Sharon

For everything, all the time. I can't remember the last time I got somewhere when I was supposed to, heaven forbid even being early. I plan to leave myself plenty of time to get somewhere, then end up leaving late. Even though I had tons of time to do everything I needed to do! Then I end up frustrated at myself for being late yet again... and yet I don't feel a sense of urgency to be ready on time when I actually have enough time to do something about it.

I can't help thinking it's probably affecting how well I do in life.

Help!

Willravel

I thought you meant you were pregnant.

Get a personal calendar. Mark everything down and try to do it at the correct time. If you miss something have negative reinforcement. If you make it, have positive reinforcement.

Ourcrazymodern?

I used to be late all the time.
Finally having realized that time is limited, I'm "early".
Guess what? Same difference.

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BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

StellaLuna

I used to give myself 30 minutes to get anywhere in town. I don't do that so much anymore- I only live 4 miles from work now- but I live with two major distractions (hi, guys!) so I had to come up with new tricks. Last night I laid out my clothes so that I didn't have to think about them today. It helped! Whatever you decide, try to do that same thing every day for a week- make it a habit.

Are you finding that you've put aside time to leave early, gotten everything together, and then you decide to "do something" with that extra time you suddenly have?

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Screw tradition!

spectre

I'm pretty much always either on time or (more often) early. I go out of my way to make sure I leave with plenty of time to spare.

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hotzot

My wife has been late for over the 30 years I've known her. It has cost her promotion at work and other bennies. If I wan't her to get somewhere on time I'll give her the wrong time. If a party is at 9pm I'll tell her it's at 8pm. It has worked for me. Some people are just always late. With my wife A.D.D. has something to do with it. She was over 45 minutes late for our wedding.

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uncle phil

http://store.swatch.com/2007Spring?g...FRssVAodhALvag

buy one...

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We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
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dirtyrascal7

Sharon, do you have a general routine when you're getting ready? If so, you might want to switch it up... I tried that today after being late to work everyday for the past week, and it worked! I didn't wake up any earlier, but somehow changing the order in which I got ready gave me an extra 5 minutes by the time I got in my car.

Other than that, I think will's idea of positive/negative reinforcement is a good one. Just keep with it at least a month so that it becomes habitual.

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ngdawg

I'm the same way-late for everything. I was late for my sister's wedding, a tad late for my own; if scheduled for mornings, I'm late or running in at one minute to and I never get out of the house when everyone else is ready.
I've tried the half-hour earlier thing, but if I know what time I really have to be there, it makes no difference.
I also have IBS, which, when I'm rushed or nervous, goes into effect and that as well makes me late.
I try to give myself two hours to get ready for anything now. I know I can do it in less than one, but two gives me the time to collect myself.
If I know Don is coming to pick me up at, say, 10:30, I shoot for 10(he's always early anyway). If I know I have to be at a show at 9am to set up, I shoot for 8 and I'm usually out of the house by 8:30 that way. My alarm clock is 13 minutes fast. Clothes for work don't get ironed and they are always hanging up in the same place-there's no 'some things in this closet, some in others'-shoes for work are always in the same place as well. I learned to keep things like keys, watches, etc., in their own distinct places so I'm not looking for them.
I feel your pain. My parents still get ticked at me when I'm late for something and the spouse in his old age is just learning to accept it.

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Dilbert1234567

i always give my self plenty of time, i wake up 2 hours before i have to go anywhere. and i set my cellphones alarm to 15 minutes before i have to be some where. every time your late, add 5 minutes, until you find out how much time you need, keep adding it until your not late.

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Destrox

I look at it as a severe lack of personal responsibility and respect when late to anything. That goes for my self, and others.

I have a natural tendency to get sidetracked very easily, so I have to work around it.

How? Well if its a morning thing, I wake up a good long bit of a time ahead. Such as 2 hours or so before. If it is an evening thing, those I'm fairly good at being punctual with, so I just leave a good amount of time for driving.

Where ever it is you have to go, get ready for it completely a good 40minutes before you even need to leave.

This means showered, teeth brushed, dressed, prepared items, the works. Make it so all you have to do is grab the keys and go.

It works for me.

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little_tippler

I'm generally pretty punctual and for Portuguese people that is a rarity because here everybody is always late...maybe you should move out here?

I think there's no excuse for being late. If I'm on time, why can't others be on time too? All you need to do is allow yourself the realistic amount of time to do things before you need to be somewhere. You can make all the excuses you want but at the end of day, it's a case of knowing how to manage your time and being responsible for your own actions.

Being late all the time also affects the way others view you, usually negatively. So I agree its probably having an effect on how you do in life.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

abaya

I got nothin' for you, Sharon. Any advice I might give would mark me immediately as a hypocrite.

The only things I am NOT late for are things that carry immediate and obvious consequences. E.g. when I clock in at work, the computer records the date and time precisely... so I cannot be late or I will get punished for it. Or when I did rowing in college, we had to jump in the bone-chilling water of the canal if we were late... I was never late!! But even in those circumstances, I cut it damn close every single time. There is something in my very being that hates being early for things. It feels like a waste of time for me (I know, ironic isn't it.)

In classes, it was a miracle if I was in my seat (or teaching, if that was my position) more than 15 seconds before the start of class. And turning in papers happened no more than 3 minutes before the deadline. Usually more like 1.5 minutes, if not closer (we are talking about me running across campus with a freshly-printed paper in my hands, trying to get into the building before the campus police locked up for the night... on a regular basis). But I always made it on time.

So, I think in my strange way, I have adapted to being either a hairbreadth away from being late, or just plain being late (especially social occasions). It works for me, for the most part, except that ktspktsp gets frustrated when we are more than 30 minutes late to a party. But I consider 30 minutes late to still be too early, especially in Iceland! So it goes. I work on it, but I still suck at it. But so far nothing has ever gone really wrong as a result of my patterns. Maybe that's why it hasn't changed.

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Sharon

Yes... and then I end up getting into it, and not realising until it's too late. Or I think, "I need 20 mins to get ready, but I have an hour, that's plenty of time.. I'll just do this for a sec..." and before I know it I have to leave in 10 mins.

I agree and I think that is the root of the problem. I'm just really irresponsible. It's probably a bigger problem than just being late.

noodlebee

You need an empty table beside your door. Before you go out, prepare everything and place what you need on that table so that when you want to leave soon, you can just take everything from the table and leave. You don't have to go rush to find keys, bag, other things immediately before. You can prepare the table the night before or 2-3 hours before. Just don't do less than 15 minutes before.

For your changing, you can put clothes you want to go out wearing on hooks behind your bedroom door. So you can just change quickly in less than 5 minutes instead of searching the closet and drawers. If you want to prepare a lot, just use more than 1 hook to set up 3 or more days of clothes.

So everything is prepared a long time ago and you can get everything immediately to go out. No fuss.

tenniels

I am late a lot too sharon. And I could have everything prepared, be ready to go an hour early and find a reason to be late. I don't have much of an explanation for this other than I do like to push things to the last minute (like papers in school, some of my best work was done when the paper was past due). I like to try and fit in as much as I can before I have to leave. I really don't know how else to explain it. I have gotten much better with it, but still tend to be at least a minute or two late, it's kinda engrained in me. I feel weird if I'm early, it's like all it not right. I have done a lot better, and I have pretty much come to terms with the fact that I am late. I think if it's like 5 minutes late, it doesn't count (please tell this to my work). I used to have every clock I owned (car, house, watches, cell, etc) on a different time, but I adapted to that too and would work around it. I like pressure I think. Like I said, early doesn't feel right to me. Maybe there are just early people and there are late people? I've done my best to reign in my lateness and think I shall just accept that 5 minutes late is just who I am.

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Invalid Comfort

I also agree with Destrox on the late thing. I absolutely hate being late, always have. About two years ago I made a "habit" of being either on-time or 5-10 mins late.

Then I had someone show up late on me, multiple times. Kinda got a taste of my own medicine.

On the flip side, tenniels, it feels weird if I'm late now. I had to drill earliness into my personality so I could get the respect that I deserve. I've kinda learned not to live by my fleeting "feelings", because they we're almost always wrong, getting me into some type of trouble.

Our human collective is nothing more than a definition of repeatable behaviors. If someone gets excited/anxious from being late, our brains will want to replicate that feel, and enforce the behaviour that brings it about.

Eh. we're too complicated for our own good sometimes.

Embodier

Interesting point, that suffering the own lack of reliability usually works

kevpdx

A kid from my school shocked himself with a battery and nipple clamps every time he left his zipper down, maybe you should look into it for negative reinforcement?

Btw, he called it the "Nipple sprotzen".

absorbentishe

Late, I procrastinate being on time. It's a running joke that I run on absorbentishe time for everyting (at least 15 minutes late).

Charlatan

I don't like being late. very rarely am I late for anything unless the person I am with makes me so.

The thing I hate the most is when I have an appointment and the person makes me wait for them. My current boss is like this, she makes a meeting and then doesn't show up for it or, shows up extremely late with no notice.

It's a waste of my time and energy.

If you don't want to be a person who is late for everything, you just need to plan ahead. Get up earlier, leave plenty of travel time, know in advance where you need to be and how long it takes to get there. Then, stick to the schedule.

it isn't rocket science.

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Invalid Comfort

Hah, I have someone who's 34 mins late now, and he gave himself an hour window. Waking up early for a late person: Frustrating. Goose-fraaba!

dirtyrascal7

From http://www.lifehack.org/articles/pro...-you-late.html

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serlindsipity

dirty rascal - that was soooo insightful! thank you

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