Wedding speech - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

dlish · 12-29-2008, 02:39 PM

so my sister's getting married in a few days, and im stuck doing the wedding speech on behalf of the family. my dads' not the speech giving type, and my brothers all live overseas, which leaves poor me at th helm to give the so called brother of the bride speech for my only sister.

i suck at speeches. i really do, more from nervousness than anything else. the last time i did a formal speech i was at university. i didnt even do one for my own wedding! granted that i really dont want to do this, but i know i'll do a better job than dad. so i need your help/tips in writing a 'brother of the bride' speech.

any ideas?

i know next to nothing about the groom. she met him while i was overseas, so ive only just met him a few days ago.

anyone else done a father of the bride speech? brother of the bride speech? groomsmans' speech, bridesmaid speech?

please give me your thoughts. i have a million of my own, but can seem to motivate myself to put them in writing. i think thats called procrastination... help!

Seaver · 12-29-2008, 03:35 PM

Be genuine.

You can look up poems and quotes about love online or in books, they are always helpful in putting into words feelings and beliefs of love which are otherwise very hard to express. My suggestion, is keep these short. No more than 3-4 lines of a poem, and no more than 2 sentences from a quote. This is your speech, you can support it from other people's speech, but make it yours regardless.

Please please please, don't do the mistake I've seen in the last 4 weddings I've been to. Each one, again I said each and every one, asked their sister to give a speech. And each one gave the "To find a prince you must kiss a lot of frogs... and boy did she kiss a lot of frogs before she found X" speech. Everyone at the wedding knows what this means, it's the subtle (and not always knowingly) way of calling her sister a slut on her wedding day. Don't do it.... ever.

Mention a time in which they proved their commitment to each other, or a time in which one helped carry the other through tough times. Mention how he/she lights up when the other enters the room. Speak genuinely, your point of the speech is to give testimony as a close friend/sibling to how these couple have what it takes to make it these days.

roachboy · 12-29-2008, 04:03 PM

i've had to do a few of these speeches...they're a pain because you feel so much pressure. but i think what seaver says is right--be genuine. i wouldn't try to pretend that you know the groom particularly, but i also expect that you'll be able to figure out some graceful way to finesse that in real time. no point in trying to pretend it isn't the case, but there's also not a lot of point to emphasizing how little you know the guy.

and one thing i learned from doing lectures over the years that, strangely, is applicable to situations like this---no-one complains if the lecture is short. so no-one will complain if what you say is short-ish either. my general rule on such speeches is that they're just preambles to a toast, one of a series of such preambles. the other one is that it's probably better to have a little outline rather than an actual speech--notes that help you remember what you want to get to rather than a script--when you read a script, you (substitute one for you and this sentence works better) tend to look down--but this is about the people who are present, so it's better to look at them.

i don't know how big an affair this will be, so i don't know if you'll be stuck using a microphone. if you do, don't hold it too close. trust me on this.

break a leg, comrade.

dlish · 12-29-2008, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roachboy

i've had to do a few of these speeches...they're a pain because you feel so much pressure. but i think what seaver says is right--be genuine. i wouldn't try to pretend that you know the groom particularly, but i also expect that you'll be able to figure out some graceful way to finesse that in real time. no point in trying to pretend it isn't the case, but there's also not a lot of point to emphasizing how little you know the guy.

and one thing i learned from doing lectures over the years that, strangely, is applicable to situations like this---no-one complains if the lecture is short. so no-one will complain if what you say is short-ish either. my general rule on such speeches is that they're just preambles to a toast, one of a series of such preambles. the other one is that it's probably better to have a little outline rather than an actual speech--notes that help you remember what you want to get to rather than a script--when you read a script, you (substitute one for you and this sentence works better) tend to look down--but this is about the people who are present, so it's better to look at them.

i don't know how big an affair this will be, so i don't know if you'll be stuck using a microphone. if you do, don't hold it too close. trust me on this.

break a leg, comrade.

thanks for the info so far gents.

its a small lebanese wedding. they'll be 350 people, so ill be using a microphone.

ive just started writing some things down, and im looking at a 5 min speech. im looking at using cue cards because i know ill forget my lines under pressure.

any pointers on sarcasm and jokes? apart from the prince and frogs joke? or is it best left out?

SabrinaFair · 12-29-2008, 04:33 PM

I impart to you a bit of wisdom from a local political figure. He always said to never forget the 5 B's of public speaking: "Be brief, brother, be brief."

ColonelSpecial · 12-29-2008, 04:33 PM

First off, a small wedding is 350 people? Wow!

Onwards, jokes can be fine if they aren't digging at the bride or groom. Case in point, my husband had asked my sister out many years before he met me. She had said yes to a date to see a theater show, he bought tickets and then she told him she was busy. The running joke once he started dating me was that she owed him $17, the price of the ticket. She gave him twenty dollars and said that they were equal now. It was funny because the original event happened so long ago and she was making fun of herself (saying that she should have gone on that date so that I would be standing there giving the toast).

Since you don't know the groom very well, toast to your sister (maybe with a great story from childhood) and tie it into her happiness with her new husband.

Timing: 5 minutes may seem short but when you are nervous and speaking, you can speed up so practice beforehand and time yourself. If you are under 5 minutes, you are golden.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

kramus · 12-29-2008, 04:46 PM

Avoid too many memories that are demeaning, painful or off-colour. Be mature and respectful of the occasion. This doesn't mean you can't be the brother and make a couple of digs - but show some of the class that was lacking at weddings I have attended.
So you don't know the guy - play that as a strength of the bond she continues to develop with him and that you will be able to begin to share as the years go by and your family knits ever-closer together. The future is all.

The_Jazz · 12-29-2008, 05:29 PM

A friend of mine in a similar circumstance made his toast wholely in the personna of a general manager of a sports team making a draft day announcement. Lots of "good for the team" and "we look for a lot of good things out of this young man", coupled with discussions of his talents and virtues. He'd even had a jersey made up with the guy's name with the number 1 on the back. It was, far and away, the best wedding toast I've ever witnessed.

dlish · 12-30-2008, 04:58 AM

jazz i dont know about the jersey. i only really know very little about the guy except that on face value he seems kind and caring. i'm not really into giving someone wraps if i dont know them well enough.

so far ive used the 5B's and based my speech roughly on what kramus has advised.

it might change with my mood tomorrow, but today i was in a sombre mood, so it has reflected in my writing style.

colonelspecial - i had 220 at mine and that was strictly family only. i was 23 with not much money. the family has grown since and we have more than just family this time. the groom has 9 brothers and sisters im led to believe, most with a 3-4 kids, so you can imagine the extended family.

350 is small by our standard. i have 14 uncles and aunts and about 70 something first cousins (i stopped counting) but theres still more additions i havent accounted for. so yes, 350 is a small wedding!

Plan9 · 12-30-2008, 05:02 AM

Avoid the Disederata.

Daniel_ · 12-30-2008, 09:55 AM

You have the 5 B's.

Remember also the 7 P's.

Proper Planning & Preparation Prevents Piss-Poor Performance.

Mae sure you've read it out-loud a few times, even if it's only the mirror.

Seaver · 12-30-2008, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Proper Planning & Preparation Prevents Piss-Poor Performance.

You must be military. They're the only ones whom I've met who know what the 7 (or 6 depending) P's.

Xerxys · 12-30-2008, 07:28 PM

I'm so sorry, it had to be done...................

Plan9 · 12-30-2008, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seaver

You must be military. They're the only ones whom I've met who know what the 7 (or 6 depending) P's.

He's from overseas. They don't have a military... they have the UN. (j/k)

Xerxys · 12-30-2008, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daniel_

Proper Planning & Preparation Prevents Piss-Poor Performance.

Adding this to signature right now!!!

dlish · 12-30-2008, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xerxys

I'm so sorry, it had to be done...................

so where does it fit in my speech? before or after im thanking the groms parents?

Xerxys · 12-31-2008, 12:50 AM

OK, I give impromptu speeches on just about every occasion that people who know me seem to find the urge to chant "speech, speech, speech...." so I really can only add the famous five B's, plus, how far away is a few days? I say get to know the person, spend a breakfast with him?? Anything to pick out his brain. I've been lucky enough to spend time with the persons both my sisters were marrying before they got hitched to give a short, memorable speech. Why memorable, I don't wanna endorse this guy. That's where the be genuine comes in, you've got to let it come from your heart.

If you really think he's the deal then speak your mind albeit be respectful, 300 folk, "whew" --&**wipes forehead**..... If not, then also be genuine and wish them all the luck in the world as long as they live. Say how much you knew your sis and her smarts, instinct (knack) for making the right decisions e.t.c. and go with the flow. Really, no preassure.

Remember everything you've ever posted on here about weddings... yeah, it's about them, BE there PR!!

P.S.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dlish

so where does it fit in my speech? before or after im thanking the grooms parents?

OMG, I think it fits perfectly, two brothers fighting the ever raging war that is marriage... sorry, just being dumb.......

Suave · 12-31-2008, 02:20 AM

Threaten your new in-law with death if he ever betrays your sister. That's always good for a laugh!

