lurkette

...my brother was hit by a car. This evening at 6PM will be 2 years since my mom called me in hysterics telling me he was in the ICU in a coma. In 2 weeks it'll be the 2-year anniversary of his death. Even though I'm really pretty "complete" with his death I still find myself kind of reeling from the impact - it's like the season, the way the sunlight is, a particular time of day, triggers the experience, the trauma, and it's like I'm back there with it all happening again. It's weird - I'm not usually upset about it. I miss him but in a lot of ways he's still very present for me, and I'm pretty peaceful about it. But it's like the memories are being brough back involuntarily and I'm experiencing the shock and the grief and the emotions of it all over again.

Don't really need any advice or sympathy, just wanted to clear out the cobwebs and tell somebody what I'm going through.

Tell the people you love that you love them. Right now. It's made all the difference in the world in dealing with this to know that HE knew when he died that I loved him unconditionally with all my heart.

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ShaniFaye

I still remember that reading your posts/journals about this was one of the first things I read when I joined TFP....Have I told you lately how much I admire you?

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maleficent

Truer words were never spoken...

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sillygirl

I second that. It took me about five years after my grandpa died before I would even go to the cemetery and visit his grave. You're a very strong woman.

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

guthmund

Whether you want any sympathy or not, you've certainly got mine. Your article about it in Tilted Magazine was one of the saddest things I've read.

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liquidlight

For what it's worth you've got my sympathy, I have two brothers that have had similar things happen, we were lucky and they pulled through, but nothing is more difficult than getting that call from you parent, I've got a couple spare hugs if you'd like a few, and you have my empathy.

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Bill O'Rights

And just look at how far you've come in those two years. A lot of us have had the honor and priviledge to have observed your metamorphasis, reveled in your growth and bask in your strength.

Once again, I shall stop on my way home from work, pick up a six of Mike's Hard Lemonade, and toast the memory of Josh. Blech. Why did he like that stuff? Why couldn't he have taken a shine to merlot?

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quadro2000

I'm thinking of both you and him today.

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Lebell

I also remember reading about it.

You may not be looking for sympathy but you'll get some anyway.

A person never forgets such an event, but hopefully they learn to live with it.

I'm glad that you have managed to do so.

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Seeker

I personally think it's wonderful that you *feel* it... it's been 13 years since my brothers death and I don't think I have ever *felt* affected by it. I know I miss him and before his departure I was very mad at him and expressed it. Your experiences now, to me, I see as a love that can no longer be expressed and reciprocated, he has left a 'space' that cannot be filled - that is a beautiful thing.

My deepest regards to you.

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F-18_Driver

I've certainly felt the loss. I'm five years down the road from it, and I am still saddened every time I can't e-mail my brother something funny I just saw.

Supple Cow

Thank you for the much needed reminder. I hope you continue to find peace in having shared your love with him in the time you had together.

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aberkok

Beautiful and sad. I'm glad to know there are others out there who still have time for reflection. It saddens me to think that my brother and I do not get along, probably for stupid reasons, and I could one day no longer have the chance for reconciliation.

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Squishor

For me it's about a three-month period...I'm just now going into it and I keep thinking about the things that were happening three years ago at this time, wondering if I should have done anything different, thinking about my mother and the sadness that eventually overtook her beautiful life.

In April and May she had some small episodes and was in and out of the hospital a few times. The second time was one of the only times I've ever seen her look really scared. June will be the hardest month, the beginning of June being when I went out of town for a week because I couldn't take the stress anymore, June 24th the day I found her unconscious in her apartment and couldn't wake her up, June 30th her birthday, last celebrated in a coma, then July 9th, the day she died, the day before my birthday.

I don't think I'll ever get over it. At least I can say I was there and she knew I loved her. For those who have not been through this, I'll second what Lurkette said - tell them you love them. I always thought my mother was a little corny for insisting on a hug every time we left, in case we didn't see each other again. Now I take comfort in knowing that we hugged so many times.

alicat

Squishor: Your June dates bring memories of my only baby who died on June 28th, his original due date (he was 2-1/2 mths. premature).

Lurkette: I can't claim to know the grief you feel, I can only relate how closely I came to experiencing it. It was the second worst day in my life after (actually a few yrs. before) my son died. Hubby and I had just moved out on our own but were at my Dad's house (my little sis still lived w/ him), when the call came that my little sister had been in a car accident.

We got a phone call from her then boyfreind who was almost incoherent. "We were in an accident and I don't know how bad she's hurt", we finally got out of him. The next 25 mins. driving to the scene were a blur and a nightmare envisioning what had happened. Both my father and me were thinking our daughter/sister was dead. When we got to the scene, my sister's car was up on a flat-bed wrecker with the top peeled back like a sardine can. There were police-cars galore as well as fire-trucks and ambulances. The drivers door and seat my sister was in was smashed in to with-in 6" of the emergency brake.

We were directed to the hospital where we discovered one person had died, another had two broken legs and my dear sister, who would have been lucky to have survived alive, had come out of it with a fractured pelvis (she wasn't responsible for the accident) and walked with a cane for 4 months.

Because of the raving incoherency of her boyfreind (who himself died 2 yrs. later drag-racing), both my Dad and I thought we had lost my sister (or daughter) while en-route to the accident scene and on the way to the hospital. Thank God's we didn't, but I never take a day with them for granted.

I'm sorry that you can't say the same and that you really did lose your brother. I came oh so close and yet I didn't lose my only sibling and I am truly sorry you lost your brother.

Ali

P.S. Lurkette: It hasn't been that long since your brother died. Don't pressure yourself to expect the emotions or feelings to dissapate really quickly. You have to allow yourself time to grieve before you can get beyond those emotions. It's been nearly 12 yrs. since my son was born (on my Birthday, April 24th.) and died on his due date, June 28th.. Now and forever-more, my B-day will be tinged with sadness and I will always remember my dear boy on that day and June 28th.. However, with each passing year, the pain gets just a little easier to bear with the distance. I hope the same holds true for you...

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