isis

Okay, so my boyfriend (currently ex) broke up with me the other day. Among other reasons, I think its because I don't show enough love in public. I'm terribly shy of PDA's because I'm young - and it seems whenever you're under the age of 25 and showing some love in public, you get nasty looks from everyone. Any suggestions to help overcome this? I mean, even holding hands seems somewhat awkward to me sometimes.

Also, on a different level, does anyone have any good 'pick me ups'? He feels like he isn't 'good' enough for me. He thinks he is fat, and ugly and that I'm just beautiful and skinny and perfect. He couldn't be further from the truth, but I have a hard time finding the words to make him feel better.

Thanks Ladies!

fallenangel

If you're not personally comfortable with PDA's then don't do it, he should respect that fact and where your comfort zone is. I guess people's reactions change whereever you go, some countries/cities are more accepting than others.

Personally, as long as i do'nt see anyone full out making out in public, i'm fine with holding hands, kissing, hugging, as long as it's to a moderate extent.

As far as 'pick me ups' go, I mean, if he's unhappy and self conscious with the way he looks that's something only he can truly change himself, just keep reminding him that It's HIM you chose to be with, and he's got to believe in that as much as you do for it to keep working. If he's pulling away and being negative, eventually it will rub off to you.

__________________
all I wanna do is - give the best of me to you

shannon

i agree with fallenangel, if you don't like PDAs you don't have to. i can assure you there are guys out there who don't like them either.
i personally am fairly against PDAs because i think sometimes it alienates people, so we (me and the bf) generally just don't do stuff in public. i mean we've got private for that, right?
i think also that as far as a pick me up that sometimes it just helps to have someone really show interest in you, which you are likely doing. so i would say just keep it up.

__________________
"When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

la petite moi

Sounds like my SO and I when it comes to the 'pick me ups.' I think one thing that helps me is that my boyfriend will almost kind of ...ignore me... if I start complaining. Or he'll tell me to go to sleep. Or that I'm not fat, dammit. It helps. Not at the time, no, because I feel resentful and angry. But afterwards, I feel better. Because really, I am kinda almost just wanting attention, and that's why I do it.

About the PDA, I TOTALLY understand. I think holding hands is perfectly fine. No one I know would look at a couple holding hands and not smile (or in my case, be sad because my SO is gone two weeks at a time). When it comes to hugs, that's fine too. You just gotta convince yourself of it. Little pecks or quick kisses don't really get people angry either. It's the nasty making out profusely and refusing to stop that people get grossed out by. Just tell yourself that, and work up the ladder of PDA. Just hold hands with him for awhile, despite your level of comfortability. It will come naturally after awhile.

And true, like the other girls said, you never HAVE to do it. But to me, it seems like you WANT to be able to show your affection. I might have misinterpreted it though. Good luck.

Sorry, I wrote a lot.

Oh, and edit: When it comes to getting dirty looks from older people, just glare on back. You (and they) should know that holding hands, hugging, or little kisses of affection are not ANYTHING to be ashamed of. (You can tell that I love snuggling in public if I'm just with my boyfriend. When we're out with his friends, I tend to be a little more distant though, because they have made it OBVIOUS they don't want to see that by hinting around that they DONT LIKE ME. And they're jealous because they don't have girlfriends... )

sexymama

Maybe, just maybe, your lack of PDAs makes him feel like you are not proud of him. You shouldn't do anything you are uncomfortable doing. Simply holding hands, however, is a nice way to proclaim to the world: I'm with this person and I'm pleased to be with him.

Also, he may want to look into antidepresents if he is always feeling low and/or down. They certainly aren't for everyone -- but may do the trick for him.

__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

Rubyee

I hear you- it looks so corny in public to be playing kissy face or touch-my-bum.

As for pick-me-ups, draw a moustache and big hair tufts coming out of his ears on all of his pictures. That helps.

__________________
You don't know from fun.

minyn

Love, you cant make him realize what he cant find on his own. no matter what you tell him and how many times you tell him you simply cant make him believe it for him.

as for personal behavior in public, <b> who is trying to make notice? why does he need people to see that?</b> not to say you were his trophy but it loses its personal(ness) when he needs others to see it as well.

__________________
"Woke up this morning with a blue moon in my eye"
~A3 "woke up this morning"

"Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got." -Janis Joplin

ladyadmin

I find nothing wrong with PDA. There is a line you can cross when PDA goes much farther then need be in public. I think it should be in the discretion of each individual person and relationship if they choose to cross that line.

I've come close to being caught having sex out in public and my friend just recently was caught while in the parking lot with her boyfriend. I don't have an issue with anyone that chooses to publicly display this type of affection unless they are flaunting it about and trying to get caught.

__________________
The Programmers' Cheer
Shift to the left, shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

Sugar&Spice

Hmm..I had an ex that was sort of like that..continued to say how perfect I was and how he wasn't good enough. I didn't show enough affection out in public..he seemed to think we needed to have make out sessions whereever we went and be glued to each others sides. In the end I discovered what a jealous controlling person he really is. He needed to feel he had possession over me and wanted everyone to see that.

Work up to holding hands and then little kisses. If it makes you uncomfortable and he doesn't understand then he is not worth your time.

__________________
-Speak your mind even if your voice shakes

SixEdxMia

Holding hands... kissing hands on butts or legs in passing is fine...You do have to watch out for old people and children,out of respect,but..I can almost promise that no one else really notices but you.(and jealous girls who envy your happiness)You shouldn't be uncomfortable about it.He is your other.Kiss him,hold his hand,You were proud of him right? Please be aware of the fine line between pda's, and dry humping..There is a difference between loving and sexual,and that.. is the line.I fight with humping strangers in public for being so sloppy in front of my kids.

__________________
Honey,We're home.

Acetylene

I had exactly that problem with my first boyfriend. Eventually I did too good of a job because he decided he was actually a Greek god and could do better :S

Cuddles are fun, and hugs are fun, and holding hands is fun, and none of those things have any impact on spectators, so how is it any of their business? As long as your behaviour is affectionate, and not sexual, you are 100% free to do whatever you want without fear of public reprisal.

Unfortuantely lots of people don't know this, and they fuss about it, usually because they have no one to cuddle and it makes them feel small and mean and lonely so they take it out on you, the same way if you drive a Rolls-Royce through the ghetto you'll get dirty looks. But that's not your fault and their love life is not your business so who cares?

Now, if your man sees you are delighted with him and proud of him and you demonstrate this in public with your actions (read: not only affection, but also rapt attention to his words, asking for and following his advice, introducing him to people with obvious pride, etc.) that will count for more than all the shallow compliments in the world. But words are still helpful and fun and they work really well when written down so try sending him effusive text messages and emails. That might be easier than complimenting him in person.

However, the biggest possible compliment you can give him is to love him. Because you chose HIM out of all the men in the whole world, and that makes him pretty special, don't let him forget that!

__________________
There's no justice. There's just us.

llewellyn

A lot of times public displays just kinda happen. Sometimes it's just a natural reaction... holding hands, affectionate touches, and the person doesn' t give it a second thought that you're in public. But sometimes PDA's can be like a branding of sorts... like in a bar, for instance, if someone's feeling insecure about the way someone's looking at you, they'll want to show that you're with them by planting a big wet one...