mew

Please bear with me..:

I had recently ridden the greyhound for a 5hr trip back home, and Iam very unfamiliar with the proper etiquette of bus riding. Anyways, I asked this very cute gentleman if I could pop-a-squat next to him, since seats were quite sparse. He politely said yes, and as I got myself a piece of gum, I offered one to him as well. He said "no thanks". So, the only words we he said to me was "yes" and "no thanks" for a whole 5hrs. He stuck to his scenery by the window, and I, to my book. I wanted desperately to talk to him, he was very cute and I wanted to get to know him better. Though, he didnt really seem to want to talk to me.

Q:1.Was he as shy as I was, or was he just generally not intrested in talking to a stranger?

I was also afraid to fall asleep on his shoulder, or my head would loll around a lot when Im in a car. My guy friends said he wouldnt've minded at all, and probably would've liked that. They said it was a general thing that no guy would resist a girl sleeping on their shoulder. Are they right?

Q: 2. Would a guy mind if a girl slept on their shoulder for 5hrs? Or just find it annoying?

Borla

I personally rarely make conversation with people by me on a plane (basically the same, right?). I usually like my personal space, and usually like to sleep or read. I've had brief conversation with a few people on trips, but rarely over 10 minutes or so.


As far as a girl falling asleep on my shoulder on a trip like that? Well, if she had caught me on the rare occasion that I was making general conversation as we took our seats, if I thought she was cool and/or cute, then I wouldn't mind. I'd probably let her either way, but it'd just make me more willing if she were.

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Siege

If she's cute, she can sleep on my shoulder as long as she likes. Provided she isn't drooling on it the entire time.

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maleficent

As often as I fly... I absolutely hate it when the person sitting next to me tries to start up a conversation with me...
That was always my alone time where Icould think or decompress or just do whatever.. and not have to worry about being polite tot he person sitting next to me...

If he wasn't cute you wouldn't have bothered talking to him... so there'll be a next bus..

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Aphrodite

Personally I don't like talking to people on public transport. And I would definitely find it annoying if someone fell asleep on my shoulder, but then I'm a woman, so I don't know whether a guy might not mind or not. I just really value my personal space. I don't like people I don't know to be too close to me.

MontanaXVI

as far as the conversation, as much as I get called an asshole by my co-workers, family, and friends I would generally have to say nope on the conversation with a general stranger. Now the whole sleeping on the shoulder thing, well they really are right when they say most of the time a guy is thinking about sex, if it were a cute female and I thought I might score some later on by obliging her little nap I would certainly let her.

Call me a dog, pig whatever this is my story and I am sticking to it.

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AngelicVampire

Personal space, on an aircraft etc or public transport I want to be left alone, I put my nose in my book or obviously have music on (the player out and visible in case they miss the ear buds). Some people want to start conversations though, others wouldn't care if you were a corpse as long as you were quiet... it all depends on the type of person and what they do.

In this case you could probably have tried a conversation starter (gum being offered is normally a formality where you expect them to say no, but its polite to offer), if he responded then he is likely a talker, otherwise you probably want to stay quiet and to yourself otherwise he will go home after a terrible 5 hr trip (once got stuck talking to an annoying girl on a 12 hr flight... she wouldn't shut up and wouldn't let me read, I was tempted to move seat, but had an exit row so nothing better existed).

slimshaydee

if a random girl fell asleep on my shoulder on a bus, regardless of how attractive she was, I would push her away.

ubertuber

A bus or an airplane is one of the few times that it would not be rude to stay next to someone for hours without saying a single word. Still, I think you could have given conversation at least one more try... You never know.

As for the sleeping thing, unless you guys hit it off, I think it is a bad idea. I always feel that someone else (no matter how cute) invading my personal space is presumptuous. Makes them less attractive instantly.

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Charlatan

I really hate it when people strike up conversations with me on a plane. I don't like to be all that social when flying.

If someone did start to chat I would reply but what I really hate is those who don't take the cue that I want to get back to reading my book or whatever it is I am doing (i.e. if I don't close my book and give you my full attention it probably means I am more interested in my book).

It isn't because I don't want to be polite its just that I have my full share of banal conversations thank you and I don't want more (yes, I know I could be shutting myself off from meeting a good friend or having a good conversation but the odds are truly stacked against this IMO).

As for sleeping on my shoulder? Ewww. While I suppose if she was cute I wouldn't be all that bothered but geez, what if it were reversed? Would you really want some stranger leaning their potentially lice-ridden head on your shoulder?

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joemc91

I seem to be the odd one out here. I love talking to someone on the plane, you meet the most fascinating people. For instance on my last long flight I met a doctor from Iraq (he was Iraqi) with the old Saddam Hussein passport. However, if the person doesn't feel like talking, I wouldn't push it. As for the girl sleeping on my shoulder thing. There have been flights where the girl next to me is obviously having a hard time staying awake to keep from falling onto the person next to them. I usually offer my shoulder in these cases since I don't mind and am not expecting anything sexually. If anything, they always talk to you after the flight and you can usually get their number.

Carno

Yeah, I like to talk to people on airplanes also.. If they don't want to talk then I'm fine with that, and sometimes I don't want to talk, but like joemc said, you meet a lot of interesting people while travelling.

I'm not sure if I would let a girl sleep on my shoulder or not.. On one hand I probably wouldn't mind, but on the other hand I wouldn't want to have an eight pound head resting on my shoulder for several hours. I could only answer that question case by case.

EDIT: I really actually think it's kinda weird that so many people don't like to meet others while travelling. I mean, if you're sitting on a train or a jet for several hours and you don't have a book, there really isn't much to do, so I like to meet people.

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shesus

Charlatan that is the first thing I thought of too. That and the slobbering. I wouldn't want someone leaning on me that could have lice and drool on my clothes. Plus, what if they didn't smell all that good. Not in a bo way, but just their natural scent. Plus, if you fall asleep on someone else's shoulder, it is uncomfortable for them. They are forced to remain in that position and would have a tough time reading a book, doing a crossword puzzle, or just being comfortable. I don't even fall asleep on jumpinjesus' shoulder because of the uncomfortableness it causes in cramped situations such as busses and planes.

I find that not talking can be uncomfortable, but also talking to someone and finding out that the conversation is going no where can be more uncomfortable. I've tried to talk to people and always get burned, well all but one time, so anyway the odds aren't good of a good conversation.

Next time you go on a trip, take an i-pod, a book, a crossword puzzle book, or anything to keep you busy. Oh yea, and they do sell mini-traveling pillows. Those are awesome for people like me who verge on narcolepsy and is out within 10 minutes of any trip. And they are much more comfortable than a shoulder

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maleficent

it would never occur to me to get on a plane, bus or train without reading material... It's just what you do...

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Carno

Yeah that's true.. I usually only bring like two magazines and then get bored of them though.

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Pragma

Haha, well, I have the opposite problem - I can't fall asleep for the life of me when traveling. I'm also going to be on a 16 hour flight in December when I fly to Hong Kong (preceeded by a 2hr flight to Chicago, actually), and then the reverse on the way home. I plan on bringing books to keep me company, but the problem is that I tend to read quickly - so I can read a whole book in about 3 or 4 hours of solid reading, depending upon the length (example: when flying home from Switzerland, I read all of Harry Potter 6 on the cross-Atlantic flight).

Sometimes I'll try talking to people on the flights, but for the most part, I'm just interested in reading my book, not starting a five hour long conversation with a total stranger. That's not to say I haven't done it, but it's rare. As for sleeping on someone, or having them sleep on me, I know I drool when I sleep Perhaps if the lady in question slept with her head in my lap, I'd be open to the idea, but I don't know about sleeping on my shoulder - that seems to me like it'd slowly drive me crazy as well as being uncomfortable.

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Charlatan

Sleeping pills, eye mask, ear plugs and neck pillow are your best friends... I slept through my entire flight to Europe last October and my flight from LA to Toronto... Nothing like waking up and hearing, "we are on final approach".

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mew

So, I guess, it all depends on the person.
Ok if shes cute or not at all
no talking, or yes sometimes........

?

Jinn

As strange as this sounds, I think this question is very strongly weighted by the age of the participants. Teenagers, young adults, and even those in 25-, are fairly regarded as being more chatty than those 30-35+. By the later years, you've settled more into a routine and have your own actual life to worry about. In 25-, most young adults are still exploring the world, and as such -- want to get to know people. At my ripe old age of 20, I'd jump for the opportunity to talk to every random person on the bus/train/plane that I could. Once I'm 40, I'm sure I'll want to sit and read my book, or play my computer. There's nothing inherently wrong, and I'm not trying to imply that old people are boring.. just take into consideration the age of the participants. I wouldn't mind someone random falling asleep on my shoulder (although it would be rather difficult, as I'm 6'6"). However, when I'm 40, I probably WILL mind. The older the person gets, the less likely talking to them is a good idea. Ask ANY 16 year old girl a question and then ask a 36 year old woman the same question.. you'll see the difference in willingness to talk..

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Eiresol

I don't think age plays that much of a role.
I'm rarely in the mood to talk to strangers on public transport. I find it annoying coming up with small talk and asking questions where I couldn't care less about the answer.
On planes I like to listen to music and play with my GBA, on buses etc well the trips are short anyway but I still don't want to talk to you.

As for a stranger sleeping on my shoulder, it would piss me off to no end. I find there isn't enough space on transport in the first place I don't need someone encrouching even more. For a long haul journey it's going to be awfully uncomfortable having someone use your shoulder as a pillow. The thing is I'd probably put up with it for a while until I had completely wound myself up and then just get narky about it. If that's the case I want to talk to you even less.

It's not that I'm anti-social or anything, I just don't think it's a place to socialise.

Jinn

How old are you?

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Cynthetiq

if you wanted to talk to him you should have said more than what you did. If you asked him where he was going to, where he was coming from you'd probably get more than just a yes or no answer.


do you honestly think that if someone sat next to you when you didn't feel like taking to someone or didn't care to talk to that person that you'd just start talking? why would you expect the converse to be different?

