Lost in the translation? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

cchris · 01-28-2004, 04:44 AM

Now I know that a few BEER threads are already out there in the public domain but I got all inspired by Sleepyjack's thread here http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=43025
and what it turned into.

My PC had a meltdown prior to Australia day and seriously,the chances of fixing it looked as promising as another "Pauline Hanson for PM" campaign.

It was Gooone.

Depression set in.

In typical fashion I said "Fuck it,I'm going to the Pub to drown my sorrows",and it got me thinking about a proper "Beer lovers guide to Australia" for the many tourists that are out and about here in our fine land.(Whats with all those young German girls here at the moment)?
I researched like no other and filled many an olympic sized swimming pool with the fruits of my endeavour's.

But I digress.

The computer fix it guy rang today and all is now sweet.Hell I even shouted him a beer for his troubles,that and two hundred bucks to fix the gizmo rightchize,(whatever the fuck that is).
So as a "True blue" Aussie I wanted to give our overseas friends here (as a trial run), an unbiased view of our beverages in case they visit and have the urge to "sink a few".

Don't be fooled by fake lists.

So if you happen to do the "Crawl",here is the State by State lowdown on the brown amber fluid.

From NSW:

Toohey's Extra Dry.

A no hangover beer,(unless you have more than thirty) that tastes excellent.(Serve chilled).

The beerlovers beer.There is no other.

.........................................................................................................
From Queensland:

Nothing.

.........................................................................................................
From Victoria:

Crown Lager.

Despite the price tag,this is the best thing to come out of Victoria apart from the Hume highway.(Needs to be served ICY cold).

(Or if you are desperate)

Victoria Bitter.(Affectionately known as VB).

Only if nothing else is available.(Serve very cold and remain in coolroom with beer if more than one is to be consumed).

In other words,it does in fact taste like shit unless cold till the end or if you are pissed already.

.........................................................................................................
From Tasmania:

Cascade Premium Lager.

A choice beer that cousins and locals alike claim to be Aussies finest.(Needs to be served cold).

A word of warning when ordering from Pubs in this far flung place.
Don't leer at the barmaid.(She has Mom's,Dad's and many many other relatives watching out for her).

Cascade premium light

And not that you would want a root in Tassie,but if you need to stay sober and want a tasty light beer.(Fucked if I know how to serve this one as I don't drink light beer).

.........................................................................................................
From South Australia:

Southwark Pale Ale.(It's got bite and it makes you fart like a trooper).

Do not,under any circumstance,go near a naked flame if you have consumed more than 15 in one session.

.........................................................................................................
From Western Australia:

Redback.(A hangover is guaranteed but well worth the effort).

An acquired taste.

Matilda Bay Premium.(Another "windows open and let the air in" lager).

(A word of warning).

Drinking more than 12 of these in one session will require a brain transplant the next morning.

.........................................................................................................

So there is my guide and I await crucifixion by the "Cane toads" and others.

(Not to mention Sharon and her twelve sisters from Tassie).

Aussies,please add your comments and an "also rans" list.

Disclaimer.

This thread is totally "tongue in cheek" and should have probably been posted in the "Nonsense" forum.

ratbastid · 01-28-2004, 05:31 AM

Why does this remind me of a Monty Python skit?

"This is not a wine for drinking. This is a wine for lying down and avoiding."

Very cool info--I'm hoping to visit your fine continent one of these days, and this will come in very very handy!

denim · 01-28-2004, 06:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ratbastid
Why does this remind me of a Monty Python skit?

"This is not a wine for drinking. This is a wine for lying down and avoiding."

Because it should, perhaps? It was the first thing that popped into my brain, too.

OTOH, it's 30 years later. Who'd have imagined us, 30 year ago, sitting here drinkin'...

Mondak · 01-28-2004, 07:21 AM

That was sweet. Thanks for the info and the commentary. I now have the urge to fly to Australia and make sure your findings are correct......

Meridae'n · 01-28-2004, 02:20 PM

The Queenslanders have a couple of different types of 'beer'. The main one being XXXX (pronounced 4-Ex)

Or, if your tounge has really vexed you, Powers.

The southerners have a nice drop that goes by the name of 'Melbourne Bitter'.

I like it, but it's an aquired taste.

The New South Welshmen seem to go for a drop just called 'New'.

Not a bad drop, but fairly rough... gets you through the night though. Has a big following with the girls around here for some reason...

NOTE: Never, under any circumstance, drink Carlton Cold

Looks pretty cool hey? Don't touch it though, it's worse than XXXX (uh, best not say things I can't take back...)

absence_of_color · 01-28-2004, 02:53 PM

Beer and wine are fine, but liquor is much quicker.

bundy · 01-28-2004, 05:09 PM

yes Carlton Cold is cats piss.

but it has a nastier cousin. this...

... is Carlton ColdShot... beer with a shot of Vodka in it...

pure filth, guaranteed to make your head twist off and explode the next day.

one great drop from those crazy clowns in South Australia is Coopers (Sparkling and Pale)

Tasmanians are a strange group of people... (circular family trees and such...), but they do make good beer...
Cascade was mentioned above in Chris's post, but i'd like to mention Boags.

this is premium drop, and it'll be as expensive as Cascade, but its worth it.

now, i feel i should also mention Home Brewing... which is something of an Aussie past-time.
everyone in Australia either does it, or knows someone who does it.

BEWARE the first time brewer... he will tell you his first batch is great, but it won't be. best wait until he's been doing it for a little while... then, theres a good chance that it'll be a good drop.

Meridae'n · 01-28-2004, 05:57 PM

Damn Bundy, I tried and tried to get that exact Boags pic to work, but I couldn't! You're a better man than I

Boags is great. I drink all Christmas Day, gets a bit sweet after awhile, but is pretty handy.

Coopers is right up there, fantastic. Has a bit of a cult following over here...

high_way · 01-28-2004, 06:50 PM

great post and i agree with most of the comments (good and bad) except for you aying that VB (vomit bombs, green death) is better than XXXX. you couldnt pay me enough to drink VB it tastes that shit. i agree XXXX isnt the best aussie beer but it is pretty fucken good, one of my top 5.

talking of which:
1 tooheys etra dry
2 cascade premium
3 boages premium
4 XXXX bitter/gold
5 Carlton mid strength

thats one you guys have missed was middies. very smooth midstrength beer with a bit of a full strength taste. there are not many aussies out there who dont like middies.

there are acouple mentioned that i havnet tried like the coopers and a couple of the melboure beers but i would like to give them a go. ill let you know what i think when i have tried them.

and yes i am a queenslander, a north queenslander at that o i am a bit of a finatic when it comes to my beer and league.. GO THE MIGHTY CANE TOADS!!!

bundy · 01-28-2004, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by high_way
great post and i agree with most of the comments (good and bad) except for you aying that VB (vomit bombs, green death) is better than XXXX. you couldnt pay me enough to drink VB it tastes that shit. i agree XXXX isnt the best aussie beer but it is pretty fucken good, one of my top 5.
GO THE MIGHTY CANE TOADS!!!

you know what...
last time i was in Queensland, with a bunch of mates, we ordered a round of XXXX's at some restaurant.
when we tasted it, we hated it so much, that we made up some bullshit story and convinced the waitress that because the XXXX's hadn't been bottled in the last 90 days, they weren't fit for consumption.
we also managed to get her to bring a round of VBs instead of replacing the XXXX's.

how do you like that high_way??

Meridae'n · 01-28-2004, 08:42 PM

Middies? Never heard of it... might have to have a look for some.

GO THE BLUES!!!

high_way · 01-29-2004, 01:32 AM

sure bundy, deep down you know you loved it... loooovvvveeeddd it.

here is a pic of a middie can

QUEENSLAND ALL THE WAY.... QUEENSLANDER

cchris · 01-29-2004, 03:51 AM

How ironic.

