Mugzy6

Has your SO ever criticized something you did during any kind of sexual encounter?

I had a SO criticize me once on the way I performed orally. At the time I was very hurt and it really turned me off doing it to be honest. However, I am with a new SO now and taking the criticism to mind I changed my technique a bit. I'm quite happy to say that he said it was the best he'd ever had. I guess my point is, should I not have been hurt when I was told?

Nancy

You shouldn't have been hurt at the time Mugzy (unless he criticized you in a condescendingly manner of course). I mean would you rather he'd shut up and let you continue doing something to him which he thought was unpleasant/annoying? If we don't open our mouths and correct/criticize one another then how are we ever going to improve our skills?

Loverboy has never criticized any thing I've done. He usually tells me that I do everything perfectly

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I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Seeker

It's one thing to be told it's not working and quite another if you are told you suck at it. (No pun intended..) In agreeance with Nancy, how else do we improve! Also, what works for one may not work for another. If something is not working, you should both find a better way.. together.

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ShaniFaye

quite frankly would be offended if I was doing something that wasnt working for my partner and he DIDNT tell me. I have no problem at all telling my SO what I do and dont like and I expect the same from him.

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Lead543

If he criticized you in a mean or condecending way then of course you're going to take offence. Forget him, you've got a new s/o who thinks you're wonnnderfuul.

snowy

Critcism of my sexual skills has helped me to improve over the years. I love it when a partner lets me know if what I'm doing works for him or not--I want to do what pleases him the most. However, there is a manner in which to do it without hurting someone's feelings, and sometimes that's hard for people to do.

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KinkyKiwi

if nobody told me i wasnt supposed to use my nails during a handjob when i was 13 and had just bit down and not told me what to do there would be many more scarred men out there. you need to be "trained" sometimes

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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

cellophanedeity

"Ow ow ow! Sweetheart, I know your nipples like teeth, but mine are the anti-teeth!"

Sometimes a bit of critisism can help both of you have more fun! As long as he/she's not a jerk about it.

Suzz04

Should be called constructive critisism. I don't mind being told, "honey that hurts" or "oh yeah that feels good". I only know what I'm feeling and not the other one. Though... if it hurt or didn't feel good, it'll be fixed immediately and appropriate boo-boos kisses shall be done in the thousands!

Other than that, don't be negative to me and I'll strive harder and harder each time to see if I can top myself better than last time. Practice makes perfect!

Sugar&Spice

I agree with the others. If he did it in a condescending way then yes I could see you feeling hurt. But, if he was just telling you he didn't like something and to do it another way then that is good criticism and can only make you better at it.

One evening I had my boyfriend lay back and I had him critique my technique. Anything he didn't exactly like he had to tell me and then explain how I could improve. It was fun and now I know exactly what he likes. I'd much rather have him tell me what to improve then to keep giving him a mediocre blow job.

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eMOTIONal20

As long as he's saying it ummm nicely, then I'm good with a little criticism. I like to know how to please him, what he likes me to do... it's a good feeling when I can do everything juuust right.

However, demanding that I do something or telling me I can't do something is not what I like to hear. I myself, have a hard time "criticizing" my boyfriend. He does have a hard time taking criticism. I don't think i know how to go about saying anything yet... hmmm any suggestions?

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little_tippler

not meaning to hijack this thread, and if you think I should make a separate thread feel free to tell me, I find it really hard to tell my SO what I like in terms of him using his hands or mouth on me down there, and not because I don't know how to tell him, but because if I start to talk and kinda trying to "teach" him so to speak, he looks at me like he's saying "why are you telling me what to do"/"don't talk it kills the mood"...I find this a little frustrating and really wish we could communicate better but he says that sometimes we talk too much during sex and it kills the "lust" if you know what I mean. Any ideas on how to approach this in a different way? And no, I haven't really talked to him directly about this because I was hoping to get some advice on how to tell him in a non-crude way...

I'm all for constructive criticism and I often ask him if he's enjoying what I'm doing but he's not very talkative and is usually happy...and won't tell me what to do or whatever

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

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KinkyKiwi

little tippler..why not like make a sexy game out of directing him? like okay today you have to do EXACTLY what i say..now flick with your tongue there..ect..??

__________________
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

anti fishstick

I've never been criticized. Personally, I feel that if you need to bring constructive criticism up regarding sex, you should wait until afterwards as an afterthought or reflection. My boyfriend and I will do this but we tend to talk about positive things we like and should do more of. :-D

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Seeker

I'm not sure if I'd call it critisism.. but what about keeping discussions out of the bedroom... perhaps you could discuss what you would like to try during the day, like a lead up to the activity. If you can bring your sexual activity discussions in to the day to day type conversations, I'd imagine that could make for some more interesting bedroom activity and perhaps it won't be so structured and therefore won't 'kill the mood'.

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To those who wander but who are not lost...

~ Knowledge is not something you acquire, it is something you open yourself to.

anti fishstick

yeah, that's what I was trying to say Seeker! I agree.

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin