Crazy Lady & Wierd Guy vs. Clavus - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

clavus · 04-18-2005, 08:01 AM

I did not know the people at the light ahead were super duper crazy, loud and evil….but I soon found out.

A block away, a crappy little Ford idled at the green light. We were the only two cars on the road, and we were both in the left lane. I closed in on the motionless car, steered a slow, languid lane change and passed on the right just as the car began to drive forward. I pulled a smooth left back into my lane, then executed a quick left onto a side street, and up into the Starbucks drive-through.

My vehicular navigation was smooth, unhurried and not in the least dangerous. It was one of the rare times when I was not driving like an asshole. Unfortunately, the occupants of the car I passed did not see things this way. To them, I had committed the unforgivable sin – I took cuts. They were now one car-length further from their double, fu-fu mochachinos.

They flew up behind me in the drive-through as I idled behind a large, American 4-door. A crazy brunet leapt from the passenger side, ran through the landscaping and got right in my befuddled face. She swore. She swore a lot. She swore about how I had cut her off, swore about getting run off the road, and swore about her endangered her child.

So I did what I do any time a crazy woman yells at me. I apologized.

"I’m sorry" is free. "I’m sorry" is simple. Even if you don’t mean it, "I’m sorry" can prevent things from getting out of hand. "I’m sorry" is considerable less complex than getting into a fight with a lunatic in a West Sacramento Starbucks. "I’m sorry" seemed like my best bet.

But "I’m sorry" didn’t cut it with Crazy Lady. She swore some more. She swore that she was calling the cops. Go ahead. I did what I always do when I hear nonsense. I tuned her out. And as Crazy Lady continued to shout things (I know not what), I took a look in my rearview.

Sure enough, there was a little kid in the car. There was a strange-looking old man at the wheel who must have had 30 years on her. A father? A grandpa? Who can say? Crazy Lady gave up and stomped back through the carefully planted, drought-tolerant landscaping. Then Wierd Guy took over.

Weird Guy might have been 50. But he had a few facial piercings that I rarely associate with the over-40 crowd. He might have been 25, with the last five of those trips around the sun dedicated to the consumption of methamphetamines. It was probably the later.

He yelled at me for a while. He was going to kick my ass. He was going to fuck me up. I was a no-good this-and-that. He and his companion shared a real way with words. As near as I can tell, the child in the back seat was not yet old enough to join them.

Crazy Lady got out a pen and a cell phone. She jabbed the pen toward me as she yelled into the phone. Weird Guy pretended like he was going to jump out of the car. He did these quick, start-to-open-the-door moves. Was I supposed to flinch? What did these people want out of this? Was she really calling the cops? Did they want us to exchange blows amidst Ceanothus and Amaryllis belladonna?

And how bad would it suck to be that kid in the back?

As we inched ever so slowly forward, I thought more and more about the kid. Clearly, his lot was not a happy one. Did he have to spend his days with Crazy Lady and Weird Guy? Or was he the product of even more deranged guardians - people so screwed up that they thought letting Crazy Lady and Weird Guy watch the kid was a good idea?

Ten, fifteen minutes this went on. Finally, I got to the window and paid for my mocha. And before the chipper little girl at the window could give me my change, I knew what I had to do.

“I’ll pay for their order too.” I said, gesturing to the car behind me. “I think they’re having a rough day.”

I said “they” but I was referring to the kid. Maybe those two would be so broadsided by a random act of kindness that they would change their tune. Maybe that kid was surrounded by happiness for a few minutes…or at least silence.

Maybe.

MooseMan3000 · 04-18-2005, 08:16 AM

As much as I appreciate the guesture, clavus, the only thing I think paying for their order will be is to make them feel justified in yelling at you. If I were a crazy guy, and I started yelling at you, when you payed for my frappucino I would feel like I deserved it because you were such an ass hole. I would then proceed to yell at every person I percieved ever wronged me, in the hopes that more people like you would buy things for me.

Who knows.

NoSoup · 04-18-2005, 08:22 AM

A new Clavus story - excellent

Although I doubt that paying for their order really had much of a positive impact on the child's life, it was a good attempt, and hopefully helped out for a little while.

