Anatomy of a pointless freakout - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

clavus · 05-31-2005, 07:30 PM

This was not how my day should end! This was bullshit. I had come so far, and now THIS. My car…stolen.

This morning I awoke sore and groggy. I was on the floor, far from my bed. My diseased wife and her high-decibel, phlegm-powered snoring drove me away. But I soldiered on. I powered my way through the day with a steady infusion of sugar and caffeine, and I actually accomplished quite a bit.

I swung deals. I scheduled demos. I cajoled, convinced, organized and overcame. It was one Hell of a day.

And I still had shit to do. I had to get my kid to Karate. I had to go to the store. I had to HAVE MY CAR!

But my car was very definitely not there. The parking lot was empty except for one (1) clean, white, GMC pickup truck. I drive a filthy, green Acura which had recently been shit upon by several enormous birds. That was another thing I had to do: clean the fecal matter off my car. It being stolen was going to make the task neigh impossible.

And who steals a crap-covered car anyway? I don't care who you are, you can’t look cool with feces on your car.

At least the weather has finally turned nice. I could ride my bike to work… Ride my bike… Oh, ya. I rode my bike to work today! Heh. I forgot. That explains my lack of car. I guess I’ll just unlock this bike and pretend that I never had this hissy fit.

Move along. Nothing to see here. Gotta go get some coffee now.

filtherton · 05-31-2005, 07:41 PM

I've done that before, except when i do it it is usually due to me not parking in my usual spot. My first assumption is that i've been towed. The sinking feeling quickly gives way to "heh, yeah, i'm a dumbass", which is still preferable to a towed or stolen car. My ability to locate my automobile or bicycle is usually a good indicator or the amount of sleep i got the night before.

laconic1 · 05-31-2005, 08:11 PM

I usually park on the first floor of the parking garage at my work, but last Friday the garage was full due to a high school graduation at the ampitheatre next door. I parked on the third floor instead. By lunch the graduation had ended and I couldnt find my car. It took a minute for me to remember where I parked. Not nearly as funny as your story but I know how you feel.

Elphaba · 05-31-2005, 08:21 PM

Clavus, once again you have brought a smile to my face. And this has been a day that needed it most. Thank you.

oblar · 05-31-2005, 10:05 PM

at first, you had me smiling, then you made me sad (for I have had several friends have their cars either stolen or broken into).... then smiling again (despite the loss of the car)... then at the end you made me wish to glare at you in that friendly fashion for leading me on in such a manner

thanks for the story!

fhqwhgads · 05-31-2005, 10:51 PM

Don't leave us in suspense... did the kid get to Karate on time or not!?

jaco · 06-01-2005, 03:58 AM

Forgive me if I laugh at you and then slink away in shame at having done similar things. At least you make your stress into our amusement.

maleficent · 06-01-2005, 04:10 AM

/me shakes head... yup been there, done that, didn't get the t-shirt...

Well done...

Is the car bathed yet?

Meditrina · 06-01-2005, 04:41 AM

You have a wonderful way of writing stories. I really felt bad for you having your car stolen, and then relieved when you realized you rode your bike.

God of Thunder · 06-01-2005, 05:10 AM

I try and park in the same place every day, or at least the same area. It makes it easier to find my vehicle at night. A couple of times I have paced up and down the aisle looking for my truck, only to realise I brought the car.

Glad everything worked out.

StanT · 06-01-2005, 05:23 AM

I can sympathize, I've stood in the parking lot with my motorcycle helmet in hand, wondering where the hell my car was.

Glory's Sun · 06-01-2005, 05:28 AM

Man that sucks. I've never had it happen but I'm sure I would have thrown a hissy fit also.

frought · 06-01-2005, 05:48 AM

Hee hee...

Well, no matter where I go, someone, somewhere, is CONSTANTLY moving my car to different car spots, different levels, and last week, a completely different carpark. God knows who it is, or what I'll do when I find them - it's really starting to drive me nuts.

