guthmund

Oh, don't I know. I told her that time and time again. Eventually, however, I decided it might be easier to convince a nearby leopard to change his spots....I eventually chose to just stop talking to her.

Very well said.

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blade02

Its not about whether or not its hard or easy to do. Its about realizing that if you have sex, then there are consequences. Consequences that might be easy or convenient to handle. I have no problem with people having sex. But what I do have a problem with, are people who have sex and then act suprised and upset when they wind up with a kid on the way and think that they have a right to not deal with the consequences of their actions.

Mherlee

I had an abortion when I was 21. I was on the pill and still got pregnant. My live in boyfriend at the time (and later husband though divorced now) was really against having a baby at that time since we could barely feed ourselves. I was totally unprepared emotionally for the job and had the abortion. I never regretted having it and still don't. I would never tell my children unless asked directly. If you ask a question then you have to be prepared for the answer. For a parent to just drop that load on a child of any age is irresponsible.

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Charlatan

You seem to be suggesting that most who get an abortion think it is an easy choice. You suggest that they are not facing up to the inevitable consequences of sex. There are consequences to getting an abortion, even if you don't see them.

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sapiens

Regardless of whether having an abortion is an easy or difficult choice, having an abortion is "dealing with the consequences of their actions."

Glava

My mom had a stillborn daughter before I was born, and yes, I do wonder about what might have been.

Glava

Why does it have to be at least 18 years ago? Couldn't it happen after your own birth?

Charlatan

What he was getting at is stressing about something that happened a long time ago.

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Sp0rAdiC

I was told about 6 months ago that I would've had an older brother, but my parents chose to have an abortion because they couldn't afford it at the time. I pretended like I didn't care and it wasn't a big deal, but inside I dunno... I always wanted an older brother. Sure it mighta been a girl, but whatever. Recently my girlfriend and I had a little pregnancy scare, so it makes what my parents did much more understandable. Oh, and I've always been Pro-Choice.

Mherlee

Was it the pregnancy scare that caused the conversation or what? I can't imagine just telling my child that they could have had a sibling. What possible good does it serve? The only thing I can see is if the child asked directly about it and was of an age to understand all of the ramifications. I don't lie to my children but you do have to make sure you aren't just putting your guilt feelings on a child that wasn't part of the decision.

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You've heard about fury and a woman scorned, well that is nothing compared to the fury of a woman who has been cheated out of tricks and treats. -Linus It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown

Stupid is forever. You can't FIX stupid. -Ron White

Sp0rAdiC

I don't remember exactly what sparked it, I think just a talk about abortion and stuff with my mother, we were on the way to a college I was looking at for a placement test so it was a long car ride and we were talking about a lot of stuff, and this was one of them. The conversation started by a bumper sticker I mentioned about abortion. I think I was mature enough to hear that, and it didn't have any impact on my mental health or anything, it was just kind of a shock.

abaya

I have to say, I do not think getting an abortion is an easy choice whatsoever. I think that in the moment the mother decides to abort, and every moment after that for the rest of her life, she is dealing with the consequences of getting pregnant. So I agree with you, Charlatan, that having an abortion IS dealing.

However, my only point is that the whole thing could be avoided. It is an unnecessary "consequence," particularly in the case of a woman who can afford birth control and has the power to demand that her husband wears condoms. (I think it is a far different discussion if the woman is a teen, poor, minority, has no power in relationship to men, etc).

Then again, yes, mistakes do happen... but in my clearly ideal world, I wish people could wait to have sex until they were mature enough to handle what comes their way. (I realize I speak from a privileged position because ktspktsp and I were both 24 when we lost our virginity, and I waited all those years because I did not want to fuck up my life by having sex when I wasn't ready.)

I do understand the whole choice thing (again, I am pro-choice). If my mother had decided to do that, what could I possible say to her? People do what they need to do. But I think that what many people are saying here (and also not saying) is that they *feel* they would have missed out on something, even if they did support their mother in making that decision. And I think it's important to validate those feelings, even if they may seem irrational. Feelings usually are that way.

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analog

Some women are emotionally scarred for life by an abortion. Some could care less. I hardly think what you're suggesting is an absolute. Many people who are pro-choice don't consider it a baby at all, but a simple clump of cells. No need to cry over a clump of cells, in their opinion.

filtherton

I wouldn't really care if my mom chose to have an abortion at some point. Then again, i don't have a problem with abortion in general. I suspect that one's attitude towards abortion is the main determinant of one's position on sibling abortion.

abaya

Just to clarify: by "consequences," I just meant that choosing an abortion has its own consequences. I don't think every woman is scarred for life, but I've yet to meet a woman who "couldn't care less." It's usually somewhere in between. I think choosing an abortion *is* a weight decision, and I support the ability of women to choose it.

But this is turning into an abortion discussion. I'll stop now.

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pavel_lishin

Depends on the kid, I guess. If he hates abortion, you probably ought to not tell him that you flushed a potential brother or sister. Don't want him hating you until he's out of the house.

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