Glory's Sun · 04-18-2005, 08:29 AM

great story clavus, although probably not from your view point

You did a good thing but like MooseMan3000 said, the crazy couple probably feels justified now. Regardless, you were a better man than me not to talk back and make a bad situation worse.. I always do that. Hopefully, the child will see better days!

Charlatan · 04-18-2005, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Did they want us to exchange blows amidst Ceanothus and Amaryllis belladonna?

Good story as always... this particular sentence made it all the better...

cellophanedeity · 04-18-2005, 08:44 AM

I'd say "poor Clavus" but I feel worse for the kid.

At least you got a good story out of it.

veruca · 04-18-2005, 09:47 AM

I would have kept the window rolled up and called the cops while smiling and waving...tell them that you were being accosted in the drive through..it took 15 minutes to get your order..they might have been there by then..lol

BigBen · 04-18-2005, 12:28 PM

Good one big guy.

The day I am having today, if someone gave me lip like that I would have a court appearance in the near future.

Note: It is not worth getting mad at someone for their driving, since they could be a stark raving lunatic with a weapon. Let it go... calmez vous.

15 minutes for a drive through Starbucks? Ouch.

I would love to explain that to the cops. "I don't know, sir, this crazy meth-head started ranting because I performed a simple and legal traffic manouvre. You might want to search their car, I saw the guy sucking on a glass pipe."

All actions are motivated, remember. I wonder what the dynamic duo's motivation was? Surely it was not a free coffee motive. Maybe they have a pasttime for long coffee lines. Maybe they took incorrect action when they saw your manouvre. The contents of the car were shifted around a bit and they were scared (through no fault of yours, even if you didn't see it) and the subsequent adrenaline dump made her get out of the car. Don't underestimate adrenaline. The Fight/Flight thing is powerful, and they couldn't flight without bypassing their coffee run. My opinion only.

I never appologize for things in traffic, even when it is my fault. An appology is an admission of guilt in court, and as such you took full responsibility by uttering those words. Try to refrain in the future.

In an accident, ask "Is everyone okay?" instead of saying "Im sorry." Your insuance provider will thank you for it.

clavus · 04-18-2005, 12:54 PM

Thanks, all. In hindsight, everything I did was wrong. Even my wife thinks I was was crazy for buying them drinks.

If this ever happens again, I shall attempt the other extreme. I intend to leap from my car and stick the lady in the face with a broken beer bottle.

NoSoup · 04-18-2005, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

Thanks, all. In hindsight, everything I did was wrong. Even my wife thinks I was was crazy for buying them drinks.

If this ever happens again, I shall attempt the other extreme. I intend to leap from my car and stick the lady in the face with a broken beer bottle.

Oh man, that's hilarious.

Thanks for yet another laugh...

Coppertop · 04-18-2005, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

Maybe those two would be so broadsided by a random act of kindness that they would change their tune. Maybe that kid was surrounded by happiness for a few minutes…or at least silence.

That's a big maybe. Good on ya clavus.

Suave · 04-18-2005, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

Thanks, all. In hindsight, everything I did was wrong. Even my wife thinks I was was crazy for buying them drinks.

If this ever happens again, I shall attempt the other extreme. I intend to leap from my car and stick the lady in the face with a broken beer bottle.

Ahaha. Don't know if that's quite what your wife meant (although I realise women are capable of great physical pain).

lindseylatch · 04-18-2005, 01:33 PM

Man, I think you did good to buy their drinks. Even if they don't learn something, or calm down, you've done something good that you didn't have to do. I bow down to you, and hope that I get the chance to do something so nice for no good reason, except to do it.
I bet buying them their drinks made you feel a little calmer and better. It probably put it a bit in perspective maybe? They may have just been having a really shitty day, and you buying coffee for them made it that much better.
I applaude you (but there's no clapping emoticon, so

).

viejo gringo · 04-18-2005, 05:29 PM

Son, I hope you never start carrying a side arm.....it would
just make all of your stories come to an end to soon...

