Step away from the car, step away from the car
Step away from the car, step away from the car

We're a wild and rowdy bunch when you pass us by
Bobby's buggin' baby sister and makin' her cry
If I have to pull over someone's gonna pay
And it was fun, fun, fun, till Bobby took her teether away
(Fun, fun, fun, fun)

Hey, little minivan, we're goin' to the pediatrician

Now the wife and I hardly ever date
'Cause our baby sitter has to be home by 8
We hurry through dinner and go out and park
With the fold-down seats we can nap till dark
I dream of Barracudas and souped-up 'Vettes
Crazy games of chicken and drag race bets
Then she wakes me up and says, "Honey, don't be sad
Our van's the classic Woody you never had"

Now if I ever get tired of my minivan
A red sports car will make me young again

Hey, little minivan, we're goin' to the grocery store
What did you do with the last one I gave you?
Hey, little minivan, we're goin' to the grocery store
Don't make me come back there
Hey, little minivan, we're goin' to the grocery store
If Bobby jumped off a cliff, would you do that, too?
Hey, little minivan, we're goin' to the grocery store
Three kids, what were we thinking?

Go little Minnie Van Gogh
Little Minnie Van Gogh
Little Minnie Van Gogh

oyh, i'm givin' you guys all of this shit...

Kate Smith's TV theme song

hehe...

A Asus4 A A7 E7 E7alt
All by my - self at twi - light,

A A9 A E Bm7-5 A E7
Watch - ing the day de - part;

A Asus4 A A7 E
And with the fa - ding twi - light,

F#m E7 F#m B7 E7
Hap - pi - ness fills my heart.


E6 E7 A AM7 A7 D Dm
When the moon comes o - ver the moun - tain

D9 Dm A A9 A E7 E7/6 E7 A
Ev' - ry beam brings a dream, dear, of you

E6 E7 A AM7 A7 D Dm
Once a - gain we stroll 'neath the moun - tain

D9 Dm A A9 A E7 E7/6 E7 A A9 A
Through that rose - cov - ered val - ley we knew


A7 D Cdim A6 A
Each day is grey and drear - y

A9 F#m Edim E7/6 E7
But the night is bright and cheer - y


E6 E7 A AM7 A7 D Dm
When the moon comes o - ver the moun - tain

D9 Dm A A9 A E7 E7/6 E7 A
I'm a - lone with my mem - 'ries of you.

play those chords...

She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy
Kenny Chesney


Plowin' these fields in the hot summer sun
Over by the gate lordy here she comes
With a basket full of chicken and a big cold jug of sweet tea
I make a little room and she climbs on up
Open up the throttle and stir a little dust
Just look at her face she ain't a foolin' me

She thinks my tractor's sexy
It really turns her on
She's always starin' at me
While I'm chuggin' along
She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin' up the land
She's even kind of crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me
She thinks my tractor's sexy

We ride back and forth 'til we run out of light
Take it to the barn put it up for the night
Climb up in the loft sit and talk with the radio on
She said she's got a dream and I asked what it is
She wants a little farm and a yard full of kids
And one more teeny weeny ride before I take her home

She thinks my tractor's sexy
It really turns her on
She's always starin' at me
While I'm chuggin' along
She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin' up the land
She's even kind of crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me
She thinks my tractor's sexy

Well she ain't into cars or pickup trucks
But if it runs like a Deere man her eyes light up

She thinks my tractor's
She thinks my tractor's sexy
It really turns her on
She's always starin' at me
While I'm chuggin' along
She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin' up the land
She's even kind of crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me

She thinks my tractor's sexy
She thinks my tractor's sexy
She thinks my tractor's sexy

Dear Penis by Rodney Carrington

Dear Penis,
I don't think I like you anymore.
You used to watch me shave
Now all you do is stare at the floor
Oh dear penis I dont like you anymore.

It used to be you and me
some paper towel and a dirty magazine
that's all we needed to get by
now it seems things have changed
and I think you're to blame
Dear Penis, I don't like you anymore

he says

Dear Rodney,
I don't think I like you anymore
cause when you get to drinkin'
you put me places I've never been before
oh dear Rodney, I don't like you anymore

Why can't we just get a grip
on our man to hand relationship
come to terms with truely how we feel.
If we put our heads together,
We'd just stay home forever
Oh dear penis, I think I like you after all
Oh and Rodney when you're shaving
Shave my balls.

Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft by The Carpenters
and looky here it is :

http://reading.new21.org/carpenters/asfs/occupants.asf

It seems to me a strange thing, mystifying

Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band - Hunting Tigers Out In India

With big, hungry tigers table manners have no place
(Dear dear dear no, dear dear dear no, dear dear oh dear no)
After they have eaten you they never say their grace
(Dear dear dear no, dear dear dear no, dear dear oh dear no)

Hunting tigers can be ripping fun
Like three blind mice, see the hunters run

Hunting tigers out in India
Out in, out in, out in India (yuh)

You all know how beastly tigers are
Out in, out in, out in India

They bite
They scratch
They make an awful fuss
It's no use stroking them and saying "puss puss puss"
Oh
Hunting tigers out in India
Out in, out in, out in India (yuh)

(instrumental)


They bite
They scratch
They make an awful fuss
It's no use stroking them and saying "puss puss puss"
Oh
Hunting tigers out in India
Out in, out in, out in India (yuh)

Spoken: “I say, Joe (?), it’s jolly frightening out there.”
“Nonsense, dear boy, you should be like me.”
“But look at you! You’re shaking all over!”
“Shaking? You silly goose, I’m just doing the watusi, that’s all.”

Tigers don’t go out on rainy nights
They’ve no need to whet their appetites
Hunting tigers out in India
Out in, out in, out in India (yuh)

How many tigers can you find with forks and serviettes?
(Dear dear dear no, dear dear dear no, dear dear oh dear no)
Don’t care in what part of you they fix their fretwork sets
(Dear dear dear no, dear dear dear no, dear dear oh dear no)

Hunting tigers can be ripping fun
Like three blind mice, see the hunters run

Hunting tigers out in India
Out in, out in, out in India (yuh)
Hunting tigers out in India
Out in, out in, out in India (yuh!)

Bump of an oldie!

How about this classic?

nice thread resurrection!

Just a clarification on a previous post - The Carpenters covered Klaatu's tune:

Sometimes aging can be fun. This just popped into my head out of nowhere!

had to resurrect this as this song reminded me of this thread:

Tasty, but needs a dash more Zappa.

Frogs with Dirty Little Lips

Frogs with dirty little lips
Dirty little warts on their finger-tips
Dirty 'n green
Tiny 'n mean
Floppin' around
By the edge of the stream
La la la la! La la lala la la! (Repeated)

Frogs with dirty little eyes
Dirty little tongues all covered with flies
Dirty brown
Floppin' around
Puffed up 'n bloated
When the sun goes down
La la la la! La la lala la la! (Repeated)

Frogs with dirty little nose
Dirty little spots all over their clothes
Dirty legs
Dirty feet
Dirty little frogs is what you eat
La la la la! La la lala la la! (Repeated ad nauseam)

---------- Post added at 01:35 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:26 PM ----------

Really, you can't have too much Zappa in a silly song thread...

Be in my Video
Bum ba dumb ba bimbo
Bum bum ba bim biddi biddi biddi (3)

Whoa.... Wo ho o o o oh!
Wo ho o o o oh!
Wo ho o o o oh! AH!

Be in my video,
Darling, every night
I will rent a cage for you
And mi-j-i-nits dressed in white
(teeny-little-tiny-little...)

Twirl around in a lap dissolve
Pretend to sing the words
I’ll rent a gleaming limousine;
Release a flock of ber-herna-herna-herna
Herna-her-nerds

Why don't you wear a leather collar
And a dagger in your ear (Studly studly studly studly stud)
I will make you smell the glove
And try to look sincere, then we’ll

Dance the blues (Yes we'll dance the blues)
Let’s dance the blues (What a terrific idea!)
Let’s dance the blues (You'll love it, it's a way of life!)
Under the megawatt moonlight

Pretend to be Chinese (one-hung-low)
I’ll make you wear red shoes
There’s a cheesy atom bomb explosion
All the big groups use (oooooooooooo)

Atomic light (will shine)
Through an old (venetian blind)
Making patterens (on your face),
Then it cuts to outer space

