abaya

It seems that a ton of threads on TFP lately (especially in Sexuality) make reference to Facebook, myspace, friendster, etc. As a grad student at a massive university, it also seems that every undergraduate (and even quite a few graduates) are connected to one or more of these websites.

I'm wondering what the appeal is to these pseudo-networking, stalker-encouraging, drama-inducing, attention-whoring websites (you can see my bias). Personally, I have seen very little good come out of these things, based on watching my friends and how the websites affect their relationships. What I mostly see is a lot of clique-forming and basically spying on each other, particularly those individuals who are in an insecure relationship (or one freshly ended; those are the worst!). I have one friend who constantly checks her ex's Facebook accounts and away messages, etc... it is unbelievable how she is unable to cut herself off from an emotionally damaging (but dramatic, and therefore fulfilling to her?) situation.

I wonder what role technology plays in inducing people to become more insecure, or if people would have demonstrated this kind of stalking behavior 15, 25, 35+ years ago, without the very accessible infrastructure for keeping an eye on others. I mean, I don't consider myself especially ancient (26), and I use the internet a lot... but these websites hold no appeal for me. I don't have an account on any of them, but my friends are constantly telling me that I should join, that I'm missing out on something great. I say bullshit, but that's just me.

Still, I want to understand why these particular structures appeal to so many people. Thoughts?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

analog

People like to connect, they like to attention-whore, and they like to say they belong to something.

Besides that, my friend has gotten a monumental amount of ass from myspace. Seriously. You can't imagine.

Borla

Werd to all of that.

I have a Myspace account. I only accept people I know in real life, or "know" on one of the boards I frequent as buddies. I do that because I'm not looking to hook up. Some of my single buddies do use it for that, and get a TON of contact for that solitary purpose.

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abaya

I guess I can't... It's really interesting to hear the guys' point of view, since my friends who are on these accounts are mostly girls (and rather insecure ones at that). Maybe that's why my view is so biased! But I see the benefit of guys hooking up... (are these one-night deals or what? This is a side I haven't seen!)

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

ASU2003

I also think it allows people to find out stuff about their friends that they might not know. One of my best friends put rock climbing down as one of his hobbies, and I never knew he was into the sport. Now we have gone climbing a few times.

The same thing holds true for talking to girls. If you have a list of information to go on (weather they are in a relationship, who their friends are, what things they like to do), it becomes easy to ask them if they are going to a concert of a band they like.

It also allows you to show off a little and give out some information about yourself. And it allows you to keep in contact with your friends very easily.


I know I wish this was around when I was in High School, I had to gather information the old fashioned way, by hiding in bushes with binoculars.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The downside is, employers (or co-workers) will probably be searching those pages soon, so if you have some R rated pictures and text on your page, it might be a good idea to delete them before sending out your resumes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll end with a quote from The Daily Show:
"the down-side of MySpace is that it's loaded with sexual predators... and on the plus-side, it's also loaded with sexual prey."

abaya

Well, I wasn't hiding in bushes with binoculars, but I see what you mean. But I liked doing things the old-fashioned way... it felt more real. I guess I feel that these websites take all the work out of actually getting to know someone on a person-to-person basis, without any clues or hints from them on some carefully honed and prepared website. it takes the work out of spending time with them, asking intelligent questions, learning to read body language, etc. It takes the risk out of talking to people face-to-face, right off the bat... and I don't like that, even though it is probably comforting somehow.

Are we going to lose these interpersonal skills over time, because of things like myspace? Or do the websites enhance our social lives, and I am just missing the point because I don't need "hook ups" and my friends are all bitter women who stalk their exes (seem to be the primary uses of these sites, so far)?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Supple Cow

I guess in addition to what's already been said, MySpace and Facebook have been helpful as casual ways for me to stay in touch with people I grew up with. Heck, it's even helpful for staying in more frequent contact with my three best friends, who all live in another state. We didn't call each other nearly so much or send each other little messages (via email or whatever other avenue we had) before we were all members of these sites.

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Sweetpea

i dunno. ppl like to connect.

why are we all HERE on tfp? to connect, speak, understand. now this is a way more evolved idea that those other sites... but some concept, to connect.

pretty simple for me to see why people would be interested in those sites.

sweetpea

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ASU2003

I never had really good interpersonal skills growing up without the Internet. I have social anxiety and anything that reduces the initial risk of rejection is great for me.

Posting on message boards has helped my conversation skills actually. I know what types of things people talk about and some topics and questions that I can ask.

myspace does take a lot of the anonymity away from the Internet. If my identity was exposed on a different board, there would be a lot of personal info that I wouldn't want anybody that I meet in real life knowing. But, myspace also allows me to put some positive information about my interests.

*I actually looked up a girl that I had a crush on in high school(we're 26 now), and found out more information about what she liked to do than I would have ever found out by interrogating her in the halls in between class. She would have thought I was pretty strange or psycho if I asked her some of the questions that were answered on her page. And I feel it would have been much easier talking to her if I knew we had a lot in common.

analog

Yeah, a lot of times they are. His fastest turn-around time was 46 minutes. He saw her profile and messaged her. From the time of the first message to the time she left her place to come over and have sex, was 46 minutes.

You'd like to think he's a whore. You'd like to think the girls are whores- but these are just random girls and guys, the same you'd meet at a club and go home with. He's also not the type to have unprotected sex, so it's not like there's a health risk or anything. Talking like people, even for 45 minutes, is a lot more contact than I see from people who meet at parties or clubs and fuck that night. Also, many times you make the connection through a known friend. You're on the friend list of someone that someone knows, and you may already have an "in".

I left out facebook on accident... my take on facebook is that it's a bit less attention-whoring, a bit higher-class, and I think part of that is because you have to be in a college/university to get in.

martinguerre

i find facebook more useful for my undergrad, since i left...than i do for grad school.

it does the automatic birthday reminders, and has been good for getting recent alums together for meet ups, etc...

i like it precisely for the reason it's not myspace, or whatever...i can have it insulated by a group of people that should in some way know me since it's school only.

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Fly

tunes.............we use myspace for our songs.


and i ain't gettin' no ass outta the deal either.




www.myspace.com/theblueflytrio

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abaya

I thought about that too, while I was writing the OP... but somehow, for me on TFP, it is the anonymity that is unique, and draws me in. I would feel like on the other sites, putting myself out there for so many thousands of people (at least on Facebook) would feel really weird. I like being anonymous in one place in my life.

However, I am definitely seeing more positive things from what you guys are saying. Thank you for sharing your own personal benefits, as it helps me see the bigger picture. I see that, contrary to TFP, many people who are members of these sites are only connected to those whom they know in real life first. That makes more sense to me, somehow, although I still don't think I'll join up anytime soon. My best friends don't really use the internet to stay in touch (other than e-mails)... none of us has websites, and we are more apt to pick up the phone to call each other every few weeks... so again, no need for it here.

I think I have just had some bad associations with these sites, again given that my friends use them for stalking, and that my whole department is cliqued up on these sites. I don't like the feeling that if you're not on these sites, then somehow you're not as cool (I do get that vibe a lot, as I said; "What? You're not on Facebook? What's wrong with you?")... and that pushes me away from it. I am also just really tired of hearing about people using the websites to stalk their significant others or exes... and that's why I started this thread. But I do see more of the positives, now. Thanks.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

snowy

Like SC said, I use those sites to keep in touch with friends I lost touch with--friends from high school and etc that I may not regularly talk to any more. Also, I use it to keep in touch with some of my relatives--a few cousins have MySpace sites and so it comes in handy to be able to see what's going on their lives on a day-to-day basis and know they're okay.

Also, Facebook has a GREAT feature I use on a regular basis--the event planner. I use it to invite people to basically every event I do/throw/etc. It lets me keep a running tally on who's coming and who's not, and it lets me let them know in one, referrable place what I need from them Sure, I could call up and invite people over the phone, but that's 20 phone calls I don't have time for. With Facebook, I can send out ONE invite and save a ton of time.

