Wedding Proposals Public vs Private - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

ShaniFaye · 10-03-2005, 12:24 PM

If you any of you ladies have been following NoSoups thread today about how to propose to his girlfriend...found here http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=95615 you will see that a question has arisen as to whether it should be a public or a private event.

He's asked me to make this poll here, as he wants to get ladies opinions..not muddled up with what the guys think.

So....which would you prefer and why?

ShaniFaye · 10-03-2005, 12:27 PM

I will add the first opinion hehehehe Public all the way!!!!! like I said in the other thread, he's been with her 5 years, he wouldnt have bought the ring if there was any thought of her saying no, I think its romantic to be surrounded by people that IF they are paying attention will get a little sappy and maybe applaud you

maleficent · 10-03-2005, 12:55 PM

I completely and utterly detest attention... so I'd be pretty humiliated and peeved if I (not that this will happen in my lifetime) asked in a public setting and the crowd applauded. (with my luck, the crowd would talk him out of it,

It's kind of like being sung happy birthday to in public (that would require being shot and killed on site)

Sugar&Spice · 10-03-2005, 01:01 PM

I would want to be proposed to in private. It would make it more personal and special to me because it would just be between the two of us. And, what if I started getting all emotional and crying happy tears? I don't want that happening in public. I'd prefer private, but if it took place in public it wouldn't bother me. I'll just be happy it someone actually proposes to me someday.

la petite moi · 10-03-2005, 01:27 PM

Public would be embarassing and not too special. Private is still silly because if you haven't talked about marriage before he proposed, that's weird.

nwlinkvxd and I just exchanged rings and were done with it.

5757 · 10-03-2005, 02:06 PM

I wouldn't mind a public proposal. I've seen some great proposals on TV that were pretty outrageous.. and I thought they seemed awesome!! One that I can remember involved a fire department. The woman was a teacher and she had asked the fire department to come and visit her class. As she gathered the kids outside for a demonstration on how to use the hose on the fire truck, her husband came out from around the fire truck and said something along the lines of 'Theres a Fire in My Heart...Burning to love you for the rest of my life...Will you marry me?' He had the whole thing televised. It made the local evening news. Seems romantic to me.

shesus · 10-03-2005, 02:18 PM

I think that a public proposal could be romantic if the situation was right. Candlelight, music, fancy restuarant, etc. Private proposals I think would be more intimate for the couple. I have been engaged twice. The first one was a trip to the jewelry store to pick out a ring. Then he gave it to me on Christmas day in front of my family as a wrapped present. However, I don't consider that a real proposal since he never asked me nor put the ring on my finger. As I mentioned in a previous thread, jj and I never officially got engaged so there was no ring to make a proposal.

Therefore, I pick other because I think a proposal could be a pretentious thing. If it is public, it seems that the couple wants a lot of attention. If it is private, well as la petite moi said, obviously the woman would already know that the proposal was coming. I think that the best type of circumstance is when you know you are going to get married, the words don't have to be said because you can feel it inside of you. That, imo, is true love and means much more than a fancy proposal.
Plus, I have a bad memory so I probably wouldn't remember much about it anyway.

ShaniFaye · 10-03-2005, 02:24 PM

I was engaged when I was 18...he proposed to me in front of a crowd at a Metallica concert...I LOVED it.

Dave propsed while having sex....and I have to admit...I really wish it had been done differently....but he knows that...so my ering is now been taken away from me and he will "propose" again sometime in the next 25 days lol

I guess Im just the kind of person that thinks its really cool to be proposed to in public

*Nikki* · 10-03-2005, 03:15 PM

My husband proposed to to me while I was at work. He wanted it to be a 100% surprise and I don't think that anyone would have guessed it would happen there.

There was no one in the room with us when he did it but several coworkers overheard.

I was so happy I didn't give a damn where he did it, I was just glad it happened!!

I can't imagine someone being picky about a proposal.

Pip · 10-04-2005, 12:16 AM

There's something about a public proposal that just rubs me the wrong way. I mean, it would be impossible to say no, wouldn't it? All those other people going Aaaww and looking at you expectantly... Maybe I'm too insecure, but I hate being backed into a corner, even if it's a corner I'd love to be in.
Not that I've ever been proposed to (seriously, at least) so what do I know?

lurkette · 10-04-2005, 06:35 AM

I'm torn - in general, I would say private, especially if you're really ASKING and don't know the outcome. Nobody needs that kind of pressure and/or risk of humiliation. I know of at least one woman who said "yes" because everyone was watching and later had to back out of the engagement because she really didn't want to get married.

