06-22-2005, 09:41 AM | #1 (permalink) |
Crazy
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How to shake a females hand
Hi guys,
How do you go about shaking a hand of a female, for example in a job interview setting? I like having a firm handshake when it comes to man on man, as i believe this symbolizes confidence. However, when it is man on woman, should you lighten up a bit? Thoughts?
__________________
"You learn more and more about less and less, until you know everything about nothing." |
06-22-2005, 09:44 AM | #3 (permalink) |
Heliotrope
Location: A warm room
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Us ladies have tried hard enough to get respect in the workforce. Show us that respect by shaking hands the same as you would a man.
funny, there was a link on MSNBC's site this morning... http://msn.careerbuilder.com/Custom/...172763123-rq-1 |
06-22-2005, 09:47 AM | #5 (permalink) |
Filling the Void.
Location: California
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Just because she's a woman doesn't mean you need to "lighten up" for her. Treat her as you would treat any potential boss- with respect...and a firm handshake.
If she gives you a limp handshake (which I have encountered as well), it should not matter. A firm handshake will always mean confidence. |
06-22-2005, 10:11 AM | #6 (permalink) |
whosoever
Location: New England
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i don't really get people who do the dead fish as a hand routine...man or woman. nor do you have to win a hand squeezing contest. middle ground, eye contact, all that jazz...to be honest, if you're consciously thinking about it...you've invested too much effort.
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For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life. -John 3:16 |
06-22-2005, 10:17 AM | #8 (permalink) |
Submit to me, you know you want to
Location: Lilburn, Ga
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Please remember most girls wear more rings than men, and dont be so firm that you grind their rings into their fingers....I friggin hate when that happens to me
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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!! |
06-22-2005, 10:20 AM | #9 (permalink) |
Lover - Protector - Teacher
Location: Seattle, WA
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Handshakes are ridiculous. I have the weakest handshake out there, and I don't give a damn. I don't see why my ability to flex like 3 muscles is any indication of my personality, ability, or confidence. -- Unless I'm interviewing for a position giving handjobs.. or something..
Seriously... why is this a basis for determining confidence -- at all?
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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel |
06-22-2005, 10:25 AM | #10 (permalink) |
Americow, the Beautiful
Location: Washington, D.C.
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! [/darth vader]
Funny, I've been thinking about this a lot recently. When I was a kid and I met me now brother-in-law for the first time, he gave me a hard time for giving him limp hand and dead-weight arm. From that day on, I have paid a lot of attention to my handshakes. I always always always have a firm grip and look the person in the eye. If I went to shake your hand and you gave me a limp one after giving some man a firm one, well... I would be displeased, to say the least. It's definitely a kind of thing that colors my opinion of a person. Re: a job interview - if you're really that worried about overdoing your squeeze, just make sure you smile and look her in the eye. That way, if it is a little too powerful, the person just thinks you are very enthusiastic and not pulling any power struggle crap.
__________________
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." (Michael Jordan) |
06-22-2005, 10:56 AM | #11 (permalink) |
32 flavors and then some
Location: Out on a wire.
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This is an eye opener for me. I had never really thought about shaking hands before, and I certainly didn't realize that people read this much into it. I tend to give a fairly weak, limp wristed grip, but I fail to see how this has anything to do with what kind of an employee I would be or what kind of person I am. What it actually means is that I don't really like being touched by strangers; I have no control over how others interpret it. It seems silly to me to make any judgement about another person based on something so inconsequential.
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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert |
06-22-2005, 11:37 AM | #13 (permalink) |
Psycho
Location: Greenwood, Arkansas
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I'll show my age here. When I was learning the rules of etiquette, I was told that a man does not shake hands with a woman unless she offers hers first.
I'm guessing that Emily Post or whoever writes "the rules" has modified them over the year to recognize the change that women in the workforce, especially in the management area, has brought on what it to be considered "polite" in society. Here's the rules I go by, modified by ME and ME alone: If the woman is older than I am, then I assume she learned the same rules I did when I was young, and I don't offer on first meeting UNLESS I just met her husband at the same time and shook his hand, in which case I extend mine to her to demonstrate that she is not unworthy of the honor. I do NOT squeeze hard, nor am I a wet noodle. I measure the pressure I'm getting and match it. If the woman is younger than I am and is in a business position, then she gets the same greeting as a man. I assume she's used to it, and will not find it rude. All that said, I'd appreicate if someone can tell me what "The rules of etiquette" are these days for men offering to shake the hand of a woman in a business setting (or socially, for that matter).
