Baraka_Guru

I've read snippets of news and rumours about a new Conan film. But now I'm hearing about a Red Sonja film that might follow it. (I'll take both!)

The Sonja film was originally going to be released for 2009, but has apparently been postponed until 2010, since the Conan film has been indefinitely suspended.

I hope they work this out because I miss these kinds of films that were popular in the '80s: swords & sorcery. We need a resurgence of this kind of film. No more kids stuff, no more 300 eye candy. Just the straight-up goods. Dark themes, course language, and violence; blood, sweat, and steel....

Has anyone else read anything about these projects?
Anyone else hoping they aren't ruined by current trends in filmmaking?

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Plan9

Chainmail bra = FAIL.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Willravel

Pinching would make that a less than desirable piece of clothing, yes. Then again, it's partially see through.

Honestly I don't have an opinion about a Red Sonja remake/reboot. All I know is that Brigitte Nielsen scares the living shit out of my penis.

Charlatan

Isn't Rose McGowan kind of short for this role? I've met her and I remember her being a lot shorter than me.

And a chainmail bra does not = Fail... it = hotness. You just need to line it with some leather... mmm leather.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Plan9

Frankly, I don't think they should touch it. I get the feeling they're ruining a classic with some scrawny bimbo.

At least Brigitte Nielsen was tall and buff enough to be a believable fighter. She kinda turns me on. Mmmmmm.

And they better not even touch the Conan series or I'll answer the riddle of steel after I set fire to their fucking set.

/clutches Arnold DVD collection to chest

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Baraka_Guru

Who said Sonja had to be tall or muscular? She just has to be a she-devil with a sword (and in some kind of mail bikini apparatus).

Besides, Schwarzenegger had an entire film career that benefited from favourable camera angles to make him appear taller.





Chainmail bikini.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

kutulu

Rose McGowan can't act but she's hot as hell.

Baraka_Guru

...in a chainmail bikini....

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

shalafi

mmmmmm chainmail bikini

Nikilidstrom

Red Sonja a classic? Really? And they already ruined Conan by making Conan The Destroyer. I do agree that sword and sorcery should make a comeback though, as even the worst of those films (Sword And The Sorcerer, Sword Of The Valient, The Deathstalker) were more entertaining then 90% of the crap action flicks that are made now.

LordEden

+1

Come on people! Bad ass chicks in CHAINMAIL with SWORDS?!?! WTF is wrong with that?

Crompsin you are going to tell me you were not a fan of Heavy Metal the film?

__________________
Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

Baraka_Guru

You forgot Dragonslayer.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

LordEden

I didn't think anyone else remembered that film! I loved it as a kid. Cheese and all.

... chainmail bikinis...

__________________
Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

Baraka_Guru

+1

Spoiler: You get bonus points for thinking of "chainmail bikini +1, +5 vs. dragons"

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

FuglyStick

You're just feeding my infatuation

__________________
AZIZ! LIGHT!

Shauk

This thread wins the "Thread with the most references to chainmail bikini's" award.

Xerxys

chainmail bikini ...




I see what B_G did with the dragons thing but I lost out on those points afterchainmail bikini was mentioned.

Fremen

Mmm, Red Sonja in a chainmail bikini with a machine-gun leg...

__________________
Google

CinnamonGirl

Swords and sorcery? Yes, please. I'm not really a fan of Rose McGowan, though. hmmmm.

Also, wouldn't it make more sense if the bikini was +5 Charisma?

__________________
"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

mrklixx

__________________
This post is content. If you don't like it then you are not content. Or perhaps just incontinent.

This is not a link - Do not click here

I hate animated avatars.

Charlatan

If they are going to make a new Conan series, please say it won't be as bad as Scorpion King (a bad Conan rip off if I ever saw one).

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

FuglyStick

If nothing else the posters are cool

__________________
AZIZ! LIGHT!

Jetée

crap, how can I be as successful and popular as Rose McGowan or Baraka_Guru?

I fail (but the overzealous posts riddled with pictures are indeed pleasing, so they mask my feelings of ineptitude nicely).

__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.

—Mohandas K. Gandhi

FuglyStick

Chain mail bikini. Haven't you been paying attention?

__________________
AZIZ! LIGHT!

Baraka_Guru

The judges would have accepted scalemail bikini as well.

---------- Post added at 10:46 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:33 PM ----------

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Plan9

This thread is like a splinter in my foreskin.

As much as I don't want to see it done, I will watch the final product and gripe like a disappointed Jewish grandmother.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

dksuddeth

thanks crompie. I didn't have an appropriate analogy at all to portray my sick and twisted mental condition that will force me to see this, even though I know it's going to probably suck ass worse than dungeons and dragons, despite the talents of jeremy irons, and now I have one.

__________________
"no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything. You cannot conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him."

Plan9

I live to serve.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

LordEden

Ummmm... I don't think we have talked about this before but....

MO*&ERFU*%ING ROSE MCGOWAN IN A CHAINMAIL BIKINI!!?!?!1111

What part of your genitally says no to this? Don't tell me we have another Cadet Smoothspot in our ranks. My penis says "HIIII HOOOOOO" and off to the movies I go.

__________________
Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

dksuddeth

if this movie consisted of rose mcgowan doing nothing but parading around in a chainmail bikini while handling weapons, then i'd consider it one of the best of the year, however, we KNOW that there are going to be lines, words, dialogue, and bad acting involved which is most likely going to detract from the awesome sight of steel and skin.

__________________
"no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything. You cannot conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him."

Plan9

THE HOTNESS OF A SINGLE ACTRESS CANNOT CARRY THE WEIGHT OF A SHIT-FOR-PLOT MOVIE.

I mean, I like "hot babes" as much as the next guy... but if I go to a movie, I want a frickin' story.

Seriously.

Unless it's porn, of course.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

LordEden

I thought that it was a unwritten statement that this was going to be bad, we all know it but we are all going to go see it anyway. It's going to have bad one liners, no plot worth talking about and no acting to speak of. I'm mearly looking at the bright side of The movie, the one thing I'm going to enjoy about spending $10 of my hard earned dollars to watch this flop of a movie. Hot chicks does not a good movie make...

But it does give us something nice to think about as we bash it on the Internet.

__________________
Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

Plan9

...but I wanted it to be a good campy movie like the original.

"Danger is my trade!" and all that.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Willravel

One Million Years BC might be the exception to your rule. The plot was atrocious, but it's an incredibly watchable movie simply because of Raquel Welch. Even today, it's something worth watching.

If they ever make a Baywatch movie, I'll be the first in line.

Plan9

1MYBC is acceptably B-flick awful. It's not like Modern Awful (Transformers 2).

* One Million Years B.C. is also a Misfits song.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

dksuddeth

racquel is incredibly watchable now.

__________________
"no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything. You cannot conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him."

FuglyStick

Hey, I enjoyed "D.O.A." (the silly video game knockoff), and it was little more than an excuse to film hot chicks playing volleyball and some pretty good fight choreography.

A good film? Hardly. Entertaining? Hell yes.

---------- Post added at 11:57 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:55 AM ----------

ka-ching

__________________
AZIZ! LIGHT!

Plan9

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

LordEden

You know there is no such thing as campy in 21st century. It is either good or bad, there is no campy inbetween. The only time we get a good campy film is if the director goes out of his/her way to MAKE a campy film. 80's films were campy because that's all they could do, they did not know any better.

... If Scifi channel got ahold of it... you might get some campy out of it.

***

I watched this movie the other day:


Chris Klein........ Words can not express how *BAD* his acting was, I mean I've seen Elementary School plays about giant pumpkins that had more acting chops than he did.

There was nothing redeemable about this movie, no chainmail, no hot girls, fight scenes sucked. In the 80's, this movie would have been campy, now... it just sucks.

__________________
Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

FuglyStick

Oh God, that was hideous. Chris Klein is the least threatening tough guy I've ever seen. Made what was already a bad movie nearly unwatchable.

Now if Kristin Kreuk and Moon Bloodgood had slugged it out in chainmail bikinis, it might have been a classic...

__________________
AZIZ! LIGHT!