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Old 09-05-2009, 05:32 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
Under the breath comments

I know everybody has made those private, under the breath comments about other people. But have you ever heard one intended for you? And have you ever had anybody hear one that you didn't intend for them to?

Grancey and I were at Books-A-Million last month so she could buy a new biography about Teddy Roosevelt (one of her heroes, and also someone who definitely didn’t feel the urge to apologize for America). It was a fairly long checkout line that was kind of twisty, and a grease-monkey dude who was with his “chick” kind of half-assed tried to cut in line. When people silently closed ranks to block him out, he pretended to be interested in a nearby display of knick knacks, and eventually slid back over to his “chick” who was still waiting her place in line. He was audibly impatient, and kept sighing loudly every time the next customer wasn’t moving along fast enough.

When it was our turn, there was a question between Grancey and the cashier about her Books-A-Million Rewards Card being renewed on a previous visit, so the cashier offered to look it up on the computer. Mr. Mechanic behind us started sighing and moaning aloud at this new development. When the cashier couldn’t find the record of her renewal, she asked for the phone number on the account, and we froze for a little bit because it could be any one of four phone numbers that we have and might have listed.

When we started cycling through the various numbers, Bubba suddenly said (pretty loudly), “God, it must be nice to be a rich white woman.” The weird thing is that he was white, too. WTF does that mean?

Luckily, Grancey didn’t hear him, but I know the cashiers did. After Bubba & Chick skipped over to a different checkout lane, I asked the cashier if she heard what he said, and she said “Yes.” Grancey said she didn’t hear it, so I repeated it, and both of the nearby cashiers looked visibly uncomfortable. So, to try and diffuse it a little, I said, “That’s certainly the first time I'VE ever been called a rich white woman.” Everybody laughed and we all returned to our lives.

Except that Grancey couldn't stop thinking about it for a long time afterward. She was a little upset by it.

Have a good Labor Day weekend everybody! We're off to see some SEC football tonight. Me and my rich white woman.


EDIT: I've also got a good one from me that wasn't supposd to be overheard but was. If the thread doesn't die, I'll add it later.
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Last edited by warrrreagl; 09-05-2009 at 05:38 AM..
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Old 09-05-2009, 05:52 AM   #2 (permalink)
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In college my brother, myself, and a friend were walking to class. I was fat as hell then, I admit. My brother wasn't terribly fat, and neither was the other guy, but all 3 of us were definitely overweight. A group of black guys are walking towards us and when they are about 10 feet from us I hear one of them say, "look at these 3 fat fucks." When they got 3 feet from us I was like "Excuse me, I heard you say something, did you have anything to say to me?" And he was like "uhhhh...." and I was like, "yeah I didn't think you would say it again now that I'm right here." We kept on walking and the group of guys didn't say a word. I don't know how they expected us not to hear it.
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Old 09-05-2009, 06:40 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Oh yeah, I definitely have said something under my breath and was caught.

For some reason I still remember it clearly.

I was in the 3rd grade and we were playing "Heads-up, Seven-up" while the teacher was talking to the other teachers in the hallway.

I got mad at one girl for some reason, and feeling slighted, I called her a bitch under my breath while she was walking away from my desk.
Unfortunately, I think I was a heavy breather and several kids, including her, heard me.
The teacher was told post-haste, and I found myself on the receiving end of her paddle, made to stand in the hall til class was over, then was whipped by my father when he came home.

I try to wait to do my mumbling out of ear shot now.
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Old 09-05-2009, 08:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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why was she upset over some random douche-bags comment, dude?

to answer your question. if i have something to say, i say it in my normal room speak voice. yes, ive heard someone mutter utter shit about me under their breath, but i ignore it.
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Old 09-05-2009, 08:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Those are both pretty funny. Lasereth, I had something similar happen to me one day while working in the yard. I was bending over and as a car went zooming by, I heard a voice in the car say, "God damn, that's a fat ass." Oh well.

Grancey and I were shopping at Pier 1 Imports one day last month. Wait. Scratch that. Change that. Grancey was shopping at Pier 1 Imports, and I was wandering aimlessly behind her. I try to follow her through the aisles/lanes of candle-scented crap, er um, "knick knacks," but she has this weird Kung Fu shopping manuever that defeats me. My method of shopping is up one row, down the next. Up one row, down the next. Etc. But if you tied a spool of string to her waist while she was shopping, she would end up wrapping miles of string around each display, criss-crossing back and forth through the aisles and rows and making multiple laps and redundant visits to the same items over and over.

I get dizzy if I try to stay on her heels because she'll go around a single display three times before moving on. That may not be much of a big deal to the person shopping, but to the dog, er um, man following behind, it just feels silly to keep going around the same display without even looking at it. Therefore, I try to triangulate her next likely position and skip ahead to where I think she'll end up, but when I get there I find that she's teleported two rows away in the opposite direction from where I went. It truly is martial arts shopping.

Anyway, while at Pier 1, she pulled one of those Kung Fu teleports and left me stranded among some scented pillows while she deftly moved towards the vases. As I tried to move toward her, I felt a another human in my space. I turned my head and saw a grandmotherly black lady (at least 60, probably 70) wearing a t-shirt and tight leopard pants, and long, long, long straight highlighted hair, and she was tailgating me. I thought she wanted to get past me so I cut down a side row and she stayed with me. I cut down another side row, and she continued to stay right on me. One more cut, and she was still right there. WTF?

My wife, who is accustomed to me moving in straight lines to regain her company, called across the store, "What are you doing?"

I replied under my breath, "Trying to shake Tina Turner."

Apparently, that was neither as quiet nor as cool as I anticipated it would be.

The lady said, "Excuse me?!?!" and turned away.

Oops.

I thought it was funny. If somebody came up behind me and said, "Hey Bozo, take your Howdy-Doody self out of my way," I'd think it was as funny as hell.

*sigh
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Last edited by warrrreagl; 09-05-2009 at 08:49 PM..
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Old 09-05-2009, 09:43 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Seems Grancey and QW have the same shopping gene. I never can keep up.

I do catch myself muttering when an employee or a situation becomes exceedingly stressful. I get overheard all of the time. I've done it on purpose, just in earshot of the offender, and not so anyone else can hear it. Sometimes they snap to and correct their behavior, saving me from having to pull them aside for a little "come to Jesus" session. I really have very few discipline problems with my current staff.

I've been called out a few times, and have never had a problem repeating what I've said aloud. Sorry, though. Nothing significant or humorous comes to mind, just now.
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Old 09-06-2009, 05:58 AM   #7 (permalink)
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There are really only two things that will make me shit-throwing screaming punching angry, and that's someone saying something under their breath to me or slamming their door.

As a result, I never say something under my breath. If I want them to hear it, I say it, and if I don't want them to hear it, I think it. I've been around way too many people who would close a conversation with a passive-aggressive something-or-other under their breath as a way to "get the last word in" and I just can't seem to handle it anymore. Now I'll just walk right up to them and say "WHAT!?" ... think Samuel L Jackson..

Another vote for the up one aisle, down the next and staying waaay behind the girlfriend when we shop.
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Old 09-10-2009, 07:13 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I don't mutter things under my breath. If I have something to say, it is said. I have often spoken at low levels with the express intention of the person hearing it, but it only being loud enough for that one person, so they know what it is I had to say to them, but I'm not disrupting the general atmosphere. This way, they can choose to ignore it and move on, or question it. When people mutter under their breath to me, I call them out on it every time, generally saying something along the lines of, "you're going to have to use your big boy voice if you've got something to say". I say it nicely, but sarcastically.

I regard muttering things "under your breath" as stupid and/or inconsiderate, as with any passive-aggressive behavior.
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Old 09-10-2009, 07:32 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I try, I really do. And I realize it's not polite behavior. My problem seems to be that when I'm exasperated, or tired, or just not paying attention, my brain-speech barrier fails. I really have no intention of saying something, it's just what I'm thinking, but sometimes it slips out. I've rarely been called on it, but when I do, I always admit exactly what I've said, I'm not shy.

I think the latest example of this was after a very long stint of travel from Germany to the US, when I had to move out of the way of those little trolley things that shuttle people around the airport. Now, don't get me wrong, I have no problem with larger people. But on seeing a trolly full of extremely large people drive by , I let slip "Hey, they're not disabled, they're fat." It was certainly rude, and I got a dirty look from one of them, but it was completely unintentional.

Another time where I do it often is when I have to dodge children while walking through a store. Not walk around, but dodge the rampant little children running around the store. I often wonder aloud "Where are your parents?

Like I said, not a good excuse, and I try not to, but it still happens.
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Old 09-10-2009, 08:13 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I was going into my university dorm while another guy (who I didn't know) was coming out and as we passed he angrily muttered "fag!".

I have no idea if it was aimed at me of if he was just venting about someone else. I kept on walking.
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Old 09-10-2009, 08:36 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spiritsoar View Post
My problem seems to be that when I'm exasperated, or tired, or just not paying attention, my brain-speech barrier fails.
I also have the same brain/filter problem. I'm afflicted with a disease that makes me believe that if it pops in my head then I'm obligated to say it out loud. It's almost like an OCD thing, where I feel like I'll explode if I think of something and try to keep it to myself.

And I'm not convinced it's automatically passive-aggressive to do that. Many times, I just think that what I've said is so damn clever that I'm convinced others would want to hear it, too. It's just sad when I find out, many times, they don't.

In fact, I nominate the above paragraph as the mission statement of TFP.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spiritsoar View Post
Another time where I do it often is when I have to dodge children while walking through a store. Not walk around, but dodge the rampant little children running around the store. I often wonder aloud "Where are your parents?
Would anybody be surprised to learn that when Grancey and I see one of those rampaging children in a store running towards us, we mention letting one of our feet slide out juuussssttt a little. Hey, if the parents think the word "store" is synonomous with the word "playground," then we feel it is our civic obligation to give them the full playground experience and assist them in falling to bust their asses.
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Old 09-10-2009, 11:00 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Some girl bumped into me at the mall. This has happened tonsss of times, btw. So anyways.. she bumped into me and tries to impress her friends, "Fatass." I wasn't even fat, then! She was one of those bonethin fuckers who think they're the shit and everybody should be like them. Anywho.... I turned around while they're all giggling and ask her, "Who you calling fatass, you tweakbaby hooker?!" Some guys near us heard me and were laughing like hell. The girl looked liike she was gonna cry and walked away. I don't remember but I think I called her more names.

Anywho..... I went crazy that day. My friend who was with me at the time laughed her head off all fucking day after that.


Also, I walked behind a car backing up in a parking lot. I was inspecting something either in my bag or on my shoe.. I forgot. But, she kept going, and I didn't notice.. she stopped and was all, "Fucker!" but apparently to the people in the car.. but I heard her and I was going crazy. I kicked her car and telling her to come on out of her fucking ugly ass Scion cause it looked like a wonderbread container. My friend was laughing again and pulled me away. The girl looked angry as hell but I dunno why she didn't come out the car esp after I probably left dents.. which I kinda regret but she shouldn't have called me fucker. She pulled away and I still heard her telling her friends or whatever in the car, "Crazy ass fucker! blahblahblahblah..." And I was going crazy still, "CRAZY?! I'll fucking show you crazy you fucking fat fuck piece of shit,, blahblahcrazyblah." She was long gone.. and I was walking away still cussing her out. XD


I look back and I laugh. Being bipolar can be funny sometimes.
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Old 09-11-2009, 04:31 AM   #13 (permalink)
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[must.. resist... obvious.... joke....]
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Old 09-11-2009, 06:34 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Jazz View Post
[must.. resist... obvious.... joke....]
Was that an online under the breath comment?
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Old 09-11-2009, 12:33 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I was eating lunch with Jem and one of my fav people when the fav (a tran) excused himself for the restroom. I heard Jem say under his breath "The men's or the women's?"

Mortifying, I tell you.
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Old 09-11-2009, 11:43 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by girldetective View Post
I was eating lunch with Jem and one of my fav people when the fav (a tran) excused himself for the restroom. I heard Jem say under his breath "The men's or the women's?"

Mortifying, I tell you.
When you say "tran", do you mean transvestite or a transgender?
I'm not one of those people that can easily distinguish the difference between a "tranny" and "tran"; I always have to ask which one they implied.
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Old 09-12-2009, 10:03 AM   #17 (permalink)
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transgendered.
and impeccably so. one of the handsomest people i know.

the comment was one of the most disrespectful things i ever heard another human being say to someone upon meeting an important person in my life, until that time. it took my breath away for a moment, and hurt.
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Old 09-12-2009, 10:39 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by girldetective View Post
transgendered.
and impeccably so. one of the handsomest people i know.

the comment was one of the most disrespectful things i ever heard another human being say to someone upon meeting an important person in my life, until that time. it took my breath away for a moment, and hurt.
Thanks for the clarification. Us, men, we usually like to shoot for the easy zingers, and we don't really think about whether or not anybody will find the joke as amusing as it once was in our clouded mind.
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