Personally, I only friend people I know--either people from real life or people from TFP. That's it. I'm not into randomly collecting friends I don't know from around my unversity the way some of my friends have. That's just not my style.

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Sage

I think it's really intersting, Abaya, some of the things I hear you say in response to these websites- "Will people stop interacting?" "Why do people choose to interact over these sites instead of meeting people face to face?" "What kind of impact do these sites have on social skills?" These are all questions that I explored in-depth while getting my degree in Multimedia. We talked a lot about the future of the internet, and what the internet does to people and society and cultural interactions.

I feel like sites like this are a good thing. Hell, I feel like the whole internet "phenonom"/AIM/friendster/blogs/etc is a good thing. The internet connects us in a way that was never before possible- think about it, I can talk to you, Abaya, who is in grad school in another country. Before oh.... 1998ish, that wouldn't be possible unless I knew you in person. Perhaps I could give you a phone call, have to be short tho because long distance is expensive. I could send you letters.... but who has time to write? With the internet, I can be on TFP and you can be on TFP and your ideas and my ideas and everyone else's ideas all mesh together and we're connected.

I know I sound sort of starry eyed talking about it, but it's really amazing to me how much the internet has jumped in five years. Since I started in college to now, the use of the internet to connect people is just astounding. My freshman year there were teachers who barely knew how to check their e-mail; now, teachers are using e-mail to pass out assignments, give out the syllabus, and give updates to their students. You can get streaming video on your cell phone, internet on your cell phone, wireless practally everywhere on your laptop (hell, McDonalds has wireless now). We're moving into an era where the world of information is expanding, and that scares some people. You know how people ban books from public libraries because of the messages they convey? Well, those same people are usually scared of the internet because it's raw information in it's purest unfiltered form. No "moral majority" on the internet filtering out content, no spellcheck, no footnotes, just people throwing out everything they know into one big cauldron, ready to be stirred up and spat back out one pageview at a time. I think it's great- I want to swim in it, expierence the internet for what it can be, throw the reigns off and let it run wild.

I want to know EVERYTHING, and the best way to do that is with my 3mbs connection and a plug straight into the side of my head

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Trisk

A lot of insecure people also post pictures on there because they get a lot of compliments. Especially if they're girls. It doesn't really matter how the girl looks - she'll probably have a few guys come on her site and talk about how hot she is...especially if she shows a bit of skin. And as for the girls who are slightly pretty or even hot....damn, there is no end to the guys that regularly visit to remind them how amazing they look.

While there are probably some good things about these sites, people get rediculously addicted to redesigning their websites, looking at pictures, checking up on their friends etc....to the point where they don't hang out with those people in person becuase they are busy spending hours looking at their sites. I have also seen the weird relationship issues that form from these sites, and it's just dumb.

The thing is...people are talking about how it's hard to interact in person for them, or the ease of communication these days, and I fully agree. I love the web. I like to read blogs sometimes, and obviously, I like to go to forums too. I like communication via the internet. But for one thing, it really doesn't foster the development of real life social skills (so for those of you who have serious problems in face-to-face social situations, the only way to improve is to keep trying) and for another thing, sites like friendster and myspace aren't really so much about communication as about showing everyone how hot you are. Most people have seperate blogs to write about their thoughts, and while myspace might have a few, mostly, it's alll about the pictures. Which makes the whole communication theory kind of non-applicable in this case.

So I mean, I'm not saying that these sites are horrible for everyone. For people just looking to get laid, find parties, or fishing for compliments, these sites are great. But I do think it's kind of unhealthy, and I have no idea why anyone would want to post half-naked pictures of themselves on the internet for a bunch of strangers to admire. Maybe I'm just a prude, but yeah...
Besides, if, after the invites and the compliments, they are still too attached to their computers or too socially awkward to actually attend the parties and/or meet up with these people, what's the point of even going on that site at all?

That said, for those who are using these sites in a healthy way, and who are still able to communicate normally in the real world after discoving them, more power to you. Have fun with these sites. I'm not condemning the use of them in general. These are just my opinions based on way too many cases of friendster/myspace use I've seen.

