sky_driver

This morning I met my wife at our daughter's school. I arrived before she did and watched as she pulled into the parking space and she got too close and bumped the other car. I know she has bumped into other cars in the past. She say's she will be more careful, but I still worry. Any advise.

lurkette

As a "bumpy" driver myself, the only things that really made me more careful about it was 1. being regularly chastised by my husband, and 2. getting a new car (Ratbastid's Miata). My car, the brown ugly one, was already kind of dinged when I got it, and while I didn't go around playing bumper cars on purpose, if I happened to bump into someone's car in the parking lot, I wasn't going to freak out. It doesn't really do anything in terms of damage. But in the Miata, on the other hand, I was very careful. We were leasing it, so there was that, but Ratbastid would kill me if I scratched it. Don't know if that helps in your situation, but getting a new car made me a much more careful driver. In parking lots, at least

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Bloodslick

I'd say that you need to follow through with both positive and negative reinforcement. Rib her a little about it when you notice a new rub of paint on her bumper (but don't get angry; make it fun, but get the message across.) Mention it to her when you haven't seen any additional dings for a while. Let her know that you're occasionally watching her progress. And, perhaps, make her either clean off her bumper or pay once in a while to have the paint scratches washed off.

World's King

You let your wife drive?

Why?



*ducks flying Women's Rights protester*

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dnd

hmm if anyone bumped into my car even at low speeds i'd be kinda pissed of, i feel it shows a lack of respect for other people property. its just like going around someones place for a drink and scratching their table without apologising or caring...u just don't do it!
Some people spend loads of money on their cars and may turn very angry if whoever did bump their car didn't appear to be empathetic or apologetic...
But maybe she just doesn't see it that way and treats the car as purely as a means to get from A to B...

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ratbastid

Niiiiice. That'd be good advice if you were married to a 12-year-old or a cocker spaniel, but not so hot if your wife is an adult woman.

One day lurkette confessed all the stuff she's mowed down in parking lots (she's been pretty hard on the local shopping carts, as it turns out). I was completely flabbergasted. I suspect, sky_driver, that you have no idea the extent of her bumpiness. This is why lurkette has HER car, and I have MY car.

I guess I'm a little worried about somebody getting bumped by her and going off, but I'm pretty sure I can count on her innate cuteness to get her out of a jam.

JStrider

well if someone just touches my bumper and does no damage... and i never know thats fine... but if theres any damage... and they dont even bother backing away... i might get upset and accidently confuse the R and D gears...
my car might not be worth that much monetarily... but I love my car... i worked a whole summer for it... and i dont want it dinged up by some other drivers carelessness...

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Moskie

*shrug* I thought it was good advice. If I were "being taught a lesson," I think I'd prefer it to be done in the way Bloodstick suggested, as opposed to most others.

Just because something is traditionally for kids, doesn't mean it won't work for adults either.

*edit* ok, i admit that might be going a bit too far

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WarWagon

I'm going to have to go with World's King on this one. Whenever any of my female friends would drive me somewhere, I'd have my eyes closed the entire time, just so I wouldnt have a heart attack.

I'm sure there are plenty of good women drivers out there, but I guess I've had the misfortune of riding with none of them.

mingusfingers

ah, my mother is the exact same way. She yelled at me when I first started driving for not shoulder checking, which I actually did, and she just glides into other lanes. I get scared sometimes.

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powder

My wife has never seriously bent any of our cars but she has put ding in them with skis, kayaks and who know what else. It used to bother me but I love my wife more than any car so now I truely don't care if the car gets bent. Afterall it is only a piece of cold steel. I can get another one any time I want.

She has never piled up a car and generally drives in a safer manner than me but I still get a bit nervous when I am in the passenger seat. Fortunately the only time I am in the pasenger seat it is because I have been drinking so I am more relaxed.

Phaenx

Be thankful that when someone a mile ahead of you puts on their brakes, and she slams on hers, she doesn't throw her arm in front of whoever is in the passenger seat and gasp really loudly.

