ngdawg

I maintain that there is not one human action or interaction that is not selfish in its base. We choose based on what makes us most content, be it a career, philanthropy, parenthood, a partner, you name it. Conversely, it is human nature to deny it.
There is no GOOD reason to have kids except to keep the human species going. Hell, that might not even be a good reason.

How a person wishes to be defined is a personal trait and some only want to be defined as a parent. It is not up to anyone else to say they shouldn't.
"Obsession", as you call it, is no different than a goal. If one's goal is to be a doctor, should they abandon that if they don't have college funds or maybe failed high school biology? I am certainly not going to tell them they have to abandon that notion. Not my place nor my concern.
So if I want kids, can't make them at the drop of a hat and adoption attempts failed, I can still desire that goal and go for it. I have a few friends that also went through the frustration of not becoming a family. One finally adopted her children, another had twins, same age as mine, with less time spent in fertility treatments and a third had her first with treatment and a second without. We are all parents, we all had a goal and we all achieved it the best way we could.
I don't know that I agree with this. There are many who don't want to procreate and never will. Whatever parental instinct that may exist in some just never materializes in others.
I have been told by some that we shouldn't adopt, but have our own. My feeling was "why"? I wanted a family any way I could get it. Hell, I thought I wouldn't be married, but I knew I'd have kids.
My in-laws that adopted their boys are no less a family because their kids didn't come from blood and no one has thought they were any less family than anyone else. Ironically, of six cousins, only two brothers are of the family bloodline and they don't have the family surname. The other four do and none of them are blood related. But in the end, we are family.

little_tippler

I want to have kids and I will use the necessary and available means to have children.

I make no judgment of people who choose IVF, insemination, adoption or otherwise.

It's a personal choice.

I know that at least for me, I have no wish to adopt. It may be a selfish thing, but that's how I feel. I don't totally exclude it...it's just not on my list of things I'd love to do.

I don't feel this selfless need to help others in me. I will help...but not because it's the right or good thing to do. When I help others it's because I truly care about them, and feel that what help I can offer will really make a difference to improve their lives. I have to have a connection with them in order to do this though. If the opportunity to connect does not present itself, I don't chase after it. Some people have that kind of altruism in them. I do not.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Daniel_

Thanks. You're right - it is hard.

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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
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