Sinter24

Hi, everyone, could really use some advice here.

I have an online friend I've known for about 8 years, he's at university right now but he IM'd me on AOL this morning stating that he had a very bad night and he'd been drinking "semi-heavily" and taken 3 sleeping pills, he says 1 sleeping pills knocks him out for 12 hours sober.. He sent me this message 6 hours ago at 4:30 in the morning. I can't think of the university he's at right now, and I believe I have his family's home phone number somewhere, I'm really worried about him... what an I do to help him? I don't know what I can do to get him help... trying to track down his family's number right now but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Manic_Skafe

I'd be absoluetely certain that this is a serious matter before anything else.

If so, I'd do whatever I could to get him some help.

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Ayashe

I would be rather concerned, why did he IM you out of the blue to tell you this? Does he just talk weird when he has been drinking? I would say it was serious, I would at least get a hold of the family and find out how to contact him other than IM, tell them you were planning a surprise visit or something and maybe they will get you the university name, dorm hall etc. If they do not feel comfortable about the situation, I would probably go ahead and tell them the deal. You are worried and want to check on them. They would take matters from there I am sure.

The troubling part is that he had already explained he knew One tablet would be more than sufficient, yet decided to take three while admitting the alcohol. This sounds like a cry for help.

Tully Mars

Sure sounds like a cry for help to me. It's really impossible to tell from the brief description you've given to say what to do next. Have you ever spoken with any of his family members before?

__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

Sinter24

I'm not sure why he would IM me out of the blue like this, once or twice when he'd been drinking, but never any suicidal thoughts or nothing to suggest he was unhappy really. I also found his home phone number and I tracked down his university .

I've never spoken to any of his family over the phone, just IM'd with this brother.

Thanks for the advice so far.

This was the entire IM message he sent me..

"long story short, i had really bad night, and of all the people on my 177 buddy list , i chose you to IM. i have been drinking semi-heavily as usual, but i also just took 3 sleep aids at once, of which 1 while sober usually knocks me out for a good 12 hours. so if i don't wake up tomorrow, contact my family and let them know i knew this was coming and i love them and my friends, peace."

I am going to call his university now.

Tully Mars

I agree call the school now.

__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

allaboutmusic

Keep us updated. What did his brother say? Good on you for doing something about it.

Ayashe

I would have to say that is extremely serious. Let us know how it goes.

Sinter24

Thanks for all your help everyone, when I tried to call the school I just got an automated message that didn't lead anywhere. He IM'd me back saying he was fine. I'm kinda pissed at him now, but at the same time he needs help.. he won't tell me what's going on he doesn't want to talk about it at all. I don't know now if I should call his family and give them a heads up that he may need some help.. I just gave him my cell and told him to call me if he needed to talk.. :/ What else can I do to help him?

snowy

Give him this number as well--1-800-273-8255. It's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. Hang on to it for yourself as well; they're there for you, too, to help you help your friend. This website has some good information on helping college students deal with this sort of thing: ULifeline

Either way, this kind of behavior merits a heads-up to his family and someone on campus. Period. You can try finding out a way to contact his university's psych/counseling services and ask them what to do or who to talk to on their campus.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

genuinegirly

Your friend is an adult. His medical records are private and should remain so.

Telling his parents may not be necessary or beneficial. If they are controlling or abusive in any way, this could become a bad situation. Perhaps the perceived distance between his family and you is the reason why he contacted you and not another friend.

Informing his school - really? What are they going to do? Universities should not be in the habit of policing substance abuse problems.

Your friend is an adult. He needs to be treated as one. You need to speak with your friend and tell him that you are concerned. That's it. Inform him of the services available to him. If you look into exactly what is available to him at his university within walking distance, and make things seem very easy, then he's more likely to do something about it. If you really see the need to spread the news to all friends and family, go for it. If he has anything like my background, he probably won't confide in you anymore if you choose that path.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

snowy

I had a friend commit suicide in college. No one on campus knew he was in trouble--his girlfriend in Florida was the one he communicated his cry for help to. She hemmed and hawed about calling someone; by the time she did, it was too late. He hung himself from his dorm room bed.

Therefore, yes, absolutely the OP should let someone on campus know, but not just anyone the OP can get ahold of, and he shouldn't mention any names until he gets ahold of that person. Letting someone on campus know--someone who can actually do something, like a counselor or resident hall staff (if he's in a dormitory)--is more important than letting his family know, certainly.

I'm sorry, genuinegirly, but this is more than a substance abuse problem, especially the way he worded the message, and that's why someone on campus should be alerted as to his mental condition.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Tully Mars

Sounded suicidal-ish enough to me. I'd take any comments like this serious. I'd rather be wrong and over react in this type of situation then be wrong and find out someone has done something to harm themselves. Schools have mental heath services and protocols for dealing with this type of situation. I'm sure some schools are better at handling these situations then other but I'd still contact them with my concerns and forward his IM.

__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

genuinegirly

I have expressed an opinion that is in opposition to what others have written. It was important enough to write.

Suicide attempts are not to be taken lightly. This I agree with. I do not feel that contacting the school or parents are appropriate measures.

An aside: I also feel strongly that if an adult wants to end their life, they have every right to do so. Friends or family should not be guilted into feeling responsible for that choice.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

allaboutmusic

However I don't think this person was trying to end their life - I think it was a cry for help. If so, then surely providing that help would be the best thing a friend could do. The form of help may be up to debate.

I had something similar happen when one of my closest friends texted me and told me what she was going to do, took a dozen paracetamol and drank some coke. I immediately called an ambulance in her area and had it dispatched to her house. She opened the door to them and they took her to hospital and pumped her stomach. She's alive and well today and could easily not be: all she would have had to do is not tell me.

Ayashe

You are most certainly entitled to your opinion as everyone else is. I must correct one item. The friend's health records are private as required by law. However, if a friend tells me something(in my case outside of work during a professional discussion) that is not a health record. If I tell you I have some god-awful disease it would be appropriate for you to not discuss my situation without my permission under most circumstances. You are not legally bound to do so as that is not a legal health record. Even under HIPAA laws there are loopholes that allow release of personal information if it involves a serious risk of health or safety to that person or the public.

I realize that you have your opinion on suicide and I can respect the notion that people in certain circumstances should have the right to die. When someone sends a message indicating that they may be putting themself at risk, I see that as a cry out for help.

Zeraph

That sounds fairly serious. I either call his family or the uni.

I had a similar situation, this girl told me she was going to commit suicide. I treated it seriously and of course later on she said she wasn't serious and she got mad at me. Oh well, I'd rather piss someone off than do nothing and have someone die. They'll only be pissed off for a short amount of time compared to the guilt you'll feel if you let them die/spiral down.