What would u do? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

insatiable · 12-27-2003, 09:06 AM

You are totally in love with this guy.
You put your whole self into a gift that you think he will absolutely love......only you feel your efforts were not good enough when he says it is not a practical gift.
And if you hadn't have asked how he liked it, he would have told you in a week or so that the computer gift would not work with his system, even though you know for sure that it would have, because you have researched this for the past 2 months.
Get over it?
Try not be so sensitive over it?

shannon · 12-27-2003, 09:16 AM

i'd probably cry, to be honest. i think people should appriciate a gift, especially one that you work really hard to get right. just curious what was it that you got him?

Amethyst · 12-27-2003, 09:53 AM

I think I would cry also. After I spent all that time researching and put forth all that effort and he didn't like it. It would really upset me.

sillygirl · 12-27-2003, 10:41 AM

I'd be sad that my efforts weren't appreciated. Then upset with him for not even being sensitive about it. Then I'd probably give him the receipt, tell him to take it back and pick something that he WILL like, and never get him another present that I put thought into.

*actually, probably not. But that's what I'd LIKE to think I'd do

*

la petite moi · 12-27-2003, 10:41 AM

I might cry, but most likely I would get really angry and give him a piece of my mind, saying that you REALLY tried hard to give him a good present, but all he did was reject it!

Also, I would ask him to put himself in my place. My lover and I do that occasionally if the other is acting pissy. 'How do you think I feel? Put yourself in my situation.'

InTeGrA77 · 12-27-2003, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by la petite moi
I might cry, but most likely I would get really angry and give him a piece of my mind, saying that you REALLY tried hard to give him a good present, but all he did was reject it!

I agree, and that's exactly what I would have done had I been in the same situation.

I probably would make a point to cry though, and right in front of him, at that. To make sure that he knows how upset this makes you after putting so much work at time into it.

I'd also tell him that he's wrong that it doesn't work with his system, and tell him that you made sure of that yourself! And that if he doesn't appreciate all of the research you put into getting it for him he can take it back and get whatever the hell he wants!

Besides...it should be the thought that counts...right??

insatiable · 12-27-2003, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by shannon
i'd probably cry, to be honest. i think people should appriciate a gift, especially one that you work really hard to get right. just curious what was it that you got him?

Thanks everyone....I guess I am quite normal then, I have done my share of the crying allright.
Anyway, it was a wireless router with print server and pci card.....so that he could eliminate the usb cord running from the comp to the printer. All in all I guess I became more comp literate !

gabshu · 12-28-2003, 09:05 AM

I wouldn´t cry or tell him anything. I would walk away and not talk to him until he apologizes. What an ass that guy is, at least he could have said it in a nice way. Tell him to go fuck himself next time he does something like that.

sexymama · 12-31-2003, 11:49 AM

First of all, who ever said gifts should be pratical? Gifts, imho, are about what is fun, personal, and rarely pratical. I can buy the pratical stuff on my own.

Second, I would have a conversation with him regarding the "rules" for gift giving and receiving in the future. Share that you were very hurt by his lack of enthusiasm over your heartfelt gift and that you don't want that to happen again.

Third, if he continues to be insensitive, know that it won't change in the future and decide if this is something you can live with or not.

Fourth, CRY -- it is natural and healing! You sound like a warm and caring woman. You did not deserve this treatment and it is okay to feel the hurt.

Lexi · 01-18-2004, 07:35 PM

It really hurts when your man doesn't appreciate a gift that you've put all of yourself and your effort into.

I'd know. I proposed to my bf on his birthday, giving him the wedding rings. He later says it hardly counted as a present because it was for US, not HIM. It felt like he ripped my heart out and stomped on it.

Yeah, I'm still marrying the bastard.

(I love you honey)

But with your situation, there is no making you feel better. All I can say is that I feel your pain and I'm sorry. The damage is done, but lesson learned. Never buy a man any type of electronics unless you've heard him specifically say what he wants. Usually they WILL be disappointed because they already know what they want, and you may have gotten them something completely unrelated to the system that they are working to build.

txgirl · 01-18-2004, 08:13 PM

Personally, I would tell him how difficult and time consuming it was to find him something special...that didn't HAVE to be practical, NOT all gifts are, throw him the receipt and tell him thanks for being such a unappreciative bastard...THEN I would walk away crying!!!

minyn · 02-04-2004, 01:00 PM

I'd be pissed, then shrug it off (meaningfully) and tell him that next year ill get him a hat with the beer holders in it.

Rubyee · 02-04-2004, 02:08 PM

So you expected to see smiling and joy and hugging all around, but instead got negativity and nagging and no appreciation whatsoever. Been there. I cried, and then I just got really pissed about it. No matter what you get them, they should appreciate the fact that you went out of your way to get it.

02-04-2004, 02:14 PM

Ay- I've been there before, but I have learned some valuable things:
a- don't expect someone to like it
b- tell them how you feel if they seem unappreciative and that there are nicer ways of saying it doesn't work/not practical, etc.
c- they need to be thankful of your thoughtfulness
d- don't be sensitive, but share your feelings
e- the best gifts of all aren't objects

Talk with him and let him know how you feel. And what you could possibly try next time is to really dig for info that will help get the exact gift he wants/needs, if you wish to do so.

teriaki · 02-11-2004, 03:54 PM

Uh, even if he didn't like it, he shouldn't have said so- just taken it to best buy or frys or something and exchanged it for something he really wanted- THEN maybe told you that the thought was appreciated, but it wasn't what he was looking for or something....

I dunno, I think that was just plain rude, and I would be hesitant to try hard the next time.

Or dump him. Jesus, talk about feeling underappreciated....

ladyadmin · 02-25-2004, 04:38 PM

I'd rather take him with me to pick out what he wants. Depending on what I plan on purchasing for him. I find it works better for us that way. He goes off happy, I go off happy and the rest is history.

SabrinaFair · 02-25-2004, 05:17 PM

I'd either A) Cry or B) Tell him exactly where to put said gift....depending on if he made me sad or mad. But OshnSoul probably gave the most valuable advice. Talk it out.

Small rant:
Gifts should not be practical. Buy practical shit for yourself...like, I love giving my friends spa treatments (massages, manis, pedis, etc.) as gifts when I can afford it. Why? Most girls like it...and no one in my age group buys that shit for themselves! So yeah.

txlovely · 02-25-2004, 05:21 PM

Well, I say no more presents for this dude. I had this happen recently - getting no response for something I put a lot of heart into. I'm still trying to decide what to do. I was hoping a response was yet to come, but I'm not counting on it. The more I think about it, the more I think how insensitive he was for not responding, especially regarding this particular issue.

::she contemplates::

The "all men are like that" and "don't expect anything from them" answers don't cut it. When we pour our heart, soul and a whole lot of thought and originality into something, we deserve to be appreciated - men and women! I'm sure if he had given you a gift and you had reacted as he did, he would have been pissed.

I agree with sexymama's post

EruptiveDreamz · 02-29-2004, 02:21 PM

I'd tell him sorry he didn't like the gift, tell him he could return it or burn it.. whatever he may wanna do with it. Let him know how he made me feel and I wouldn't go out of my way again to buy something I felt was special. I'd give him money and tell him to buy it himself.

12-27-2003, 09:06 AM	#1 (permalink)
insatiable Upright	What would u do? You are totally in love with this guy. You put your whole self into a gift that you think he will absolutely love......only you feel your efforts were not good enough when he says it is not a practical gift. And if you hadn't have asked how he liked it, he would have told you in a week or so that the computer gift would not work with his system, even though you know for sure that it would have, because you have researched this for the past 2 months. Get over it? Try not be so sensitive over it?

12-27-2003, 09:16 AM	#2 (permalink)
shannon Psycho Location: Canada	i'd probably cry, to be honest. i think people should appriciate a gift, especially one that you work really hard to get right. just curious what was it that you got him? __________________ "When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

12-27-2003, 10:41 AM	#4 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	I'd be sad that my efforts weren't appreciated. Then upset with him for not even being sensitive about it. Then I'd probably give him the receipt, tell him to take it back and pick something that he WILL like, and never get him another present that I put thought into. actually, probably not. But that's what I'd LIKE to think I'd do __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

12-28-2003, 09:05 AM	#8 (permalink)
gabshu Psycho Location: The capital of the free world??	I wouldn´t cry or tell him anything. I would walk away and not talk to him until he apologizes. What an ass that guy is, at least he could have said it in a nice way. Tell him to go fuck himself next time he does something like that. __________________ Go Kool Aid. OH YEAAHH http://www.retrocrush.com/archive2003/koolaid/

12-31-2003, 11:49 AM	#9 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	First of all, who ever said gifts should be pratical? Gifts, imho, are about what is fun, personal, and rarely pratical. I can buy the pratical stuff on my own. Second, I would have a conversation with him regarding the "rules" for gift giving and receiving in the future. Share that you were very hurt by his lack of enthusiasm over your heartfelt gift and that you don't want that to happen again. Third, if he continues to be insensitive, know that it won't change in the future and decide if this is something you can live with or not. Fourth, CRY -- it is natural and healing! You sound like a warm and caring woman. You did not deserve this treatment and it is okay to feel the hurt. __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

12-27-2003, 09:53 AM	#3 (permalink)
Amethyst Addict Location: Illinois	I think I would cry also. After I spent all that time researching and put forth all that effort and he didn't like it. It would really upset me.

12-27-2003, 10:41 AM	#5 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	I might cry, but most likely I would get really angry and give him a piece of my mind, saying that you REALLY tried hard to give him a good present, but all he did was reject it! Also, I would ask him to put himself in my place. My lover and I do that occasionally if the other is acting pissy. 'How do you think I feel? Put yourself in my situation.'

01-18-2004, 07:35 PM	#10 (permalink)
Lexi Upright	It really hurts when your man doesn't appreciate a gift that you've put all of yourself and your effort into. I'd know. I proposed to my bf on his birthday, giving him the wedding rings. He later says it hardly counted as a present because it was for US, not HIM. It felt like he ripped my heart out and stomped on it. Yeah, I'm still marrying the bastard. (I love you honey) But with your situation, there is no making you feel better. All I can say is that I feel your pain and I'm sorry. The damage is done, but lesson learned. Never buy a man any type of electronics unless you've heard him specifically say what he wants. Usually they WILL be disappointed because they already know what they want, and you may have gotten them something completely unrelated to the system that they are working to build.

01-18-2004, 08:13 PM	#11 (permalink)
txgirl so many men...so little time. Location: Bellingham	Personally, I would tell him how difficult and time consuming it was to find him something special...that didn't HAVE to be practical, NOT all gifts are, throw him the receipt and tell him thanks for being such a unappreciative bastard...THEN I would walk away crying!!!

02-04-2004, 01:00 PM	#12 (permalink)
minyn young and in bloom Location: under the bodhi tree.... bling	I'd be pissed, then shrug it off (meaningfully) and tell him that next year ill get him a hat with the beer holders in it. __________________ "Woke up this morning with a blue moon in my eye" ~A3 "woke up this morning" "Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got." -Janis Joplin

02-04-2004, 02:08 PM	#13 (permalink)
Rubyee I'm baaaaack!	So you expected to see smiling and joy and hugging all around, but instead got negativity and nagging and no appreciation whatsoever. Been there. I cried, and then I just got really pissed about it. No matter what you get them, they should appreciate the fact that you went out of your way to get it. __________________ You don't know from fun.

02-04-2004, 02:14 PM	#14 (permalink)
:::OshnSoul::: Guest	Ay- I've been there before, but I have learned some valuable things: a- don't expect someone to like it b- tell them how you feel if they seem unappreciative and that there are nicer ways of saying it doesn't work/not practical, etc. c- they need to be thankful of your thoughtfulness d- don't be sensitive, but share your feelings e- the best gifts of all aren't objects Talk with him and let him know how you feel. And what you could possibly try next time is to really dig for info that will help get the exact gift he wants/needs, if you wish to do so.

02-11-2004, 03:54 PM	#15 (permalink)
teriaki Tilted Location: San Francisco	Uh, even if he didn't like it, he shouldn't have said so- just taken it to best buy or frys or something and exchanged it for something he really wanted- THEN maybe told you that the thought was appreciated, but it wasn't what he was looking for or something.... I dunno, I think that was just plain rude, and I would be hesitant to try hard the next time. Or dump him. Jesus, talk about feeling underappreciated.... __________________ Cute, but useless.

02-25-2004, 04:38 PM	#16 (permalink)
ladyadmin Insane	I'd rather take him with me to pick out what he wants. Depending on what I plan on purchasing for him. I find it works better for us that way. He goes off happy, I go off happy and the rest is history. __________________ The Programmers' Cheer Shift to the left, shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

02-25-2004, 05:17 PM	#17 (permalink)
SabrinaFair Junkie Location: Louisville, KY	I'd either A) Cry or B) Tell him exactly where to put said gift....depending on if he made me sad or mad. But OshnSoul probably gave the most valuable advice. Talk it out. Small rant: Gifts should not be practical. Buy practical shit for yourself...like, I love giving my friends spa treatments (massages, manis, pedis, etc.) as gifts when I can afford it. Why? Most girls like it...and no one in my age group buys that shit for themselves! So yeah. __________________ "With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." -Desiderata

02-25-2004, 05:21 PM	#18 (permalink)
txlovely Insane Location: ...We have a problem.	Well, I say no more presents for this dude. I had this happen recently - getting no response for something I put a lot of heart into. I'm still trying to decide what to do. I was hoping a response was yet to come, but I'm not counting on it. The more I think about it, the more I think how insensitive he was for not responding, especially regarding this particular issue. ::she contemplates:: The "all men are like that" and "don't expect anything from them" answers don't cut it. When we pour our heart, soul and a whole lot of thought and originality into something, we deserve to be appreciated - men and women! I'm sure if he had given you a gift and you had reacted as he did, he would have been pissed. I agree with sexymama's post __________________ Cruel words erode self-esteem like the ocean eats away the shore.

02-29-2004, 02:21 PM	#19 (permalink)
EruptiveDreamz Crazy Location: Good Ol' Iowa.. Home of The Hawkeyes	I'd tell him sorry he didn't like the gift, tell him he could return it or burn it.. whatever he may wanna do with it. Let him know how he made me feel and I wouldn't go out of my way again to buy something I felt was special. I'd give him money and tell him to buy it himself. __________________ Can you imagine Moses asking Congress to pass the ten commandments?