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maleficent

Exactly- I'm not a conversationalist at all.. but if you want someone to engage in coversation with you-- you need to ask questions that require more than a simple yes or no answer.

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Cynthetiq

upon rereading your OP I realized I did not answer your questions, but first another comment from me.

Q:1.Was he as shy as I was, or was he just generally not intrested in talking to a stranger?
You can't seriously be asking us this question since we aren't him. You should have asked him not us.

Q: 2. Would a guy mind if a girl slept on their shoulder for 5hrs? Or just find it annoying?

Why would I want some girl that isn't fucking me or sucking my dick to sleep on my shoulder??? Even if she is totally hot and let me downblouse or shows off her overboob... I still am not interested in her sleeping on my shoulder.

Sorry to be so blunt about it, but your questions are a bit on the selfish side. Would you want some guy to nuzzle up on your shoulder that you dont' know?

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cellophanedeity

I take the Go train into school every day, and very rarely have I actually had conversations with the people around me. I tend to smile at the people who sit across from me if we make eye contact, but I tend to let them start the talking.

Some days I just want to chat, and sometimes people are willing to talk as well, but other times I want nothing to do with anyone else and bring my ipod and sleep.

It really depends on the person.

Oh, and I wouldn't generally advise you to sleep on a strangers shoulder. Just not very comfy for either of you.

mew

24,

I kind of agree with you JinnKai about the age of a person affecting their desires to socialize with others or not. Though, Im quite the inquisitive and talkative person. Just not generally with strangers, Im quite shy. But, with a long ride like that, it feels odd being next to someone, and not say anything else. Maleficent had a good point. I should've opened up the conversation more to just a yes/no answer.

I suppose you are right in some aspects. To be quite honest, I wouldnt mind a guy sleeping on my shoulder either, unless he did have lice or had grabby tendancies in his sleep, regardless if he was cute or not. Just cause, I understand.

hrandani

I wouldn't have minded, in fact it did happen once on a trip to England, a girl slept on my shoulder for two hours.

I quite enjoyed it. Then again, we were acquiantences. And I was 16.

And some days I just don't feel like talking to people on the bus. Other days I do. But there's nothing worse than somebody who just won't shut up. I would recommend giving 3-4 good tries at a conversation, then giving up. At that point you've made your intentions known that you would appreciate conversations, while giving them the choice to reciprocate or not. If you are only getting mmhmm and I know what you mean as a response, then they are politely indicating they aren't so fond of talking at the moment.

smooth

JinnKai,

I think your response might better be phrased as:

"as a young male, I jump at the chance to speak to any woman"

and once you hit bar age, well you're damn close, you might reverse your age graded notion of conversation...that is, you'll most likely find 35 year old women much more talkative and, uh, receptive, to a strapping yound lad than a similarly situated 21 year old woman.

a 16 year old girl talkative to a 16 year old girl: definately
a 16 year old girl talkative to a 20 year old male: likely
a 16 year old girl talkative to a 16 year old boy: hardly

that seems to be my take on it, anyway.
I don't have much to offer the thread other than those pearls other than the fact that I used to frequent greyhound buses for long trips from cali to orgeon and I always tried to score seats next to hotties. And sometimes I got lucky at the end of the ride! but that was a rare event, but I'd always be willing to chat up a relatively attractive femme when I got the chance (relative to the other riders, that is, hahaha).

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Suave

May have been disinterest, shyness, just lack of something to say. The best way to find out if he's interested is if you talk to him and he responds well. I don't go out of my way to make conversation with people I don't know, unless I've got a vested interest most of the time (or something catches my attention).

To your second question: if I were him, I wouldn't mind. Unless you happen to have dreadlocks or something (dirt alert! :P ), shouldn't be much of a problem. You have to remember though, the way you are received by someone is hugely involved with how attractive they find you. Main reason why men don't want men falling alseep on their shoulders for example.

Also, you have to remember that you're talking to a biased sample. As large and wonderous as the TFP may be, it is undoubtedly populated with an abnormally large percentage of introverts and shy persons due to the nature of the internet (haven of the introvert, myself included). So take the friendliness factor you get from the thread and bump it up a notch.

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Catdaddy33

I fly quite a bit myself, and I make it a point once I'm on the plane to focus on reading or listening to music so others will not try and strike up a conversation. While it's true you can meet some interesting people while you fly, you can also meet some annoying people as well. One of my 1st business trips, I sat next to this guy that did nothing but ramble about himself.

As for falling asleep on a strangers shoulder, its been said here..No.. if someone did that to me, no matter how cute, I would push them off, its just rude..

meembo

Don't talk just because you are bored. Be interested, interesting, and take a hint about where the conversation is going. There's nothing wrong about saying hi, making a small bit of small talk, to judge if someone else is as conducive to a conversation as you are.

Invading personal boundaries is a no-no, unless you are living in some dream-ilke, movie-like situation where there are no feaks, bad breath, body odor, or snoring. Falling osleep on someone also makes you about as vulnerable as you can be to that person -- is that what you want on a bus ride?

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