Anatomy of a pointless freakout
This was not how my day should end! This was bullshit. I had come so far, and now THIS. My car…stolen.
This morning I awoke sore and groggy. I was on the floor, far from my bed. My diseased wife and her high-decibel, phlegm-powered snoring drove me away. But I soldiered on. I powered my way through the day with a steady infusion of sugar and caffeine, and I actually accomplished quite a bit.
I swung deals. I scheduled demos. I cajoled, convinced, organized and overcame. It was one Hell of a day.
And I still had shit to do. I had to get my kid to Karate. I had to go to the store. I had to HAVE MY CAR!
But my car was very definitely not there. The parking lot was empty except for one (1) clean, white, GMC pickup truck. I drive a filthy, green Acura which had recently been shit upon by several enormous birds. That was another thing I had to do: clean the fecal matter off my car. It being stolen was going to make the task neigh impossible.
And who steals a crap-covered car anyway? I don't care who you are, you can’t look cool with feces on your car.
At least the weather has finally turned nice. I could ride my bike to work… Ride my bike… Oh, ya. I rode my bike to work today! Heh. I forgot. That explains my lack of car. I guess I’ll just unlock this bike and pretend that I never had this hissy fit.
Move along. Nothing to see here. Gotta go get some coffee now.
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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.
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