warrrreagl

Those are both pretty funny. Lasereth, I had something similar happen to me one day while working in the yard. I was bending over and as a car went zooming by, I heard a voice in the car say, "God damn, that's a fat ass." Oh well.

Grancey and I were shopping at Pier 1 Imports one day last month. Wait. Scratch that. Change that. Grancey was shopping at Pier 1 Imports, and I was wandering aimlessly behind her. I try to follow her through the aisles/lanes of candle-scented crap, er um, "knick knacks," but she has this weird Kung Fu shopping manuever that defeats me. My method of shopping is up one row, down the next. Up one row, down the next. Etc. But if you tied a spool of string to her waist while she was shopping, she would end up wrapping miles of string around each display, criss-crossing back and forth through the aisles and rows and making multiple laps and redundant visits to the same items over and over.

I get dizzy if I try to stay on her heels because she'll go around a single display three times before moving on. That may not be much of a big deal to the person shopping, but to the dog, er um, man following behind, it just feels silly to keep going around the same display without even looking at it. Therefore, I try to triangulate her next likely position and skip ahead to where I think she'll end up, but when I get there I find that she's teleported two rows away in the opposite direction from where I went. It truly is martial arts shopping.

Anyway, while at Pier 1, she pulled one of those Kung Fu teleports and left me stranded among some scented pillows while she deftly moved towards the vases. As I tried to move toward her, I felt a another human in my space. I turned my head and saw a grandmotherly black lady (at least 60, probably 70) wearing a t-shirt and tight leopard pants, and long, long, long straight highlighted hair, and she was tailgating me. I thought she wanted to get past me so I cut down a side row and she stayed with me. I cut down another side row, and she continued to stay right on me. One more cut, and she was still right there. WTF?

My wife, who is accustomed to me moving in straight lines to regain her company, called across the store, "What are you doing?"

I replied under my breath, "Trying to shake Tina Turner."

Apparently, that was neither as quiet nor as cool as I anticipated it would be.

The lady said, "Excuse me?!?!" and turned away.

Oops.

I thought it was funny. If somebody came up behind me and said, "Hey Bozo, take your Howdy-Doody self out of my way," I'd think it was as funny as hell.

*sigh

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