give the bishop a break - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

phredgreen · 05-31-2003, 09:22 PM

Armresty International announce a day of autoerotic arrest in respect for the blind.

I declare monday the 9th to be wank-free... who's with me?

remember...

any questions?

No feeling in my arm. 
Q. If I leave my arm draped over a chair so it has no feeling, then (using the other hand) make the unfeeling hand administer pleasure; would this constitute a wank? 
A. I'm afraid that even if your hand has no feeling it would still constitute self pleasuring.

Coitus 
Q. Does Coitus count?
A. No. You are free to have intercourse with whoever, or whatever you want providing that it breaths and has a pulse. Anything that doesn't actively participate in a willing way would either be construed masturbation (e.g. a hole in a tree, a vacuum cleaner) or worse, criminal (e.g. a chicken).

Unfair for singles
Q. Do you not think it unfair to demark solitary lovemaking out of bounds yet accept human intercourse? For many single people, their hand is their only sexual companion. To take it away, if only for a day is surely asking too much when couples can still enjoy the fruits of each other's bodies in a blur of lustful pounding?
A. We understand your position but would simply like to draw your attention to the fact that there is no apparent connection between the human act of love and blindness.

No Climax 
Q. What if I partake of a particularly steamy 'all day wank' but not actually bring myself to climax?
A. We had to bring the team around the table for a good 20 minute session for this one. We concluded that it would be impossible to avoid any rubbing and or contact, given the need to hold yourself whilst passing urine and likely accidental brushings. We accept therefore that a wank requires the closure of some kind of climactic moment to qualify. However we would like to stress that a mere dew drop of squirt would consistute failure so we strongly recommend against starting any "process" as it would be would be risky, if not foolhardy.

Can I will myself
Q. I am sometimes able to will myself to a climax without the aid of any other stimulation - does this count?
A. A difficult one. However as stated before, it doesn't matter what your self climaxing aids are that you choose, it still constitutes a wank. In your case it is a little more difficult because your "will" as you describe it has no physical presence unlike two warm salmon fillets layed on a bathroom basin set at an appropriate height. When it comes down to it you're still bashing one off, just using your brain instead of your hand!

MSD · 05-31-2003, 10:09 PM

I thought you were referring to Hanxter when you said "The Bishop" (Is that still his title?)

One day? I think I can manage.

DEI37 · 06-01-2003, 05:32 AM

Seeing as how I get pussy most every day, this is a non issue for me!

Fly · 06-01-2003, 06:31 AM

i'm just gonna sit on my hand for a while til it goes numb,then grab hold and start flailin'.

it's just like someone else doin' it for ya'

wooohoooo

yangwar · 06-01-2003, 07:10 AM

Bullshit! My hand keeps me from going insane! Faster boy faster!

The_Dude · 06-01-2003, 07:17 AM

this is funny

phredgreen · 06-01-2003, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by flyman
i'm just gonna sit on my hand for a while til it goes numb,then grab hold and start flailin'.

it's just like someone else doin' it for ya'

wooohoooo

Quote:

No feeling in my arm.
Q. If I leave my arm draped over a chair so it has no feeling, then (using the other hand) make the unfeeling hand administer pleasure; would this constitute a wank? 
A. I'm afraid that even if your hand has no feeling it would still constitute self pleasuring.

dammit boy, don't you read?

Snoogans · 06-01-2003, 11:12 AM

I'm with you. The lightsaber will stay unpolished all day.

zf0enix · 06-02-2003, 08:23 AM

...it has no physical presence unlike two warm salmon fillets layed on a bathroom basin set at an appropriate height.

What the hell is that?

Bob Biter · 06-02-2003, 09:31 AM

June 9th is a Monday, the day of the week that's most devoid of hope, joy and self-esteem... and you ask me to deny myself one of the few things that procures an iota of self-improvement in my otherwise bleak life?

All right, I'll do it. For the blind.

krwlz · 06-02-2003, 01:10 PM

I guess I'm in....Sounds beat though. Or maybe not so beat in the end.

JStrider · 06-02-2003, 01:19 PM

id prolly have to whack it at 11:55 pm then skip the day and do it again at 12:01 that night...

platypus · 06-02-2003, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by phredgreen
Anything that doesn't actively participate in a willing way would either be construed masturbation (e.g. a hole in a tree, a vacuum cleaner) or worse, criminal (e.g. a chicken).

Well, the chicken fights a bit, but the sheep is willing. Is that ok?

Ogre840 · 06-02-2003, 02:04 PM

damn, looks like im going 4 times the day before... and another 4 the day after, but im in!

phredgreen · 06-06-2003, 09:35 PM

*bump*

okay people... you have a whole weekend to get it out of your system. i don't want to see one fucking hit on the whoel titty board come monday. who else is with us?

Antagony · 06-06-2003, 09:39 PM

Well phred, I'm not entirely sure I can trust my penis after an entire day of not beating it into submission.

cheese · 06-06-2003, 09:40 PM

im am spending the day with my mother so masterbating wont be a problem.

rockzilla · 06-06-2003, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by cheese
im am spending the day with my mother so masterbating wont be a problem.

Uhhhhh..........

Miekle · 06-06-2003, 10:02 PM

Denying a guy of the one thing they are usualy naturally good at..... this world might come crashing down on us all. Sounds like fun guess I will have to do alot of sleeping.

phredgreen · 06-07-2003, 10:45 AM

aww.. c'mon you pansies.. it's one day - only 24 hours of your life where the dolphin will go unflogged. let's get some more people who will take the pledge to be "wank free" on monday.

bundy · 06-07-2003, 03:47 PM

are you kidding!?
monday is a public holiday here - its the Queens Birthday Holiday (which is silly, since its not even her birthday).

a full day spent at home, on the tfp, its really going to have to be belted in the name of the queen, sorry phred.

Loki · 06-07-2003, 04:23 PM

i've been abstaining for the last two weeks, so i guess im in...

krwlz · 06-07-2003, 06:05 PM

Phred I can handle it, but most of the people on the titty board will not even know about it....

enjoyduff · 06-08-2003, 08:05 AM

never! you cannot take away my inalienable right to boobies and wanking!

hotzot · 06-08-2003, 08:41 PM

I'll give it a rest, but I'll be bugging the wife all day! Let her anger be on your head!

phredgreen · 06-09-2003, 01:02 AM

It's official... keep it in your pants til that clock strikes midnight folks. if you're gonna do something with it, there better be a warm body on the other side.

joshibahn · 06-09-2003, 08:42 AM

I got laid this morning, I'm fine!!!! and she was breathing too!

phredgreen · 06-09-2003, 11:50 AM

okay... we're halfway through this... how's everyone doing?

Snoogans · 06-09-2003, 12:20 PM

1:38 left of monday, the bagpipe has been unplayed all day

Prophecy · 06-09-2003, 12:33 PM

Well, I'm hanging in there. It shouldn't be a problem though as I'm gonna go see my girl later anyway

It doesn't count if she does it for me, right?

*edit* Ah, hell I'll fore go seeing her for today too. What could it hurt? 24 hours is nothing, I'm with you Phred!!

Peetster · 06-09-2003, 12:55 PM

I'm hanging in there, Phred. I think I'm gonna make it!

seretogis · 06-09-2003, 02:18 PM

Does 2am before I went to bed count?

gibber71 · 06-09-2003, 02:27 PM

I'm excited.Tomorrow I'm going to pop the throttle so good that stepping on a ketchup package will seem like squeezing a zit.Could just be a new land distance record.

krwlz · 06-09-2003, 03:13 PM

Im still hangin in there....Less then 5 hours left!

phredgreen · 06-09-2003, 09:53 PM

one hour, 9 minutes remain... so how did it feel to have an unpolished pickle all day, guys? ladies, did the man in the boat feel lonely? i'm proud of each and every one of you that has stck with this...

Halx · 06-09-2003, 10:12 PM

50 min.. cant... handle... much... more

YourNeverThere · 06-09-2003, 10:43 PM

ya, ive been hanging on to long, long weekend, mabye the next time around

juanvaldes · 06-09-2003, 11:06 PM

cool. I did it without even knowing it

alpha · 06-10-2003, 12:19 AM

No problem... but I had sex twice

roothorick · 06-10-2003, 12:43 AM

This tickles me to DEATH.

Today, ok, officially yesterday, I've wanked more than I have any day in my entire life. I count a total of 3, my previous record was 2. (I don't have that much of a sex drive.) And now here I sit, at 3, no, 4am. Officially, June 10th, the day after. And only just now did I notice this thread. I shit you not. It must be a sign from God.

05-31-2003, 09:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
phredgreen who? Location: the phoenix metro	give the bishop a break <b>Armresty International announce a day of autoerotic arrest in respect for the blind. </b> I declare monday the 9th to be wank-free... who's with me? remember... any questions? <b>No feeling in my arm. </b> <i>Q. If I leave my arm draped over a chair so it has no feeling, then (using the other hand) make the unfeeling hand administer pleasure; would this constitute a wank? </i> A. I'm afraid that even if your hand has no feeling it would still constitute self pleasuring. <b>Coitus </b> <i>Q. Does Coitus count?</i> A. No. You are free to have intercourse with whoever, or whatever you want providing that it breaths and has a pulse. Anything that doesn't actively participate in a willing way would either be construed masturbation (e.g. a hole in a tree, a vacuum cleaner) or worse, criminal (e.g. a chicken). <b>Unfair for singles</b> <i>Q. Do you not think it unfair to demark solitary lovemaking out of bounds yet accept human intercourse? For many single people, their hand is their only sexual companion. To take it away, if only for a day is surely asking too much when couples can still enjoy the fruits of each other's bodies in a blur of lustful pounding?</i> A. We understand your position but would simply like to draw your attention to the fact that there is no apparent connection between the human act of love and blindness. <b>No Climax </b> <i>Q. What if I partake of a particularly steamy 'all day wank' but not actually bring myself to climax?</i> A. We had to bring the team around the table for a good 20 minute session for this one. We concluded that it would be impossible to avoid any rubbing and or contact, given the need to hold yourself whilst passing urine and likely accidental brushings. We accept therefore that a wank requires the closure of some kind of climactic moment to qualify. However we would like to stress that a mere dew drop of squirt would consistute failure so we strongly recommend against starting any "process" as it would be would be risky, if not foolhardy. <b>Can I will myself</b> <i>Q. I am sometimes able to will myself to a climax without the aid of any other stimulation - does this count?</i> A. A difficult one. However as stated before, it doesn't matter what your self climaxing aids are that you choose, it still constitutes a wank. In your case it is a little more difficult because your "will" as you describe it has no physical presence unlike two warm salmon fillets layed on a bathroom basin set at an appropriate height. When it comes down to it you're still bashing one off, just using your brain instead of your hand! __________________ My country is the world, and my religion is to do good. - Thomas Paine Last edited by phredgreen; 05-31-2003 at 09:26 PM..

06-01-2003, 05:32 AM	#3 (permalink)
DEI37 Go faster! Location: Wisconsin	Seeing as how I get pussy most every day, this is a non issue for me! __________________ Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

06-01-2003, 06:31 AM	#4 (permalink)
Fly see the links to my music? Location: Beautiful British Columbia	i'm just gonna sit on my hand for a while til it goes numb,then grab hold and start flailin'. it's just like someone else doin' it for ya' wooohoooo __________________ BASTARD SterlingStudios

06-01-2003, 07:10 AM	#5 (permalink)
yangwar Crazy Location: Nacogdoches, TX	Bullshit! My hand keeps me from going insane! Faster boy faster! __________________ My mouth is a word factory.

06-01-2003, 07:17 AM	#6 (permalink)
The_Dude The GrandDaddy of them all! Location: Austin, TX	this is funny __________________ "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." - Darrel K Royal

05-31-2003, 10:09 PM	#2 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	I thought you were referring to Hanxter when you said "The Bishop" (Is that still his title?) One day? I think I can manage.

06-01-2003, 11:12 AM	#8 (permalink)
Snoogans Veteran Location: Uppsala, Sweden	I'm with you. The lightsaber will stay unpolished all day. __________________ Internet hint: If someone's asking if what they do is weird, it always is.

06-02-2003, 08:23 AM	#9 (permalink)
zf0enix Psycho Location: PacNW	...it has no physical presence unlike two warm salmon fillets layed on a bathroom basin set at an appropriate height. What the hell is that? __________________ One step closer to the edge...

06-02-2003, 09:31 AM	#10 (permalink)
Bob Biter Non-smokers die everyday Location: Montreal	June 9th is a Monday, the day of the week that's most devoid of hope, joy and self-esteem... and you ask me to deny myself one of the few things that procures an iota of self-improvement in my otherwise bleak life? All right, I'll do it. For the blind. __________________ A plan is just a list of things that don't happen.

06-02-2003, 01:10 PM	#11 (permalink)
krwlz Fledgling Dead Head Location: Clarkson U.	I guess I'm in....Sounds beat though. Or maybe not so beat in the end.

06-02-2003, 01:19 PM	#12 (permalink)
JStrider Poo-tee-weet? Location: The Woodlands, TX	id prolly have to whack it at 11:55 pm then skip the day and do it again at 12:01 that night... __________________ -=JStrider=- ~Clatto Verata Nicto

06-02-2003, 02:04 PM	#14 (permalink)
Ogre840 Banned Location: OlyWa	damn, looks like im going 4 times the day before... and another 4 the day after, but im in!

06-06-2003, 09:35 PM	#15 (permalink)
phredgreen who? Location: the phoenix metro	bump okay people... you have a whole weekend to get it out of your system. i don't want to see one fucking hit on the whoel titty board come monday. who else is with us? __________________ My country is the world, and my religion is to do good. - Thomas Paine

06-06-2003, 09:39 PM	#16 (permalink)
Antagony Psychopathic Akimbo Action Pirate Location: ...between Christ and Belial.	Well phred, I'm not entirely sure I can trust my penis after an entire day of not beating it into submission. __________________ On the outside I'm jazz, but my soul is rock and roll. Sleep is a waste of time. Join the Insomniac Club. "GYOH GWAH-DAH GREH BLAAA! SROH WIH DIH FLIH RYOHH!!" - The Locust

06-06-2003, 09:40 PM	#17 (permalink)
cheese Psycho Location: In your bath tub with all your other rubber toys	im am spending the day with my mother so masterbating wont be a problem.

06-09-2003, 08:42 AM	#27 (permalink)
joshibahn Psycho Location: portland, or	I got laid this morning, I'm fine!!!! and she was breathing too! __________________ TFP=heaven Heaven, n 1: the abode of God and the angels and the souls of those who have gained salvation 2: any place of complete bliss and delight and peace [syn: eden, paradise, nirvana, promised land, Shangri-la]

06-06-2003, 10:02 PM	#19 (permalink)
Miekle Insane Location: your front door...ding dong	Denying a guy of the one thing they are usualy naturally good at..... this world might come crashing down on us all. Sounds like fun guess I will have to do alot of sleeping.

06-07-2003, 10:45 AM	#20 (permalink)
phredgreen who? Location: the phoenix metro	aww.. c'mon you pansies.. it's one day - only 24 hours of your life where the dolphin will go unflogged. let's get some more people who will take the pledge to be "wank free" on monday. __________________ My country is the world, and my religion is to do good. - Thomas Paine

06-07-2003, 03:47 PM	#21 (permalink)
bundy . Location: Tokyo	are you kidding!? monday is a public holiday here - its the Queens Birthday Holiday (which is silly, since its not even her birthday). a full day spent at home, on the tfp, its really going to have to be belted in the name of the queen, sorry phred. __________________ Ohayo!!!