However, if you are pretty sure about the outcome and know the person would enjoy that kind of thing, public proposals can be very romantic.

onodrim · 10-04-2005, 07:16 AM

In general I would say go for private, I think it's better as an initimate moment between the couple. However, personally I agree with those who have said that that all the hype over proposal is just silly. If you're at the stage in your relationship where you feel you want to be married, there shouldn't have to be some special words and expensive jewelry to confirm it. I'm not trying to insulte those for whom the whole proposal process was very important, everyone person and every couple is different. But I know for myself I picture something very much like what shesus described, you just know between the two of you without the formal ceremony and all.

snowy · 10-04-2005, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Nikki*

I was so happy I didn't give a damn where he did it, I was just glad it happened!!

I can't imagine someone being picky about a proposal.

There you have my 2 cents.

eMOTIONal20 · 10-04-2005, 12:11 PM

I would *prefer* a private proposal, though I know I wouldn't throw a fit or anything if it were done publicly.

I kind-of imagine it being done very unexpectedly. The whole romantic dinner, get down on one knee... thing... no thanks.

maleficent · 10-04-2005, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Nikki*

I can't imagine someone being picky about a proposal.

It's not so much as being picky - -it's about knowing what the person you want to spend the rest of your life with would prefer. I would hope that a person had at least that level of understanding of the person they want ask before they do the asking.

raeanna74 · 10-04-2005, 01:38 PM

I love attention. There I said it. I would have enjoyed a public proposal. Hubby gave me a private one that made me cry it was so sweet. We ended up honeymooning on the same mountain where he proposed. I wouldn't change a thing.

I think a private proposal is a safe choice because if done right, even an attention whore like me appreciates it and doesn't care about public or private. If you went the other way you risk causing the girl embarrasement unless you are sure she likes the attention.

sillygirl · 10-09-2005, 08:18 AM

I think that either way could be wonderful. My hunny and I have talked about marriage, and I have no idea what he would do. I could see either situation being perfect, and either situation being embarrassing and awful, depending on how it would be done. However, I know that he would never do anything embarrassing or too big no matter what. I agree that some people get to be too picky about how they were proposed to, but I can also agree that some people are just uncomfortable getting the attention in public.

anti fishstick · 10-09-2005, 09:00 AM

traditionally, I'd prefer private just because it seems a little more special that way. Something you both share and no one else. Besides that, I would probably blush and get embarassed in public. And I don't feel the whole world needs to know if i'm going to get married because I have nothing to prove. And if they're all strangers, it doesn't concern them. Public in the presence of family or something might be a little different...

But actually, I would rather just get the thing over with and reach an agreement with it. Rather than it be this surprise thing where the guy just randomly proposes, I want to be part of the decision making process... If we should get married, when, where, etc. I don't even want an engagement ring. Don't like symbols.

Sweetpea · 10-10-2005, 07:13 PM

Mine was private, set in a beautiful park on Christmas Eve... It was romantic even though we had to do it in the car due to very heavy rain...

I think, however you get asked, it's going to be romantic because you love the person.

Public or private really depends on the person. Mine was private, but if it had been public, that would have been fine too and equally as exciting

Sweetpea

BlueBongo · 10-10-2005, 09:07 PM

I dunno.. I'm not uber excited about the idea of a public request, especially of that nature.

But I don't know that it would matter either way, to be honest.

sexymama · 10-11-2005, 08:23 PM

Lebell proposed to me semi-public. (We were at a New Year's eve get together with friends. They were all outside and we were inside when he proposed.) If I had said no or I have to think about it, there would have been less embarassement. As it was, I said yes and it was nice to have people to celebrate with.

I think it depends totally on the person. He knows her best and should decide based on her personality.

Mugzy6 · 10-15-2005, 10:17 PM

Private is definitely way more personal. Plus then you can celebratory sex hehe. After that you can call everyone with the good news!

genuinegirly · 10-16-2005, 08:21 AM

I'm voting public for this one. She seems to be the kind of woman that won't mind a little attention. The bigger the fuss, the better. She has been waiting a while for this and will most likely not expect a thing - unless of course you seem nervous or something.

With her needing to go into work the next day:

I'd skip calling up the boss and explaining things if you're not sure it's going to fly. Make the engagement a big show earlier in the evening, then go home and make sure she gets a good night's sleep. She can show off the excellent ring all day at work =) The more brag time she gets, the better.

So since you're going to this nicer restaurant, find some way to get the staff involved. Make a big crowd at your table, attract the attention of everyone there. Might want to have a few mutual friends stashed in a corner somewhere to pop out when the crowd gathers. Something so she's like "What the heck?" As the crowd gathers, have them play your song...

Rubyee · 10-16-2005, 11:21 AM

Honestly, it doesn't matter as long as he POPS THE FREAKIN QUESTION!

I am starting to lose patience.

Nancy · 10-17-2005, 11:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pip

There's something about a public proposal that just rubs me the wrong way

I suppose it's the same for the entire Danish population as none of our proposals ever seem to be done in public. I've never got why some people would do it in public in front of a bunch of strangers who couldn't care less anyway

Private is definitely more private <- gotta agree completely with that. Having that said it doesn't matter what I prefer because I'm never going to be married anyway

ShaniFaye · 10-18-2005, 03:13 AM

I got mine this past weekend (thread about it is wandering around somewhere). It was very public and it was very awesome. There is something about "strangers" knowing your the happiest person in the entire world that just makes a person feel like they are on top of the world, even if its for 3 minutes.

serlindsipity · 10-18-2005, 05:01 PM

Public - I secretly want some form of affirmation that saying "yes" is a good idea, even if it is from complete strangers.

and i love cheering for others who propose publicy, its exciting to see!

sarita · 10-18-2005, 05:19 PM

Private - What if I said no? Or just, I'm not ready yet? I'd feel obligated to say yes while in public, and then have to deal with an awkward conversation later. He's still gotta go all out to get a yes from me though. Perhaps a surprise dinner in a park that he's gotten all lit up for us? I don't know, something better than how my Dad proposed. In bed with Mom, he says, "So when are we going to get married?"

Atropos4 · 10-24-2005, 07:50 PM

I like attention and all but I still prefer private. Alphaphi proposed in private. It was beautiful and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Lead543 · 10-24-2005, 09:47 PM

I picked other. I wouldn't want to be proposed to on a jumbotron at a baseball game but at the same time I wouldn't want to be proposed to in my bedroom.

But quite frankly, as long as I'm getting the ring, it's allll good.

View Poll Results: What kind of wedding proposal would/did/you you prefer
Public	12	21.05%
Private	39	68.42%
Other-please explain	6	10.53%
Voters: 57. You may not vote on this poll

10-03-2005, 12:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	Wedding Proposals Public vs Private If you any of you ladies have been following NoSoups thread today about how to propose to his girlfriend...found here http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=95615 you will see that a question has arisen as to whether it should be a public or a private event. He's asked me to make this poll here, as he wants to get ladies opinions..not muddled up with what the guys think. So....which would you prefer and why? __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

10-03-2005, 12:27 PM	#2 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	I will add the first opinion hehehehe Public all the way!!!!! like I said in the other thread, he's been with her 5 years, he wouldnt have bought the ring if there was any thought of her saying no, I think its romantic to be surrounded by people that IF they are paying attention will get a little sappy and maybe applaud you __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

10-03-2005, 12:55 PM	#3 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	I completely and utterly detest attention... so I'd be pretty humiliated and peeved if I (not that this will happen in my lifetime) asked in a public setting and the crowd applauded. (with my luck, the crowd would talk him out of it, It's kind of like being sung happy birthday to in public (that would require being shot and killed on site) __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less. Last edited by maleficent; 10-03-2005 at 01:00 PM..

10-03-2005, 01:01 PM	#4 (permalink)
Sugar&Spice Psycho	I would want to be proposed to in private. It would make it more personal and special to me because it would just be between the two of us. And, what if I started getting all emotional and crying happy tears? I don't want that happening in public. I'd prefer private, but if it took place in public it wouldn't bother me. I'll just be happy it someone actually proposes to me someday. __________________ -Speak your mind even if your voice shakes

10-03-2005, 01:27 PM	#5 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	Public would be embarassing and not too special. Private is still silly because if you haven't talked about marriage before he proposed, that's weird. nwlinkvxd and I just exchanged rings and were done with it.