...of coarse a little pepper spray might be warranted...

hu-man · 04-19-2005, 12:18 AM

Clavus, you are a large man. And I don't mean physically.
It takes a lot of excess brainpower, willpower and patience to handle situations like this the way that you did it.
I had a similar event happen to me a while ago, some dude was tailgating me and I braked a little to show him how dangerously close he was. Which resulted in him stopping in the turn-lane (which had a green light) of the next intersection, blocking traffic, yelling through his window at me, jumping out of his car (this is where I pressed the 'lock all doors' button), came to my side of the car, yelled some more, tried to OPEN my door (this is where I was really happy to have pressed the 'lock all doors' button), pounded his fist into my side window, bent my side view mirrors, spat on my windshield, and was doused in my sprinkler fluid (is that the correct word?). He didn't seem to mind that, for some odd reason.
I just sat in there and smiled at him the whole time.

Demeter · 04-19-2005, 08:51 PM

Wow. After just reading about Yellowchef's weekend from hell, I must assume its a full moon. But its a week away. weird.

End User · 04-19-2005, 09:08 PM

You guys have Drive Thru Starbucks? Fcuk, that's awesome!

analog · 04-19-2005, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

Thanks, all. In hindsight, everything I did was wrong. Even my wife thinks I was was crazy for buying them drinks.

If this ever happens again, I shall attempt the other extreme. I intend to leap from my car and stick the lady in the face with a broken beer bottle.

The story was hilarious, but this little addition was the topping. Pure gold.

i'd have called the cops and had them searched. It'd take 2 seconds for a cop to see they're deranged, and there's no way you'd lose.

jorgelito · 04-20-2005, 12:25 AM

Problem is, the cops would never come. They are absolutely useless. Carry a weapon. Show the weapon. They will shut up quick.

mokle · 04-20-2005, 07:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by End User

You guys have Drive Thru Starbucks? Fcuk, that's awesome!

The 15 minute wait is less than awesome, though

But I agree... drive through coffee places are great (Tim Hortons up here

)

clavus · 04-20-2005, 08:30 AM

I was in West Sac. Had the police become involved, they probably would have beaten everybody involved just on general principle.

Janey · 04-20-2005, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by End User

You guys have Drive Thru Starbucks? Fcuk, that's awesome!

hmmm not if you have to wait 15 frickin minutes to get a cup of joe....

ObieX · 04-20-2005, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janey

hmmm not if you have to wait 15 frickin minutes to get a cup of joe....

Yea i was gonna say the same thing. 15 minutes for a cup of coffee? wtf, its not exactly rocket science.

1.) Pour liquid into cup.
2.) Correctly position lid on cup.

kramus · 04-20-2005, 01:46 PM

I like the way you put things into an unexpected place with your forbearance and the purchase of their coffee. The way it balanced out the unneccessary weird negative shitstorm you went through (IMHO) was brilliant and simple, and I think it worked. Good for you, man

04-18-2005, 08:01 AM	#1 (permalink)
clavus pow! Location: NorCal	Crazy Lady & Wierd Guy vs. Clavus I did not know the people at the light ahead were super duper crazy, loud and evil….but I soon found out. A block away, a crappy little Ford idled at the green light. We were the only two cars on the road, and we were both in the left lane. I closed in on the motionless car, steered a slow, languid lane change and passed on the right just as the car began to drive forward. I pulled a smooth left back into my lane, then executed a quick left onto a side street, and up into the Starbucks drive-through. My vehicular navigation was smooth, unhurried and not in the least dangerous. It was one of the rare times when I was not driving like an asshole. Unfortunately, the occupants of the car I passed did not see things this way. To them, I had committed the unforgivable sin – I took cuts. They were now one car-length further from their double, fu-fu mochachinos. They flew up behind me in the drive-through as I idled behind a large, American 4-door. A crazy brunet leapt from the passenger side, ran through the landscaping and got right in my befuddled face. She swore. She swore a lot. She swore about how I had cut her off, swore about getting run off the road, and swore about her endangered her child. So I did what I do any time a crazy woman yells at me. I apologized. "I’m sorry" is free. "I’m sorry" is simple. Even if you don’t mean it, "I’m sorry" can prevent things from getting out of hand. "I’m sorry" is considerable less complex than getting into a fight with a lunatic in a West Sacramento Starbucks. "I’m sorry" seemed like my best bet. But "I’m sorry" didn’t cut it with Crazy Lady. She swore some more. She swore that she was calling the cops. Go ahead. I did what I always do when I hear nonsense. I tuned her out. And as Crazy Lady continued to shout things (I know not what), I took a look in my rearview. Sure enough, there was a little kid in the car. There was a strange-looking old man at the wheel who must have had 30 years on her. A father? A grandpa? Who can say? Crazy Lady gave up and stomped back through the carefully planted, drought-tolerant landscaping. Then Wierd Guy took over. Weird Guy might have been 50. But he had a few facial piercings that I rarely associate with the over-40 crowd. He might have been 25, with the last five of those trips around the sun dedicated to the consumption of methamphetamines. It was probably the later. He yelled at me for a while. He was going to kick my ass. He was going to fuck me up. I was a no-good this-and-that. He and his companion shared a real way with words. As near as I can tell, the child in the back seat was not yet old enough to join them. Crazy Lady got out a pen and a cell phone. She jabbed the pen toward me as she yelled into the phone. Weird Guy pretended like he was going to jump out of the car. He did these quick, start-to-open-the-door moves. Was I supposed to flinch? What did these people want out of this? Was she really calling the cops? Did they want us to exchange blows amidst Ceanothus and Amaryllis belladonna? And how bad would it suck to be that kid in the back? As we inched ever so slowly forward, I thought more and more about the kid. Clearly, his lot was not a happy one. Did he have to spend his days with Crazy Lady and Weird Guy? Or was he the product of even more deranged guardians - people so screwed up that they thought letting Crazy Lady and Weird Guy watch the kid was a good idea? Ten, fifteen minutes this went on. Finally, I got to the window and paid for my mocha. And before the chipper little girl at the window could give me my change, I knew what I had to do. “I’ll pay for their order too.” I said, gesturing to the car behind me. “I think they’re having a rough day.” I said “they” but I was referring to the kid. Maybe those two would be so broadsided by a random act of kindness that they would change their tune. Maybe that kid was surrounded by happiness for a few minutes…or at least silence. Maybe. __________________ Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

04-18-2005, 08:22 AM	#3 (permalink)
NoSoup Non-Rookie Location: Green Bay, WI	A new Clavus story - excellent Although I doubt that paying for their order really had much of a positive impact on the child's life, it was a good attempt, and hopefully helped out for a little while. __________________ I have an aura of reliability and good judgement. Just in case you were wondering...

04-18-2005, 08:44 AM	#6 (permalink)
cellophanedeity Heliotrope Location: A warm room	I'd say "poor Clavus" but I feel worse for the kid. At least you got a good story out of it. __________________ who am I to refuse the universe? -Leonard Cohen, Beautiful Losers

04-18-2005, 09:47 AM	#7 (permalink)
veruca Psycho Location: 4 privet drive	I would have kept the window rolled up and called the cops while smiling and waving...tell them that you were being accosted in the drive through..it took 15 minutes to get your order..they might have been there by then..lol __________________ How you turned my world, you precious thing You starve and near exhaust me Everything I've done, I've done for you I move the stars for no one

04-18-2005, 12:28 PM	#8 (permalink)
BigBen Comedian Location: Use the search button	Good one big guy. The day I am having today, if someone gave me lip like that I would have a court appearance in the near future. Note: It is not worth getting mad at someone for their driving, since they could be a stark raving lunatic with a weapon. Let it go... calmez vous. 15 minutes for a drive through Starbucks? Ouch. I would love to explain that to the cops. "I don't know, sir, this crazy meth-head started ranting because I performed a simple and legal traffic manouvre. You might want to search their car, I saw the guy sucking on a glass pipe." All actions are motivated, remember. I wonder what the dynamic duo's motivation was? Surely it was not a free coffee motive. Maybe they have a pasttime for long coffee lines. Maybe they took incorrect action when they saw your manouvre. The contents of the car were shifted around a bit and they were scared (through no fault of yours, even if you didn't see it) and the subsequent adrenaline dump made her get out of the car. Don't underestimate adrenaline. The Fight/Flight thing is powerful, and they couldn't flight without bypassing their coffee run. My opinion only. I never appologize for things in traffic, even when it is my fault. An appology is an admission of guilt in court, and as such you took full responsibility by uttering those words. Try to refrain in the future. In an accident, ask "Is everyone okay?" instead of saying "Im sorry." Your insuance provider will thank you for it. __________________ 3.141592654 Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

04-18-2005, 08:16 AM	#2 (permalink)
MooseMan3000 wouldn't mind being a ninja. Location: Maine, the Other White State.	As much as I appreciate the guesture, clavus, the only thing I think paying for their order will be is to make them feel justified in yelling at you. If I were a crazy guy, and I started yelling at you, when you payed for my frappucino I would feel like I deserved it because you were such an ass hole. I would then proceed to yell at every person I percieved ever wronged me, in the hopes that more people like you would buy things for me. Who knows.