Only one red X.

high_way · 01-29-2004, 04:02 AM

ahh shit that one didnt work either

ok here is the web site

http://www.melbournepubs.com.au/docs/beer-midstrength/

Meridae'n · 01-29-2004, 04:27 PM

Made the effort to go around to a mate's place last night who I knew had a few XXXX in the fridge...

The verdict? Not complete wombat urine, but any attempt made to keeo it above the Namoi would be greatly appreciated

viejo gringo · 01-29-2004, 08:00 PM

As long as they are cold and wet---good on ya lad, good on ya..

bundy · 01-30-2004, 01:18 AM

well, with all this BEER talk... i thought it was time to balance out our diets...

Bundaberg Rum

by W.N. Scott

God made the sugarcane grow where it's hot,
And teetotal abstainers to grow where it is not,
Let the Sin Bosun warn of perdition to come,
We'll drink it, and chance it, so bring on the rum.

Bundaberg Rum, Overproof Rum,
Will tan your insides and grow hair on your bum,
Let the Blue Ribbon beat on his old empty drum,
Or his waterlogged belly, we'll stick to our rum.

These are men who drink it, men indeed,
Men of the Bushranging oldtime hairy-necked breed,
They shave with their axes, they dress in old rags,
They feed on old boots, they sleep on old bags.
Dull care flies away when their voices resound,
And the grass shrivels up when they spit on the ground.

Bundaberg Rum, Overproof Rum,
Will tan your insides and grow hair on your bum,
Let the Blue Ribbon beat on his old empty drum,
Or his waterlogged belly, we'll stick to our rum.

When they finally die and are sunk in the clay,
Their bodies are pickled and never decay,
On the morning of judgement, when the skies are rolled back,
They'd stroll from their graves up the long golden track,
And their voices would echo throughout Kingdom Come,
As they toast the Archangels in Bundaberg Rum.

01-28-2004, 04:44 AM	#1 (permalink)
cchris Junkie Location: Sydney	Lost in the translation? Now I know that a few BEER threads are already out there in the public domain but I got all inspired by Sleepyjack's thread here http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=43025 and what it turned into. My PC had a meltdown prior to Australia day and seriously,the chances of fixing it looked as promising as another "Pauline Hanson for PM" campaign. It was Gooone. Depression set in. In typical fashion I said "Fuck it,I'm going to the Pub to drown my sorrows",and it got me thinking about a proper "Beer lovers guide to Australia" for the many tourists that are out and about here in our fine land.(Whats with all those young German girls here at the moment)? I researched like no other and filled many an olympic sized swimming pool with the fruits of my endeavour's. But I digress. The computer fix it guy rang today and all is now sweet.Hell I even shouted him a beer for his troubles,that and two hundred bucks to fix the gizmo rightchize,(whatever the fuck that is). So as a "True blue" Aussie I wanted to give our overseas friends here (as a trial run), an unbiased view of our beverages in case they visit and have the urge to "sink a few". Don't be fooled by fake lists. So if you happen to do the "Crawl",here is the State by State lowdown on the brown amber fluid. From NSW: Toohey's Extra Dry. A no hangover beer,(unless you have more than thirty) that tastes excellent.(Serve chilled). The beerlovers beer.There is no other. ......................................................................................................... From Queensland: Nothing. ......................................................................................................... From Victoria: Crown Lager. Despite the price tag,this is the best thing to come out of Victoria apart from the Hume highway.(Needs to be served ICY cold). (Or if you are desperate) Victoria Bitter.(Affectionately known as VB). Only if nothing else is available.(Serve very cold and remain in coolroom with beer if more than one is to be consumed). In other words,it does in fact taste like shit unless cold till the end or if you are pissed already. ......................................................................................................... From Tasmania: Cascade Premium Lager. A choice beer that cousins and locals alike claim to be Aussies finest.(Needs to be served cold). A word of warning when ordering from Pubs in this far flung place. Don't leer at the barmaid.(She has Mom's,Dad's and many many other relatives watching out for her). Cascade premium light And not that you would want a root in Tassie,but if you need to stay sober and want a tasty light beer.(Fucked if I know how to serve this one as I don't drink light beer). ......................................................................................................... From South Australia: Southwark Pale Ale.(It's got bite and it makes you fart like a trooper). Do not,under any circumstance,go near a naked flame if you have consumed more than 15 in one session. ......................................................................................................... From Western Australia: Redback.(A hangover is guaranteed but well worth the effort). An acquired taste. Matilda Bay Premium.(Another "windows open and let the air in" lager). (A word of warning). Drinking more than 12 of these in one session will require a brain transplant the next morning. ......................................................................................................... So there is my guide and I await crucifixion by the "Cane toads" and others. (Not to mention Sharon and her twelve sisters from Tassie). Aussies,please add your comments and an "also rans" list. Disclaimer. This thread is totally "tongue in cheek" and should have probably been posted in the "Nonsense" forum. __________________ There's a fine line between participation and mockery

