Zappa55

my friend's bf said a weight comment to her that was very hurtful. Her family had been saying simular stuff. His was an accident i'm sure of it. I dont think he knows, do i tell him she is upset?

I am reluctant since i dont want to risk her trust. I think no details, just say im really worried about her.

she was talking about getting weight loss pills. She has a great body in my opinion. I'm really concerned, she is in a really down mood.

Also, how do I help her out?

aphroditeskiss1

i would say the best way to help her is to let her know that you are worried and site examples of why you are worried. if she is in need of help and ready to reach out for it, she will come to you. if not, let her know if anything is wrong, you are there to help her and to listen. i know from expeirenc that if she is not ready for help, she will shoot down your offer. be prepared for that and DO NOT take the offensive. once she sees that, even if you are the only one she can turn to, she won't. just calmly and gently let her know that if anything is wrong, you're there for her.

sexymama

Absolutely do not tell him! Talk to her -- mostly listen to her. Maybe encourage her to talk to him -- but don't give away her trust. She may need to know that she can rely on you down the road.

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Zappa55

I just told him she was veryupset. Not that he did it. Hopeully it all works. I only did it becuse her mental state concerned me. She had a "I dont care about what happens" attitude. If I risked her trust, it was only for her life.

pinkie

Well, congratulations on not respecting your friend's boundaries.

Acetylene

jeez, pinkie--

If a man hurts my best friend he is gonna hear about it! I don't need to tell him why, or make a big deal about secrets or personal issues or family or boundaries. I'm just gonna say, "You dickwad, how dare you make her feel like anything but a goddess!" I wouldn't be a good friend if I lurked quietly in the background and made catty remarks instead.

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pinkie

Jeez... I just basically said the same as sexymama, and there's a difference between being catty and being direct. I suppose the "congratulations" was sarcastic, so I'm sorry for that bit. but really, breaking someone's trust is a big deal. I'd be pretty upset if a friend of mine went to my husband instead of me.

Just telling it like it is...

pinkie

You obviously don't understand the concept of healthy boundaries.

Putting yourself in the middle of someone else's relationship is neither smart, nor healthily protective. It's called butting in where you don't belong.

Quote:

I don't need to tell him why, or make a big deal about secrets or personal issues or family or boundaries.

Actually, it's not your place to say anything to anyone else but your friend, but definitely not her husband/boyfriend.

Quote:

I'm just gonna say, "You dickwad, how dare you make her feel like anything but a goddess!" I wouldn't be a good friend if I lurked quietly in the background and made catty remarks instead.

No, you should act as a confidant to your friend, instilling trust, and providing healthy, nurturing support. Not go behind their back like a middle man. Learning where your place is and where your place is not is very helpful in respecting boundaries.