Daniel_ · 12-31-2008, 02:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seaver

You must be military. They're the only ones whom I've met who know what the 7 (or 6 depending) P's.

I come from a medical/scientific background & family - nobody in my family was military as far as I know as far back as WWII - although my grandmother knew lots of soldiers in 39-45...

I guess doctors know about planning too, right?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crompsin

He's from overseas. They don't have a military... they have the UN. (j/k)

You're thinking of the Belgians, mate.

You think the US is good at going abroad and causing generations of havoc? Britain has been losing wars in Afghanistan since 1839

dlish · 12-31-2008, 07:47 AM

xerxys - weddings on friday. ive decided that im just gonna have cue cards, and just 'bung it'. if i pull it off i pull it off, if not then oh well eh? its not like id be the first to fuck one up. so be it.

suave - he's got like 9 brothers and sisters.. you think i can take them all on??

Lasereth · 12-31-2008, 08:12 AM

You should always have cue cards. Having a written speech is stupid anyway. It comes off like you're reading instead of talking....because you're reading instead of talking. You will do great.

roachboy · 12-31-2008, 08:21 AM

dlish---sounds to me like your main task at this point is to relax about this. you have cards. you'll be fine.

break a leg.

and remember, the best part of any performance is the moment the performance is over.

12-29-2008, 02:39 PM	#1 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	Wedding speech so my sister's getting married in a few days, and im stuck doing the wedding speech on behalf of the family. my dads' not the speech giving type, and my brothers all live overseas, which leaves poor me at th helm to give the so called brother of the bride speech for my only sister. i suck at speeches. i really do, more from nervousness than anything else. the last time i did a formal speech i was at university. i didnt even do one for my own wedding! granted that i really dont want to do this, but i know i'll do a better job than dad. so i need your help/tips in writing a 'brother of the bride' speech. any ideas? i know next to nothing about the groom. she met him while i was overseas, so ive only just met him a few days ago. anyone else done a father of the bride speech? brother of the bride speech? groomsmans' speech, bridesmaid speech? please give me your thoughts. i have a million of my own, but can seem to motivate myself to put them in writing. i think thats called procrastination... help! __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

12-29-2008, 03:35 PM	#2 (permalink)
Seaver Junkie Location: Fort Worth, TX	Be genuine. You can look up poems and quotes about love online or in books, they are always helpful in putting into words feelings and beliefs of love which are otherwise very hard to express. My suggestion, is keep these short. No more than 3-4 lines of a poem, and no more than 2 sentences from a quote. This is your speech, you can support it from other people's speech, but make it yours regardless. Please please please, don't do the mistake I've seen in the last 4 weddings I've been to. Each one, again I said each and every one, asked their sister to give a speech. And each one gave the "To find a prince you must kiss a lot of frogs... and boy did she kiss a lot of frogs before she found X" speech. Everyone at the wedding knows what this means, it's the subtle (and not always knowingly) way of calling her sister a slut on her wedding day. Don't do it.... ever. Mention a time in which they proved their commitment to each other, or a time in which one helped carry the other through tough times. Mention how he/she lights up when the other enters the room. Speak genuinely, your point of the speech is to give testimony as a close friend/sibling to how these couple have what it takes to make it these days. __________________ "Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

12-29-2008, 04:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
roachboy Super Moderator Location: essex ma	i've had to do a few of these speeches...they're a pain because you feel so much pressure. but i think what seaver says is right--be genuine. i wouldn't try to pretend that you know the groom particularly, but i also expect that you'll be able to figure out some graceful way to finesse that in real time. no point in trying to pretend it isn't the case, but there's also not a lot of point to emphasizing how little you know the guy. and one thing i learned from doing lectures over the years that, strangely, is applicable to situations like this---no-one complains if the lecture is short. so no-one will complain if what you say is short-ish either. my general rule on such speeches is that they're just preambles to a toast, one of a series of such preambles. the other one is that it's probably better to have a little outline rather than an actual speech--notes that help you remember what you want to get to rather than a script--when you read a script, you (substitute one for you and this sentence works better) tend to look down--but this is about the people who are present, so it's better to look at them. i don't know how big an affair this will be, so i don't know if you'll be stuck using a microphone. if you do, don't hold it too close. trust me on this. break a leg, comrade. __________________ a gramophone its corrugated trumpet silver handle spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear it make you sick. -kamau brathwaite

12-29-2008, 04:33 PM	#5 (permalink)
SabrinaFair Junkie Location: Louisville, KY	I impart to you a bit of wisdom from a local political figure. He always said to never forget the 5 B's of public speaking: "Be brief, brother, be brief." __________________ "With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." -Desiderata

12-29-2008, 04:33 PM	#6 (permalink)
ColonelSpecial Insane	First off, a small wedding is 350 people? Wow! Onwards, jokes can be fine if they aren't digging at the bride or groom. Case in point, my husband had asked my sister out many years before he met me. She had said yes to a date to see a theater show, he bought tickets and then she told him she was busy. The running joke once he started dating me was that she owed him $17, the price of the ticket. She gave him twenty dollars and said that they were equal now. It was funny because the original event happened so long ago and she was making fun of herself (saying that she should have gone on that date so that I would be standing there giving the toast). Since you don't know the groom very well, toast to your sister (maybe with a great story from childhood) and tie it into her happiness with her new husband. Timing: 5 minutes may seem short but when you are nervous and speaking, you can speed up so practice beforehand and time yourself. If you are under 5 minutes, you are golden. Good luck and let us know how it goes. __________________ "Mommy, the presidents are squishing me!" "Using the pull out method of contraceptive is like saying I won't use a seat belt, I'll just jump out of the car before it hits that tree." Sara

12-29-2008, 04:46 PM	#7 (permalink)
kramus loving the curves Location: my Lady's manor	Avoid too many memories that are demeaning, painful or off-colour. Be mature and respectful of the occasion. This doesn't mean you can't be the brother and make a couple of digs - but show some of the class that was lacking at weddings I have attended. So you don't know the guy - play that as a strength of the bond she continues to develop with him and that you will be able to begin to share as the years go by and your family knits ever-closer together. The future is all. __________________ And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ... I'm going with this - if you like artwork visit http://markfineart.ca

12-29-2008, 05:29 PM	#8 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	A friend of mine in a similar circumstance made his toast wholely in the personna of a general manager of a sports team making a draft day announcement. Lots of "good for the team" and "we look for a lot of good things out of this young man", coupled with discussions of his talents and virtues. He'd even had a jersey made up with the guy's name with the number 1 on the back. It was, far and away, the best wedding toast I've ever witnessed. __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

12-30-2008, 04:58 AM	#9 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	jazz i dont know about the jersey. i only really know very little about the guy except that on face value he seems kind and caring. i'm not really into giving someone wraps if i dont know them well enough. so far ive used the 5B's and based my speech roughly on what kramus has advised. it might change with my mood tomorrow, but today i was in a sombre mood, so it has reflected in my writing style. colonelspecial - i had 220 at mine and that was strictly family only. i was 23 with not much money. the family has grown since and we have more than just family this time. the groom has 9 brothers and sisters im led to believe, most with a 3-4 kids, so you can imagine the extended family. 350 is small by our standard. i have 14 uncles and aunts and about 70 something first cousins (i stopped counting) but theres still more additions i havent accounted for. so yes, 350 is a small wedding! __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

12-30-2008, 05:02 AM	#10 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Avoid the Disederata. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

12-30-2008, 09:55 AM	#11 (permalink)
Daniel_ Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It! Location: Southern England	You have the 5 B's. Remember also the 7 P's. Proper Planning & Preparation Prevents Piss-Poor Performance. Mae sure you've read it out-loud a few times, even if it's only the mirror. __________________ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗ Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air, And deep beneath the rolling waves, In labyrinths of Coral Caves, The Echo of a distant time Comes willowing across the sand; And everthing is Green and Submarine ╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

12-30-2008, 07:28 PM	#13 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	You asked for a speech right?? I'm so sorry, it had to be done...................

12-31-2008, 02:20 AM	#18 (permalink)
Suave Twitterpated Location: My own little world (also Canada)	Threaten your new in-law with death if he ever betrays your sister. That's always good for a laugh! __________________ "Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

12-31-2008, 07:47 AM	#20 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	xerxys - weddings on friday. ive decided that im just gonna have cue cards, and just 'bung it'. if i pull it off i pull it off, if not then oh well eh? its not like id be the first to fuck one up. so be it. suave - he's got like 9 brothers and sisters.. you think i can take them all on?? __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

12-31-2008, 08:12 AM	#21 (permalink)
Lasereth Knight of the Old Republic Location: Winston-Salem, NC	You should always have cue cards. Having a written speech is stupid anyway. It comes off like you're reading instead of talking....because you're reading instead of talking. You will do great. __________________ "A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

12-31-2008, 08:21 AM	#22 (permalink)
roachboy Super Moderator Location: essex ma	dlish---sounds to me like your main task at this point is to relax about this. you have cards. you'll be fine. break a leg. and remember, the best part of any performance is the moment the performance is over. __________________ a gramophone its corrugated trumpet silver handle spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear it make you sick. -kamau brathwaite