01-28-2004, 07:21 AM	#4 (permalink)
Mondak Industrialist Location: Southern California	That was sweet. Thanks for the info and the commentary. I now have the urge to fly to Australia and make sure your findings are correct...... __________________ All truth passes through three stages: First it is ridiculed Second, it is violently opposed and Third, it is accepted as self-evident. ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER (1788-1860)

01-28-2004, 02:20 PM	#5 (permalink)
Meridae'n Loose Cunt Location: North Bondi RSL	The Queenslanders have a couple of different types of 'beer'. The main one being XXXX (pronounced 4-Ex) Or, if your tounge has really vexed you, Powers. The southerners have a nice drop that goes by the name of 'Melbourne Bitter'. I like it, but it's an aquired taste. The New South Welshmen seem to go for a drop just called 'New'. Not a bad drop, but fairly rough... gets you through the night though. Has a big following with the girls around here for some reason... NOTE: Never, under any circumstance, drink Carlton Cold Looks pretty cool hey? Don't touch it though, it's worse than XXXX (uh, best not say things I can't take back...) __________________ What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up? Last edited by Meridae'n; 01-28-2004 at 02:23 PM..

01-28-2004, 02:53 PM	#6 (permalink)
absence_of_color Insane Location: in a golden garden of grey	Beer and wine are fine, but liquor is much quicker. __________________ ...absent of everything.

01-28-2004, 05:09 PM	#7 (permalink)
bundy . Location: Tokyo	yes Carlton Cold is cats piss. but it has a nastier cousin. this... ... is Carlton ColdShot... beer with a shot of Vodka in it... pure filth, guaranteed to make your head twist off and explode the next day. one great drop from those crazy clowns in South Australia is Coopers (Sparkling and Pale) Tasmanians are a strange group of people... (circular family trees and such...), but they do make good beer... Cascade was mentioned above in Chris's post, but i'd like to mention Boags. this is premium drop, and it'll be as expensive as Cascade, but its worth it. now, i feel i should also mention Home Brewing... which is something of an Aussie past-time. everyone in Australia either does it, or knows someone who does it. BEWARE the first time brewer... he will tell you his first batch is great, but it won't be. best wait until he's been doing it for a little while... then, theres a good chance that it'll be a good drop. __________________ Ohayo!!!

01-28-2004, 05:31 AM	#2 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Why does this remind me of a Monty Python skit? "This is not a wine for drinking. This is a wine for lying down and avoiding." Very cool info--I'm hoping to visit your fine continent one of these days, and this will come in very very handy!