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AVOR A Voice Of Reason, not necessarily the ONLY one. |
06-22-2005, 12:11 PM | #16 (permalink) |
Über-Rookie
Location: No longer, D.C
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I would be one that responds in kind. If a guy gives me a weak handshake then I will give him a light one in kind. If he is firm, I will be just as firm.. Same with women.
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"All that we can do is just survive. .All that we can do to help ourselves is stay alive." - Rush |
06-22-2005, 01:51 PM | #18 (permalink) | |
Winter is Coming
Location: The North
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Quote:
And yes, I realize these are all superficial judgements, and I'm not trying to hijack the thread to talk about their utility, just explaining the ideas. |
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06-22-2005, 03:12 PM | #19 (permalink) |
I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
Location: Upper Michigan
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Definately don't adjust your handshake for a woman vs a man. It's insulting. Then again don't try to "overpower" other men by bringing them to their knees by your grip. When I find a person who won't give me a solid handshake (i.e. so limp that I feel like they're trying to slip their hand out of mine the moment I take theirs) then I sometimes will grip harder and hold on longer just to make them uncomfortable. So beware - you try to mollycoddle me and I will let you know I'm not a wus. Granted I'm not one of those that tries to grind your knuckles together but I will simply give you a firm handshake and I will do my best to keep you from sneaking out of giving me one back.
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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma. |
06-22-2005, 03:29 PM | #20 (permalink) | |
32 flavors and then some
Location: Out on a wire.
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Quote:
Perhaps it's just that I don't come from a business environment where this would matter. Or is this something that matters in casual relationships, too? I wonder if the parents whose hands I shake are making some sort of judgment about this? I never offer, but will return when another offers, but only for as brief a time as possible. As I said, I dislike being touched by strangers.
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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert |
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06-22-2005, 03:30 PM | #21 (permalink) |
Insane
Location: aqui
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so now after everyone has said dont change anything for a woman, what happens when they give you the "here is my hand sideways and just a couple of fingers" handshake?
i always just offer my hand and then go with whatever i get back from the lady.
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Phant Irrationality is the square root of all evil |
06-22-2005, 04:34 PM | #22 (permalink) | |
I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
Location: Upper Michigan
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Quote:
__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma. |
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06-22-2005, 04:38 PM | #23 (permalink) | |
Junkie
Moderator Emeritus
Location: Chicago
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Quote:
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Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.
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06-22-2005, 04:42 PM | #24 (permalink) |
Submit to me, you know you want to
Location: Lilburn, Ga
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I was born and bred in die hard southern ladies.....thats not how they taught me to shake hands unless I missed something....I was taught however, not to show my bosoms before 3 o clock
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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!! |
06-22-2005, 04:56 PM | #25 (permalink) |
Lennonite Priest
Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA
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Is that A.M. or P.M.?
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I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?" |
06-22-2005, 07:10 PM | #26 (permalink) |
Insane
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i was always thought it was appropriate to use a lighter handshake with women but I guess I was mistaken. I thought it was chivalrous and that it stemmed from the fact that physically a woman's hand is usually noticeably smaller than mine.
I hate it when guys try and break my hand. I'm not a limp wristed hand shaker so when I say this usually the guy was going out of his way grip really firmly. |
06-22-2005, 07:44 PM | #27 (permalink) |
Psycho
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I shook hands with so many people today. I like a handshake to be firm. If someone gives me a limp handshake I feel as though they don't really want to be shaking my hand in the first place because they can't eve put a little tiny effort into it.
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-Speak your mind even if your voice shakes |
06-22-2005, 08:22 PM | #28 (permalink) | |
32 flavors and then some
Location: Out on a wire.
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Quote:
__________________
I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert |
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06-22-2005, 09:16 PM | #29 (permalink) |
Twitterpated
Location: My own little world (also Canada)
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I always gauge the strength of my handshake by that of the other person. Since women tend to give me weaker ones than men, I tend to give them weaker ones than I give men as well. Don't like it? Shake my hand more firmly. That said, I have lower limits to how "limp" I'll allow it to get.
__________________
"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato |
06-22-2005, 11:28 PM | #30 (permalink) |
The Dreaded Pixel Nazi
Location: Inside my camera
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I've always shaken a ladies hand the same way, and they have no problem with it.