10-03-2005, 02:06 PM	#6 (permalink)
5757 Insane Location: Vegas!!	... I wouldn't mind a public proposal. I've seen some great proposals on TV that were pretty outrageous.. and I thought they seemed awesome!! One that I can remember involved a fire department. The woman was a teacher and she had asked the fire department to come and visit her class. As she gathered the kids outside for a demonstration on how to use the hose on the fire truck, her husband came out from around the fire truck and said something along the lines of 'Theres a Fire in My Heart...Burning to love you for the rest of my life...Will you marry me?' He had the whole thing televised. It made the local evening news. Seems romantic to me. __________________ Hey! Wait! I've got a new complaint, Forever in debt to ((your)) priceless advice. - Nirvana

10-03-2005, 02:18 PM	#7 (permalink)
shesus Fancy Location: Chicago	I think that a public proposal could be romantic if the situation was right. Candlelight, music, fancy restuarant, etc. Private proposals I think would be more intimate for the couple. I have been engaged twice. The first one was a trip to the jewelry store to pick out a ring. Then he gave it to me on Christmas day in front of my family as a wrapped present. However, I don't consider that a real proposal since he never asked me nor put the ring on my finger. As I mentioned in a previous thread, jj and I never officially got engaged so there was no ring to make a proposal. Therefore, I pick other because I think a proposal could be a pretentious thing. If it is public, it seems that the couple wants a lot of attention. If it is private, well as la petite moi said, obviously the woman would already know that the proposal was coming. I think that the best type of circumstance is when you know you are going to get married, the words don't have to be said because you can feel it inside of you. That, imo, is true love and means much more than a fancy proposal. Plus, I have a bad memory so I probably wouldn't remember much about it anyway. __________________ Whatever did happen to your soul? I heard you sold it Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

10-03-2005, 02:24 PM	#8 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	I was engaged when I was 18...he proposed to me in front of a crowd at a Metallica concert...I LOVED it. Dave propsed while having sex....and I have to admit...I really wish it had been done differently....but he knows that...so my ering is now been taken away from me and he will "propose" again sometime in the next 25 days lol I guess Im just the kind of person that thinks its really cool to be proposed to in public __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

10-03-2005, 03:15 PM	#9 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	My husband proposed to to me while I was at work. He wanted it to be a 100% surprise and I don't think that anyone would have guessed it would happen there. There was no one in the room with us when he did it but several coworkers overheard. I was so happy I didn't give a damn where he did it, I was just glad it happened!! I can't imagine someone being picky about a proposal.

10-04-2005, 12:16 AM	#10 (permalink)
Pip Likes Hats Location: Stockholm, Sweden	There's something about a public proposal that just rubs me the wrong way. I mean, it would be impossible to say no, wouldn't it? All those other people going Aaaww and looking at you expectantly... Maybe I'm too insecure, but I hate being backed into a corner, even if it's a corner I'd love to be in. Not that I've ever been proposed to (seriously, at least) so what do I know?

10-04-2005, 06:35 AM	#11 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I'm torn - in general, I would say private, especially if you're really ASKING and don't know the outcome. Nobody needs that kind of pressure and/or risk of humiliation. I know of at least one woman who said "yes" because everyone was watching and later had to back out of the engagement because she really didn't want to get married. However, if you are pretty sure about the outcome and know the person would enjoy that kind of thing, public proposals can be very romantic. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

10-04-2005, 07:16 AM	#12 (permalink)
onodrim Cosmically Curious Location: Chicago, IL	In general I would say go for private, I think it's better as an initimate moment between the couple. However, personally I agree with those who have said that that all the hype over proposal is just silly. If you're at the stage in your relationship where you feel you want to be married, there shouldn't have to be some special words and expensive jewelry to confirm it. I'm not trying to insulte those for whom the whole proposal process was very important, everyone person and every couple is different. But I know for myself I picture something very much like what shesus described, you just know between the two of you without the formal ceremony and all. __________________ "The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides" -Carl Sagan

10-04-2005, 12:11 PM	#14 (permalink)
eMOTIONal20 Crazy Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado	I would prefer a private proposal, though I know I wouldn't throw a fit or anything if it were done publicly. I kind-of imagine it being done very unexpectedly. The whole romantic dinner, get down on one knee... thing... no thanks. __________________ "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi

10-04-2005, 01:38 PM	#16 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	I love attention. There I said it. I would have enjoyed a public proposal. Hubby gave me a private one that made me cry it was so sweet. We ended up honeymooning on the same mountain where he proposed. I wouldn't change a thing. I think a private proposal is a safe choice because if done right, even an attention whore like me appreciates it and doesn't care about public or private. If you went the other way you risk causing the girl embarrasement unless you are sure she likes the attention. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