01-28-2004, 05:57 PM	#8 (permalink)
Meridae'n Loose Cunt Location: North Bondi RSL	Damn Bundy, I tried and tried to get that exact Boags pic to work, but I couldn't! You're a better man than I Boags is great. I drink all Christmas Day, gets a bit sweet after awhile, but is pretty handy. Coopers is right up there, fantastic. Has a bit of a cult following over here... __________________ What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

01-28-2004, 06:50 PM	#9 (permalink)
high_way Addict Location: Australia	great post and i agree with most of the comments (good and bad) except for you aying that VB (vomit bombs, green death) is better than XXXX. you couldnt pay me enough to drink VB it tastes that shit. i agree XXXX isnt the best aussie beer but it is pretty fucken good, one of my top 5. talking of which: 1 tooheys etra dry 2 cascade premium 3 boages premium 4 XXXX bitter/gold 5 Carlton mid strength thats one you guys have missed was middies. very smooth midstrength beer with a bit of a full strength taste. there are not many aussies out there who dont like middies. there are acouple mentioned that i havnet tried like the coopers and a couple of the melboure beers but i would like to give them a go. ill let you know what i think when i have tried them. and yes i am a queenslander, a north queenslander at that o i am a bit of a finatic when it comes to my beer and league.. GO THE MIGHTY CANE TOADS!!! __________________ A stranger is just a friend you havent met yet. Impostor of the imposturous

01-28-2004, 08:42 PM	#11 (permalink)
Meridae'n Loose Cunt Location: North Bondi RSL	Middies? Never heard of it... might have to have a look for some. GO THE BLUES!!! __________________ What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

01-29-2004, 01:32 AM	#12 (permalink)
high_way Addict Location: Australia	sure bundy, deep down you know you loved it... loooovvvveeeddd it. here is a pic of a middie can QUEENSLAND ALL THE WAY.... QUEENSLANDER __________________ A stranger is just a friend you havent met yet. Impostor of the imposturous

01-29-2004, 03:51 AM	#13 (permalink)
cchris Junkie Location: Sydney	How ironic. Only one red X. __________________ There's a fine line between participation and mockery

01-29-2004, 04:02 AM	#14 (permalink)
high_way Addict Location: Australia	ahh shit that one didnt work either ok here is the web site http://www.melbournepubs.com.au/docs/beer-midstrength/ __________________ A stranger is just a friend you havent met yet. Impostor of the imposturous

01-29-2004, 04:27 PM	#15 (permalink)
Meridae'n Loose Cunt Location: North Bondi RSL	Made the effort to go around to a mate's place last night who I knew had a few XXXX in the fridge... The verdict? Not complete wombat urine, but any attempt made to keeo it above the Namoi would be greatly appreciated __________________ What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

01-29-2004, 08:00 PM	#16 (permalink)
viejo gringo Registered User Location: Deep South Texas	As long as they are cold and wet---good on ya lad, good on ya..

01-30-2004, 01:18 AM	#17 (permalink)
bundy . Location: Tokyo	well, with all this BEER talk... i thought it was time to balance out our diets... Bundaberg Rum by W.N. Scott God made the sugarcane grow where it's hot, And teetotal abstainers to grow where it is not, Let the Sin Bosun warn of perdition to come, We'll drink it, and chance it, so bring on the rum. Bundaberg Rum, Overproof Rum, Will tan your insides and grow hair on your bum, Let the Blue Ribbon beat on his old empty drum, Or his waterlogged belly, we'll stick to our rum. These are men who drink it, men indeed, Men of the Bushranging oldtime hairy-necked breed, They shave with their axes, they dress in old rags, They feed on old boots, they sleep on old bags. Dull care flies away when their voices resound, And the grass shrivels up when they spit on the ground. Bundaberg Rum, Overproof Rum, Will tan your insides and grow hair on your bum, Let the Blue Ribbon beat on his old empty drum, Or his waterlogged belly, we'll stick to our rum. When they finally die and are sunk in the clay, Their bodies are pickled and never decay, On the morning of judgement, when the skies are rolled back, They'd stroll from their graves up the long golden track, And their voices would echo throughout Kingdom Come, As they toast the Archangels in Bundaberg Rum. __________________ Ohayo!!!