With it’s billions & billions &
Billions & billions and

Whoa- o Be in my video (in my video)
Darling, every (Darling every) night
Everyone in cable-able-land
Will say you’re ’outa (say you’re ’outa-site’)

You can show your (Show your pretty leg) legs
While you’re getting in (to my red hot rod car), then
I will look repulsive
While I mangle my guitar

Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon
Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee,
Moo-ahhhh

Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon
Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee,
Moo-ahhhh

Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon
Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee,
Moo-ahhhh

Tee-nu-nee----moo-ahhhh
Tee-nu-nee----moo-wah-wah-wah-ooo

After all the close up shots OF YOU!
In bondage leather,
We'll spray an alley with a Hose
And then we'll mine the harbor.

Dance the Blues Again!
Let's Dance the Blues Again!
Let's Dance the Blues Again!
In the middle of the Alley!

Let's dance your face!
Let's dance your Face!
Let's dance your Nose!
And then we'll dance your sinus.

Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon- teedle deedle deee

MOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAHHHH

or, if you prefer, the abbreviated version...

Tequila? Makes her clothes fall off, it does...

http://i.min.us/imDlCy.jpg

---------- Post added at 04:06 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:04 PM ----------

I was saving this for my second childhood, but I'm sort of feeling it right now:

Oh yes, memories of my kids watching this show while eating breakfast before dropping them off at daycare. Here's the end credits from Sharon, Lois & Bram's Elephant Show:

love that tune Uncle Phil... I remember when these guys came to town - I was a high school kid working at the Holiday Inn restaurant on the dinner buffet - I sliced roast beef for the lot of them.

Here's the video that I like to go back to for Dr Hook (and it may be a good candidate for the Hirsute thread):

Long as we're on a Shel Sliverstein kick, let's cut right down to the bone, here, and let the man himself speak for.... himself:

^friend of mine in college memorized that poem right out of playboy...

Little bit more of Shel Silverstein, courtesy of Dr. Hook and his Medicine Show:

(Freakin' at the) Freakers' Ball

Well there's gonna be a freakers ball
Tonight at the freakers hall
And you know, you're invited one and all

Come on babies grease your lips
Grab your hats and swing your hips
Don't forget to bring your whips
We're going to the freakers ball

Blow your whistle and bang your gong
Roll up something to take along
It feels so good it must be wrong
We're freakin at the freakers ball

Where all the fags and the dykes they're boogyin' together
The leather freaks are dressed in all kinds of leather
The greatest of the sadists and the masochists too
Screaming "Please hit me, and I'll hit you"

The FBI are dancing with the junkies
All the straights, are swinging with the fogies
Across the floor and up the wall
We're freakin at the freakers ball
Yall, we're freakin at the freakers ball

Everybody's kissing each other
Brother with sister, son with mother
Smear my body up with butter
Take me to the freakers ball

Pass that roach please and pour the wine
I'll kiss yours if you'll kiss mine
I'm gonna boogie till i go blind
We're freakin at the freakers ball

White ones, black ones, yellow ones, red ones
Necrophiliacs looking for dead ones
The greatest of the sadist and the masochists too
Screaming "Please hit me, and I'll hit you"

Everybody's fallin' in batches
Pyromaniacs striking matches
I'm gonna itch me where it scratches
Freaking at the freakers ball

Why I Hate the French, courtesy of Rowan Atkinson.

They all wear berets and they’re all called “Jacques”,
They even steal from us the words they lack:
“le Weekend”, “le Camping” and “Cul-de-sac”,
That’s why I hate the French…

They bake their bread in such a naughty shape,
They brag about their wine, and worship the grape,
They criticise our food but then they eat “Crêpe”!
That’s why I hate the French…

And now they’ve started coming here in droves,
“French cigarettes”, “French letters”, and “French clothes”.

I’m sick and tired of eating all this “Brie”,
And I’ll be buggered if I go to “Gay Paris”!

They’re pretty cocky ’bout their “games in the dark”,
They think with girls they light a “special spark”,
But look what the bastards did to Joan of Arc!
That’s why I hate the French…

... which somehow reminded me of this one.

the skin at the end of my dink is pink
when it gets hard it's blue
i love you

With Geneological Annotations so it might even make sense.

---------- Post added at 09:13 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:09 AM ----------


(Pardon the adolescent credits music.)