pinkie

JACKSONVILLE, FLA- Following last year's mammary-themed half time show, Super Bowl organizers promised us a cleaner, more wholesome set for 2005. The choice of Paul McCartney to headline was a clear signal in that direction, but it now seems clear that the famed singer/songwriter never got the memo. Half way through an acoustic rendition of "Silly Love Songs," Sir Paul decided to put the "X" in XXXIX, pulling out his penis and began waving at the on-field camera.

"I'm sure none of you expected that," McCartney said over a chorus of gasps. "But then again, nobody expects to have their legs blown off by a land mine. See, that's what I'm on about. Let's all join hands and pledge to stop land mine use right now."

The one-time heartthrob then went on to urge the 200 million or so people who had just had their first peek at the ex-Beatle's party crank to join his Adopt-A-Minefield campaign.

At FCC headquarters, it was deja vu all over again. Complaints poured in from all over the world, upset not only at the audacity of McCartney's political stunt but also at the appearance of his shriveled, misshapen member.

"My God," exclaimed long-time Beatles fanatic Ellie Rigby. "All these years of lusting after him I had no idea how horribly scarred and malformed his manhood really was. It reminded me of a small pear left to rot in the sun for a week and covered with tiny insects."

"It's shock value, isn't it," explained the Artist Formerly Known as Walrus at a press conference following the incident. "If it takes a shock to wake people up to the lingering dangers of land mine use and to remind them that I still exist, well that's a price I'm willing to pay."

While McCartney might have been speaking of payment metaphorically, the issue of multi-million dollar fines now looms over Fox. The network had originally planned to comply with the FCC request to run the game on a seven hour delay, but problems with the betting industry caused them to reverse their decision. Thankfully, the federal government has so far not announced plans to fine the Fox network or its hundreds of affiliates for the indecent broadcast.

"The primary difference between these two apparently similar incidents is that Janet Jackson's flashing stunt was sexy," explained outgoing Chairman Michael Powell. "Mr. McCartney's, on the other hand, was as far from it as you could possibly get. In fact, it was about as sexy as a surgery documentary on PBS, and since we don't fine them for that I can't really see a reason to punish Fox. Besides, McCartney is relatively stable person who can still sell a few records while Miss Jackson (if you're nasty) is neither."

Forgotten in the scuffle over the "Hey Nude" incident is the biggest victim in all of this, the Super Bowl itself. When McCartney decided to rock out with his cock out on Sunday, he misled organizers and jeopardized the institution so vital to the beer commercial problem gambling communities.

"He told us he was going to pay tribute to peace and fluffy bunnies," said Super Bowl executive producer Ed Goren. "Mostly, I'm pissed about not having any bunnies."

--staff

f6twister

Too funny! Now this would have been much funnier than the Janet Jackson thing last year!

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pinkie

Hehehe... I loved Paul's show. I was so happy that there was GOOD music at the SB half time show this year. I loved hearing the Beatles songs.

Grade A choice.

warrrreagl

Since there are probably a lot of Americans born between 1964 and 1967 who look a HELLUVA lot like Paul McCartney, I'd guess that the numbers of people getting their "first peek" at McCartney's party crank is much lower....

At any rate, this just goes to show how much Janet Jackson blows. All you have to do is rock the house and everything's all right. And by God, McCartney definitely rocked the house! My wife's current topical insult-of-the-moment is to call someone a "Moron Fuck," so everybody, all together now - ONE, TWO, THREE:

Janet Jackson's a Moron Fuck!

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raveneye

Yeah, I liked McCartney's show too. It was a little suspenseful not knowing what he was going to play ("to play, or not to play, Yesterday. . . . ") and he has so much to choose from, but I thought it was a great set, esp. Live or Let Die, which is appropriate for a football game.

Good backup musicians too, who nailed George's guitar solos and Billy Preston's Rhodes solos perfectly.

I wonder if you have to swear off eating meat to be a backup musician in Paul's band?

vox_rox

Paul was always the most obtuse "member" of the Beatles anyway.

And, hey,I signed up. I have a minefield in Southeastern Laos named to commerate my late uncle who died wihle falling asleep at the wheel listening to Silly Love Songs. Poor, poor man.

Peace,

Pierre

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warrrreagl

That's the same backup band that accompanied him three years ago on the "Driving Rain" tour. He performed "Live and Let Die" during that tour with pyrotechnics, also, but NOTHING like those magnificent fireworks. Damn good touch.

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guthmund

This year's halftime show was actually a pleasure to watch. No flash in the pan artist or some washed up has been trying to be edgy, just pure unadulterated rock and roll.

