Men vs. Women--How we think

[*Nikki*]

Anyone ever wonder how it is that men and women can cohabitate when they are two very different creatures??

Men are so simple. No I am not saying simple as in stupid. I just mean that they don't think like we do and they don't worry about the things we do and they bascially just take things at face value.
For the most part they appear to be innocent bystanders in life.

While we on the other hand seem to worry about every damn thing. Not only that but it seems like we just try harder to make things work in a relationship.

This is just my perspective on the men that I have encountered. I am sure that there are exceptions to every rule.

I just wonder how a happily ever after is even possible.

Anyone have any ideas how how this man/woman thing is supposed to work?

[diddagirl]

Thats so true... as a girl I will be the first to admit that we are very complicated and complex. The way we think about EVERYTHING so so much more different than guys.

[Mehoni]

I've never been a guy, so i wouldn't know how guys think.

[lurkette]

From my own experience, I think happily ever after entails both parties learning to adjust their automatic thought patterns a bit, and to give the other person some leeway. It took some doing, but I've learned not to think of my way as "right" and his way as "wrong," but rather think of our thought patterns as almost different languages, a communication barrier that needs to be gotten over by both of us making some adjustments. I had to learn that him not noticing small details didn't mean he didn't love me or wasn't committed or took me for granted; it just means he doesn't notice small details! Similarly, he had to learn that my wanting him to notice things didn't mean I wanted him to change or that I didn't love him the way he was; it just meant that those little details were important to me in a way that wasn't necessarily evident to him. Both parties have to be willing to work at it, though. Another trick is to not take everything so damned seriously! Dishes in the sink, while annoying, are much less important to me now than just loving my husband.

[raeanna74]

From what I've seen - guys tend to take care of the basics of survival. Woman in general tend to work toward the enrichment of those lives. Men tend to follow the more basic less detailed path. They are more direct in their conversation and expect others to except them as they are. Women read more into conversation (that's why we enjoy it more - because it's more involved for us) and we work to make ourselves and families more "acceptable" to those we care about. I'm not saying that men are unemotional or uncaring but there is a basic underlying current in the genders that causes a man to be concerned with the more basic physical needs and the woman to tend to the emotional health of the family. Just my observations of the men and women I've known.

[Rubyee]

Guys worry about how things work, while women worry about making them work to their advantages. It is the difference between mechanics and astethics.

[txlovely]

I really like what lurkette had to say. Men communicate differently (and by e.s.p. is not an appropriate method here). Making them realize what's really important is as difficult as it is the other way around. A committed relationship does take work and sometimes it is simply something they don't care to effort toward. I don't think you're supposed to like each other or agree with each other all the time, but most men I know have a hard time grasping that concept. If your in love, you agree, you don't argue, etc.

I went with coworkers to lunch the other day and in a corner sat a couple in their mid forties. Both individuals wore wedding rings, but from the way they behaved, it was obvious they weren't married to each other. I say that because there was lots of neck-kissing, leaning in close and whispering in each other's ears. They were obviously enthralled with each other and his ring was not shiny. Very little eating so they were using their time "wisely". Now I'm not in any way saying that all married couples don't behave like that, because that's a blanket generalization, but certainly it would apply to most. I most definitely wouldn't mind being swept off my feet during an ordinary lunch or dinner date to the point of not eating what I ordered - food would happily take a back seat (no pun intended).

Unfortunately, life gets in the way - kids, work, finances - and as lurkette said, it's important to remember that dishes sitting in the sink are not the most important thing going (now if they are always in the sink, that's a different story!). Women simply stress and worry more. We typically take on the emotional responsibility in a relationship. Those dishes can be hard to set aside in lieu of an afternoon tryst sometimes, but it's worth thinking about...

[SparklingDot]

The art of compromise is very important. No, I'm not married, but I've been lucky enough to spend the past few years with the same wonderful guy. Generally, we get along. The funny part is that we are both stubborn and impatient, and when we argue, we both argue completely separate but semi-related points.

Things like dishes in the sink don't seem to matter so much. We'd be just as happy to go out to dinner, and act like we'd only been dating a few months. In fact, he took me out for my birthday last night and we spent the whole evening being silly and feeding each other and laughing and plotting fantastic things for our future.

I don't really have a point, but I'll make one here...
Yes, men and women do so many things in such different ways. But there is at least one person out there for all of us that it works with. Our differences bring out the best in each other, and if they bring out the worst, then it really must be love or blinding stupidity. Either way, happiness is achievable by taking time for one another and remembering what you loved in them in the first place. That and a well worded reminder for him to pick up after himself.

[sillygirl]

I've noticed this too. It really does just take both people caring enough about the other person to get over whatever hurdles come along. Some of the biggest arguments I've had recently have been over things that are really trivial and silly. Personally, I've really been working on communicating direct feelings instead of him having to guess at them, and it seems to me that he's working on not sweating the small stuff so much. I've noticed recently that if we get into an argument that's really silly, he'll end up accepting just as much blame in the end that I do. I've learned that sometimes he says "I'm sorry" without words. Basically, both people hace to work on it.


*that made no sense, did it? *