Redlemon · 06-01-2005, 06:04 AM

I've learned to relax about this sort of thing, because my car somehow has the ability to hide behind a car that is smaller than itself. It has been "gone" so many times that the novelty of the fear has worn off.

ratbastid · 06-01-2005, 06:18 AM

Oh, man, I had a similar situation at the grocery store. Turns out I'd driven into the parking lot from the other direction than usual and parked on the other side of the lot from where I usually do. I must have wandered that lot for half an hour, getting surer and surer that my car had been stolen...

At least yours happened in relative private, Clavus! I got some interesting looks as I stumbled panicking around the grocery store lot!

guthmund · 06-01-2005, 07:03 AM

^ Exactly. Grown men throwing hissy fits in public is not a pretty sight.

I bet you feel a bit better having got that out of your system. I know when I indescrimantly freak out for no reason, I always get a chuckle out of thinking how ridiculous I must've looked.

clavus · 06-01-2005, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fhqwhgads

Don't leave us in suspense... did the kid get to Karate on time or not!?

We made it JUST in time.

Some day I'll tell you the story of why I assaulted a bus-stop in an airport parking lot.

Elphaba · 06-01-2005, 09:15 AM

How about today?

fhqwhgads · 06-01-2005, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

Some day I'll tell you the story of why I assaulted a bus-stop in an airport parking lot.

OOOOoooohhh.. a teaser. And one day I may tell you the story of a bagel shop breakfast that almost cost me a good friend.

clavus · 06-01-2005, 10:15 AM

Fine. Then I'll tell the story about how I got my scotum stuck in the Slurpie machine at 7-11... oh, wait. That hasn't happened yet.

Ishmal · 02-02-2006, 08:22 PM

heh.

i knew there would be an amusing story by Clavus hiding in the TFP some where that i hadn't read...

i just did a search for threads created by Clavus, & here i am...

LOL.
i liked how it was written.

SaltPork · 02-02-2006, 09:10 PM

dude....you rode your bike to work?? what's up with that? freak.

onodrim · 02-02-2006, 10:39 PM

Somehow I missed this gem before, thanks to Ishmal for bringing it back up.

I've done a similar thing so many times. I have a few different "common" parking spots, at my apartment, at school, at Secret's, etc. Any time that I have to park someplace different my mind goes through panic-confusion-duh! till I finally find my car again.

Sweetpea · 02-02-2006, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

At least the weather has finally turned nice. I could ride my bike to work… Ride my bike… Oh, ya. I rode my bike to work today! Heh. I forgot. That explains my lack of car. I guess I’ll just unlock this bike and pretend that I never had this hissy fit.

Move along. Nothing to see here. Gotta go get some coffee now.

i'm so sorry for your day... but holy crap, that was funny

I hope tomorrow is better for you

sweetpea

Jeff · 02-02-2006, 11:03 PM

Ha, reminds me of a guy I know who forgot which parking garage he parked his car. Took him 3 hours to find it.

Ishmal · 02-02-2006, 11:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff

Ha, reminds me of a guy I know who forgot which parking garage he parked his car. Took him 3 hours to find it.

that guy wouldn't be you would it???

xepherys · 02-03-2006, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

Fine. Then I'll tell the story about how I got my scotum stuck in the Slurpie machine at 7-11... oh, wait. That hasn't happened yet.

Are there still plans for this event to occur? If so, please write it up ASAP.

Bill O'Rights · 02-03-2006, 11:19 AM

I was wondering the same thing. I mean, he's had like...7 months to do it in. Surely...by now...right?

clavus · 02-03-2006, 12:45 PM

Jesus. I forgot I even wrote that. OK, I gotta go to 7-11 now.