There must have been a lot of pressure on ol' Paul to put on a decent halftime show. I'm glad he was up to the challenge and then some.

I don't want to sound like an old fart, but there are a lot younger artists out there who could take a lesson from Paul McCartney on how to put on a good show.

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pinkie

I agree with every word. You don't sound old, you sound like you have good taste! It was a classy move on the SB planners behalf, and the Beatles rock!

Yay for Paul exposing himself.

World's King

That was the most boring half-time show ever.


Just as crappy as the game.

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meembo

My nine-year-old -- "Who the heck is Paul McCartney?" I told him he was a good friend of John Lennon, and then my son knew who he was. Go figure -- his favorite songs are "Across the Universe" and "I am the Walrus". Lennon was dead for 15 years before this kid was born, and my boy still knows Lennon better than McCartney. Kids these days!

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anleja

I was talking to a friend yesterday about Paul exposing himself. The topic turned to what would be equal to Janet Jackson's boob. Like, he could show one of his breasts, but he is a male, so that is not equal, as far as obscenity. He could flash his dick, but that would be MORE obscene than one pastied boob. He could drop his nuts, no dick, but that would still be more obscene than one boob. We reached the conclusion that for Paul to equal the obscenity of one pastied boob, he's have to either show just ONE nut or half of his ass crack.

The_wall

I agree it was a great half time show. I'm glad he played Beatles songs, I was wondering if he was going to play Beatles songs or songs he wrote himself. Did he ever have a solo career like John Lennon did?

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drakers

I was thinking it was going to be a real crappy halftime show, but it really wasn't that bad. No half naked girls trying to sing and dance, but at least they found someone that could sing without looking like an idiot by lip-syncing

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warrrreagl

/speechless


/in best Bugs Bunny voice

"Of course, you realize, THIS means war."

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saut

Don't get me wrong, here, I really enjoy Paul McCartney's work -- both with Wings and the Beatles. However, I don't think he was the right choice for a football game. C'mon, I want something a little manlier and less poppy. Something to get everyone pumped up for the game, you know? The superbowl has become pussified. Every superbowl in my lifetime has been a pretty big snoozefest (I'm only 19 though). To me, a lot of the magic and glory of more distant superbowls is gone. Maybe I'm wrong, though. I've only ever seen highlights.

The superbowl now, though, feels like one big corporate wankfest and has little to do with football.

warrrreagl

I'm not seeing the connection here between the two.

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TexanAvenger

Didn't look like MTV had a say in the Half-time show this year, thank god. And as much as I love Paul, I probably would've recoiled more at this one than at Janet's "mishap."

Psycho Dad

I've never really been a McCartney or Beatles fan to any great degree. However this was a truly entertaining halftime show. A respected artist who didn't lean on lip synching or half assed gimmick like Jackson's saggy old tit was a welcome change.

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guthmund

Well....gosh, ma'am. Thanks

Now I'm all flustered....

Well, you're not too far off the mark. My understanding is that the halftime show as we know it was a relatively recent addition by the NFL to bring larger, non-football fanatic crowds to watch the game. More viewers mean more advertising and by extension corporate money to pimp their products to those viewers.

So, yeah, I guess the superbowl has been turned into a 'big corporate wankfest.'

I don't care much though. I watch the Superbowl for the game and most of the time use the halftime break to grab a snack or hit the bathroom as it's usually stocked with artists I don't care to see perform. (not my bathroom...ahh you get the point) This year, however, I was decidely pleased to see a halftime show that was actually entertaining and worth sticking around for.

The same could not be said for the pre-game concert. That Ray Charles thing was....decidedly odd....

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analog

I can count all the beatles songs i like on one hand... that's missing 2 or 3 fingers. I have never liked much of any of their music. I find it incredibly boring. It's a shame that something like the super bowl that's overwhelming and energetic has a half-time show that's underwhelming and geriatric. I am ashamed that because of a nipple, the great tradition and spectacle of the american Super Bowl has to have a thoroughly watered-down, totally lame, and utterly unwatchable halftime show to appease the fucktards who caused such an uproar last year.

Clarification: I'm not a sports fan. I don't watch any, not even football, but I love the last few games and the Super Bowl- and not just for the commericals. I'm just a person who was saddened at the display of Fox playing nanny to a nation because there are groups of morons running around screaming apocalypse over a partially exposed teat.

This was a horrid show. Except for Hey Jude. Hey Jude is an awesome song.

ironmaiden7o7

Beatles rock!