LoganSnake

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However since Santa does not visit children of the Muslim, Hindu or Jewish religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million.

Santa has about 108 million homes to visit and 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels from east to west. This works out at 967.7 visits per second.This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him and get on to the next house. Fact

"Santa has about 108 million homes to visit and 31 hours of Christmas to work with"


Assuming that each of these 108 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth, we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household and a total trip of about 75.5 million miles. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at a speed of 650 miles per second. The payload of the sleigh is another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (weighing two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 5,000 tonnes, not counting Santa himself. On land a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that a "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight, nine or ten of them. Santa would need 360,000 reindeer. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tonnes, or roughly 7 times the weight of the QE2 (the ship, not the monarch).

Fact

"600,000 tonnes travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance."

600,000 tonnes travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The last reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team would be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles per second, would be subject to centrifugal forces of 17,500g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seams ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo and messy cartilage.

Therefore if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

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the_marq

Santa is magic.


--the end--

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#3 in a series

Nisses

brilliant

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vox_rox

Defining Santa with physics? Are you serious?

Really, some things are just beyond the explaination of mortals and science and Santa is one of them.

Peace,

Pierre

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Averett

Dude, Santa just saw this, and he's totally pissed. You're on his bad list

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OFKU0

Actually, this is a little known fact. Seems Santa has put God on his shit list so God has agreed to get off his almighty ass and help the fat guy out. It's all for the kids you know.

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tecoyah

Santa is the Nephew of God....you know, the Holy quad and all.....

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LoganSnake

Does that mean no presents for me this year?

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Fate

Some reason I wouldn't be surprised if Santa was a minute man... or a millisecond man. Assuming "santa kisses your mom" on every 10th stop, and gets laid on every 50th stop, that means he has roughly 10,800,000 kisses and 2,160,000 lays over christmas night.
Lucky guy?

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archer2371

Wow...phew, that was worth a great two minute laugh.

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smooth

Depending on your definition of presents, I don't think that's what that picture means

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f6twister

This post was already done....http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=76605

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LoganSnake

It's not really the same topic. Mine goes into more detail. But yeah, I'm at work, and didn't go through the Search feature.

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glasscutter43

So... what are you going to do with your lump of coal?

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scott_p_1

Maybe the dude has a time machine! That would solve all the problems.

LoganSnake

I don't have a chimney.

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Blackthorn

Maybe? Yeah right...maybe. And maybe he's just "freakin" Santa Claus dude...like it's the claus ya know man! That cat is everywhere all the time just like Elvis.

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scott_p_1

Hmm, maybe Santa Claus is Elvis... with a time machine! You can be everywhere all the time with the clever use of a time machine.

Sargeman

Obviously someone hasn't watched the Santa Clause with Tim Allen.

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CinnamonGirl

*applauds*

And it doesn't matter if you don't have a chimney...Santa MAKES a chimney

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jonjon42

it's funny...someone did santa equations on a blackboard in the math wing (blackboards are all over the fricken place their) No idea what it said but it attempted to prove the possiblity of Santa Clause...(yes the math and cs majors here are really odd...some of my best friends too)

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LoganSnake

So Santa would have to drill a hole through the people's apartments that live above us to lay a pile of steaming coal in my room? Sweet.

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denim

Santa has inertial compensators and Teflon, so the accelleration isn't an issue, and neither is the friction. Contact Honor Harrington for details.

denim

No. It takes longer to get a woman going, so unless he brings a lot of lube with him, he's got hell's own case of chafing by the time he's done. And a lot of dissatisfied women.

LoganSnake

Inertial compensators....sounds like something from that one movie where kids could create a bubble, by giving a computer points in 3 dimentions, in which you couldn't feel the inertia. What was it called...Radio Flyer I think...not sure.

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whocarz

What kind of horrible things did your parents tell you as a child? Where did you get the Santa boning every 50th mom? Were you also told that the Easter Bunny eats baby flesh and the tooth fairy has an ear necklace?

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flamingdog

what an image.

OFKU0

More like the MILF man.

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skier

true dat OFKU0

santa is magic. lol that was the best answer ever.

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