*clavus adjusts scrotum*

05-31-2005, 07:30 PM	#1 (permalink)
clavus pow! Location: NorCal	Anatomy of a pointless freakout This was not how my day should end! This was bullshit. I had come so far, and now THIS. My car…stolen. This morning I awoke sore and groggy. I was on the floor, far from my bed. My diseased wife and her high-decibel, phlegm-powered snoring drove me away. But I soldiered on. I powered my way through the day with a steady infusion of sugar and caffeine, and I actually accomplished quite a bit. I swung deals. I scheduled demos. I cajoled, convinced, organized and overcame. It was one Hell of a day. And I still had shit to do. I had to get my kid to Karate. I had to go to the store. I had to HAVE MY CAR! But my car was very definitely not there. The parking lot was empty except for one (1) clean, white, GMC pickup truck. I drive a filthy, green Acura which had recently been shit upon by several enormous birds. That was another thing I had to do: clean the fecal matter off my car. It being stolen was going to make the task neigh impossible. And who steals a crap-covered car anyway? I don't care who you are, you can’t look cool with feces on your car. At least the weather has finally turned nice. I could ride my bike to work… Ride my bike… Oh, ya. I rode my bike to work today! Heh. I forgot. That explains my lack of car. I guess I’ll just unlock this bike and pretend that I never had this hissy fit. Move along. Nothing to see here. Gotta go get some coffee now. __________________ Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

06-01-2005, 03:58 AM	#7 (permalink)
jaco Crazy	Forgive me if I laugh at you and then slink away in shame at having done similar things. At least you make your stress into our amusement. __________________ "How soft your fields so green, Can whisper tales of gore" "Thou art god"

06-01-2005, 04:10 AM	#8 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	/me shakes head... yup been there, done that, didn't get the t-shirt... Well done... Is the car bathed yet? __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

06-01-2005, 04:41 AM	#9 (permalink)
Meditrina Junkie Location: LI,NY	You have a wonderful way of writing stories. I really felt bad for you having your car stolen, and then relieved when you realized you rode your bike. __________________ "Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

06-01-2005, 05:10 AM	#10 (permalink)
God of Thunder Talk nerdy to me Location: Flint, MI	I try and park in the same place every day, or at least the same area. It makes it easier to find my vehicle at night. A couple of times I have paced up and down the aisle looking for my truck, only to realise I brought the car. Glad everything worked out. __________________ I reject your reality, and substitute my own -- Adam Savage

05-31-2005, 07:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
filtherton Junkie Location: In the land of ice and snow.	I've done that before, except when i do it it is usually due to me not parking in my usual spot. My first assumption is that i've been towed. The sinking feeling quickly gives way to "heh, yeah, i'm a dumbass", which is still preferable to a towed or stolen car. My ability to locate my automobile or bicycle is usually a good indicator or the amount of sleep i got the night before.

05-31-2005, 08:11 PM	#3 (permalink)
laconic1 Junkie	I usually park on the first floor of the parking garage at my work, but last Friday the garage was full due to a high school graduation at the ampitheatre next door. I parked on the third floor instead. By lunch the graduation had ended and I couldnt find my car. It took a minute for me to remember where I parked. Not nearly as funny as your story but I know how you feel.

05-31-2005, 08:21 PM	#4 (permalink)
Elphaba Deja Moo Location: Olympic Peninsula, WA	Clavus, once again you have brought a smile to my face. And this has been a day that needed it most. Thank you.

05-31-2005, 10:05 PM	#5 (permalink)
oblar Über-Rookie Location: No longer, D.C	at first, you had me smiling, then you made me sad (for I have had several friends have their cars either stolen or broken into).... then smiling again (despite the loss of the car)... then at the end you made me wish to glare at you in that friendly fashion for leading me on in such a manner thanks for the story!

05-31-2005, 10:51 PM	#6 (permalink)
fhqwhgads Junkie	Don't leave us in suspense... did the kid get to Karate on time or not!?

06-01-2005, 05:23 AM	#11 (permalink)
StanT © Location: Colorado	I can sympathize, I've stood in the parking lot with my motorcycle helmet in hand, wondering where the hell my car was.

06-01-2005, 05:28 AM	#12 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	Man that sucks. I've never had it happen but I'm sure I would have thrown a hissy fit also.

06-01-2005, 05:48 AM	#13 (permalink)
frought Upright Location: Front room, first on the left, Sydney	Hee hee... Well, no matter where I go, someone, somewhere, is CONSTANTLY moving my car to different car spots, different levels, and last week, a completely different carpark. God knows who it is, or what I'll do when I find them - it's really starting to drive me nuts. __________________ perl -e 'use Inline C=>q{void frought(){printf("I must be boondoggling again\n");}};frought'

06-01-2005, 06:04 AM	#14 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	I've learned to relax about this sort of thing, because my car somehow has the ability to hide behind a car that is smaller than itself. It has been "gone" so many times that the novelty of the fear has worn off. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

06-01-2005, 06:18 AM	#15 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Oh, man, I had a similar situation at the grocery store. Turns out I'd driven into the parking lot from the other direction than usual and parked on the other side of the lot from where I usually do. I must have wandered that lot for half an hour, getting surer and surer that my car had been stolen... At least yours happened in relative private, Clavus! I got some interesting looks as I stumbled panicking around the grocery store lot!

02-02-2006, 11:03 PM	#25 (permalink)
Jeff And we'll all float on ok... Location: Iowa City	Ha, reminds me of a guy I know who forgot which parking garage he parked his car. Took him 3 hours to find it. __________________ For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command or faith a dictum. I am my own God. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us. --Charles Bukowski

06-01-2005, 07:03 AM	#16 (permalink)
guthmund big damn hero	^ Exactly. Grown men throwing hissy fits in public is not a pretty sight. I bet you feel a bit better having got that out of your system. I know when I indescrimantly freak out for no reason, I always get a chuckle out of thinking how ridiculous I must've looked. __________________ No signature. None. Seriously.

06-01-2005, 09:15 AM	#18 (permalink)
Elphaba Deja Moo Location: Olympic Peninsula, WA	How about today?

06-01-2005, 10:15 AM	#20 (permalink)
clavus pow! Location: NorCal	Fine. Then I'll tell the story about how I got my scotum stuck in the Slurpie machine at 7-11... oh, wait. That hasn't happened yet. __________________ Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

02-02-2006, 08:22 PM	#21 (permalink)
Ishmal Wicked Clown Location: House Of Horrors	heh. i knew there would be an amusing story by Clavus hiding in the TFP some where that i hadn't read... i just did a search for threads created by Clavus, & here i am... LOL. i liked how it was written. __________________ "Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."

02-02-2006, 09:10 PM	#22 (permalink)
SaltPork Everything's better with bacon Location: In your local grocer's freezer.	dude....you rode your bike to work?? what's up with that? freak. __________________ It was like that when I got here....I swear.

02-02-2006, 10:39 PM	#23 (permalink)
onodrim Cosmically Curious Location: Chicago, IL	Somehow I missed this gem before, thanks to Ishmal for bringing it back up. I've done a similar thing so many times. I have a few different "common" parking spots, at my apartment, at school, at Secret's, etc. Any time that I have to park someplace different my mind goes through panic-confusion-duh! till I finally find my car again. __________________ "The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides" -Carl Sagan

02-03-2006, 11:19 AM	#28 (permalink)
Bill O'Rights will always be an Alyson Hanniganite Location: In the dust of the archives	I was wondering the same thing. I mean, he's had like...7 months to do it in. Surely...by now...right? __________________ "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony "Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

02-03-2006, 12:45 PM	#29 (permalink)
clavus pow! Location: NorCal	Jesus. I forgot I even wrote that. OK, I gotta go to 7-11 now. clavus adjusts scrotum __________________ Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.