04-18-2005, 08:29 AM	#4 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	great story clavus, although probably not from your view point You did a good thing but like MooseMan3000 said, the crazy couple probably feels justified now. Regardless, you were a better man than me not to talk back and make a bad situation worse.. I always do that. Hopefully, the child will see better days!

04-18-2005, 12:54 PM	#9 (permalink)
clavus pow! Location: NorCal	Thanks, all. In hindsight, everything I did was wrong. Even my wife thinks I was was crazy for buying them drinks. If this ever happens again, I shall attempt the other extreme. I intend to leap from my car and stick the lady in the face with a broken beer bottle. __________________ Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

04-18-2005, 01:33 PM	#13 (permalink)
lindseylatch Addict Location: Seattle, WA	Man, I think you did good to buy their drinks. Even if they don't learn something, or calm down, you've done something good that you didn't have to do. I bow down to you, and hope that I get the chance to do something so nice for no good reason, except to do it. I bet buying them their drinks made you feel a little calmer and better. It probably put it a bit in perspective maybe? They may have just been having a really shitty day, and you buying coffee for them made it that much better. I applaude you (but there's no clapping emoticon, so ). __________________ "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities" "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him." "It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." -Voltaire

04-18-2005, 05:29 PM	#14 (permalink)
viejo gringo Registered User Location: Deep South Texas	Son, I hope you never start carrying a side arm.....it would just make all of your stories come to an end to soon... ...of coarse a little pepper spray might be warranted...

04-19-2005, 12:18 AM	#15 (permalink)
hu-man The one that got away Location: Over the hill and far away	Clavus, you are a large man. And I don't mean physically. It takes a lot of excess brainpower, willpower and patience to handle situations like this the way that you did it. I had a similar event happen to me a while ago, some dude was tailgating me and I braked a little to show him how dangerously close he was. Which resulted in him stopping in the turn-lane (which had a green light) of the next intersection, blocking traffic, yelling through his window at me, jumping out of his car (this is where I pressed the 'lock all doors' button), came to my side of the car, yelled some more, tried to OPEN my door (this is where I was really happy to have pressed the 'lock all doors' button), pounded his fist into my side window, bent my side view mirrors, spat on my windshield, and was doused in my sprinkler fluid (is that the correct word?). He didn't seem to mind that, for some odd reason. I just sat in there and smiled at him the whole time.

04-19-2005, 08:51 PM	#16 (permalink)
Demeter Psycho	Wow. After just reading about Yellowchef's weekend from hell, I must assume its a full moon. But its a week away. weird. __________________ I am not bound to please thee with my answers. William Shakespeare

04-19-2005, 09:08 PM	#17 (permalink)
End User Insane Location: Sydney, Australia	You guys have Drive Thru Starbucks? Fcuk, that's awesome! __________________ People who have no faults are terrible!

04-20-2005, 12:25 AM	#19 (permalink)
jorgelito All important elusive independent swing voter... Location: People's Republic of KKKalifornia	Problem is, the cops would never come. They are absolutely useless. Carry a weapon. Show the weapon. They will shut up quick.

04-20-2005, 08:30 AM	#21 (permalink)
clavus pow! Location: NorCal	I was in West Sac. Had the police become involved, they probably would have beaten everybody involved just on general principle. __________________ Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

04-20-2005, 01:46 PM	#24 (permalink)
kramus loving the curves Location: my Lady's manor	I like the way you put things into an unexpected place with your forbearance and the purchase of their coffee. The way it balanced out the unneccessary weird negative shitstorm you went through (IMHO) was brilliant and simple, and I think it worked. Good for you, man __________________ And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ... I'm going with this - if you like artwork visit http://markfineart.ca