Sweetpea

Really? wow!


for me, i'm not anonymous on here at all...there are a fair amount of ppl on here that know Everything about me, or as much as i'll share with another human being

The needs it fulfills in you is very different than the need it fulfills in me.
And that's really interesting to me to see how different individuals use TFP. I'm glad to see TFP fulfilling both our needs.


sweetpea

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Zeraph

I don't know who came up with the phrase "attention whore" but it makes no sense. One isn't selling their attention for money.

I'd say those are symptoms. People have always been like this, this is just an outlet. It makes it no better or no worse.

shoegirl

I, like most others it seems, use Facebook and MySpace to stay connected with current friends and many who I don't get to see anymore. I first got facebook at the end of my senior year in college because it was a way to procrastinate and not do homework. Now, it's a way to stay in touch with friends I graduated with, as well as a few professors!

paulskinback

You are not missing out on something "great". I suspect these sites are put up, just the same way dating sites like adult friend finder (which from what I can gather is a glorified sex exchange, although not having personal experience of it, I cannot especially comment) to attract the type of people who ARE insecure already. Dating sites, sex partner sites etc all advertise to other desperate people (sorry if anyone reading this is a member and finds it offensive, but c'mon its not hard to find a woman the normal way).

These other sites you mention may be great for showing off while you're in Uni or College so theres the appeal. If both parties like computers, technology etc, or use it work it could be great to say "hey, check my myspace" etc Just the same way that text messaging can be a great way to turn your partner on with sexy texts throughout the day (hey it works for me)

But from what I can tell, you hit the nail on the head - they're not designed for you or I, and let them get on with it. Each to their own!

Hell, we're typing messages on a forum which is seen as "sad" or "nerdy" to the less well informed.

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'There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.' - Ken Olson, 1977, Digital Equipment Corporation

paulskinback

Oh yeah and I agree with what Sweetpea said up there ^^^^^

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'Everything that can be invented has been invented.- - 1899, Charles Duell, U.S. Office of Patents.

'There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.' - Ken Olson, 1977, Digital Equipment Corporation

paulskinback

And Sage sums up my thoughts on the internet entirely. For me it has really been an eye opener to other peoples views, needs, wants, ideals etc.

Pre '98 I didn't know how to e-mail yet when I was at school we programmed mini games and animations on a BBC Master System (yes it was funded by the British Broadcasting Corporation). The best game was Frogger on a 5 3/4 inch or whatever size they were back then.

Now I can switch on a buggy copy of windows on my laptop - sit in McDonalds wishing I never ate there, yet log onto sites like the tfp or porno if I'm feeling like it, or I can buy some stuff and have it delivered tomorrow. Or get involved in an auction, or gamble, or play frogger from a museum style website.

What a wonderful age we live in where we can show pictures of ourselves, or blogs of our stories, or post videos of us and our friends drunk to google. Or even photoshop the village people's heads onto a photo of buddies and send it to everyone in the space of a few minutes. I'm all for it.

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'Everything that can be invented has been invented.- - 1899, Charles Duell, U.S. Office of Patents.

'There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.' - Ken Olson, 1977, Digital Equipment Corporation

Trisk

Sorry to go off topic, but how old are you paulskinback? It might not be hard to find partners in the normal way if you are under 30, or at the most, under 40...but there's a point when it does, in fact, become quite hard to find partners the normal way. How often do you go into bars and/or clubs and see a bunch of 45 year olds or 50 year olds sitting around looking for someone to date? A lot of people, when they get out of a marriage, still feel the need to have someone by their side. It's hard to find that person when you can't go to clubs, when most people your age are married and/or have kids, and when you have a million more commitments (such as kids and serious jobs) than most 20-something year olds have. Not to mention the fact that after 10-30 years of marriage, many people are uncertain about how to get back into the dating "game". So yeah, a lot of them turn to online dating sites rather than lurking around clubs scaring away all the young people in there. You may call this desperate, but I think the internet is actually a great tool for them. I know many older couples that have had enormous success with this.

