Power/Control in your life - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Kid_Karysma · 08-08-2005, 10:29 PM

I'll be the first to admit that I can only see the world from my point of view. Even if I try to see it through someone else's eyes, it still is my interpretation of it all until I ask them.

So I am asking.

One of the main frustrations of any teenager's life is that they feel powerless. At home, their parents are in control and at school, their teachers are in control. So if you are working with underachieving teenagers how do you get them to find a source of power in their life? Or how would you explain it? I have an idea, but I can't seem to put it into the right words (self-control, something like that).

I see control and power in any situation through God, but I can't really persuade a student this way in a school.

Most students get frustrated at their own powerlessness. So they bully, putdown, insult, swear, and do illegal activities (vandalism, etc.) to show their power. What are some positive ways to show power at a young age?

djflish · 08-09-2005, 03:28 AM

I thought doing illegal activities is to rebel against the 'power controller', to say "you can't control me!" I think it has something to do with a lack of respect for authority figures. If they respect the people in control, then they won't have trouble doing what they say

ratbastid · 08-09-2005, 07:44 AM

I don't quite know how you'd teach this, but... fundamentally the only thing any of us can control at any age is ourselves and our reactions and responses to things. Teaching a teenager the inner calm and centeredness to control themselves is the greatest gift you can give them.

lurkette · 08-09-2005, 07:50 AM

I don't know how this would work with teenagers, but one thing that worked for me is to see that:

1. People rarely have control of the circumstances of their lives, BUT
2. Everyone has the power to control their reaction to those circumstances.
3. Your reaction determines your consequences and hence, to some extent, your new circumstances.

To wit: my brother died. Freak accident, nothing anybody could have done about it. I had no control over the situation, and I was NOT happy about any aspect of it. I could have been angry, bitter, blamed myself, blamed the driver, blamed my brother, gone off the deep end. Instead I chose to forgive and contact the driver who hit him, accept my brother's absence, and change my life so I was living it for myself, which would have made my brother proud.

Another example: your parents are being unreasonable, setting a 10:00 curfew when your friends have a midnight curfew. You can do several things: 1. obey the curfew and be pissed off about it. 2. defy the curfew and get pissed when you're punished. or, you could 1. obey the curfew and keep your other priveleges, 2. defy the curfew knowing the consequences and accept the punishment like an adult. The first two have no power; the second two have all the power.

When you see that you are ultimately in control not of your situation but of your experience of that situation, suddenly you become the ultimate seat of power in your life. You may not always like having to be ultimately responsible for your own experience (sometimes it's easier to blame someone else for things) but in the end, you'll have a much more powerful life.

ngdawg · 08-09-2005, 08:22 AM

I was an instructional aide for three years and during that time, the kids (6th-8th graders) and I built up quite a level of trust to the point that they'd come to me first before going to the more authorative figures.
The one thing that I constantly told them and it DID sink in was: you receive what you put out there. No one is responsible for those bad grades, those conflicts but yourself and if you don't want those things, then make an effort to change it. Teachers don't hand out bad grades, you earned them. That kid didn't MAKE you hit them, you chose to.
It takes some patience and not backing off in saying these things. Everytime they came to me, I turned it around to make them think about what they were saying.
I am thrilled that of the kids who were so ornery, so dramatic and so lost, those that I have been in contact with are now in High School and excelling-including one kid, Jimmie, who was held back in 7th grade. He is now going into 10th and when we spoke in June, he had been getting A's and B's with a couple of C's. Dominique, one of my first kids, is heading for college in Florida. Another, last we spoke, was working for a soccer scholarship. These were kids that, upon first meeting them, gave the impression they'd never even graduate.
Show them respect, show them you DO care where they end up and reiterate where they end up is their choice alone. And never ever make excuses for them, but be an advocate.

Glory's Sun · 08-09-2005, 08:48 AM

get some turntables and some records.. spin away and do some shows.. worked for me

Xazy · 08-09-2005, 03:55 PM

By the time I was 18, I was involved in 2 youth groups (as an advisor), running a private library, and never had an allowance. I did odd jobs, worked part time at a bakery etc... I did have use of my dads car, I admit, but I was taught responsibility, and had to earn my way.

Also my high school hours was 7:30am - 7:10pm mon-thur, fri 7:30-12.

Is that control, I do not know, but i do know it taught me I controlled my financial situation, and had the ability to affect others.

Kid_Karysma · 08-11-2005, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lurkette

I don't know how this would work with teenagers, but one thing that worked for me is to see that:

1. People rarely have control of the circumstances of their lives, BUT
2. Everyone has the power to control their reaction to those circumstances.
3. Your reaction determines your consequences and hence, to some extent, your new circumstances.

To wit: my brother died. Freak accident, nothing anybody could have done about it. I had no control over the situation, and I was NOT happy about any aspect of it. I could have been angry, bitter, blamed myself, blamed the driver, blamed my brother, gone off the deep end. Instead I chose to forgive and contact the driver who hit him, accept my brother's absence, and change my life so I was living it for myself, which would have made my brother proud.

Another example: your parents are being unreasonable, setting a 10:00 curfew when your friends have a midnight curfew. You can do several things: 1. obey the curfew and be pissed off about it. 2. defy the curfew and get pissed when you're punished. or, you could 1. obey the curfew and keep your other priveleges, 2. defy the curfew knowing the consequences and accept the punishment like an adult. The first two have no power; the second two have all the power.

When you see that you are ultimately in control not of your situation but of your experience of that situation, suddenly you become the ultimate seat of power in your life. You may not always like having to be ultimately responsible for your own experience (sometimes it's easier to blame someone else for things) but in the end, you'll have a much more powerful life.

Lurkette, that's a perfect answer. I'm totally using this in my class. Thank You.

World's King · 08-11-2005, 11:26 AM

Create something. I figure if you feel powerless everywhere in life you can at least take control over a paint brush or a pen. Write, paint, sculpt...

I chose to skateboard. Got me out of the house and kept me fit. I did it enough that I eventually got sponsered and did it profesionaly for three years... (till I shattered my right knee and retired).

My point is... If the bog world takes conrtol over you... make your own small world that you can take control over.

stevo · 08-11-2005, 12:16 PM

Sports is a good place to start.

So is getting a job.

Schwan · 08-14-2005, 12:37 PM

Getting a job is a nice alternative, though in my case it hasn't changed much. So what that I'm a manager and I get to control a number of people at work. This, in no way, translates to my private life, where I'm as powerless with most issues as I was before. Sure, some things changed, but, all in all, I consider these changes minor and insignificant.

CZzyzx41 · 08-14-2005, 01:08 PM

I think lurkette hit it right on the nose. As a kid/teenager, you cannot control the rules set forth by authority figures, but you can control how you experience life within the boundaries of those rules or how you want to deal with the negative aspects of your life that comes in breaking those rules. The more positively you experience life within the confines of the rules, the possibility comes of more freedoms being open to you by those authority figures because they'll start to see you as respectful and trustworthy and thus they'll tend to give you more freedom in some areas where freedom doesn't exist. This is how I survived high school. Very little freedom to start but by living within the rules and choosing to enjoy life anyways (also expressing myself a lot within those boundaries) I found I had a ton of freedom given to me by the time I was a senior. For instance, I went from a 10pm curfew in 10th grade to midnight the following year to just needing to at least call in and make it to school the next day by my senior year. I never abused the freedoms I was given and that opened up even MORE freedoms.

08-08-2005, 10:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
Kid_Karysma Crazy Location: The Top Rope	Power/Control in your life I'll be the first to admit that I can only see the world from my point of view. Even if I try to see it through someone else's eyes, it still is my interpretation of it all until I ask them. So I am asking. One of the main frustrations of any teenager's life is that they feel powerless. At home, their parents are in control and at school, their teachers are in control. So if you are working with underachieving teenagers how do you get them to find a source of power in their life? Or how would you explain it? I have an idea, but I can't seem to put it into the right words (self-control, something like that). I see control and power in any situation through God, but I can't really persuade a student this way in a school. Most students get frustrated at their own powerlessness. So they bully, putdown, insult, swear, and do illegal activities (vandalism, etc.) to show their power. What are some positive ways to show power at a young age? __________________ Click Here to See All the Karysma Collection. You Will NOT be Disappointed.

08-09-2005, 03:28 AM	#2 (permalink)
djflish The Mighty Boosh Location: I mostly come out at night, mostly...	I thought doing illegal activities is to rebel against the 'power controller', to say "you can't control me!" I think it has something to do with a lack of respect for authority figures. If they respect the people in control, then they won't have trouble doing what they say __________________ Europes two great narcotics, Alcohol and Christianity. I know which one I prefer.

