*Nikki*

After one year of searching he got a job three hours away. So next week he is moving there to start work.
I am completely crushed. We have been together for about a year and a half and I am used to seeing him just about every day.
Now I will get to see him every couple of weeks.
We plan to get engaged sometime in the future and married also. However until that time I am here and he is there.
I don't know how to be positive about this. He says he needs my support on his new venture but all I can consontrate on is my own sadness on his departure.
We are so close and he is my best friend in life. I feel like we are breaking up even though that is far from what is happening. I worry that the distance between us will somehow damage what he and I have. How can I make this into a more positive situation?

Anyone been in this situation before?

maleficent

Anyone worth having is worth waiting for... While the distance, especially since you aren't used to it, will suck royally for a while, you will get used to it. There are phones, chat, phone, and visits, so it's not like he's going away for good.

Use it as a growing experience for yourself, do something you've always wanted to do, take a class. Use the time to give yourself a break and get to know yourself lounge around the house in your grungy sweats and dirty hair and unshaved legs (though you proably look adorable) Enjoy your own company.

He loves you and you love him, you will forever be in each other's hearts, and that makes the distance seem less so.

You haven't mentioned it recently, but your work situation was pretty sucky for a while, could this give you the urge to relocate closer to your boyfriend? Are the employment opportunities better for you there?

You are strong young lady, you will get thru this... and it will make your relationship stronger

__________________

la petite moi

I'm in that situation right now, except my boyfriend is at school. I live three and a half hours away from where he's going to school. It is definitely a hard situation, but you can make it through this. nwlinkvxd and I see each other every other weekend. It was difficult because I like it when he's home (since I'm terrified of driving and he's not. Plus, I didn't go to senior prom because I wanted to go with him, but he was taking a final exam that day), as I'm sure you do too. But like maleficent said, find something you like to do. Hang out with friends and discover something new about yourself.

PS: We've been dating for a year and three months, so I am just as committed as you are to your man.

PPS: We were only dating three months when he left for school the first time. He came home this summer and just left a couple days ago for school a second time. We have two-three more years of this, and then finally we can get married.

lurkette

Ratbastid and I spent every summer apart while we were in college, and while it's not the same situation, it presented a lot of challenges. Those challenges are surmountable if you're both committed, which it sounds like you both are, so I'm sure everything will work out.

Find a meeting spot somewhere in between, communicate with each other frequently, and try to keep your own life full and fun.

I'll be wishing you the best

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

anitra

unoaman and i are and hour and a half apart. we met on the internet and have always lived that distance from each other. we have been together for almost 3 years.

although the distance is not as far for us as you, we do spend every weekend together.

i like what lurkette said about finding a meeting spot half way between. i don't know what your money situation is but find a special place that you could meet, perhaps a b&b to stay at.

unoaman is moving here in about four months.

i also agree with spending time with yourself. i think it can be a real growth time for the both of you.

__________________
i'm a monkey just swingin through the trees

KimBauer

My ex lived about 2 hours drive away from me while I was at University. It only seemed to improve our relationship for the most part, the time we spent together became all the more special.

At the moment, I'm seeing a guy who lives in a completely other country.. I do have my plans to move there in the future, but it's hard at the moment.

sexymama

This is a great opportunity to increase communication and grow as an individual. I know it is difficult as I've been there with my ex (twice) and Lebell. I moved for my ex and it was worth it. Lebell moved with me. I trust he thinks it has been worth it.

We used the time apart to TALK A LOT! It gave us a chance to share dreams, fantasies, convictions, etc. Good luck! When you get lonely -- there is always tfp.

__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

RainbowBright

My husband and I lived two hours apart during college. We did a lot of driving and spent just about every weekend together. If you add up spending 48 hours straight together compared to the time you spend together when you live close it's probably not all that much different. It's a challenge but it will definetly help strengthen your relationship if it's worth working for (and it will be work - we had a lot of tearful phone calls) AOL IM was our saving grace - we were chatting every chance we got. Also saved on the phone bill.

*Nikki*

Thanks....it helps to know that others have been in this situation and made it work. I am dreading him moving next weekend. Basically we will have to live apart like this until we are 100% sure his job will work out. Then we can get engaged and make plans to get married. Until that time we are in limbo waiting. It makes no sense for me to move with him now when we don't know if this job is stable. Plus after the hell I went through with my ex I would like to be married to my partner before living with him. I just hate the whole waiting thing. I wish everything could happen NOW.

la petite moi

Man Nikki, I know how you feel. I just want college to be OVER, so I can get a job and get married.

hunnychile

Everything said prior from all these fine ladies is the truth. Right now your man needs you to be strong and supportive of his new job...and if it's the real thing it will work out. In fact, imagine that his job becomes the best thing ever happening to him and he decides you must marry him and come there to be his wife...it could happen that way. Yoy can use this time to grow into the fine lady (he wants) that you are to become and show him that you're mature enough to deal with this. That's what wives do. I know from experience all too well. If it's real, it will be just fine. Keep the faith. Meet in the middle and make it so good that he desires you all week long. With email you withstand surviving this better than those of us who only had snail mail and had to deal with 3,000 miles and 2 different colleges. Good luck...be brave and not tearful. Let him see how remarkable you are now and in the future. Hugs to you both!

__________________
"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

hunnychile

Stay positive.

__________________
"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

raeanna74

Hubby and I were separated by 2 1/2 hours while we were dating and then engaged while he lived here in town and I was at college. I was home for a summer in there but it lasted about 1 1/2 years. It was murder on the phone bills, but thank goodness for e-mail. It was worth it. It actually helped each of us find friends who would be supportive and we could confide in so that we weren't too completely dependant on each other. We've learned that being TOTALLY dependant on each other for companionship can be strenuous. You need other outlets and someone who can be a sounding board sometimes when things get edgy between you two.

Try to look at this as something to strengthen and test your relationship. You sound like you really care about him but you are afraid to be "left behind". Don't worry about who he's meeting or what he doing besides wanting to know how he is. He will let you know the rest. Maybe the wait won't be as long as you expect either.

I hope the job works out well for him. Good Luck to you both.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

*Nikki*

Well today he left for his new destination. I handled it a lot better then I thought I would. Either that, or it hasn't really sunk in yet that he is now living THERE and I am HERE. I have a key to his new place and I can't wait to go visit in two weeks. It will be nice to go to the beach like twice a month and stay for free! Meanwhile I am investigating the colleges there and soon I will start job hunting there once we find out that his location change is more stable. Thanks girls

pinkie

Oh wow, you guys will make the best of things. It'll make the sex great!! Good luck, and have fun visiting.

hunnychile

If he gave you a key, then you have no worries at all

__________________
"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB