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Old 05-31-2003, 09:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
phredgreen
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Location: the phoenix metro
give the bishop a break

<b>Armresty International announce a day of autoerotic arrest in respect for the blind. </b>



I declare monday the 9th to be wank-free... who's with me?

remember...




any questions?

<b>No feeling in my arm. </b>
<i>Q. If I leave my arm draped over a chair so it has no feeling, then (using the other hand) make the unfeeling hand administer pleasure; would this constitute a wank? </i>
A. I'm afraid that even if your hand has no feeling it would still constitute self pleasuring.

<b>Coitus </b>
<i>Q. Does Coitus count?</i>
A. No. You are free to have intercourse with whoever, or whatever you want providing that it breaths and has a pulse. Anything that doesn't actively participate in a willing way would either be construed masturbation (e.g. a hole in a tree, a vacuum cleaner) or worse, criminal (e.g. a chicken).

<b>Unfair for singles</b>
<i>Q. Do you not think it unfair to demark solitary lovemaking out of bounds yet accept human intercourse? For many single people, their hand is their only sexual companion. To take it away, if only for a day is surely asking too much when couples can still enjoy the fruits of each other's bodies in a blur of lustful pounding?</i>
A. We understand your position but would simply like to draw your attention to the fact that there is no apparent connection between the human act of love and blindness.

<b>No Climax </b>
<i>Q. What if I partake of a particularly steamy 'all day wank' but not actually bring myself to climax?</i>
A. We had to bring the team around the table for a good 20 minute session for this one. We concluded that it would be impossible to avoid any rubbing and or contact, given the need to hold yourself whilst passing urine and likely accidental brushings. We accept therefore that a wank requires the closure of some kind of climactic moment to qualify. However we would like to stress that a mere dew drop of squirt would consistute failure so we strongly recommend against starting any "process" as it would be would be risky, if not foolhardy.

<b>Can I will myself</b>
<i>Q. I am sometimes able to will myself to a climax without the aid of any other stimulation - does this count?</i>
A. A difficult one. However as stated before, it doesn't matter what your self climaxing aids are that you choose, it still constitutes a wank. In your case it is a little more difficult because your "will" as you describe it has no physical presence unlike two warm salmon fillets layed on a bathroom basin set at an appropriate height. When it comes down to it you're still bashing one off, just using your brain instead of your hand!
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Last edited by phredgreen; 05-31-2003 at 09:26 PM..
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