girldetective

Someone asked me the other day if I was tired of being objectified. It was enlightening. Not surprising, but that the word was put to it. Over the last 1.5 years I have felt uncomfortable, hurt, and walked away from a couple of people at various times, and then for good. Worse, I have not felt heard (even when saying I dont feel heard!). Yet, I could not put my finger on what was wrong until I heard the word objectified. There was that immediate recognition, a clarity. (no ones saying here that Im quick, obviously)

Ive been thinking about that ever since and wondering why it occurred that last year I developed a fairly close relationship with one person, and a very close relationship with another. These two people liked me as a woman, and as a human being. However, they still to this day objectify me to the point of one of them recently seeking me out in order to take me to his high school reunion on the other coast because he wanted to "walk in the door with me". The flattery is nice, but puleeze.

Now Im a pretty woman, but no more pretty than any of you or most anyone I see on the street. In fact, I have a weird quirky body. It is tall and thin, sinewy and soft at the same time. I have a waist, but really no tits, hips, or butt to speak of. I think it is really my personality, me that draws men in, but they seem to be blind to it. It seems even after knowing and loving me they continue to objectify me without regard.

My questions are: What the hell is with this? Is this a product of our society now? And, what does one do to change it?

besitos.

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

ametc

I'm currently in an after-breakup phase where I hate all men and I notice everytime they try to objectify me.

They compliment me on my looks. (I dunno what looks but I'll take it. :P) And they say I'm funny, smart, sweet, etc. These are mostly older guys.

Younger guys are way more shallow and compare me to the porn girls they see on their computers. My waist isn't 23 inches.. my breasts aren't perfectly round and even and my nipples aren't always bright pink. sometimes they're a little pale.. sometimes they're a little brown. Get over it, guys. sheesh My ass needs serious firming and my fingers are crooked. Older guys can appreciate these faults way better than young guys.. but I still feel objectified.

If I'm not as sweet as they want, not as silly or smart as they want.. they lose interest.



I know I probably objectify men a little, too.. but in my phase of dislike towards men, I don't feel like caring. >:C!!!!!

mixedmedia

I think it's only natural for people in an intimate relationship to objectify each other to some extent. Lust tends to narrow one's perspective down quite a bit and, personally, it's a setting that can be explored and enjoyed very much if you approach it without negative connotations.
If you're not feeling admired 'outside of the bedroom' for other characteristics and abilities, then that is something else. I wouldn't be able to deal with that, either. Maybe you should send your ex a blow-up doll with a photo of your face pasted onto the head along with a note saying that you'll be otherwise engaged that weekend, but maybe he'd be happier taking along your effigy instead.

As for objectification by people I don't know well and/or strangers, I really couldn't care less how they see me. As women, I think we need to be aware that we have always been objectified - either as saints or sinners, so to speak. I think it behooves us to understand this reasonably and not allow ourselves to be defined by it - which is a true hazard, esp. in this age of hyper-objectification. Everyone in 'the public eye' is objectified now, not just women and this trend has had some normalizing influences on our society, I think.

So all that is kind of just rambling on, I guess. But the gist is:
1. in the right situation, I love being objectified
2. it's my ballgame and anyone who doesn't get it, can kiss my ass

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

ametc

I like feeling like a sex symbol for someone... but sometimes, like right now, it hurts me.

cellophanedeity

As long as people have had bodies, we've been objects.

As long as we don't become nothing beyond objects, we'll be okay.

Don't let anyone take your subjective away from you.

__________________
who am I to refuse the universe?
-Leonard Cohen, Beautiful Losers

little_tippler

Some other posters here have said what I think.

I have a body, it is an object. My mind is a part of it and allows me to impart my thoughts to others. So I think, and feel also. Not only an object.

I don't feel objectified most of the time.

Sometimes I like to be objectified, because it makes me feel real, and sexual, and animal.

I like to look at men's bodies. So I objectify them at times.

I don't like being objectified in a professional setting. That is totally unprofessional, and disrespectful. But yes, as a woman it happens a lot.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918