08-09-2005, 07:50 AM	#4 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I don't know how this would work with teenagers, but one thing that worked for me is to see that: 1. People rarely have control of the circumstances of their lives, BUT 2. Everyone has the power to control their reaction to those circumstances. 3. Your reaction determines your consequences and hence, to some extent, your new circumstances. To wit: my brother died. Freak accident, nothing anybody could have done about it. I had no control over the situation, and I was NOT happy about any aspect of it. I could have been angry, bitter, blamed myself, blamed the driver, blamed my brother, gone off the deep end. Instead I chose to forgive and contact the driver who hit him, accept my brother's absence, and change my life so I was living it for myself, which would have made my brother proud. Another example: your parents are being unreasonable, setting a 10:00 curfew when your friends have a midnight curfew. You can do several things: 1. obey the curfew and be pissed off about it. 2. defy the curfew and get pissed when you're punished. or, you could 1. obey the curfew and keep your other priveleges, 2. defy the curfew knowing the consequences and accept the punishment like an adult. The first two have no power; the second two have all the power. When you see that you are ultimately in control not of your situation but of your experience of that situation, suddenly you become the ultimate seat of power in your life. You may not always like having to be ultimately responsible for your own experience (sometimes it's easier to blame someone else for things) but in the end, you'll have a much more powerful life. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

08-09-2005, 08:22 AM	#5 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	I was an instructional aide for three years and during that time, the kids (6th-8th graders) and I built up quite a level of trust to the point that they'd come to me first before going to the more authorative figures. The one thing that I constantly told them and it DID sink in was: you receive what you put out there. No one is responsible for those bad grades, those conflicts but yourself and if you don't want those things, then make an effort to change it. Teachers don't hand out bad grades, you earned them. That kid didn't MAKE you hit them, you chose to. It takes some patience and not backing off in saying these things. Everytime they came to me, I turned it around to make them think about what they were saying. I am thrilled that of the kids who were so ornery, so dramatic and so lost, those that I have been in contact with are now in High School and excelling-including one kid, Jimmie, who was held back in 7th grade. He is now going into 10th and when we spoke in June, he had been getting A's and B's with a couple of C's. Dominique, one of my first kids, is heading for college in Florida. Another, last we spoke, was working for a soccer scholarship. These were kids that, upon first meeting them, gave the impression they'd never even graduate. Show them respect, show them you DO care where they end up and reiterate where they end up is their choice alone. And never ever make excuses for them, but be an advocate. __________________ Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

08-11-2005, 11:26 AM	#9 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	Create something. I figure if you feel powerless everywhere in life you can at least take control over a paint brush or a pen. Write, paint, sculpt... I chose to skateboard. Got me out of the house and kept me fit. I did it enough that I eventually got sponsered and did it profesionaly for three years... (till I shattered my right knee and retired). My point is... If the bog world takes conrtol over you... make your own small world that you can take control over. __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

08-09-2005, 07:44 AM	#3 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	I don't quite know how you'd teach this, but... fundamentally the only thing any of us can control at any age is ourselves and our reactions and responses to things. Teaching a teenager the inner calm and centeredness to control themselves is the greatest gift you can give them.

08-09-2005, 08:48 AM	#6 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	get some turntables and some records.. spin away and do some shows.. worked for me

08-09-2005, 03:55 PM	#7 (permalink)
Xazy People in masks cannot be trusted Location: NYC	By the time I was 18, I was involved in 2 youth groups (as an advisor), running a private library, and never had an allowance. I did odd jobs, worked part time at a bakery etc... I did have use of my dads car, I admit, but I was taught responsibility, and had to earn my way. Also my high school hours was 7:30am - 7:10pm mon-thur, fri 7:30-12. Is that control, I do not know, but i do know it taught me I controlled my financial situation, and had the ability to affect others.

08-11-2005, 12:16 PM	#10 (permalink)
stevo Rail Baron Location: Tallyfla	Sports is a good place to start. So is getting a job. __________________ "If I am such a genius why am I drunk, lost in the desert, with a bullet in my ass?" -Otto Mannkusser

08-14-2005, 12:37 PM	#11 (permalink)
Schwan A boy and his dog Location: EU!	Getting a job is a nice alternative, though in my case it hasn't changed much. So what that I'm a manager and I get to control a number of people at work. This, in no way, translates to my private life, where I'm as powerless with most issues as I was before. Sure, some things changed, but, all in all, I consider these changes minor and insignificant.

08-14-2005, 01:08 PM	#12 (permalink)
CZzyzx41 Upright	I think lurkette hit it right on the nose. As a kid/teenager, you cannot control the rules set forth by authority figures, but you can control how you experience life within the boundaries of those rules or how you want to deal with the negative aspects of your life that comes in breaking those rules. The more positively you experience life within the confines of the rules, the possibility comes of more freedoms being open to you by those authority figures because they'll start to see you as respectful and trustworthy and thus they'll tend to give you more freedom in some areas where freedom doesn't exist. This is how I survived high school. Very little freedom to start but by living within the rules and choosing to enjoy life anyways (also expressing myself a lot within those boundaries) I found I had a ton of freedom given to me by the time I was a senior. For instance, I went from a 10pm curfew in 10th grade to midnight the following year to just needing to at least call in and make it to school the next day by my senior year. I never abused the freedoms I was given and that opened up even MORE freedoms.