For a Guy, full handshake palm in palm, and a steady grip. For a female, her four fingers in my palm with my thumb over them, and a bow of the head. I've always done that, and people know I do it out of respect. Respect isn't one sided, and people know I'm just being polite.
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Hesitate. Pull me in.
Breath on breath. Skin on skin. Loving deep. Falling fast. All right here. Let this last. Here with our lips locked tight. Baby the time is right for us... to forget about us. |
06-22-2005, 11:46 PM | #31 (permalink) |
Junkie
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This might make me sound like a ridiculous outcast, but I'll be honest: I don't like handshakes. I won't ignore someone if they stretch their hand out to me, but every gosh dern time I feel so uncomfortable when shaking hands. That doesn't mean I do the weak grip or too firm grip, I simply reciprocate the gesture. I'm not even a real big fan of hugs, they're alright but I suppose it depends on my mood because in general, I am taken as a cold person, so people aren't inclined to even touch me. But that's something I'm working on, the whole handshake thing. /threadjack
But, in general, keep handshakes the same between guys and gals. There's no real reason to make a big difference, unless you love squishing other people's fingers together, cause girls don't like that, especially when they're wearing rings. Last edited by settie; 06-22-2005 at 11:49 PM.. |
06-23-2005, 06:17 AM | #32 (permalink) |
Insane
Location: NC, USA
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I don't know about every woman, but most of the women I've shaken hands with cringe or cry out in pain if I give the same pressure as I do to a man. I don't know if it's because they all happen to have sensitive hands, or if every woman is like that, but as AVoiceOfReason said, I (try to) measure the pressure I'm getting and match it.
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Any sarcasm was intentional. |
06-23-2005, 06:43 AM | #33 (permalink) |
The sky calls to us ...
Super Moderator
Location: CT
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This doesn't apply to a business/interview type of setting, but I've found that women react quite favorably, proving that chivalry isn't dead, to the classic kiss on the hand that was the proper greeting so long ago. Surprisingly, I've never once been slapped for it.
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06-23-2005, 09:20 AM | #35 (permalink) |
Americow, the Beautiful
Location: Washington, D.C.
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This whole question of exactly how hard to squeeze because women's hands are, in general, smaller and/or more delicate seems silly. Do you men who measure what you're getting actually measure how much force is being applied? I just squeeze enough for the person to be able to feel a firm grip on their flesh. If I'm pushing bones together, then I'm squeezing too hard. That point just happens to come sooner among the women whose hands I've had the opportunity to shake, but I wouldn't call it two different handshakes.
__________________
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." (Michael Jordan) |
06-23-2005, 09:32 AM | #36 (permalink) |
Twitterpated
Location: My own little world (also Canada)
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Yes Supple. I have a gauge in my wristwatch that measures how many Newtons (up to 1000) are being applied to my hand, and I reciprocate that pressure until it goes "ding!" indicating I have perfectly matched their force.
__________________
"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato |
06-23-2005, 10:14 AM | #39 (permalink) | ||
Americow, the Beautiful
Location: Washington, D.C.
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Suave -
First of all, my comments were more directly in response to these statements (and only tangentially to yours): Quote:
Quote:
Second, I wasn't asking about actually measuring pressure with a gauge (as I thought was obvious enough). I don't think it actually matters how much they are squeezing you. I find that a person's hand can only take so much of my pressure before I'm grinding their knuckles together. That has only a little to do with how much they are squeezing back, but a lot more to do with the consistency of the flesh on their hand. To repeat myself, I was interested in knowing whether or not the men who said they measured what they were getting were measuring the hand or the squeeze. I apologize profusely for conflating my two very separate points. Third, I'm sure this won't be the last time I am unclear about my point. Next time you think I'm giving you a sideways remark, just ask me to clarify what I mean. If you feel like being sarcastic again (or perhaps it's that you just don't respond well to the word "silly"), aim it at somebody else.
__________________
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." (Michael Jordan) Last edited by Supple Cow; 06-23-2005 at 10:18 AM.. |
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06-23-2005, 10:38 AM | #40 (permalink) |
Banned
Location: The Cosmos
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There is also something to be said about premature handshakers. I didn't even know they existed until recently. What they do is they move fast and squeeze in the same motion of putting their hand out. This results in the 4 finger crush because your palm doesnt get a chance to connect with theirs. Don't be a premature handshaker!
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Tags |
females, hand, shake |
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