Aside from that, there are Gay dating sites, dating sites for certain religions...there are people who have trouble finding dates because of some handicap, and yes, even people who just want to up their chances of finding a date while not trying.

There are all sorts of reasons for people to use these sites. Some of them, you're right, may be desperate. But a whole bunch of people have problems finding what they're looking for in person, and the internet seriously ups your chances.
Besides, if you're just looking to get laid and you go onto a sex partner site...I don't neccesarily see where the desperation is. Have you ever wanted to get laid while not in a relationship? One sure way to accomplish this is to go onto a site where a bunch of other horny people want to get laid too. It's much easier than trying to seduce a drunk girl at a club.

Min

My use of MySpace is for the music connections. It introduces me to new bands and connection to old ones I like, that's all I use it for, when I even use it at all.

I don't personally feel a need to have a page that's 'me'. The only 'me' site is my journal and that's for me, I don't advertise I have one to my friends for them to read. I find it easier than keeping one on paper. Back in the day, with the rush of the personal homepages, even then, I felt I have enough trouble explaining myself in person, trying to package myself into a colorful box of flashing lights doesn't feel possible, not to mention my nearly anti-attention whoring and private nature.

keyshawn

Good dialogue everyone, especially Sage

There's a lot of questions based on this, especially since this technology is so new and has not been studied for a a long time.

To answer 'What gives ?' Many things (some of which have been answered by others), one other factor that drives people to use these social networks results from the natural human tendency (some people have it much stronger than others) that we want to display ourselves to other people in order to create and strengthen friendships and relationships.
They're especially big among the 13-25 demographic when our identities are fluid and we're experimenting with our identities. Plus, at that age, we're trying to meet as many people as we can, and the networks really help with that. So, 'friending' people that are randomly

This results in people updating their profile pretty often and it brings up a lot of questions like 'how do I want to appear myself to others ?' (when updating your profile) or 'what does mean when your identity is displayed by your choices of media consumption (categories like 'favorite music/tv show/book/movies' are listed in your profile)' ?

I'm undecided in my major so far, but I'm definitely interested in studying the social/cultural/physcological aspects of newer technologies, especially the internet, and its newest function - online social networks; upon individuals, people's relationships, and society as a whole
I gave a presentation on Facebook a few weeks in my media and pop culture class; and wrote a paper (2 or 3 pg) on it. If you're interested in reading, I'll post it; but be warned, I'm a poor grammatical writer

Catcha back on the flipside,
will.

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Drider_it

so basically its down to .. "whats your sign" on the net now.. another thing is .. which i find a little sad. you can find out all the "right" things to do for a partner when you first go out.

but in her/his eyes your perfect till a bit down the road when you see they really dont know much about your needs and wants at all.

also the stalking problem..

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11649424/#storyContinued

School suspends 20 over MySpace posting
Calif. middle-school student faces expulsion over alleged threat on Web site

COSTA MESA, Calif. - A middle school student faces expulsion for allegedly posting graphic threats against a classmate on the popular MySpace.com Web site, and 20 of his classmates were suspended for viewing the posting, school officials said.

Police are investigating the boy’s comments about his classmate at TeWinkle Middle School as a possible hate crime, and the district is trying to expel him.

According to three parents of the suspended students, the invitation to join the boy’s MySpace group gave no indication of the alleged threat. They said the MySpace social group name’s was “I hate (girl’s name)” and included an expletive and an anti-Semitic reference.

A later message to group members directed them to a nondescript folder, which included a posting that allegedly asked: “Who here in the (group name) wants to take a shotgun and blast her in the head over a thousand times?”

Because the creator of a posting can change its content at any time, it’s unclear how much the students saw.

“With what the students can get into using the technology we are all concerned about it,” Bob Metz, the district assistant superintendent of secondary education, said

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Strange Famous

I have a myspace, to me it is just a way to stay in touch with motherfuckers, and check out new music. It seems to me any criticism you attach to the site could apply in measures to any online interaction. It is what you make of it, as is having an AIM sn, posting on the tfp, joining a NY Jets bbs, or whatever else.

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MSD

Hmm, everyone who's asked me for sex was either a porn bot or 15 ears old. Maybe it doesn't work around here (mostly slutty HS girls.)

oberon

Yeah... my impression was that most of the kids using myspace were younger, under 18 and the like...

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Manic_Skafe

I've found that Myspace and sites of that sort is the perfect way to communicate with those that you're not interested enough in to actually keep in touch. There's nothing new that you'll learn about me from my Myspace - out of my 70 or so friends there are about 35 that aren't bands. Out of those 35 there's maybe 10 people that actually know what's going on with me and the rest can pretend as if they do while getting some broad and at times vague impression of who I am at the moment.

It's not that I enjoy maintaining relationships based upon false pretenses - it's just that I've found that certain people are good for certain times. At least this way everyone has some sort of connection and understanding of the major developments in my existence.

...

My Myspace

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FloydianOne

One of the things that is useful in Facebook, is you can now announce parties on campus. Then you can add yourself to the party attendance list. Its a cool way to one, find parties, and two see if hot women will be there.

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Redjake

The OP is quite biased (yes, I know you announced it )

The main reason I am on a lot of these sites (Facebook, myspace, XuQa, etc.) is because of common courtesy. I look at other people's profiles, so why shouldn't they be allowed to look at mine?

Also, sites like these allow people who won't see each other ever again (literally) to stay in contact with one another. I've reinitiated contact with several of my high school friends I would have otherwise never talked to again. That's a good thing.

Also, it's helpful in determining vital information, such as "how many IT majors there are at my campus," "does girl X have a boyfriend," and "how many people share similar interests as me?"

A lot of my college professors are on Facebook at my university. It's not some fad or social trend that will wither away, it's a new feature the Internet allowed that's not going anywhere for a long time.

Most people that bash it haven't used it or are clueless to how it works or how fun it can be. Of course you admitted that in the OP

Give it a try. It's fun and you might meet new people and/or keep in touch with old friends. It's a great way to see what your colleagues are doing nowadays.

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Carno

I like stalking hot girls

J/k. I actually loathe those types of sites, except for facebook. It's a good way to keep in contact with my friends who went to different universities.

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nezmot

Has anyone tried Multiply? Is that the same kind of thing?

abaya

Redjake, yep, I admitted my bias and I stated why I wouldn't want to use these sites. But that doesn't mean I didn't want to know why other people used them! (I'm an insatiably curious social scientist, after all.) Hence the OP.

We'll see if I ever get around to posting on one. TFP is enough for me, and I like being anonymous for now. As I see it, Facebook, etc. is like creating a resume for social participation... and I'm not interested in broadcasting myself that way. If I want to get in touch with old friends, that might be one motive for joining... but then again, I am already in touch with all the old friends that I *want* to be in touch with!

I do understand more now why people use Facebook, etc... so I thank all the respondents to this thread.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

la petite moi

I use it to find friends from years ago, that I lost connexion with. For example, I found a girl that I hadn't talked to in 7 years, that had moved and I had lost track of her. It was amazing to talk to her again. It's also easy to use when you wanna send a quick message.

AquaFox

i use myspace and facebook.... i rarely use myspace, only use it cause a bunch of my friends wanted me on so they could add me as a friend.... facebook is fun since it has galleries that are easy to upload to, plus it's faster loading than myspace...


i think it makes people feel connected, whenever you want you can click and see your friends and read there profile... compared to sitting infront of the TV, it's a good switch off

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...AquaFox...

VitaminH

A friend of mine signed me up for facebook a few months ago and made a sort of joke account for me to try to shock everyone from my little conservative town we went to high school in. I got on and changed it to something more realistic so it didn't come back and haunt me sometime in the future. A girl I knew in high school found me. We've now been dating for awhile, and she's probably the greatist thing to ever happen to me.

Regardless, all I see on those sites is people triyng to make their "buddy" lists as big as possible so they look cool to everyone else. I'm rather disgusted with it. Nevertheless, I do credit it with my current relationship, which is far better than anything I've ever had before.

I guess I've got a bit of a Catch-22.

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"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
- Napoleon Bonaparte