yournamehere

I believe that's called "Will Ferrel Syndrome."

As for the O.P., Uma Thurman would have been great for the role.

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Plan9

Okay, why?

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LordEden

I thought Mike Myers did "Coffee Talk" as the Linda Richman (Jewish old lady).

"Talk amongst yourselves."

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yournamehere

Because watching each new Will Ferrel film is like a splinter in my foreskin.
As much as I don't want to see it done, I will watch the final product and gripe like a disappointed Jewish grandmother.

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If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

FuglyStick

I liked this thread better when it was about chainmail bras instead of foreskin

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Xerxys

^^ Back on topic then ....

... chainmail bikinis ... mmmmm

Plan9

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"You should not drink... and bake."

Nikilidstrom

What part of chainmail were you unclear on?

FuglyStick

That'll never work. The midriff's got to be bare on women's armor, how else are you going to give them raspberries?

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Willravel

HA! A breast plate with nipples.

Michael Schumacher would be proud.

hunnychile

Rose could do a great job as Red Sonja! And as far as being too short, umm, wasn't/isn't Sly Stallone real short - but he pulled off Rambo in great style? Just saying.

Yes, Uma Thurman could do it too & well....I think she needs a "Grand Retrun". So who knows?
At any rate chainmail Bra - That Is a Must. In truth, I WANT one too. Perhaps my next visit to the Renaissance Faire next weekend will provide me with my missing piece of fun fantasy wear. (But I'd be better cast as Red Sonja's mom...heheheh!!

In truth, who else has the female strength and killer boobs & acting talent to pull this roll off and well?

Unless, of course we can get Shani Faye or one of her friends to do it?

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blahblah454

I think everyone in this thread forgot to mention chainmail bikinis, so here you go:

CHAINMAIL BIKINI!!

Baraka_Guru

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
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Plan9

I gave you useless chick armor! Be satisfied!

And enhance your calm, John Spartan!

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"You should not drink... and bake."

Baraka_Guru

Found this recent tidbit:
Producer Joe Gatta Updates Rodriguez' Red Sonja Movie

Looks like Conan is coming first. But it's nice to know they're going after "real" and "tough" (as opposed to simply eye-candy), but only time will tell, I guess. It's also good that they're "ignoring" the previous film. An origin story could be interesting.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Plan9

Oh, Jesus... not Conan, my manly respite from the douchey world. Nobody can do it like Arnold. It's impossible. It's unpossible. It's preposterous!

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"You should not drink... and bake."

FuglyStick

Did Arnold wear a chainmail bikini?

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Plan9

No. His garb with made out of dead dog/wolf skin, if I recall correctly.

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FuglyStick

That's too bad

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Plan9

Wait... did the rescue-me princess in Conan: The Destroyer have a chainmail bra at some point? Can't remember.

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"You should not drink... and bake."

FuglyStick

Ooh, Olivia D'Abo. No chainmail, but damn I had a crush on her.

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Willravel

Ditto. First sideboob. *tear*

dksuddeth

I LOL'd

---------- Post added at 06:15 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:12 AM ----------

eh,



would make a good campy conan

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Baraka_Guru

The rumour of the day is that Austrian bodybuilder and former Mr. Universe Roland Kickinger is being approached to play Conan. So they'd be trying to hit par for the course. Kickinger has already played some small bits in other films, including having played Arnold Schwarzenegger.




He'd be campy too, I'm sure. I haven't seen him onscreen so I dunno. Maybe the rumours are floating around simply because he's an Austrian bodybuilder and has been onscreen before. *Shrugs* Oh...but apparently he's 5" taller than Arnold, so there's that.

See him act here: http://www.kickinger.com/video/video2.html

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

FuglyStick

He's a better actor than Arnold, that's for sure. Besides, you don't have to be much of a poet to play a barbarian.

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LordEden

I almost did a spit take at my office computer when I read that. Crompsin do you just dig through bad actions movies and know you want to pull them from the grave? Or is a wheel of bad movie quotes and you just spin it when you make a post?

I loved Denis Leary's rants in that movie.

"I want to smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green Jell-o all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener"."

***

Olivia D'Abo was so hot. When I was just a wee little tike, she made me realize happiness could be found in my pants.

***

Shouldn't the actor playing Conan be a *BAD* actor? Do we really want a well spoken Conan? Should he stumble over his lines like a good barbarian/thief mutli-class character? I got a huge sword but I steal things, shouldn't that be all he is? Who needs Int and Chr stats? I want 18/00 STR!

I loved Robert Jordan's Conan books, I got the first three in a huge leather bound book. I liked the way he fleshed the character out, making him smarter, a bit well spoken and sometimes the leader of a small merc group.

Don't know which Conan I would want for a movie, Smart or Dumb Conan.

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Baraka_Guru

Well, what does the source material show? Is Conan a dumb brute who merely swings his sword to get the job done, or is he a tactician, a thief, a king of men? "Barbarian" doesn't have to mean "dumb." It can also mean simply crude and warlike.

Do we want a Schwarzenegger do-over? Or a Conan reboot?

I'll take the reboot.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

mrklixx

Isn't that just like a man?

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This post is content. If you don't like it then you are not content. Or perhaps just incontinent.

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I hate animated avatars.

Baraka_Guru

And how!

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

LordEden

I'm always up for a reboot to the series, I would love to see Conan as a strong-willed, muscular, somewhat honorable and leader of men. I loved him in the series that Robert Jordan wrote. I think it's kind of like Tarzan, in the movies he was a crude savage but in the books (so I've heard) he a man of the jungle but was slightly civilized.

My question is, CAN they do a reboot of Conan and do it right? Will they fuck it up and make him into something that doesn't even resemble Conan in any way, shape, or form. Give me a slightly updated Conan and I'm happy, change everything about him? No fucking way. I'd rather have a dumb, brutish, barbarian that we have all come to love than some sissified, knight in shining armor who saves the day and never does anything wrong.

I know Barbarian isn't one-sided or one dimension, but I don't know if Hollywood does or not.

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Baraka_Guru

Lately, there has been a focus on source material with some of these kinds of movies. I wouldn't mind if the writers/director/producers went and read the original stories and some of the comics to create their character and world. The bad movies tend to be the ones where the creators took too much "artistic/creative license," while the rest of us go, "WTF?!"

I say base it mainly on the source material, but have it make sense for film. (Which is always a challenge, btw.)

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Reese

It could be worse.. It could be in 3D...

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FuglyStick

Chainmail bikini in 3D? Sounds like a win to me

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Baraka_Guru

It looks like Jason Momoa of Stargate Atlantis fame has been slotted as the next Conan. Coincidentally, he's also been cast to play Kahl Drogo in the upcoming HBO miniseries A Game of Thrones. I plan on seeing both of these.

I'm actually a bit relieved they didn't go the route of talentless bodybuilder as was rumoured. I want to be able to take a Conan reboot quasi-seriously.



Momoa set for 'Conan' - Entertainment News, Players, Media - Variety

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Baraka_Guru

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Fremen

Ok, I'm now officially onboard and exited with the new Conan movie.
That looks like my imagination come to life when I read about the Hyborean Age.
Thanks for posting them, Baraka.

Also, was that Mickey Rourke in there?

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dlish

i dunno..can anyone after Arnold do this movie justice?

id have preferred The Rock. But thats just me. This guy looks way too small to play some sort of warrior. I know brad pitt did ok playing achilles, but i dunno... ill definately go watch it, but im a huge fan of the original Conans..

i love this quote from arnold..

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Baraka_Guru

This question is beginning to annoy me. (It's not your fault, dlish.) Arnold's portrayal of Conan was iconic, but it's not gospel. When I think of Conan, I don't first think of Arnold Schwarzenegger, the bodybuilder-cum-wooden-actor. I first think of Robert E. Howard. (If you have to look him up, therein lies a symptom of the problem.)

You prefer the Rock. Jason Momoa looks too small. This is in relation to the Arnold Schwarzenegger portrayal, I assume, because in relation to the original illustrations of Conan, Momoa has a build that most closely resembles the body image of Conan as conceived.

Also, the builds of the likes of Arnold and the Rock aren't really that conducive to ferocious warriors. They're too bulky and favour strength at the expense of agility. Now I know that the Rock is pretty agile for his size, but there are limitations. He often looked clumsy/clunky as the Scorpion King.

Contrary to the Arnold portrayal, the character of Conan is brutal yet agile and intelligent. He is a ferocious warrior but he's also a skilled thief, military commander, and natural leader. He's a fully literate multilinguist.

This means that there is some serious lateral movement that can be taken in his portrayal in a new movie, the first in nearly 30 years I might add.

And watch the original movies again if you haven't seen them in a while. Despite what 9er will tell you, they are yet another indication that the 80s have some serious things to answer for.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

dlish

who??...

ok that answers your question.

it is interesting that your description of Conan remind me of Ghengis khan and Tamerlane.

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MeltedMetalGlob

I'll only see this if Conan punches out a camel in this installment as well.

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