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jbrooks544

Hopefully you will accumulate enough sensible comments in this thread to be able to print it out and show it to her. that way - we will speak for you and you won't get as much heat.

She needs to know that it is not acceptable to be "bumpy". Any driver should know where their car ends. Bumping says that she isn't in control of her car and/or that she doesn't really care. One of these times something bad might even happen, like your fuel pumb shutoff (too many g's and it disables the fuel pump) or airbag might go off. I would be pissed if someone bumped my new car.

I might try just having an earnest talk with her - tell her how concerned you are, etc. and be very nice, but serious.
Also, the problem can be that most women (from my experience) don't use any or many of their rear view side view mirrors. My wife has had three "accidents" in 15 years. They were ALL under the speed of 5mph. Once she is out of the parking lot she is basically ok. Not that I could EVER be in the right seat while she is driving - unless she's taking me to the hospital or something. Can't stand the way she drives. The value and appearance of your car can be diminished significantly from these minor bumps.

punx1325

I'm pretty anal about my car, my "friend" decided it would be funny to park right up on my bumper, and well he scratched my bumper. So I thought it was pretty funny when I asked for his insurance. I consider myself a good driver, but I suck ass at parking. I have never hit any other cars **knock on wood** but come pretty close when some crappy parking jobs.

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analog

driving is a priviledge, not a right. if you can't be courteous and responsible, you have no right driving.

I live in Florida, USA, which is a mecca for retiring old people. It's crazy.

I really do have a problem with most female drivers. They just don't seem to care that they suck at it, and dont' seem to do anything to try and correct it. I drive a LOT, and I can say overwhelmingly that the times i ger cut off or someone just slides up ALMOST INTO ME from their lane because they didn't look, it's a female. It's really kind of ridiculous. If it were not that bad, there's no way i'd notice it's 9 out of 10, but it is. I give all female drivers extra room and watch them liek hawks when I'm driving near one. It pisses me off they care so little about the people around them.

Jimbob666

That's what bumpers are for. Hence the name. Don't worry about it.

Destrox

It comes down to RESPECTING OTHERS PROPERTY.

Seriously, people like her piss me off so bad it goes beyond my limit.

My truck is my baby, a beautiful cherry red, and I completly blow up when you get assholes that *bump* or *scratch* it and DONT FESS UP EVEN WITH A SIMPLE SORRY.

No offense, but what she does and that other first poster to the thread are just rude, inconsiderate, and downright selfish.

Respect other peoples property plain and simple.

Just because your ride may be shit, doesnt mean others is too.

And by all means show her mine, because I can GARUNTEE there are many MANY others like me on viewpoint.

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LewisCouch

The thing that concerns me about the incident you detail, is that she realized she "bumped" into the car and then left the cars pressed together. That action or inaction, however you please, indicates a pretty careless attitude about property. I have to believe that most people who own cars or have some vested financial interest (lease), are careful with their vehicles. Bumping into cars frequently, opening car doors, leaving shopping carts to roll about freely in a parking lot, all point to a self centered and careless driver. I hope these criticisms help you and your wife.

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EleqTrizi'T

I'll give it to you straight.

You are both negligent for not finding the owner of the vehicle and owning up to what happened. That is completely irresponsible and and saddedn to think your kids might of seen her do that.

You ALMOST got in a fight over it? I'd of gone ape shit on my wife if she did that.

Further, you're scared of someone going crazy on her, eh? I would of. Especially if I saw her walk off from it, and more so if she attempted to drive away. Certain people, like me, love their cars as if it were a cherished pet. I'll be damned if I just let someone walk away after kicking my dog.

And if you would of run over to stop me from screaming at her, I would of made a FARK.com headline of myself and broke your jaw in a school parking lot. Then I would of turned to your kids and said, "see what happens?" right before the cops arrest me and tell me the same.

Print this message and take it to your wife. People like me can become unreasonably dangerous. Please. Thanks.

chris2980

dont let her drive

Mephisto2

That made me laugh and laugh.

With regards to the point in question, I have to admit I was surprised at how common this kind of thing was with a lot of American drivers. I know I'm probably going to get flamed for this.

When I am in the US I regularly see people ease into parking spots and keep moving until their bumper hits something (I believe you Americans call it a "fender?"). In other words they did this on purpose! I know not everyone does, but sheesh... some of them must be being taught this it was so common.

What's wrong with good old fashioned "visual distance estimation" (for want of a better term)? It's not as if parking spaces in the US are all that small. Shit, most of them are at an angle on streets anyway (at least in California where I spend most of my time). I shudder to think about some of the drivers I've seen trying parrallel parking.

Back to the specifics of this post, I can't really come up with any hard and fast recommendations. Maybe just explain it to her as you did to us?

"Honey, you can't do that. It's bad for the car, it's disrespectful of the other driver and most importantly, you'll get some road rage psycho all freaked out who will hurt you and the kids!"

If someone said something like that to me, I know I'd listen.


Mr Mephisto

analog

That's because here in America, it takes virtually nothing to be able to get a driver's licence. If monkeys were a little taller, i'm sure they'd get them, too. As long as you can hold it together for 5 minutes in front of the DMV person testing you, and perform VERY BASIC tasks with your car, that's good enough in 95% of the country. It's really, really sad.

txlovely

Make sure the car she is driving is a safe one - if she's that careless a driver and she's driving your kids around, that's the best thing you can do. Get her something substantial so they will all be safe if they are in an accident that involves more than a "bump".

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krwlz

WHen I ride with women (in general) Im on edge, and searching the road for anything going awry probably twice as hard as I do normaly. They dont do any one thing wrong, but, in general, women are very carefree about driving. They never seem like they are paying full attention to the road. This hows up in their driving a lot as well. Most women hug one line or the other, dont use mirrors nearluy enough, and are not real great at lining up on a parking spot. To name a few examples. And that scares the hell out of me.


How to get her to stop? I have no idea, usually they just bite your head off when you mention something.

Personaly, Ive never "Bumped" anything in my life.

cheerios

I hate to sound like an old person here, but you would take away my right to get from point a to point b, because my depth perception is accurate tothe nearest 6" and not the nearest 2"? I admit it, I'm 21, and I've been in 2 "fender benders" (that's the phrase, Mephisto, and refer's to a small accident that results in only minor surface damage). Both in parking lots. both were my fault. one was an instance of someone darting behind me while i was backing out of a spot, the other was my fault, for driving an unfamiliar car and trying to park it from a bad angle. And I admit it. But that's no reason to decree "don't let her drive!" I haven't had an accident in 3 years, I'm a competent, responsible driver, and I've seen more men do stupid things (weave in traffic, speed in the fog) then women. Maybe you guys w/ the rice rockets and the porches who go 15 over the limit in the slow lane are hte ones who shouldn't be allowed to drive.

lurkette

Yay Cheerios. There's a huge difference between being a dangerous driver and parking a little too close. If you're that in love with your car that you don't want it touched, go park at the back of the lot. I would never walk away from a car I had damaged at all, and I'm an otherwise safe driver. But you have to admit that a bit of wear and tear is part of the risk of owning a car. And it's just a machine that gets you from point A to point B, nothing worth getting in a fight over for god's sake.

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VitaminH

I think it all boils down to style. I've run into a lot of poor drivers, men and women, but when it comes down to it, men drive with a certain style, and women with another. Both expect others to use their style and thus when you mix the sexes on the road, you've got conflicts of style.

However, I did once speak with a semi-driver who said young women/girls caused more semi to car accidents than anyone else. He near everytime he'd been cut off by a car who would then slam on the brakes right in front of him it was a young female.

My mother is a whole other problem...she sees herself as a pristine driver because she holds to way over-the-edge ultra-defensive driving methods. Problem is, she's so caught up being defensive and staring at what everyone else is doing she loses track of what she's doing and almost causes accidents herself...don't try and explain that to her though, she's perfect...

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krwlz

Ill readily admit, guys get in more real accidents. My point was simply the girls I KNOW, are scary drivers. The one chick cranks it over to soon, and swings the front end of her truck into a telephone pole. Im not saying that you shouldnt be able to drive, just pay attention. If your depth perception isnt that great, thats ok. But accept it, and compensate. If you can tell to 6 inches, leave yourself a foot.

Its not the ability that bothers me, its the fact that you [read: girls in my experience] dont pay attention, and compensate for wahtever short comings you may have.

This really goes for guys too.

If your reaction time is slow, back off, make room. But dont try to use that as an excuse later on.

Oh, and yes, we do speed, we do weave in and out. But we do it so often that we must be good drivers, becaise most of the time, we dont get in an accident!

LewisCouch

I coudn't agree more with the first part of your statement, however, I'n a bit confused by the parking at the back of the lot quip. It seems a bit over the top.

You are right about the wear and tear that an average vehicle suffers, however, is it reasonable for a parked car to suffer undue damage from low speed maneuvering or any other parking lot mishaps due to carlessness?

None of us should have to take special precautions in parking our vehicles. People should respect each others property.

Here's an example of people who did not:

So I'm sitting in a restaurant with my car parked just outside the window of the table I'm seated at. A brand new $50k car rolls up into the empty parking spot next to my newly detailed black car, which by the way is not inexpensive. Out jumps four adults all old enough to be my parents. They all kind of step back from their car to admire it because it's really a pretty car. Then one of them saddles over to my car and plants their butt on the hood and continues chatting away. I get up from my table, go outside and kindly ask the nice lady to please not sit on my car; she gives me a dirty look and moves away.

Even though this lady didn't damage my car in any way her careless attitude regarding other's property was appalling.

I think I'll park at the back of the lot from now on.

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analog

I respect you, but these seem a bit asinine. Part of the responsibility of owning/using a car is respecting other people's property and driving in a manner that is safe and appropriate.

If you can't park your car properly, <b>you</b> should park in the back of the lot until you can get a grip on your skills, however long that should take. Wear and tear is road grime, dust, dirt, gravel, mud, bugs, etc., not dings, scratches, and nicks careless people who can't properly pilot their cars leave behind.

And if your depth perception is good to 6" and not 2", then you give a foot, get out and check yourself, and adjust appropriately, not just keep going until you hit something.

Fearless_Hyena

OK, I always park at the back of the lot, against a curb, coz I got a new paint job and i'm sick of my doors getting banged up...why are there so many careless dumbshits in the world who open their doors into mine?!?! People who can't respect other people's property and park too close to the next car shouldn't be allowed to, uhhhhh, PARK!!!!

done ranting, back on topic


If I understand right, she hit some other car and didn't take much notice, because she was in too much of a hurry, and then after the fact did not care too much about whether there was any damage.

She may say she'll be more careful in the future, but that's not good enough.

She can say that, but it probably won't make any difference until she realizes what she's doing wrong.
She has to *learn* how to drive and park safely. Maybe you can try and help her out, who knows...

My car doesn't have a chrome bumper. It's not a big ass SUV with a push-bar. If anyone hit it in the lot, it would surely cause several hundred dollars worth of damage -- and if I saw them hit me and then try to ignore it, I'd probably go crazy...
I mean I'm not psycho but you would definitely witness a very angry, fearless hyena and I would hold her and her insurance accountable.

My best advice would be to help her learn to park more safely, and to realize it and take responsibility if she damages someone else's vehicle.

Destrox

I'd just like to additionally add to this that I am HIGHLY disapointed in some you TFP members.

Your making it sound like its our fault that WE HAVE RESPECT for others vehicles, and we should tend to your inabilities to park right? Get Real. Shape up. Park right.

There is ZERO reason for us to be forced to park in far ass back lots since you ppl cant judge a simple 6 INCHES. No law ever said you HAD TO PARK THAT CLOSE TO ANYONE ANYWAYS.

Gah.. I'm ranting, but when it comes to driving this is somthing really irks me. To many people out there just dont give a shit and they need to be severly bashed across the head just to get the hint.

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Fearless_Hyena

Also I have to add that 6 inches is WAY too close on *any* side of a vehicle.
Get a ruler, and draw a six-inch line. Hopefully you'll see what I'm talking about.
That's just too close!!

lurkette

Listen, I understand about respecting people's property, and I'm much more careful now than I used to be. I'm not trying to justify bonking other people's cars, but I am saying it's a fact of life - accidents happen - and nothing to get so bent out of shape about that you would start a fight with someone over it. That's all. It's a car, an object, a tool. I'm willing to compromise on this one and say I should be more careful and more respectful, but the rest of you who would go batshit over a tiny scratch on your beautiful bumper need to get some perspective.

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Cynthetiq

Those of you with this "6 Inch rule" should try parking in NYC. There's no such thing as 6 Inches between ANY car in NYC. It's not possible, and it's a waste of space.

Maybe those of you who do feel that your car is that precious should either GLOOPSTICK your car (there's lots of companies that make clear coat film), or don't use it as a daily driver.

I don't go around driving my car like a bumper car, but there's something to be expected when you take your "baby" out of the garage and into the world.

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analog

[EDITED] Accidents are situations outside of your control to prevent. This can be due to any factor, but are absolutely unpreventable. <i>Props to krwlz for pointing out my error.</i>[/EDITED] Accidents are <b>not</b> driver error, or someone simply creeping forward until they feel a bump in the parking lot, or just being careless about parking accuracy. As far as distance goes, 6 inches is pointless. As long as you can get close but not touch, it makes no difference how far away the bumper ends up.

krwlz

Analog, I gota disagree with you. Poorly times/executed manuvers are not accidents. Mistakes perhaps, but not accidents. Accidents are anything that you had no control whatsoever over.

If you are doing an approproate speed, and a deer jumps in front of your car 5 feet away from you, and the deer was hidden by hedgerow... Thats an accident.

Otherwise, its driver error.

Its too bad they dont investigate "car accidents" the same way they do "Airplane accidents". 99% of the plane accidents are attributed to pilot error. I think that car accidents are the same way.

analog

I absolutely agree with everything you said. I mistyped, I think. I meant that it was poor timing (5 seconds before you hit a dear) or poor execution (not turning away FAST enough)- but that was out of your control. That's why i had the line "Accidents are things that happen outside of your control due to road conditions/lack of response time" which came directly after it. I should have phrased it differently, my apologies... I will go back and change it now.

Yes, driver error is a major problem, and thank you for pointing that out.

cheerios

apologies, guys, I pulled the 6" number out off my ass. as far as bad parking goes, I don't wanna give it to men, OR women... I wanna give it to f'in SUV DRIVERS!!! I have NEVER seen one of those buggers park well. they pretty much HAVE to end up on one line or the other because of the atrocious turn radius's which means if I was parked CENTERED in my little parking stall, and they pull up I have enough room to get to my car if i turn sideways and suck it in. get an SUV on both sides and well... good luck getting back in your car! *glare* plus, the damn things are impossible to see around!!!

&lt;/done ranting&gt;

raeanna74

Here's a suggestion that might help your wife be better able to control the car and more careful. There are many difference courses for drivers to hone their skills. When you report them to the insurance company you can often get a discount on your policies as well - especially if you have ANY tickets on your record. Yu could suggest that both of you take the course together. I will be good for both of you and it won't hurt her pride like if you asked her to take it alone.

Just to make a point. I do not have any tickets - while hubby has many and I have not been in any accidents (where I was driving) besides being rear ended by another woman and she was "at fault" in that one. I am a fairly careful driver. I do realize that I have to be careful to concentrate. Many women tend to multi-task often. It is one thing we cannot do when driving.

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