10-09-2005, 08:18 AM	#17 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	I think that either way could be wonderful. My hunny and I have talked about marriage, and I have no idea what he would do. I could see either situation being perfect, and either situation being embarrassing and awful, depending on how it would be done. However, I know that he would never do anything embarrassing or too big no matter what. I agree that some people get to be too picky about how they were proposed to, but I can also agree that some people are just uncomfortable getting the attention in public. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

10-09-2005, 09:00 AM	#18 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	traditionally, I'd prefer private just because it seems a little more special that way. Something you both share and no one else. Besides that, I would probably blush and get embarassed in public. And I don't feel the whole world needs to know if i'm going to get married because I have nothing to prove. And if they're all strangers, it doesn't concern them. Public in the presence of family or something might be a little different... But actually, I would rather just get the thing over with and reach an agreement with it. Rather than it be this surprise thing where the guy just randomly proposes, I want to be part of the decision making process... If we should get married, when, where, etc. I don't even want an engagement ring. Don't like symbols. __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

10-10-2005, 07:13 PM	#19 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	Mine was private, set in a beautiful park on Christmas Eve... It was romantic even though we had to do it in the car due to very heavy rain... I think, however you get asked, it's going to be romantic because you love the person. Public or private really depends on the person. Mine was private, but if it had been public, that would have been fine too and equally as exciting Sweetpea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

10-11-2005, 08:23 PM	#21 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	Lebell proposed to me semi-public. (We were at a New Year's eve get together with friends. They were all outside and we were inside when he proposed.) If I had said no or I have to think about it, there would have been less embarassement. As it was, I said yes and it was nice to have people to celebrate with. I think it depends totally on the person. He knows her best and should decide based on her personality. __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

10-15-2005, 10:17 PM	#22 (permalink)
Mugzy6 Tilted Location: North Carolina	Private is definitely way more personal. Plus then you can celebratory sex hehe. After that you can call everyone with the good news!

10-16-2005, 08:21 AM	#23 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	I'm voting public for this one. She seems to be the kind of woman that won't mind a little attention. The bigger the fuss, the better. She has been waiting a while for this and will most likely not expect a thing - unless of course you seem nervous or something. With her needing to go into work the next day: I'd skip calling up the boss and explaining things if you're not sure it's going to fly. Make the engagement a big show earlier in the evening, then go home and make sure she gets a good night's sleep. She can show off the excellent ring all day at work =) The more brag time she gets, the better. So since you're going to this nicer restaurant, find some way to get the staff involved. Make a big crowd at your table, attract the attention of everyone there. Might want to have a few mutual friends stashed in a corner somewhere to pop out when the crowd gathers. Something so she's like "What the heck?" As the crowd gathers, have them play your song... __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

10-16-2005, 11:21 AM	#24 (permalink)
Rubyee I'm baaaaack!	Honestly, it doesn't matter as long as he POPS THE FREAKIN QUESTION! I am starting to lose patience. __________________ You don't know from fun.

10-18-2005, 03:13 AM	#26 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	I got mine this past weekend (thread about it is wandering around somewhere). It was very public and it was very awesome. There is something about "strangers" knowing your the happiest person in the entire world that just makes a person feel like they are on top of the world, even if its for 3 minutes. __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

10-18-2005, 05:01 PM	#27 (permalink)
serlindsipity Psycho Location: Boulder Baby!	Public - I secretly want some form of affirmation that saying "yes" is a good idea, even if it is from complete strangers. and i love cheering for others who propose publicy, its exciting to see!

10-18-2005, 05:19 PM	#28 (permalink)
sarita Upright Location: Minnie-apple of MN	Private - What if I said no? Or just, I'm not ready yet? I'd feel obligated to say yes while in public, and then have to deal with an awkward conversation later. He's still gotta go all out to get a yes from me though. Perhaps a surprise dinner in a park that he's gotten all lit up for us? I don't know, something better than how my Dad proposed. In bed with Mom, he says, "So when are we going to get married?"

10-24-2005, 07:50 PM	#29 (permalink)
Atropos4 Think about it Location: North Carolina	I like attention and all but I still prefer private. Alphaphi proposed in private. It was beautiful and I wouldn't have it any other way. __________________ Minds are like parachutes. They work better open. "If I were Hermione, I would have licked his pantleg."

10-24-2005, 09:47 PM	#30 (permalink)
Lead543 Registered User Location: Calgary	I picked other. I wouldn't want to be proposed to on a jumbotron at a baseball game but at the same time I wouldn't want to be proposed to in my bedroom. But quite frankly, as long as I'm getting the ring, it's allll good.