View Single Post
Old 01-28-2004, 04:44 AM   #1 (permalink)
cchris
Junkie
 
cchris's Avatar
 
Location: Sydney
Lost in the translation?

Now I know that a few BEER threads are already out there in the public domain but I got all inspired by Sleepyjack's thread here http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=43025
and what it turned into.

My PC had a meltdown prior to Australia day and seriously,the chances of fixing it looked as promising as another "Pauline Hanson for PM" campaign.

It was Gooone.

Depression set in.

In typical fashion I said "Fuck it,I'm going to the Pub to drown my sorrows",and it got me thinking about a proper "Beer lovers guide to Australia" for the many tourists that are out and about here in our fine land.(Whats with all those young German girls here at the moment)?
I researched like no other and filled many an olympic sized swimming pool with the fruits of my endeavour's.

But I digress.

The computer fix it guy rang today and all is now sweet.Hell I even shouted him a beer for his troubles,that and two hundred bucks to fix the gizmo rightchize,(whatever the fuck that is).
So as a "True blue" Aussie I wanted to give our overseas friends here (as a trial run), an unbiased view of our beverages in case they visit and have the urge to "sink a few".

Don't be fooled by fake lists.

So if you happen to do the "Crawl",here is the State by State lowdown on the brown amber fluid.


From NSW:

Toohey's Extra Dry.

A no hangover beer,(unless you have more than thirty) that tastes excellent.(Serve chilled).

The beerlovers beer.There is no other.



.........................................................................................................
From Queensland:

Nothing.

.........................................................................................................
From Victoria:

Crown Lager.

Despite the price tag,this is the best thing to come out of Victoria apart from the Hume highway.(Needs to be served ICY cold).




(Or if you are desperate)


Victoria Bitter.(Affectionately known as VB).

Only if nothing else is available.(Serve very cold and remain in coolroom with beer if more than one is to be consumed).

In other words,it does in fact taste like shit unless cold till the end or if you are pissed already.



.........................................................................................................
From Tasmania:

Cascade Premium Lager.

A choice beer that cousins and locals alike claim to be Aussies finest.(Needs to be served cold).

A word of warning when ordering from Pubs in this far flung place.
Don't leer at the barmaid.(She has Mom's,Dad's and many many other relatives watching out for her).




Cascade premium light

And not that you would want a root in Tassie,but if you need to stay sober and want a tasty light beer.(Fucked if I know how to serve this one as I don't drink light beer).



.........................................................................................................
From South Australia:

Southwark Pale Ale.(It's got bite and it makes you fart like a trooper).

Do not,under any circumstance,go near a naked flame if you have consumed more than 15 in one session.



.........................................................................................................
From Western Australia:

Redback.(A hangover is guaranteed but well worth the effort).

An acquired taste.





Matilda Bay Premium.(Another "windows open and let the air in" lager).

(A word of warning).

Drinking more than 12 of these in one session will require a brain transplant the next morning.




.........................................................................................................

So there is my guide and I await crucifixion by the "Cane toads" and others.

(Not to mention Sharon and her twelve sisters from Tassie).


Aussies,please add your comments and an "also rans" list.


Disclaimer.

This thread is totally "tongue in cheek" and should have probably been posted in the "Nonsense" forum.
__________________
There's a fine line between participation and mockery
cchris is offline  
 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360