06-07-2003, 04:23 PM	#22 (permalink)
Loki Psycho Location: Drifting.	i've been abstaining for the last two weeks, so i guess im in...

06-07-2003, 06:05 PM	#23 (permalink)
krwlz Fledgling Dead Head Location: Clarkson U.	Phred I can handle it, but most of the people on the titty board will not even know about it....

06-08-2003, 08:05 AM	#24 (permalink)
enjoyduff Upright	never! you cannot take away my inalienable right to boobies and wanking!

06-08-2003, 08:41 PM	#25 (permalink)
hotzot We're having potato pancakes! Location: stalag 13	I'll give it a rest, but I'll be bugging the wife all day! Let her anger be on your head! __________________ The Bully Boys are here!

06-09-2003, 01:02 AM	#26 (permalink)
phredgreen who? Location: the phoenix metro	It's official... keep it in your pants til that clock strikes midnight folks. if you're gonna do something with it, there better be a warm body on the other side. __________________ My country is the world, and my religion is to do good. - Thomas Paine

06-09-2003, 11:50 AM	#28 (permalink)
phredgreen who? Location: the phoenix metro	okay... we're halfway through this... how's everyone doing? __________________ My country is the world, and my religion is to do good. - Thomas Paine

06-09-2003, 12:20 PM	#29 (permalink)
Snoogans Veteran Location: Uppsala, Sweden	1:38 left of monday, the bagpipe has been unplayed all day __________________ Internet hint: If someone's asking if what they do is weird, it always is.

06-09-2003, 12:33 PM	#30 (permalink)
Prophecy Oracle & Apollyon Location: Limbus Patrum	Well, I'm hanging in there. It shouldn't be a problem though as I'm gonna go see my girl later anyway It doesn't count if she does it for me, right? edit Ah, hell I'll fore go seeing her for today too. What could it hurt? 24 hours is nothing, I'm with you Phred!! __________________ La Disciplina È La Mia Spada, La Fede È Il Mio Schermo, Non salti Ciecamente In Incertezza, E Potete Raccogliere Le Ricompense. Last edited by Prophecy; 06-09-2003 at 12:36 PM..

06-09-2003, 12:55 PM	#31 (permalink)
Peetster Right Now Location: Home	I'm hanging in there, Phred. I think I'm gonna make it!

06-09-2003, 02:18 PM	#32 (permalink)
seretogis Huggles, sir? Location: Seattle	Does 2am before I went to bed count? __________________ seretogis - sieg heil perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

06-09-2003, 02:27 PM	#33 (permalink)
gibber71 Loser	I'm excited.Tomorrow I'm going to pop the throttle so good that stepping on a ketchup package will seem like squeezing a zit.Could just be a new land distance record.

06-09-2003, 03:13 PM	#34 (permalink)
krwlz Fledgling Dead Head Location: Clarkson U.	Im still hangin in there....Less then 5 hours left!

06-09-2003, 09:53 PM	#35 (permalink)
phredgreen who? Location: the phoenix metro	one hour, 9 minutes remain... so how did it feel to have an unpolished pickle all day, guys? ladies, did the man in the boat feel lonely? i'm proud of each and every one of you that has stck with this... __________________ My country is the world, and my religion is to do good. - Thomas Paine

06-09-2003, 10:12 PM	#36 (permalink)
Halx Please touch this. Owner/Admin Location: Manhattan	50 min.. cant... handle... much... more __________________ You have found this post informative. -The Administrator [Don't Feed The Animals]

06-09-2003, 10:43 PM	#37 (permalink)
YourNeverThere Practical Anarchist Location: Yesterday i woke up stuck in hollywood	ya, ive been hanging on to long, long weekend, mabye the next time around __________________ The Above post is a direct quote from Shakespeare

06-09-2003, 11:06 PM	#38 (permalink)
juanvaldes Banned Location: shittown, CA	cool. I did it without even knowing it

06-10-2003, 12:19 AM	#39 (permalink)
alpha Insane Location: Finland	No problem... but I had sex twice