Forlorn Father's Day Feels Fucked

[clavus]

I feel like shit. I really have no excuse, but I think Father’s Day depressed me.

I try to be a good dad. I work my ass off, but always make time for my family. From the minute I walk in the door from work, I’m playing with my kid. After he is in bed, I go back to work, sometimes late into the night. I work hard, so my family can have a nice house, in a nice neighborhood, and so my wife can be a stay home mom.

In the last six weeks, I’ve seen friends exactly twice. Why? Because I’m busy either working or being with my family.

I don’t give a shit about Christmas, or my birthday or any that. But dammit, I feel like I need a little recognition for my efforts at being a dad. It’s the most important thing I do, and it isn’t easy.

When Mother’s day rolls around, I honor my wife. I make sure she knows the day is HERS. She does a great job as a mother, and I make sure she knows it year ‘round. But on Mother’s Day – she is Queen.

But Father’s Day…I got a “Happy Father’s Day” and few T-shirts for Target. Then I was sent to Home Depot to buy cinder blocks... I worked around the house, and played with the kids. I made dinner, while my wife chatted on the phone with friends. Did anyone tell me I’m a good dad? Nope.

True, I needed the T-shirts. Maybe I’m just a big crybaby…

OK, so I’m a crybaby.

Listen, ladies. If your crybaby mate is a good dad, tell him. You don’t need to spend a lot of cash on a present. Just make him feel special. Recognize him. Any of the following would work for me. Tell me I’m a good dad and -

Cook a favorite meal
Take off with the kids and give me the afternoon to myself.
Blow job (‘nuff said)
Get a couple of your hottest friends to agree to FFFM orgy with us…(a guy can dream, can’t he?)
Give me a few T-shirts from Target…just tell me that you think I’m doing a good job as a dad.

Of course, there is always the possibility that I’m NOT being a good dad. And maybe that’s why I’m so bummed out.

[blkdmnd]

Bummer.

Sorry to hear it. I got a tent and Mom did all the cooking. Other than that, pretty much a normal day around my house too.

I could tell you that you are doing a wonderful job and that you're the best Dad ever, but that's not my style and you would probably think I'm being insincere, which, you would be right.

My suggestion is to let the wife know how you feel. Everybody gets their feelings hurt now and then and it's OK to let her in on it. Check that, you need to tell her how you feel.

If you don't say something, how will she know? Of course, you could pout around and maybe she'll get the hint. Sounds like she has it pretty good. Maybe she just needs a little reminding that we all need to feel appreciated. Even if just a little for just a day.

Hang in there, sport.

[Bill O'Rights]

Nothing like a holiday to make someone feel like crap, huh? My birthday usually does it for me. Actually Father's Day for me was rather pleasant this year. The whole family went to breakfast, to the local museum, played laser tag with my 15 year old daughter, off for milkshakes and back home.

[ratbastid]

I think it's different with Father's Day. You know, kids mostly don't know what to do make Dad feel special. It's not that they don't love him, it's just that it's easier with Mom. Flowers and taking her out somewhere makes her happy. Would flowers and taking you out somewhere make you as happy as it makes her? Probably not.

My suggestion is not to worry about what you didn't get, but to enjoy what you did get (and what you DO get, every single day).

[Sparhawk]

My sympathies. One of my lowest moments was forgetting about mother's day. I can still remember that shame, ugh. I swore never to forget another 'parents' holiday again, and thank god I've managed to live by that.

[lurkette]

I'm so sorry you had a crappy father's day. I think a lot of times Dads just get taken for granted. Maybe it's because it used to be that mom was the nurturing one and dad was just a guy in a chair with a newspaper (even though he was out winning the bread). I think now that a lot of dads are taking on a more nurturing role, in addition to providing for their families, there are a lot more expectations for some recognition. We just haven't all caught up in our thinking.

Anyhow, I second the suggestion that you mention this to your wife. As a society we don't make a huge deal out of father's day the way we do out of mother's day, so it could just be that she didn't realize you craved the recognition.

Best wishes to you. And be proud of taking care of your family.

[Double D]

clavus,

Sorry you feel shitty about Father's Day.
Your discussion of what you do every day to support your loved ones, and what you'd hoped for on Dad's day caused me to reflect on how we handle this Hallmark-created *holiday.*

Honestly, I think the day itself is meaningless.
What _does_ mean something is that you are looking for a little recognition, a *way to go, honey,* a break from having to do for everyone all the time and feeling as if there's nothing left of/for you.

The suggestion that you share your feelings with your wife as you have with us may be a good one, or maybe she might be hurt/offended, and it could blow up in your face. You know her well enough to judge.

You didn't mention the ages of your kids. Are they old enough to make you a handmade card or the like? Could you tell them how much you'd love it if they did something like that?

You are not the only one that feels unappreciated, though that's small comfort, I'm sure. I'm terrible at remembering my anniversary, and I almost forgot my spouse's birthday last year, but remembering to value the one's you love the 363 or 4 other days of the year count- a lot.

[tinfoil]

I agree, lurkette. I took it for advantage, until is was too late.

Let it be a lesson to the kids everywhere. Don' t wait until it's too late like I did. It sucks.

[LewisCouch]

Sounds like you're being taken for granted a little bit to me and maybe a "wake up", "take notice" is in order. You obviously have a nice family so I'm sure it's unintentional, nevertheless, it's happening. Make your feelings known to your wife. I'm sure she has no idea how she's neglected your feelings and will be more than thankful that you've shared how you feel about something that is so important to you. Also, you don't mention the age of your kids, so I don't know how to respond, except but by sharing how my son really didn't start celebrating Father's day until he was about twenty. He was a typical kid, totally scattered brain and preoccupied with just being a kid until then. Every since, though, he's made a big deal about spending a couple of days with me and buying a gift every Father's day. He makes an effort to make it a special time for me.

Make your feelings known, it will get better.

[clavus]

Thanks, all.

The kids are too little to do anything on their own. Its all up my sweetie.

Some time, when it feels like it won't blow up in my face, I'll mention how I feel. It's probably better to wait until I don't feel quite so strongly about the topic.

I'm planning on getting a vasectomy in a month. Maybe that would be a good time to bring up issues relating to fatherhood.