I don't know what love is - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

IndyRogue · 11-01-2004, 09:15 PM

I think I'm a horrible person. I started dating this guy back in July... nothing serious and I didnt even take it seriously when it started. I never thought it would last, I didn't even like him much. So why go out w/ him? I am 19. Never had a serious boyfriend, never been in love, never had my heart broken. Before we started dating I told him about another guy. Someone who is very important to me, someone I had never met but was going to fly half way across the world to meet in August. Someone who I've been talking to for almost 4 years, someone who has become my best friend and someone I have grown to love.

My boyfriend was pretty worried before I left for Europe that I was going to cheat on him. I assured him that I wouldn't, but in the back of my mind I was thinking something totally different. I went to Europe, I met this guy and it was just like normal. I wasn't nervous, we got along just fine and had enough things to talk about and we were just like we were in our letters and e-mails and chats. He was wonderful. I messed everything up... I don't know if it was culture shock or being homesick or what but I ended up going home early. After having slept w/ this wonderful friend. After having met his family, and hanging out w/ his friends and walking on the beach and looking into his eyes and being able to see how much he loved me and wanted me. Somehow I made myself miserable..... I was having a wonderful time and I turned everything around and worried about my bf and things not being the same when I got home. I had been planning this trip for more than a year and I ruined it. I don't even know how it happened. This guy is everything I've ever wanted, he knows me and he is the one person I have ever been completly honest w/ yet I left him and came back home early. I guess I don't know what I am wanting from you guys. Maybe to tell me that I am w/ my boyfriend here just because I dont want to be alone... because I want a companion. Because I am scared of having a long distance relationship, of it failing, and having my heart broken. I never told my boyfriend I cheated on him. Lately I keep thinking about it and I keep thinking maybe I will just tell him because that will end everything. I just don't know what to do, and I don't know what I feel. How do you ever know if what you are feeling is real?

Please help me out a little...

maleficent · 11-02-2004, 05:49 AM

You aren't a horrible person, so put that out of your head.

First off, the boyfriend, you can't force your feelings, if you don't love him, you don't love him, don't beat yourself up over it, however it's not fair to him to continue in a relationship if his feelings for you are stronger than yours.

As for the guy in Europe, are you sure what you feel for him is love, or is it a fantasy that you've created, because you aren't together a lot. It's easy to think you love someone or have strong feelings for them, when they aren't in your face constantly, and not bugging you with little things.

Right now you are not being fair to either guy... You are confused and that's natural. Things like distance can be worked out. The risk of getting your heart broken is part of falling in love, it might happen, it might not happen, but unless you take the risk, you won't experience love.

Coming clean with your boyfriend that you cheated? Eh -- what do you gain, if you only want to tell him because he'll break up wiht you and make your choice for you... that's wrong. Be honest with your feelings about him, and do what your heart tells you.

You don't ever truly know what you are feeling is real, your heart tells you a lot, but your brain can overrule most of that pretty easily. You have to trust yourself and do what is right for you.

sillygirl · 11-02-2004, 09:06 AM

This guy doesn't by chance frequent this board, does he? Because I seem to remember a thread a while back about a guy who was excited to have a girl fly to visit him, he took her to Paris, she went home early, etc...

maleficent · 11-02-2004, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sillygirl

This guy doesn't by chance frequent this board, does he? Because I seem to remember a thread a while back about a guy who was excited to have a girl fly to visit him, he took her to Paris, she went home early, etc...

Yah, know, I thought exactly the same thing...

sillygirl · 11-02-2004, 09:18 AM

maybe... this thread? http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=64848

IndyRogue · 11-02-2004, 08:42 PM

Ok.... very similar stories. You ladies are quick

sillygirl · 11-03-2004, 08:11 AM

So it's you? Contact him.

maleficent · 11-03-2004, 08:13 AM

What sillygirl said - -be honest with him and tell him exactly how you feel... maybe he'll read what you wrote-- but at least be honest with him...

11-01-2004, 09:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
IndyRogue Upright	I don't know what love is I think I'm a horrible person. I started dating this guy back in July... nothing serious and I didnt even take it seriously when it started. I never thought it would last, I didn't even like him much. So why go out w/ him? I am 19. Never had a serious boyfriend, never been in love, never had my heart broken. Before we started dating I told him about another guy. Someone who is very important to me, someone I had never met but was going to fly half way across the world to meet in August. Someone who I've been talking to for almost 4 years, someone who has become my best friend and someone I have grown to love. My boyfriend was pretty worried before I left for Europe that I was going to cheat on him. I assured him that I wouldn't, but in the back of my mind I was thinking something totally different. I went to Europe, I met this guy and it was just like normal. I wasn't nervous, we got along just fine and had enough things to talk about and we were just like we were in our letters and e-mails and chats. He was wonderful. I messed everything up... I don't know if it was culture shock or being homesick or what but I ended up going home early. After having slept w/ this wonderful friend. After having met his family, and hanging out w/ his friends and walking on the beach and looking into his eyes and being able to see how much he loved me and wanted me. Somehow I made myself miserable..... I was having a wonderful time and I turned everything around and worried about my bf and things not being the same when I got home. I had been planning this trip for more than a year and I ruined it. I don't even know how it happened. This guy is everything I've ever wanted, he knows me and he is the one person I have ever been completly honest w/ yet I left him and came back home early. I guess I don't know what I am wanting from you guys. Maybe to tell me that I am w/ my boyfriend here just because I dont want to be alone... because I want a companion. Because I am scared of having a long distance relationship, of it failing, and having my heart broken. I never told my boyfriend I cheated on him. Lately I keep thinking about it and I keep thinking maybe I will just tell him because that will end everything. I just don't know what to do, and I don't know what I feel. How do you ever know if what you are feeling is real? Please help me out a little...

11-02-2004, 05:49 AM	#2 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	You aren't a horrible person, so put that out of your head. First off, the boyfriend, you can't force your feelings, if you don't love him, you don't love him, don't beat yourself up over it, however it's not fair to him to continue in a relationship if his feelings for you are stronger than yours. As for the guy in Europe, are you sure what you feel for him is love, or is it a fantasy that you've created, because you aren't together a lot. It's easy to think you love someone or have strong feelings for them, when they aren't in your face constantly, and not bugging you with little things. Right now you are not being fair to either guy... You are confused and that's natural. Things like distance can be worked out. The risk of getting your heart broken is part of falling in love, it might happen, it might not happen, but unless you take the risk, you won't experience love. Coming clean with your boyfriend that you cheated? Eh -- what do you gain, if you only want to tell him because he'll break up wiht you and make your choice for you... that's wrong. Be honest with your feelings about him, and do what your heart tells you. You don't ever truly know what you are feeling is real, your heart tells you a lot, but your brain can overrule most of that pretty easily. You have to trust yourself and do what is right for you. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

11-02-2004, 09:06 AM	#3 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	This guy doesn't by chance frequent this board, does he? Because I seem to remember a thread a while back about a guy who was excited to have a girl fly to visit him, he took her to Paris, she went home early, etc... __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

11-02-2004, 09:18 AM	#5 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	maybe... this thread? http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=64848 __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

11-03-2004, 08:11 AM	#7 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	So it's you? Contact him. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

11-02-2004, 08:42 PM	#6 (permalink)
IndyRogue Upright	Ok.... very similar stories. You ladies are quick

11-03-2004, 08:13 AM	#8 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	What sillygirl said - -be honest with him and tell him exactly how you feel... maybe he'll read what you wrote-- but at least be honest with him... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.