Ever have a question for a guy... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Sue · 08-11-2005, 11:22 AM

nm yall.........

amonkie · 08-11-2005, 12:39 PM

I may not be the best one to ask as I have discarded the use of labels in my current relationship, but this is obviously important to you - how serious are you about this relationship?

If you have any hopes or inklings of a strong future in the works, being shy isn't going to cut it for being open and honest about your feelings and communicating those to him. Think of it this way - YOU are invested in this, you need to be assertive about making sure you take care of your own mental, physical, and spiritual/emotional health. One way you can do that is relieve yourself of the stress of playing the wondering game. If asking him outright isn't a solution, the only choice you may have left is to drop all worries, and just let this relationship progress naturally, and focus on WHO he is ... not the label you want to associate with him.

ngdawg · 08-11-2005, 04:34 PM

It would seem you want validation of this relationship by attaching the boyfriend/girlfriend label to it. The most important thing should be where do your hearts stand on this? You say you are pleased with what he's said so far...but since he hasn't given it a precise name, you want to ask more questions?
Perhaps instead of questions about what to call it, maybe you should try to find why you need the label? Insecurity? Etiquette when introducing? In that case, just asking, "may I call you my boyfriend when I introduce you to my friends, or would you prefer something else?" would suffice, I'm sure.

Sugarmouse · 08-12-2005, 01:25 AM

i have no advice exept to ask him in some way whether it is outrightt or not-dont just leave it....thats a communication break down and that is what ruined my most wanted relationship in lot of ways i feel

ask him over email or something if yu feel hy-he may be awaiting u to ask him! u never knoow.

i remmber how happy i felt when bobillydylan first reffered to me as his girlfriend in front of someoen lolol

genuinegirly · 08-13-2005, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ngdawg

It would seem you want validation of this relationship by attaching the boyfriend/girlfriend label to it...Perhaps instead of questions about what to call it, maybe you should try to find why you need the label? Insecurity? Etiquette when introducing? In that case, just asking, "may I call you my boyfriend when I introduce you to my friends, or would you prefer something else?" would suffice, I'm sure.

Excellent advice there!

I find labels frustrating myself. Will "The man I love" not suffice?

SiN · 08-13-2005, 02:12 PM

+1 vote for ngdawg's advise, quite excellent.

@ genuinegirly - eh, as more of a general thing, than specific to this situation ... but that may not suffice.
too 'sappy' sounding ... or maybe it's more like 'the man I'm fucking' or whateverthefuck.

maybe, where a label is necessary (when referring to him to others) 'the man i'm seeing/dating' or whatever, could be a bit better and more neutral?

/shrug

shesus · 08-13-2005, 03:15 PM

I agree with ng on this one.
However, if you need a label to validate what you have you need to find out for your own sanity. I am typically shy myself so I would make a joke about it so if he doesn't want the lable you could laugh it off. Or you could blame it on someone else to start the conversation. For example, you could say you were talking to a friend today and she asked how your bf was doing. You said you didn't know because you've never referred to him as your bf. What does he think about that? I don't know, that sounds malipulative, but it gets the discussion open and it takes the heat off of you so you don't have to worry about scaring him off.

Through my relationship now, I don't think we have ever had any labels and have been perfectly happy. I rarely even refer to him as my husband.

Labels aren't that big of a deal. If you are happy with the way things are going, I say just leave them the way they are. I was married before I ever referred to JJ as my boyfriend. We never even really got engaged, so fiance was out of the question. I think it is better that way because it is more of a connection. Well, those are my 2 cents for what it's worth. Good luck!

StormBerlin · 08-14-2005, 10:49 AM

As long as you guys are happy doing what you're doing, and you feel like he's your "boyfriend" don't worry too much about the label. If people ask, just call him your boyfriend. I feel that labels are more for others benefits, not so much the people in the relationship. I was with a guy for eight months, and occasionally I refered to him as my boyfriend just because other people got confused otherwise. I was just happy being with him and I didn't care what label I attached to it.

08-11-2005, 11:22 AM	#1 (permalink)
Sue Teufel Hunden's Freundin Location: Westminster, CO	Ever have a question for a guy... nm yall......... __________________ Teg yw edrych tuag adref. Last edited by Sue; 08-23-2005 at 07:39 PM..

08-11-2005, 12:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	I may not be the best one to ask as I have discarded the use of labels in my current relationship, but this is obviously important to you - how serious are you about this relationship? If you have any hopes or inklings of a strong future in the works, being shy isn't going to cut it for being open and honest about your feelings and communicating those to him. Think of it this way - YOU are invested in this, you need to be assertive about making sure you take care of your own mental, physical, and spiritual/emotional health. One way you can do that is relieve yourself of the stress of playing the wondering game. If asking him outright isn't a solution, the only choice you may have left is to drop all worries, and just let this relationship progress naturally, and focus on WHO he is ... not the label you want to associate with him. __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

08-11-2005, 04:34 PM	#3 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	It would seem you want validation of this relationship by attaching the boyfriend/girlfriend label to it. The most important thing should be where do your hearts stand on this? You say you are pleased with what he's said so far...but since he hasn't given it a precise name, you want to ask more questions? Perhaps instead of questions about what to call it, maybe you should try to find why you need the label? Insecurity? Etiquette when introducing? In that case, just asking, "may I call you my boyfriend when I introduce you to my friends, or would you prefer something else?" would suffice, I'm sure. __________________ Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

08-12-2005, 01:25 AM	#4 (permalink)
Sugarmouse Insane Location: Preston lancs(i know i know)	i have no advice exept to ask him in some way whether it is outrightt or not-dont just leave it....thats a communication break down and that is what ruined my most wanted relationship in lot of ways i feel ask him over email or something if yu feel hy-he may be awaiting u to ask him! u never knoow. i remmber how happy i felt when bobillydylan first reffered to me as his girlfriend in front of someoen lolol __________________ Sugarmouse=Festered

08-13-2005, 02:12 PM	#6 (permalink)
SiN strangelove Location: ...more here than there...	+1 vote for ngdawg's advise, quite excellent. @ genuinegirly - eh, as more of a general thing, than specific to this situation ... but that may not suffice. too 'sappy' sounding ... or maybe it's more like 'the man I'm fucking' or whateverthefuck. maybe, where a label is necessary (when referring to him to others) 'the man i'm seeing/dating' or whatever, could be a bit better and more neutral? /shrug __________________ - + - ° GiRLie GeeK ° - + - ° 01110010011011110110111101110100001000000110110101100101 Therell be days/When Ill stray/I may appear to be/Constantly out of reach/I give in to sin/Because I like to practise what I preach

08-13-2005, 03:15 PM	#7 (permalink)
shesus Fancy Location: Chicago	I agree with ng on this one. However, if you need a label to validate what you have you need to find out for your own sanity. I am typically shy myself so I would make a joke about it so if he doesn't want the lable you could laugh it off. Or you could blame it on someone else to start the conversation. For example, you could say you were talking to a friend today and she asked how your bf was doing. You said you didn't know because you've never referred to him as your bf. What does he think about that? I don't know, that sounds malipulative, but it gets the discussion open and it takes the heat off of you so you don't have to worry about scaring him off. Through my relationship now, I don't think we have ever had any labels and have been perfectly happy. I rarely even refer to him as my husband. Labels aren't that big of a deal. If you are happy with the way things are going, I say just leave them the way they are. I was married before I ever referred to JJ as my boyfriend. We never even really got engaged, so fiance was out of the question. I think it is better that way because it is more of a connection. Well, those are my 2 cents for what it's worth. Good luck! __________________ Whatever did happen to your soul? I heard you sold it Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

08-14-2005, 10:49 AM	#8 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	As long as you guys are happy doing what you're doing, and you feel like he's your "boyfriend" don't worry too much about the label. If people ask, just call him your boyfriend. I feel that labels are more for others benefits, not so much the people in the relationship. I was with a guy for eight months, and occasionally I refered to him as my boyfriend just because other people got confused otherwise. I was just happy being with him and I didn't care what label I attached to it. __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane